Friday, 9 October 2015

Dawson's Creek - 317 - Cinderella Story

Original air date: March 1, 2000

Sorry for the huge delay before. Life has been crazy busy and I kind of got side tracked by other things. But we're back now and back with an episode that I both love and hate. I mean, hate is a strong word, maybe I just find it really boring and filled with stories and characters that I do not care about at all. However, the ending. The ending is magic and I cannot wait to share it with you. Let's get this thing started.

We start off the episode with Joey excitedly talking about how those dancing lessons have finally come in handy because she's going to some fancy formal dance/awards thingy with AJ. Ugh, AJ is still around? Fine. Anyway, Pacey is super jealous and acts like a dick to Joey, telling her that her relationship with AJ is only a fairy tale and the clock always strikes midnight, then it's "pumpkin city." Pacey, I love you with all my heart, but you're being a dick. Stop it and let Joey have a good time. I'm saying this even though I completely agree that she should just dump that dork AJ and finally realize that she likes you but still, let her have a good time. All good things come to those who wait.

Joey thanks Pacey for the ride but in a tone that indicates that she's irritated with him and then walks off to catch her train to Boston.

We then cut to my least favourite people, the Leerys. Gail is stressing about the fact that her restaurant is unnamed, has no chef and is set to open in a week. Ok, side bar, what the ever loving fuck is up with people in Capeside opening businesses while completely unprepared? Seriously, this town has got to be filled with the least business knowledgeable yet somehow impossibly lucky people on the face of the Earth. How the fuck did Gail even manage to get funding for a restaurant with no plan, no menu, and no chef? I mean, she says she has a menu but how the hell did she come up with a menu with no chef? I would think you'd come up with a theme, like she's clearly going for seafood, then hire a chef with seafood cooking experience, tell him a few items that you'd like to see on the menu and ask the chef if they can give it their own spin or add a few extra signature dishes. This is just my best guess as I have zero clue how to run either a business or a restaurant but come on, at least have your chef hired. To me, a chef is the centerpiece of a restaurant, without a good chef you're going to tank whether the service is good or not.

Back to the episode, Dawson is apparently in charge of screening applicants for the wait staff. That doesn't seem like the best idea, what does Dawson know about waiting or who would be good at it? But whatever, Andie and Jack enter and explain that the person in charge of making the sign for the restaurant took another job because Gail couldn't make up her damned mind about what to name it. I side eye Andie when she makes a comment about "a woman has a right to change her mind." and I side eye the writers even harder for the implication that women are flighty bitches who are too emotional to actually, you know, plan things and make decisions.

Go screw yourselves, writers

We cut to Pacey at the mentor centre and oh god...I'm going to need a minute.

Oh's coming

Sorry, I just really can't stand what is about to happen. This is the introduction of that horrible child character that I warned you all about. History lesson time, back in the 90s, Jerry MaGuire was a huge thing, in fact this show seems to be obsessed with it and Tom Cruise and has quoted the movie at least a couple of times. So, what was also a big thing from Jerry MaGuire?

This abomination

Don't get me wrong, he's cute enough but he's definitely one of those kids that was hired to be cute and not, you know, because he could act or anything (I suppose if I reveal my true heartless disdain for this kid, I'd go so far as to say that he's not even that cute). I'm sure the kid was fine and that he could be a perfectly nice person but as an actor and as a character on this show, I'm going to need a lot of migraine pills.

Pacey is introduced to the Jerry MaGuire kid, who's apparently named Buzz Thompson on this show. I can't take that name seriously. I know, I know, one of the most famous astronauts' name was Buzz but still, the name is stupid. I'm sorry but it is. So, Buzz is apparently...umm well, Pacey calls him a smartass but I'm going with "over the top brat who stumbles over his dialogue because it sounds nothing like what an actual kid would say" Yeah, that's his character. He calls Pacey "Pissy" and I instantly hate him.

You have made a powerful enemy today, kid

Pacey tries to reason with the brat but the brat spits this bit of dialogue back:

This storyline is going to be painful

Joey arrives at the train station in Boston but instead of being greeted by AJ, she finds a hot girl holding up a sign that says "Potter, Joseph" and I eyeroll immediately. I hate that stupid joke between them, can this plot be done with now? Anyway, the hot girl is AJ's bestie and is also blonde so Joey probably hates her already. Hot Girl introduces herself as Morgan and then hands Joey some rollerblades and tells her they're going blading. I know this is supposed to set up how quirky this girl is but I find her annoying. Joey just got off a freaking long train and has some luggage with her, let her drop her shit off and get comfortable before forcing physical activity on her, for fuck's sake.

Pacey has taken Brat to the arcade. (Awww, remember when arcades existed, as like a separate entity and not just something to do in the movie theatre before the show starts? They used to be a big thing.) Anyway, Brat is ungrateful and continues to sass Pacey because Brat is such a tortured and troubled kid or some junk. Pacey tries to reason with him but Brat says the most unnatural line of dialogue I've ever heard from a kid: "Here comes the honesty, next is the intimacy." Seriously, what kid talks like this? Can he go back to the corn fields of Gatlin, please? (Nerd points to anyone who gets that reference). Pacey asks Brat what he wants and Brat says "Pikachu" because yeah, the later 90s/early 00s were all about the Pokémon (holy shit, autocorrect made sure there was an accent on Pokémon, it recognized it as a word. I'm a bit frightened by this and I don't know why). So, Pacey caves and goes to buy some Pokémon cards while Brat plays whack-a-mole but in two seconds flat, the kid has gotten himself into a fight. Pacey rightfully hauls Brat out of there.

