Saturday, 8 March 2014

Dawson's Creek - 217 - Psychic Friends

Original air date: March 10, 1999

I just want to start off by saying that the title of this episode is very misleading. At no point do any of the Creek gang develop psychic powers that enable them to communicate telepathically nor do they then team up to become crime fighters in Capeside called The Psychic Friends. Minus ten points, Dawson's Creek, you let me down. 

Seriously though, I really remembered nothing of this episode and the opener didn't stir things up for me either. It opens, of course, in Dawson's room, where Joey and Dawson have just finished watching Dawson's shitty movie. Joey has tears in her eyes and goes on about what a fucking masterpiece it is  but just as I'm about to rage at my TV about how it's just a teen romance movie, Joey starts going on about how Jack is a brilliant director and I realize that this is a dream sequence.

Oh thank god, I don't have to kill anything

Jack bursts onto the scene and Joey calls him a genius and starts kissing him. He goes on about how Spielberg offered him a job in Hollywood and then he proposes to Joey, who accepts. I died of laughter at this scene, it was just filled with so much Dawson misery that my small heart grew about three sizes. 

Ahhh, his pain is my joy

The next day, Dawson makes himself feel better by showing off his movie analyzing skills to his film class. Apparently, Mr. Gold has been replaced by Miss Kennedy as the film teacher. Dawson is completely enchanted by her. All I can think is, writers, if you dare go the teacher/student romance crap again I will track you down and vomit all over each and every one of you. Thankfully, Dawson is far too wholesome and childlike to be into her that way. No, he merely idolizes her for being the "real deal" who actually works in Hollywood. Apparently, she is in Capeside on sabbatical to write a screenplay for TriStar. Which obviously leaves her time to teach a bunch of high schoolers about film making. 

At any rate, Jen asks Dawson if he's going to show Miss Kennedy his film, Creek Daze...

What the hell did he call his movie?

I'm sorry, he called his movie Creek Daze? Creek Daze!? My god that is the most amateur sounding title I've ever heard. I'm not even sure I can articulate why I hate the title so much, it just reeks of trying too hard to sound clever and edgy. "Get it, get it? It's like Creek Days as in my days on the Creek but like spelled Daze because it's like those days were dazed and confused." Ugh. Moving on. 

Dawson isn't sure he wants to show off his film because he's afraid she'll think it's "amateur". Of course, Jen is obligated to tell Dawson that he's super, mega talented and of course his film is amazing and all that. Then Mitch bumps into them because he's apparently a teacher now. Is this a thing in the US? Can anyone just decide they want to be a teacher and just get a job teaching with zero education or training? I really don't get this but a lot of shows seem to treat teaching as this fall back, whatever job that anyone can get. I guess it's no wonder that roughly a quarter of US residents think the sun revolves around the Earth

Meanwhile, Joey is trying to become Jack's fag hag by checking out guys in the lunchroom with him. Jack isn't having it though because his true fag hag and soul mate is Jen.

No gay best friend for you, Joey

The next scene completely jogs my memory of this episode. Andie is trying to get Pacey to agree to run the Safety Booth at the fair in town and Pacey is reluctant because last year, he was pelted with water balloons and had his booth knocked over by jocks. I very much remember this part of the episode because Pacey playing a dog puppet was too cute. I guess I must have always missed the beginning of this episode. Remember back in the day, you missed an episode or part of it, you were fucked. Anyway, Pacey doesn't want to do it but Andie wants him to because there is going to be a fortune teller at the fair that she wants to see. 

Andie, why don't you just ask Pacey to take you to the fair? Why does he have to work it if he doesn't want to? Well, she convinces him to go by presumably promising him sexual favours. 

I'm guessing she promised anal. She should have
saved that one for something better.

Jack is helping Joey set up an art booth for the fair because apparently Joey is selling her artwork or something. She is distracted so Jack asks her what she's thinking about. She's thinking about kissing because Joey is just never happy. When she's in a relationship, she wants to be single. When she's single, she wants a relationship. Make up your mind woman! Dawson was throwing himself at you last episode, you could have had all the kisses you wanted but you turned him down. I'm still not seeing the chemistry between her and Dawson, Joey just doesn't seem that into him at all. 

But just to prove me wrong, the writers have him show up so that Jack can then ask Joey her opinion of him, whether he's a "Frank" as in Frankenstein or a "Leo" as in Leonardo DiCaprio. Joey answers that Dawson is "definitely a Leo", of course. Which begs the question, why the hell doesn't she want to date him then? Because she can't be herself when she's with him? I'm sorry but if they were really such good friends, they should have been comfortable being themselves around each other so I still don't buy them as soul mates, not through Joey's eyes at least. Anyway, Jack suggests they go see the fortune teller to find out when Joey's next kiss is going to be. 

