Dawson's Creek - 306 - Secrets and Lies

Original air date: November 10, 1999

Welcome back to another Creek recap. Last episode was rage inducing and I thought this one would be too but it more just makes me sad. Let's take a look and see why. 

Jen is complaining to Dawson about being made Capeside's homecoming Queen and how she's turning into her mother. This is apparently horrific to her because she doesn't want to be just a vapid high society girl. Dawson, to his credit, actually tries to make her feel better about her situation. They run into the school's guidance councillor and he introduces Jen to all of the previous homecoming queens. I seriously didn't realize it was such a huge deal that all past generations of homecoming queens came to meet the new ones. That's weird. Americans have weird obsessions with high school stuff.

Anyway, one of them is named Constance Freckling and is the oldest living "HQ" which apparently entitles her to be like the president of homecoming and throwing homecoming dances or something to do with organizing it. I guess she's rich and has a huge house that she offers up to the occasion. Jen is less than thrilled.

I hope you don't try to shock me with your
sexy, non-religious, and rebellious ways

Pacey and Joey are at her place and talking to Bessie about the fact that they are turning their home into a bed and breakfast. Now, they are adding an addition or something but I'm still confused because I thought they lived in a hovel that was so tiny that Joey couldn't have a bedroom. Am I just making that up? I thought she'd complained about having to be in the living room or something. Whatever, now their place is big enough to house them and to have people stay the night or weekend. I'm guessing the addition will be the extra bedrooms needed but if I'm right about Joey's living situation then burn on her. Guests get bedrooms before Poor!Joey.

Pacey asks Joey if she's alright because he's an awesome friend and way better than Dawson in every way. Joey admits that she's nervous about opening a bed and breakfast and really wants it to work out as they are putting most of the insurance money into it. I guess they've decided to completely abandon the Ice House? She also mentions that she does not want to ever go back to working at the marina. Pacey asks her what happened with her creep boss and Joey says that it's a long story because she clearly doesn't want to tell him about Andie being stupid enough to date said jerk. Because Pacey is awesome, he calls her out on her half lie and forces her to tell him about it and Joey admits that it's Andie and Pacey has a sad.

Awwww, I want to give him a hug

Dawson walks into his kitchen to find his mother there. He asks her what brings her back to town and she admits to being a former HQ from an "undisclosed year in the late seventies." Mitch teases her a bit and they make awkward conversation until Gail mentions that she's going to need a date and asks Dawson who looks extremely uncomfortable as his father is standing right there.

AAAWWWWKWAAAAAAARRD!!!!

Pacey and Joey are sitting together at lunch when Andie just comes and joins them like it's no big she cheated on Pacey and inadvertently got Joey fired from her job. Pacey bails quickly and Andie asks if Joey told him about Rob. Joey admits that it slipped out over breakfast which piques Andie's curiosity but Joey explains that Pacey has been helping her and Bessie build the bed and breakfast that they need to open soon so that they can barely scrape by. Andie immediately comes back with that it wasn't her fault that Joey got fired and then gushes about how much she likes Rob. Why? He was an asshole to your supposed friend, Andie. Joey tells Andie that she can do whatever she wants.

Preach

Jen goes to visit Miss Freckling to basically tell her that she didn't really ask to be an HQ. Miss Freckling shoots back that she didn't ask for Jen either and that most girls who come through her door are super excited to be where she is. I kind of have to agree. I mean, some girls want nothing more to be HQ of their school, so I hear, it would suck if the person who won was all "Wah! Why am I an HQ? This is stupid! I don't want to do this!" Jen, you're not being a very good sport about this and if you really didn't want to be an HQ, couldn't you just have declined the title and given it to someone who really wanted it? But no, plot contrivances dictate that Jen must go through with it because it's funny to force her to do something she doesn't want.

Jen hears a loud bump upstairs and Miss Freckling explains that her handy boy, Hank, is setting up twinkle lights on her roof. I'm just going to show you a shot of her house:

Check this behemoth out and note how high the roof is

Kind of got a feel for its size now? Ok, so Jen basically leaves after Miss Freckling gives her a talking to about bucking up, showing poise and wearing a bra which made me laugh because yeah, these girls hardly ever wear a bra on this show. It's very noticeable. Jen leaves in a huff and this happens:

Yikes!