AJ is writing in a coffee shop when Morgan rollerblades up to his table. He asks where Joey is and she says that she showed her around town just like he asked. He looks horrified, like his friend would lose Joey or something? But then Joey enters the coffee shop too but she is less than steady in her blades. He asks her how her trip was and Joey says that it was a trip but her eyes say "Why the fuck did you ditch me with this weird friend of yours who you never mentioned? I will murder you with these rollerblades." I could be wrong about that because Joey and AJ begin to get flirty which makes Morgan tell them to get a room. Rude. Then Morgan and AJ banter a bit which makes Joey hella uncomfortable. This is boring because I don't care about Morgan and AJ at all.

Side note, when I first watched this episode as a teen, I became enraged because I thought this was going to be used to push Joey towards Dawson again because of the whole "we grew up together/soulmates!" vibe I'm getting from Morgan and AJ. This is clearly where they are heading with this story, that Joey is the other girl and is standing in the way of Morgan and AJ, much like Jen did with her and Dawson so watching this episode is a huge pain for me because I still get mad about it. The ending though, I promise, the ending will make up for this.

Moving on, the stupid restaurant is back on my screen while Dawson, Andie, and Jack lament the fact that there are no good chefs trying out for the job. Jen enters and they tease her a bit for being gone from the group for a while because she's been spending so much time with Henry. She apologizes and says that she wants to help out at the restaurant as a server. Dawson is incredulous that she wants to be a server and I can't figure out why. I'm going with that he has made up his mind about who people are and is always shocked when they turn out to be real people who deviate from what his mind believes they are. He gets over this and asks Jen how soon she can start.

Back with Joey and AJ, he is cleaning up a scrape that Joey managed to get on her knee, presumably from the rollerblading that she obviously was not that great at. He's freaking out about not having picked something to read at his big event but Joey is super focused on Morgan and how pretty and smart she is. Uh-oh, Joey is threatened again. Morgan, Joey is the prettiest and smartest, always!!! Don't forget it!

She asks AJ why he never told her about Morgan and he awkwards that they only have so much time together and he wanted to focus on bigger things. Joey calls him out on this bit of dickishness and asks why his oldest friend didn't seem like a big enough thing to mention. AJ counters that she doesn't talk about her friends that much and Joey relents but meanwhile I'm like:

Let me put some logic in it

AJ, she told you about her friends, especially Pacey and she even freaking introduced you to them, do you really not remember this? It was last freaking episode!! You don't get to pull that card when she fucking has talked about her friends to you and you failed to mention yours AT ALL.

Joey can't let this go but sadly, not for the reason that I can't, which is that he's a lying liar who lies! No, Joey wants to know if he and Morgan ever dated. AJ responds by telling Joey that she has nothing to worry about. This train of thought is derailed by Joey complaining about the disinfectant he's using on her scrape. He apologizes and then bends down and kisses her open wound!


Then they start to kiss on the lips, after his lips touched her open wound.

I'm not even germaphobic but seriously, no
A world of no

Their kissing is, thankfully, interrupted by Morgan who bursts in uninvited. She tries to leave when she sees that they've "found that room" but AJ asks her to stay. AJ and Morgan do this thing where they talk about their past and his older writing being perfect to read because they are so in sync and totally soul mates and stuff. I'm bored. Can we skip this? She continues to banter, calling AJ "Arthur" which confuses Joey and makes her feel even more out of the loop, before telling Joey that she has something for her too and pulls her out of the room. I'll give Morgan this, she's at least trying to be nice to the girl who is dating the guy she likes. That's more than I could say for first season Joey.

Pacey has now taken Brat to his boat, True Love. Brat is obviously not down with this and begins complaining. There's some back and forth about how Pacey can't make him clean or paint his boat or whatever and I hate this kid. Sorry, but I do. Brat tells Pacey that he learned to paint from his dead father and Pacey admits that his dad is a cop. Brat then says that Pacey has authority issues which, I really don't think he does. He definitely has daddy issues because his dad is a grade A jackass but I don't really see Pacey as against all authority figures. Just that horrible English teacher who was terrorizing students which again, was deserved.

Pacey tells Brat that he shouldn't get into fights but then reveals that he got stuck in the mentoring program because he got into a fight. Brat spazzes out and says he wants to leave but Pacey just picks him up and takes him back to the boat.

In this one, beautiful moment, Pacey and I share
similar sentiments about this kid

Morgan explains that AJ's name is Arthur Jr. and Joey says she can't believe he didn't tell her. Neither can I, did he seriously not tell her what his actual name was? That's rude, she explained her name to him. Anyway, Joey starts asking about all of the drawings on the wall which are Morgan's. Surprise! Morgan is the Joey and AJ is the Dawson, in case you didn't get the very heavy subtext the writers were laying down. No? You don't see it? Well, they've also been friends since they were super little and grew up in the same small town and Morgan and AJ kissed but decided that they made a mistake and broke up, despite being in love. Also, AJ is totally oblivious to his obvious feelings for Morgan. Are you getting it yet? Joey, starting to show some maturity and depth, invites Morgan to go to the gala with her and AJ. Morgan tries to say no because Joey is AJ's girlfriend but Joey says that Morgan is his oldest friend and that they both should be able to be part of his life. Joey is really likable this season, it must be all of the time she's spent with Pacey.

Back at Gail's unnamed restaurant, Dawson tries to convince Jack and Andie to stay for more food tasting but they don't want any part of it and bail when Jen drops a tray of plates all over the floor. Question, if the restaurant hasn't even opened yet, and there is no chef, why is Jen working? Contrivance? Ok. Gail rushes out to see what happened and Mitch walks in to offer his services in the most confusing exchange ever.