Meanwhile, Andie tries to convince Pacey to see the fortune teller with her but he is still very reluctant. Andie argues that it would be good to know what happens in the future so that she could be prepared for it. I think she is expecting a lot out of a small town Fair's fortune teller. 

My thought is proven right when we next see Joey getting her fortune read by the "psychic" who runs through the usual vague psychic crap of "I see someone in your starts with...c? Do you know anyone named Carrie? Crystal? Connie? Caroline?" But the show tries to convince us that she's really, really psychic for reals by making the candles flicker and wind blow while the psychic tells Joey that she has so much pain in her life send that she puts up walls to protect herself but that cuts herself off from new opportunities. Hmmmm, like the trip to Paris she could have gone on but chose to stay with her safe friend Dawson? 

She also tells her that she'll meet a tall dark stranger or some junk. I don't really know what we're supposed to think of this woman, to be honest. It seems like she's a fraud, just looking to make a few bucks but then the show tries to convince us she's real but then goes back to her sounding like a fraud. I guess she's only a fraud until her unpredictable real power kicks in?

Dawson is talking with Miss Kennedy and she asks him about his film. Mitch has apparently been singing his praises which makes Dawson embarrassed. I would be too because your movies suck and Mitch is building you up to be this insightful, genius filmmaker when all you did was make a romance movie about your breakup with your high school girlfriend. 

Joey is complaining to Jack about wasting five bucks to hear a hack spew some bullshit fortune to her but then a tall dark stranger starts admiring her art. Joey is tongue tied but Jack urges her to follow the guy and get the no-strings attached kiss she was looking for. 

Meanwhile, Jen is helping Grams set up a booth when she notices a man checking Grams out. He comes up to talk to her and we learn that his name is Whit and he's an old friend of Grams'. He asks her out to dinner to catch up on old times but Grams declines. Jen tells Grams that she should go for it because Whit was totally in to her. 

Grams is shy

Joey musters up her courage and talks to Tall Dark and Handsome who asks her out for a hot chocolate while Dawson finally asks Miss Kennedy to watch his film. 

Joey learns that Tall Dark and Handsome is a photographer and that he's really only interested in taking pictures of her. She's disappointed but agrees to do it because going off with a stranger to do a "photo shoot" has never been used as an excuse to lure naive girls to an isolated location to be raped and murdered. 

Joey would so get killed in real life. She's too stupid to live

Whit comes back to talk to Grams and to give her a rose. Jen urges Grams to take him up on the offer and Grams reluctantly agrees. She looks mortified afterwards and Jen thinks it's because she feels guilty for dating someone after her husband died but Grams is really just insecure about her looks and the prospect of dating again. Jen then offers to give Grams a makeover.

Pacey is working the safety booth for a bunch of snot-nosed kids who give him a hard time while Andie finally gets her fortune told. We are not privy to whet her fortune is, however, we just know that it upsets Andie. Pacey sees her and tries to talk to her but she's so upset that she wants to go off and be alone. 

Joey tells Jack about her plans to go off with a strange guy she just met to have her picture taken and because Jack actually has some common sense, he insists on going with her. Joey protests because she's probably hoping she'll get lucky and is too stupid to realize what a dumb idea it is but Jack wins the argument. Seriously, Joey is too stupid to live. 

Jen is giving Grams a makeover and giving her dating tips but is also messing around with her and I kind of love their relationship now. I don't know what happened with the Jen is a wild child subplot but I'm glad it's over because seeing these two get along is great. Also, Jen did an amazing job on Grams. 

Grams before
Grams after

We next cut to a Joey is super awesome and the prettiest girl ever to grace Capeside montage that is not too overdone at this point in the series but I'm tired of it anyway because I've seen the whole series and trust me, they really like to drive home how perfect and amazing Joey is. 

But I'm so plain and ugly though!

Pacey walks up to the psychic and gives her a stern talking to, asking her why she can't just say nice things to people. Pacey, I love you but you sound so lame right now. The psychic offers to read his fortune for five dollars but Pacey refuses so she decides to tell him anyway. 

Madame: I see a young man that wears a mask that is not his own. To the world he is strong and confident, but beneath the mask is a little boy. Afraid of the world, afraid of everything. He knows that everything he has is lying on a deck of cards. Even the tiniest gust of wind could knock it all down.

