So, when we last left off, Savage Steve and John were busy filming the follow up to Better Off Dead when Savage made the mistake of screening it to his cast. John stormed off in a huff, claiming it the worst thing ever and that Savage made a fool out of him.
|Naturally, Savage Steve was hurt.|
|The DVD cover I got just featured Demi and John, had I seen this cover and who the third billed was, I might have skipped this one altogether...|
As soon as the movie begins, you know you are in for a Savage Steve production. The familiar cartoon intro is back. Complete with a little story to go with it.
This introduces us to the inner workings of our hero for the movie, Hoops McCann and even though he introduces himself as a Rhinoceros who can't find love and slaughters little fluffy bunnies who mock him, he's still not as crazy and unsettling as Lane Meyer and somehow not as lovable either. Weird. Now, you're probably asking "What the hell kind of name is 'Hoops' anyways?" Well, apparently Hoops got his moniker because his dad was really great at basketball and so he was going to be great at basketball too. Unfortunately, his parents failed to consider that he might not be good at basketball, thus rendering their name for him completely ridiculous as well as a constant reminder to their kid that he failed to live up to their expectations. Wonderful parenting.
Anyways, since Hoops sucks at basketball, he decides that he's going to be a cartoonist and has applied to art school but in order to get in, he must illustrate a 5 panel cartoon about love. The only problem is:
Don't worry, Hoops. That's what summer vacation is for.
Hoops tells his friend, George Calamari about his stress over getting into art school and his ever helpful friend invites him to Nantucket for the summer. OK, I fail to see how that helps him get into art school but I guess it might help him relax a bit, or make him die of boredom. Whichever comes first. Hoops agrees to this proposal and so they go pick up George's little sister, Squid and - Wait, Squid? Squid Calamari? Seriously? Wow, the parents are really cruel with their kids' names in this movie. Anyways, they pick up...Squid(ugh), and her dog, Boscoe, who no one should make fun of, apparently.
AAAAHHH!!! Another demon child!
Seriously though, who teases a dog? The dog doesn't know what you're doing or why. Why wouldn't you just tease the little girl? Her name is Squid for sobbing out loud, the name is asking to be mocked and they go after a defenceless dog? My guess is that it is to garner sympathy for our heroes and make everyone else look like douches in comparison.
During their trip to Nantucket, Hoops stops to take a leak and that is when we're introduced to Cassandra, our love interest for the movie. She's played by, Demi Moore? Well, OK this is four years before her break out role in Ghost so I guess I can see how they got her. She also seemed to be going through a massive 80s phase, she looks like a bizarre combination of Pete Burns and Boy George:
|Which one is which?|
Cassandra is being chased by these really tough...biker...punk...anime fans?
|I've got nothing. Except maybe, LOLWUT?|
|Not Bobcat! My ears bleed every time he speaks!|
And this movie went from kind of bland to horrifying in seconds. Why in God's name did anyone put this...this thing in front of a camera? My ears bleed every time he opens his mouth to utter his godawful schtick which is nothing more than "I talk funny and make weird noises, laugh! LAUGH!" (I can just imagine him saying that too.) The first time I saw this, I knew the rest of the movie was going to be painful because of this dolt. Why did people think this guy was funny?
|Savage Steve Holland...holding a duck plushy.|