I...I don't get it. I worked as a hostess in a restaurant as one of my first ever jobs. I honestly do not recall there being a proper technique to carry dishes. You just took as much as you could handle and when the people had left, you brought a bin with you to clear the table. It's not rocket science. But apparently, Mitch has this magical technique that makes it impossible to drop plates that no one else could figure out? Whatever, show.

Mitch has come to offer help as requested, the only trouble is that Gail didn't request his help. Cue awkward stares all around and a guilty look on Dawson's face.

Back to Pacey's boat and the Brat. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to make me dislike Pacey scenes, kid but congrats, you are achieving the impossible. I hate you. Brat is complaining about wanting to go home because his mother is cooking meatloaf so Pacey tells him to wait for the good food if the ungrateful shit doesn't want a damn hot dog. Wow, I'm sorry, I didn't know I could hate a kid this much but, there you go.

Brat begins talking like no kid ever does and asks Pacey who the girl is that he named his boat after. Kid, what the hell does it matter? Do you think you would know the girl, even if he did tell you? Pacey claims that True Love is not a person, just an idea, an unattainable idea. So, Brat asks him who the unattainable girl is and I'll admit, that one-up made me chuckle. You get one point, kid. ONE. Brat squanders his point by pestering Pacey about kissing the girl and then calls Pacey pathetic for not being able to. Brat then complains about having to work on a boat and tells Pacey that he has to find him something creative to do. Pacey tells Brat that he just might not show up the next day.

Negative infinity points to you, Brat. GTFO of my teen drama now

At the fancy gala, AJ is being all nervous about speaking but goes up to deliver his short story or something. He begins reading and it is painfully obvious that the story is about Morgan and his unspoken love.

Joey does not approve

Pacey is at the mentor centre trying to get another kid assigned to him, preferably a less bratty one who speaks like a normal child. But, of course, Brat has a sob story and the mentor lady explains that his father left him and his mother to start a new family in Nantucket. See? Brat isn't a bratty kid, he's just feeling rejected and so rejects other people to test them. Don't you just feel so bad for him and forgive him for what a little shit he is?

Unfortunately, Pacey does. Pacey is a much better person than me. He is, after all, the greatest television character in history. Ever. Period. Instead of switching kids, Pacey asks if he can pick Brat up early tomorrow.

Dawson and Gail fight over Mitch being there. I really don't care about this sub-plot because both of them are annoying idiots. Basically, Gail doesn't want Mitch's help but Dawson says she needs help because her place is utter chaos and it opens in less than a week. You know, if your restaurant isn't ready to open, it doesn't have to, right? Like just because you wanted to open at a specific time, if things happen, you don't have to stick to it. I just don't get the urgency of this opening, it's stupid. The simple solution is to push back the opening date, especially since they don't even have a chef yet.

AJ, Joey, and Morgan all walk back to the dorms. There's an awkward pause and Morgan asks them if they want to check out an arboretum or something. Joey says that she just wants to go back to AJ's room.

AJ totally thinks he's getting laid

Morgan apparently assumes the same and awkwards that she'll have the arboretum to herself. She goes to leave and Joey hands her back the jacket that Morgan lent her and thanks her.

AJ and Joey head up to his room but instead of getting lucky, he's getting dumped. Joey drops the bomb that she wants him to go after Morgan so that she can go to his room alone.

The look of a man who is going to bed with blue balls

He's confused and she tells him that Morgan is clearly his muse and that he should give her a chance. I actually get Joey's assertion that it won't work out with AJ because he sucks and he does seem to have unresolved feelings for Morgan but there's something about the way that Joey goes about it that irks me.
Joey: I know what its like to, to harbor feelings for somebody that you deny, and I know how horrible it is to realize those feelings way too late. And this is coming from my own experience, my own life, which honestly you know very little about.

AJ: Well God, Joey, give me a chance! Let me get to know more about you, isn't that the fun part?

Joey: Yes, it's fun and it's romantic and exciting and unbelievable, but it's not real.
So, I'm sorry but dating can only be real if you were friends with the person and grew up with them first? What logic is this? I knew absolutely nothing about my husband when I met him, other than he was cute. We started dating and went through the awkward getting to know you phase, then progressed into a more serious relationship as we got to know each other. He is one of my best friends now and we have our own little groove. That is just as real as if we had grown up together and then started dating, thank you very much Ms. Potter. I just find her notion so stupid and misguided that I'm honestly torn here. I want to love this because it brings me closer to Pacephine but I hate the logic behind it because her relationship with AJ could have been just as real if she had given him a chance and gotten to know him better. Now, if she'd said it's not real because he was harbouring feelings for someone else? I'd be totally fine with that but this excuse? It's weird and off-putting.

To be fair, she does point out after that the reason they are not real is because of his feelings for Morgan, I just really hate the part I quoted above. Joey tells him to go to Morgan and see if he can really say that the character in his story was not about her. He says he has a broken heart and Joey responds with this:
Joey: AJ, there are worse things than a broken heart. Like the love that you don't explore.
And I squeed forever because this is clearly talking about her and Pacey and I cannot wait. AJ annoys me one last time by calling her "Potter comma Joseph" but I don't care because he's now gone from our lives forever, hooray!!

Pacey shows up at Brat's house in, what I'll admit, is a fairly cute scene. See, his mother actually works late and wasn't able to make him the meatloaf and mashed potatoes that he wanted. So, Pacey has shown up with the ingredients to make Buzz the meatloaf dinner and they bond a bit while making it. Pacey even tells the kid about Joey:

And I squee until I'm blue in the face

Joey is at the train station looking sad. She looks at a payphone...remember those? They were a necessity before the advent of cell phones. Anyway, she looks thoughtfully at it for a moment before picking up the receiver and dialing a number. Before we find out who she calls, the scene cuts away to a plot thread I care not about but will tolerate because Jen is there.