This woman is so bizarre. I don't know what her purpose is but she seems to just love fucking with teenagers. It's kind of hilarious. 

Joey is about to leave the photo shoot when Tall Dark and Handsome finally seems to want to ask her for a kiss but instead he asks her if her friend Jack has a boyfriend. 

Joey needs to develop gaydar

Joey tells Jack about what happened and that Tall Dark and Handsome wants to meet up with him, so she told him Jack would. Jack gets offended by this and runs off in a hissy fit. 

Speaking of hissy fits, Miss Kennedy has finally finished watching Dawson's film and he's anxious to hear her opinion. She asks him if he wants the truth, so you know and Dawson knows that her opinion is not going to be kind. To his credit, he asks her to tell the truth anyway. Folks, she tears him a new one and it is glorious. 

Miss Kennedy: Okay, then I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Dawson. I think your film is completely uninspired. I mean the production line is flat, the storyline is non-existent, even your dialogue is not believable.

Miss Kennedy: It lacks emotion of any kind and sends no message to the audience. 

Miss Kennedy: It's a preposterous soap opera about a bunch of teenagers who talk too much. I mean, we've seen it before. All that self-aware, self-referential, hyperboles, filled with cliches that are disguised as send-ups. It actually borders on plagiarism.

Soul crushing complete!

Holy shit, she destroys him! I know she's now painted as the bad guy in this show but to me, she's awesome because she just told the truth. Dawson's movies suck. 

In the quickest resolution ever, Jack apologizes to Joey and confesses to being scared as shit about being gay. He says he's not quite ready to start dating yet. Joey apologizes for agreeing to a date on his behalf without his knowledge. 

Hug it out, bitch!

Dawson walks around like a sad panda as he sees Mitch and Miss Kennedy leave the Fair together and then sees Joey make a sale and then get hugged by Jack. Shit, this episode is just one giant kick to Dawson's nards. It's kind of awesome. 

Everything is not awesome

Pacey finds Andie and gets her to tell him what the fortune teller said. She tells him that she said the stuff she's been through was merely a preview of what's to come, meaning her life is going to get worse. Man that lady really does enjoy fucking with teenagers. Pacey tells her to ignore the hack and that her future will be brilliant. Andie wishes she could believe him bad he tells her she doesn't have to. 


Joey next makes amends with Tall Dark and Handsome and breaks the news that Jack isn't coming. He confesses that he just got out of an intense relationship and Jack would've been a rebound anyway. Joey immediately projects her relationship with Dawson on their relationship and asks the guy why he broke up with his boyfriend. He tells her he thought he knew at the time but that he can't think of why now; which Joey also identifies with. They both sound like awful people. He leaves Joey alone with her thoughts. 

Grams returns from her date but isn't enthusiastic about it since it turns out that Whit is married. Uhhh, douche! Why the hell did he lead her on like that then? Jen is also mortified and apologizes for pushing Grams to go to dinner with him. Grams tells her she doesn't need to apologize because she showed her that her life didn't have to be over because her husband died and that there were still new adventures she could have. 


Dawson tries to get his fortune told. The psychic of course starts telling him that he has a soul mate who has known him for years and feels his pain because as is usual on the Creek, other characters have to keep telling us what soul mates Joey and Dawson are despite the writers showing otherwise with their actions. I now realize this was her purpose all along, for the writers to jam that fact down the viewers throats. But, she was also shown to be pretty shitty so I'm going with she's a hack who doesn't know what she's talking about. Dawson turns away to get money to pay her and when he turns back, she's walked out of the shot. Er, I mean she mysteriously vanishes. Oooooohhhhhhhh. 

She really does love screwing with teenagers, doesn't she?

We close the episode with Joey walking home to find a strange man at her door and because she's proven that she's too stupid to live, she calls out to him while walking towards him. She lucks out and the guy turns out to not be a homicidal maniac but is actually her father. 


And that was Psychic Friends, an episode that is kind of forgettable but ended up giving me a bit of joy in seeing Dawson's soul get completely crushed. Yes, I'm aware I'm a heartless human least where Dawson is concerned.

So, what will become of Dawson and Joey's relationship? What will happen with Joey's dad? Is he going to turn over a new leaf? Will Joey forgive him? I guess we'll find out in the next episode, A Perfect Wedding


  1. oh the BEAUTY of this episode! I love when they acknowledge that Dawson is a shitty shitty filmmaker! glorious glorious nectar for my soul

    1. Did I mention that I love you and your mutual hatred of Dawson, Zelda? :)

    2. It is a bond between us that can never be severed!

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