Jen goes out to check on Dawson, who is upset over his fight with his mother, because as I've said before, she's the best friend in Capeside. Dawson moans about how his mother was mean to her and how he was just trying to help and Jen calls him out for the fact that he was trying to help himself out too. He wanted to get his parents back together and that's why he asked for Mitch's help. Dawson says he knows that his parents aren't getting back together and asks sort of rhetorically, what he's doing.

Jen points over to the docks and reminds him of the time they were over there a couple of years ago and he told her that he wanted to be her "boy adventure."

You did and you should be embarrassed

Dawson thinks he was so naïve and Jen agrees but says that he's changed a lot over the years. She assures him that while he has changed, there will always be a part of him that is that naïve, hopeful younger boy who just wants his parents to get back together.

We cut back to the more important story and find out that Joey has called Pacey to come and get her. (SQUEEEEEEE!!) and he asks her what happened. She doesn't want to talk about it and they bicker a bit as they head to his car.

Cut back to the stupid sub-plot at Gail's unnamed restaurant. Dawson walks in to apologize and sees that everything seems to be going smoothly. Gail hands him a mug which turns out to be filled with clam chowder, good tasting clam chowder. She then reveals that she's named the restaurant Leery's Fresh Fish which sounds...really stupid and off-putting for some reason. It sounds more like a seedy fish market than a restaurant but whatever. Dawson is confused but Mitch comes in saying that it's Gail's name too. Whatever. They say that Bodie is going to be a partner of sorts but only work so that it doesn't take him away from the B&B or something. So, Bodie will never sleep, is what I'm gathering. Poor guy. They also tell Dawson that Jen is fired for being a shitty waiter and before Dawson freaks about them hiring his friend (and the only decent person in Capeside, other than Pacey), they say they will take her on as a hostess. Dawson agrees that she'll like that and everyone is happy.

And now, after agonizing through this horrible episode, I am finally rewarded with this magnificent ending that I have been waiting for ever since Double Date, in the first season. Are we all ready?

Let's do this!

Pacey digs a little more for information from Joey as they drive back to Capeside or to her home or something and Joey reveals that there was another girl. Pacey is sympathetic while Joey mopes about how she's sixteen and alone and she'll always be alone because she's not meant to find love. Typical over dramatic teen stuff. Pacey assures her that she'll find someone and mocks her a bit for thinking that she's done for at sixteen, which I love him for. Joey complains that in her whole life, there have been only two people that know her: Dawson and before she can finish Pacey starts saying that AJ didn't know her at all because if he did, he wouldn't have walked away. Joey then reveals that she was going to say that Pacey was the other person.

His expression here is just too adorable

Pacey pulls over the car and gets out, Joey follows him while asking what he's doing. He demands to know what she meant by what she said. Joey says that it means exactly what it means, that he knows her in a way that only Dawson has. Pacey says that they're not talking about Dawson, they're talking about him and he asks why she called him. She gets defensive and thinks that he's mad that she called but Pacey assures her that he's not mad that she called, he just wants to know why she called him specifically.


Pacey asks her what that means and she says that it means that she can talk to him and he's there for her. Pacey gets frustrated and says that he is tired of talking and asks if she's tired too. Joey is confused and Pacey says that he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Dead from squees

Ok, so this obviously got a bit of a better reaction than in Double Date but I will say that while I love this scene, it is a bit rapey and Pacey probably should have asked first, in real life. But, this is tv and we want drama and urgency so I'm kind of ok with this and get why he did it. In any case, the beginnings of Pacephine have finally arrived and I could not be happier! week they are apart again and Brat is back?


Stay tuned for Neverland.

Friday, 2 October 2015

Glee - 103 - Acafellas

Original air date: September 16, 2009

Like I said before, Acafellas is not loved by most people, due probably to the fact that it's very adult-centric, is my best guess. I actually like that because I liked all of the adult characters at this time. They were fun and interesting and despite a few borrowed jokes, I think it's a solid episode. But, don't take my word for it, let's dive right in and you can see for yourselves.

We start the episode at Will and Terri's place. They are entertaining Will's parents. Will decides, out of excitement, to spill the beans about Terri's pregnancy to his parents and Terri gets "oh shit" face because she knows there is no baby. She nervously tells his mother that they are turning the craft room into the nursery and his mother drags her to that room to see. See what, I don't know, I guess Will's mother gets a kick out of staring at an already decorated room and being told what it may or may not look like once the nursery is finished. Whatever, it basically gives Will and his father a chance to talk about whether or not Will has the guts to be a father. His father claims that he lacked guts and worries that Will got that from him, since he failed to go to law school because he was scared. Will gets a worried look.

We then cut to the next day in glee club, where Will is showing the students some choreography he came up with. Rachel stops him and tells him that the choreography sucks and that they won't beat Vocal Adrenaline if they use his moves. She tells him that they need Dakota Stanley, who is apparently a great choreographer and the one that their rival team uses. Through cutaway, we learn that Rachel has been fed all of this info from the Unholy Trinity, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany. Then we cut back to the choir room after we learn that Dakota apparently understudied the candelabra in Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. Will tries to come back with asking if he ever actually performed. Quinn snaps back:


We then cut to Will bitching about this to Emma in her office. He says that he wanted to perform, it was his dream, but he lacked the guts. Emma says that it takes more certainty than talent to be a star.

(This will make sense when we get to season 2, I swear)

Will says that he wants to be able to set a good example for his son and then he apologizes for unloading on Emma about his home troubles because he doesn't want things to be awkward. Emma then gets awkward about the fact that she is totally dating Ken now, so it's ok for her and Will to be friends because she's like totally into Ken. Will asks how things are going with them and she manically says how everything is great and that women really like a guy with confidence. Another sick burn on Will. Nice.

We then cut to the teacher's lounge and we get to see Sandy again! They are celebrating the fact that the shop teacher, Henri, is returning to work after having cut off his thumbs. He has an over the counter cough medicine addiction which caused him to be spacey and his thumbs got sliced off by a saw. Gross. Henri comes in and is followed by Howard Bamboo who brought a cake for the occasion.

Well, now that's just awkward

Will remarks about how nice it is to hang out with the guys and talk about their feelings. Each of them confess to things in their life that are crappy, Ken living at the YMCA and owning only one pair of long pants, Sandy having no creative outlet other than his Desperate Housewives fan fiction, Howard being afraid of his vacuum, and Will who can't dance and then Henri reminds everyone that he has no thumbs.

Sandy starts singing For He's a Jolly Good Fellow to try to cheer Henri up and the rest of them follow, harmonizing quite nicely. Will agrees and we segue into them singing This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan. They have decided to form a male hip hop a cappella group and call themselves...

They have all formed their group and given it a name, except for Sandy because it was apparently creepy with him in it so he got the boot. Terri interrupts their practice to yell at them about needing sleep otherwise she'll miscarry. She then makes an innuendo comment to Will who more happily boots the guys out.

Will then voice overs that being in a boy band totally improved his sex life. He and Terri were now having sex once a week...shocking. He also tells us that it was like she was trying to make a twin. In fact, she's just hoping to make one but with no success. I think their problem is that they only have sex once a week. Did you know that you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant in a month? I didn't, until I started trying for a child. While some people seem to hit that 20% non-stop or extremely easily, others don't have such an easy time, so yeah, having sex once a week being an improvement on their sex lives? No wonder Terri can't get pregnant. You've got to have sex to get pregnant, lots of it.

Sorry for the sex ed lesson, I just thought that was interesting because the first time I watched this show, I was not trying to become pregnant so I thought of it as a silly joke about dull sex lives and marriage, now I just think it's stupid. How did Terri expect to get pregnant when she knew she was having trouble conceiving before?

Moving on. The next day, Rachel brings Will a plate of sugar cookies as an apology for being hard on him about the dancing thing. Will says he's not mad, he's thankful because if she weren't so hard on him, he wouldn't have had the guts to start Acafellas. Rachel says that they need him and he's missed six practices and isn't really there when he is there. Will tells her that he thinks they should hire the Dakota guy because he doesn't have time for all of glee anymore. What a tremendo-douche.

Finn is angry at Rachel for making Will not like glee club anymore. Santana and Quinn aren't concerned because with Will out of the way, they can hire Dakota. Finn tries to stand up for Will but the others vote in agreement to hire Dakota.

Finn argues with Rachel over the Dakota/Will issue and then has the gall to ask her if she's doing this because she's mad at him for the auditorium thing. What? You mean lead her on, kiss her, run away when you get an awkward boner, and then go back to your girlfriend? Why would she be mad about that? #FinniskindofaNiceGuydouche Rachel calls him out on his assholery and maintains that they are going to hire Dakota. Finn threatens to quit but Rachel holds her ground. Good for her.

Quinn and Santana fill Sue in on their progress. Sue is most pleased because she wants her full budget restored so that she can get a fog machine.

Meanwhile, Mercedes is sad panda-ing while watching various couples interact. She asks Kurt if he's ever kissed anyone and Kurt admits that he hasn't. He then tells her that they are going to see no play, being in glee club and should prepare for that. Then he cheers her up by asking her to hit the mall with him after school so that they can look fashionable when they go to check out Dakota. This is the part of Kurt's characterization that makes me sad that they made him want to perform when he really should have been in fashion.

Quinn and Santana swoop in on Mercedes after Kurt leaves and try to convince her to ask Kurt out despite the fact that it is super obvious that he is gay. I thought Mercedes knew this given her "I don't think I'm his type" comment but she actually seems to consider it.

We next cut to a restaurant or something where Will, Howard, Ken, and Henri are all singing Poison by Bel Biv DeVoe.

This has nothing to do with anything but I will always be
reminded of this sketch any time I hear Bel Biv DeVoe. Always

Anyway, they are a huge success and he's selling lots of CDs of their stuff, apparently. I don't know the logistics of this. When did Will and Terri get the money for him to record a professional CD? Also, aren't they just singing covers? I don't know the legalities of the music industry and don't care enough to look it up, but I would think that if you were making a profit with the CDs, you'd have to pay royalties to the songwriters whose songs you've used. Whatever.

We meet Will's parents who are super pumped for him. His mother is quite obviously a drunk while his father seems pretty level headed and is very proud of his son. It's nice. Figgins is also there and wants Acafellas to sing at a PTA meeting...why? I don't think there were ever live concerts at PTA meetings at my school but who knows?

The next day, Will is reading a review of their performance in the is this even happening? Is this a small town thing? I live in a small city and I don't think our newspaper covers amateur acts like this. Also, it praises everyone but Howard and I just want to give him all the hugs.

Awww, poor Howard

Sandy bursts in then and demands to be let in the group because he has connections with Josh Groban. This leads to, quite possibly, one of my favourite random moments on the show. Howard asks who Josh Groban is which leads Sandy to say:

It's the delivery of this line that just kills me every time

He claims that he can get Josh Groban to see their show. Will declines Sandy's offer and says they have standards. That's pretty darn harsh but, then again, Sandy is suspected of molesting a student. But apparently those standards disappear once Sandy mentions that Groban is looking for an opening act.

The kids have gone to Vocal Adrenaline's auditorium to try and hire Dakota Stanley. Even though one of the girls from VA tries to talk them out of it because "he's a monster". Instead, he's just a short guy with anger issues. We watch VA perform Mercy by Duffy and it's pretty damn good. I miss early VA, they were fantastic. Rachel approaches Dakota and asks if he would work for them. He tells them flat out that his fee is $8,000 plus a $10,000 bonus if they place in the top three before peacing out. They wonder how they'll ever get that kind of cash.

We then cut to the choir room where Will and Ken are practicing for their PTA performance. Ken asks where everyone is and that's the cue for Howard to call and inform Will that he is dropping out of the group.

This is because the critic panned you, isn't it?

Emma then enters to tell them that Henri has relapsed and downed six bottles of cough syrup. Sandy took him to the hospital and Figgins has insisted that Henri check into rehab right away if he wants to work at the school and be around kids again. Acafellas appears to be doomed.

Later, Finn tells Will that he is quitting glee too. Will denies that he quit and tries to convince Finn to stick with glee. He then decides that it's an awesome idea to recruit a 16 year old boy into his a cappella group with grown men, one of whom is already accused of molesting a teenager. This should work out well.

We then cut to the locker room where Puck approaches Ken and asks him if he can join his a cappella group. He says he can play the, I don't think you understand what a cappella means, Puck. But he also says he can sing, before questioning whether there will be a lot of moms at the gig. We then segue into a voice over of Puck telling us that basically, he digs cougars and I throw up in my mouth a little. Not because he likes older women, I get guys liking older women, I do, I'm throwing up over the casualness of him mentioning that he hooks up with older married women when he's supposed to be sixteen...hello? Sandy? Is it only not ok for him to do it because he's a guy? The women here are just as vile and this is reminding me too much of Pacey/Mrs. Jacobs territory where they are putting it on the teenage boy being into it, thus making it ok. IT IS NOT OK, WRITERS!!! IT IS NEVER OK!

Anyway, Ken also lets Puck join the group but threatens him to not screw things up for him because, apparently Emma gets super horny because of him being in the group. *hork* There goes my lunch again...

We then cut to Will teaching Puck and Finn the Acafella choreography. Finn is having a difficult time with the steps so Will uses some baseball analogy thing which apparently works and they're both good at the dance now.

Rachel and Tina try to talk some sense into Mercedes and her crush on Kurt. Mercedes isn't having it because she thinks Kurt likes her.

Meanwhile, the kids are doing a car wash to raise money to hire Dakota. Sue has apparently agreed to let the Cheerios help out, because she wants them to hire this guy to break the glee club up, you see.

Mercedes asks Kurt if they can make their relationship official and Kurt is taken aback saying he thought he made it clear they were just friends because he's in love with someone else. He glances at Finn but when Mercedes looks, she thinks he means Rachel. Kurt agrees that it's Rachel he loves and Mercedes loses her shit:

 A lot of people hate this performance but I kind of love it for 
all its ridiculousness and also, the song is catchy.

Anyway, the kids have apparently raised enough to hire Dakota and while I find the scene in question, funny it is basically a rip off of one of my favourite guilty pleasure movies, Bring It On. You know, where the girls hire choreographer Sparky Polastri who is crazy and mean? It's basically the same scene. The students line up, the choreographer critiques them, calls them fat, tells them to diet or whatever, insults them and they get mad. Where they differ is that in Bring It On, they put up with it, go through with his weird choreography and get burned, the glee kids get so mad that they end up firing him and being stronger for it. Set up is totally ripped off but the pay off is different enough, I guess. This scene still always reminds me that I could be watching Bring It On...

Spirit fingers!!!

Night time and the guys are getting ready for their big PTA performance...I don't see how this is a step up from performing in a sports bar but Josh Groban apparently did show up, so there's that. They perform probably the cheesiest 90s hip hop song ever by Color Me Badd, I Wanna Sex You Up and it's glorious.

I know you're not gonna sing that song!

After the performance, the guys are hanging out backstage when Josh Groban comes in to congratulate them all and tell them how well they did. Everyone is super excited but then he asks for Sandy and drops the bomb that he's actually there to give him a restraining order.

Will is obviously deflated from the experience. Terri apologizes to him for not being supportive enough and tells him that he was really good. Will's father interrupts them to ask where his wife is. This leads us to the weirdest segue ever of Josh Groban hitting on Will's mom. Why?

Ok, then

Will's dad then asks how he's doing and Will says he's ok with everything because he's a good teacher and that's good enough for him. His father agrees and says that he inspires people, and he inspired him to finally finish law school, like he always wanted to do. It's a sweet moment that I kind of love.

We then cut to Mercedes apologizing to Kurt for busting the window out his car because it didn't mend her broken heart. I'll stop. Anyway, she offers to pay for it but Kurt says it's ok because his dad took his car away after finding his tiara collection. This does not jibe with what we later find his dad to be like but whatever. Anyway, Mercedes says that she hopes he and Rachel get together which prompts Kurt to tell her that he's gay. She asks why he didn't just tell her and I'm sitting here thinking, because it was kind of extremely obvious that he was. But ok, show, let's let him stay in the closet for now. Even though everyone else in glee already assumes that he is gay.

Sue is displeased with her minions for failing in their mission and revokes their tanning privileges. Santana is super upset but Quinn sasses that Sue taught her a valuable lesson.

Quinn: When you really believe in yourself, you don’t have to bring other people down.
It's kind of nice but also meaningless since Quinn continues to work for Sue for a few more episodes which renders this sass a wasted opportunity for character growth. Save lines like this for when the character finally comes around, blowing your load this early means that if she does this again later in the series, it kind of cheapens that moment.

Cut to the kids in the choir room, now happily learning Schuester choreography. Rachel wants to tell Will something and he looks super annoyed/terrified of being critiqued by her which is pretty hilarious. Rachel just wanted to tell him that it was really good though and everyone laughs. End of episode.

That was Acafellas. It's not a great episode but I still liked it because it was entertaining enough and the music was still really fun. It's definitely one of the weaker season 1 episodes but it is still way more enjoyable than what this show devolves into so my fondness for it stands. Plus, I still really enjoy the I Want to Sex You Up and Bust Your Windows performances.

Stay tuned for the next episode, Preggers.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Dawson's Creek - 316 - To Green, With Love

Original air date: February 16, 2000

So, this episode is kind of a chore for me to get through. It's ok, there is nothing really wrong with it, it's just that it's kind of sandwiched between some Pacephine heavy episodes and acts as a blocker, delaying my sweet, sweet gratification. Also, it's kind of some bullshit but, we'll get into that later because said bullshit is a bit spoilery. Onto the recap!

We start the episode with a rousing PTA meeting where the town of Capeside basically rallies against Principal Green for being black too harsh on Matt Caulfield. But, come on, we all know that they dislike Green because he's black and an outsider. The town of Capeside is just full of the worst people in existence and it is completely white. Mr. Caulfield (Matt's dad) is trying to paint Mr. Green as a tyrant but one woman in the town has it right and calls Mr. Caulfield out for being a shitty parent who raised a brat son. Joey tries to stand up for Principal Green but Mr. Caulfield basically tells her that her opinion is not valid because her family is not "traditional" with good Christian values or something. I hate this character, just FYI in case it's not super obvious.

After the credits, we cut to outside the PTA meeting where Gail bumps into the hot new news reporter who is covering the story. The hot girl is catty to Gail and basically calls her washed up. Gail is not amused but tries to remain civil, asking what her story is. The hot girl is going for the Principal is whacko story, to no one's surprise.

Gail is even less amused

Joey and Pacey are walking together (because LOVE!!) and talking about the meeting. Joey complains that they don't get a say and that most people who do get a say are usually too lazy to do anything about it. Pacey encourages Joey to try to rally the troops and get Principal Green his job back.

Later, Joey is talking on the phone to AJ (he's still a thing, apparently) and he tells her basically the same thing that Pacey does but Pacey is way better. Bessie comes in and says that Joey needs to see something. Joey looks at the tv where hot girl reporter is basically painting Principal Green as whacko.

We see Dawson, Kendra and Principal Green, Pacey, and Gail watching the same thing. Then we cut back to Joey just as Hot Girl claims that Joey said the whole thing was ridiculous and was blown out of proportion, in regards to Matt's punishment, not the town's indictment of Principal Green. Joey is completely horrified and angry which prompts her to agree to stand up for the cause.

The next day, she is putting up posters for a meeting she wants to hold. Pacey comes up to her and is excited that she took his advice and offers to help. Joey says it wasn't his or her idea, it was AJ's. Cue AJ appearing to harsh my Pacephine buzz because he's the worst. Can he go now? Ugh! Anyway, Joey introduces Pacey to AJ and AJ makes a comment about Pacey's name being weird which true (I'd never heard the name before or since this show) but rude! He then arrogantly talks about introducing Capeside to "college protest" because he's such an enlightened and cultured college student, you see?

Go die now, AJ

A random girl tells them to check out outside. They go and see a bunch of protesters holding up signs that are anti-Principal Green. Principal Green shows up and, head held high, walks past the protesters calmly and enters the school after offering for Joey to go first. Because he has class.

Gail and Dawson watch Hot Girl report the popular opinion instead of the truth as they work on her restaurant. Dawson talks about how proud he is of Joey and that he feels a part of it and I barf because he wasn't a part of her decision at all, all that confidence came from Pacey. Sit down, and shut up, Dawson. Gail complains about Hot Girl getting the story wrong and Dawson suggests that she report the real story herself. He can film it, of course. She agrees.

Next day, outside the Superintendent's office, Joey and her group are setting up their own protest. Joey laments the fact that she doesn't have that many people on her side and I'm getting super bored, you guys. You have no idea. Can we get to Pacephine, please? I want melodrama, not boring PTA, pseudo-political crap. Where's my fluff, show? WHERE'S MY FLUFF!?

I needs it...

Ugh, so AJ is still kind of a dick to Pacey, not outright or anything just...I don't know he has an "I'm better than you" attitude about him. Gail prepares to interview Joey and Hot Girl comes up and tries to belittle her before asking Joey for a follow up interview.

Go Joey!

Joey frustrates me by ignoring Pacey's advice and going for AJ's advice. Stop it, Joey. No one cares about AJ. Anyway, she goes in to see the Superintendent because AJ thought it would be a good idea. The Superintendent is a jack ass, Joey lies about how much support her cause has and how many signatures she's managed to gather but I don't think he's buying it because he basically pats her on the head and hurries her along back to school.

Is this episode over yet? I'm sooooo boooored!

Dawson and Gail show up at Principal Green's house to interview him. Principal Green is all stubborn and doesn't want to tell his side of the story. Kendra tries to convince her dad to talk but he sticks to his guns and remains silent.

So, so bored

At the Potter B&B, Pacey is pointing out that it was not a good idea to lie about how much support they have while AJ is just a tool who defends the fact that she had to lie to gain respect or some junk. Jack and Andie are trying to rally more people to come by posting on the Capeside web site about it and making phone calls. Jack has also designed posters which will be printed for them for free because Pacey talked the copy person into it because he's awesome. Joey is shocked to hear he did this and Jen totally has his back by reassuring Joey that he did. I love Jen.

Joey pisses me off further by gushing to AJ about how great he is for convincing her to do this rally and how she could never have done it without him and then she kisses him as a poor, dejected Pacey looks on. Jen tries to see if Pacey is ok but he plays it cool and runs off to hang up fliers.

Bessie has gotten a threatening phone call about how she'll lose business if she lets a bunch of high schoolers use her business to "fight the system". Joey doesn't understand this threat because she's super clueless sometimes and it pisses Bessie off.

Bessie and Joey argue in the kitchen about whether or not doing the rally is a good idea while Bodie plays referee between them. Bessie tries to make sure that Joey is fighting a logical cause and Joey points out that she is and that the parents wouldn't be half as upset in different circumstances. Bodie points out that it means that they wouldn't be gunning for Principal Green so hard if he were white, so I was totally right before. Capeside is an awful town full of awful, rich white people. Bessie gives up and storms off.

AJ apologizes to Joey about the awkwardness the rally has caused between her and her sister. Then he decides that this is the best time to totally bail on her because he is the worst. No, that is a lie, Dawson is the worst, always and forever, but AJ still sucks.

Whelp, excuse me while I bail on you when you need
me most, because I'm horrible and not Pacey at all

Pacey is angrily hanging posters up when Jen confronts him and asks if he wants to talk about what's bugging him, even though she totally knows already, thanks to Four to Tango but also because she's the best. Pacey tells her that he fell for the worst person he possibly could because she'll never reciprocate and now he feels like the Duckie. (That's a Pretty in Pink reference for all you millenials out there). Basically, Duckie is the friend of the girl who definitely doesn't get the girl in the end. Jen then asks him if he's going to let his hurt feelings and pride get in the way or if he's going to man up and be the most supportive, Duckie-like friend ever.

She's awesome, more Jen please!

Dawson and Gail are waiting to interview the Superintendent which Dawson doesn't want to do. Gail explains that she needs two sides of the story and that a good journalist doesn't pick and choose who's story to tell, they just ask the right questions. Cut to her interviewing the Superintendent who claims that he's looking out for the community in firing Principal Green. Gail gets him to read a document which states that the Superintendent's primary responsibility is looking out for the well-being of students. It's his contract as Superintendent, which he signed and there is no mention of him having to serve the community at all. He's been schooled by Gail. Yay, Gail!

But I'm still fucking bored

Kendra is leaving her house to go to the rally. Principal Green asks her where she is going and she tells him and tries to convince him to come but he refuses. Next.

At the rally, Jen points out to Joey how successful Pacey was at getting people to show up. Pacey then makes an announcement for her and introduces her to the crowd. Joey makes a speech on behalf of Principal Green and asks everyone to share positive stories about him. Andie and another student tell their stories and then Kendra has her say, just as Principal Green arrives.

Principal Green comes up to the stage to make his own speech. He basically thanks them but then says that he's not willing to budge and then leaves. So, thanks for standing up for me but I'm just going to get fired anyway. Thanks for fucking wasting my time, Principal Green. Fuck, this episode.

Jen approaches Pacey after the rally and commends him for being there for Joey in a true Duckie-like manner. She asks him how he feels and he says he feels like dog meat and is sad that Joey didn't even thank him. Jen tells him that she will, one day because every dog has it's day.

Awwwww! Can Jen be my best friend now?

Joey and Bodie are preparing to leave the rally and worried about how mad Bessie will be but TWIST! Bessie was at the rally and is totally proud of Joey. Sisterly love wins in the end.

The next day, Joey apologizes to Mr. Green (because he's no longer Principal) for not fighting for him hard enough and letting him down. Nice going, Mr. Green. He reassures her that he is super proud of her and thanks her for fighting for him. He then leaves the office with his things and walks down the hallway as a crowd of students clap for him. It's all supposed to be pretty bittersweet and a nice send off but it's actually just kind of a piss off.

This is the last we see of Kendra (Nikki on this show but she'll always be Kendra to me). It always irked me why they wrote her out this weirdly, with barely any focus on her or her supposed relationship with Dawson. Why would they write her out like this? Well, the answer will come in a few episodes but it's basically to justify how big an ass Dawson can be when certain things come to light but guess what? It won't justify it in the slightest because Dawson is still an insufferable douchebag with no right to be mad but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Moving on, Gail gets asked to tape an intro for her story at the station, since they want to run it, and is offered a sort of a job back. She turns it down because I guess she just wanted to quit them on her terms and she really does want to run a restaurant. Go figure. I'm still bored, by the way. Can you tell?

Finally we get to the good stuff and end this boring ass episode on a much needed Pacephine moment. Pacey is leading Joey to a place for a surprise. He hands her a paintbrush and confused, she asks if he bought her a paintbrush.

How does Joshua Jackson make 'lame-o' sound so adorable?

So, Joey is absolutely amazed and thrilled because he bought her a wall for her to paint on. She says that he always finds a way to challenge her in new and exciting ways and then she thanks him. Pacey smiles adorably and says that it's about time she thanked him. He then walks off and lets her figure out what she wants to do with her wall.

Thus endeth To Green, With Love which is quite possibly the most boring and dry episode of the series. Not sure because I haven't made it past season 3 of my rewatch yet, as I don't like to get too ahead of myself, but it's just got to be. This was no fun to watch and was a long and drawn out excuse to write out two side characters so that Dawson has reason to be mad in the future. You see, he couldn't be mad if he had a love interest around and...ok, I'll save this rant for later. It's still a dull episode and I'm glad it's over. Thankfully, we are getting to the juicy stuff now. Next episode is Cinderella Story, which introduces the worst child character ever. Stay tuned.