Ok, look at the house and then remember, it was specifically said that he was on the roof putting twinkle lights up. He totally should not have come out of that fall completely unscathed. That just makes no sense. However, Capeside logic dictates that we are just supposed to laugh at the zaniness and forget about the laws of gravity. Also, Hank is apparently Henry. Joy.

He screams at her that there are bees and tells her to run for her life and literally all I can think of is this:

Not the bees! Not the bees!

Pacey and Joey are hanging out at her place, fixing up the addition when Bessie comes in with the phone. She says it's for Joey and that whoever it is sounds upset. Joey answers and we hear Andie crying on the other end and asking for Joey's help.

She was at Rob's house for a party and so Pacey and Joey arrive there to find Andie crying outside under a tree. Pacey and Joey get her to tell them what happened to make her upset and Andie claims that Rob attempted to rape her but failed. She tries to tell them that it was no big and that she just wants to go home but Pacey isn't having it and runs into the house to find Rob.

Take that, you creepy fuck!

Apparently Jen and Hank/Henry have been hiding from the bees in a greenhouse for some time because they ran away in daylight but it is now night time. Jen admires the flowers and Hank-ry tells her some of the names which sound suggestive. This makes Jen laugh a bit and teases Hank-ry. She complains about Miss Freckling but Hank-ry explains that she's just lonely and that the HQ is one of the only things she has in her life. That is fucking depressing. He also tells Jen that Miss F was looking forward to meeting her because he told her all about Jen. Why does that sound creepy to me?

Anyway, we cut back to Pacey, Joey, and Andie. Joey is trying to convince Andie to go to the police but she refuses because she insists nothing really happened anyway. Joey then tries to convince Andie to stay over at her place because she shouldn't be alone. Wow, Joey is a super awesome friend this season. Good job, Joey. Andie doesn't want to though and Pacey offers to take care of her.

We cut back to Miss Freckling's house where Hank-ry has taken Jen back in to see her. He's all, I bumped into Jen outside and convinced her to come back in and I expected her to be like "My word! That was four hours ago, what the fuck were you two doing?" Because that's what I would've asked if I were her. She is in Capeside time too though so she seems unfazed by their re-entry at night time when Jen clearly left when the sun was up. Jen and Miss Freckling make up and begin to plan the HQ gala. Jen then mentions that Hank-ry will be her date.

Don't do it, Jen!

Pacey has taken Andie to his boat and she mentions that the name for his boat is ironic. Not sure why but I guess because she figured he didn't believe in it because he broke up with her...because she cheated on him? Whatever, he explains that he brought her to his boat to show her that he's ok and is trying to make something beautiful out of his heartache. She says she's not ok and is not over him and wants to get back together. Pacey is all "nah, not doing that again." but Andie is insistent that they belong together and keeps putting the moves on him. He keeps turning her down because he knows it's not cool to do this on the same night she supposedly almost got raped but Andie's just like "well if me getting almost raped gets us back together then I'm cool!" Which raises some major red flags with me. Pacey caves and they end up kissing.

The next morning Andie is all super happy and chipper about what happened and wants to know if Pacey is feeling the same way. He claims he is but you can tell that he's unsure of them getting back together so quickly.

Rob goes to Joey's house to plead his case which makes no fucking sense because why does he care what his ex-employee thinks of him? It makes a little more sense when he asks her if Andie has gone to the police, I guess he wanted to get info on how fucked he might be. He admits that he did knowingly sexually harass Joey but that it's totally different from sexual assault. Joey tells him he can draw his own line in the sand if he wants but that both are against the law. She tries to slam the door in his face repeatedly but he keeps grabbing her and begging her to believe him that he would never force himself on a woman. He'd have an easier time convincing Joey of this if he wasn't constantly forcing her not to leave by grabbing her.

Exactly

At the HQ gala, Miss Freckling is apparently quite satisfied with the way everything is going. Dawson and Mitch are talking when two characters that we'll never see again come up and start talking to them about Gail's job in Philly. She tries to retreat but not before the bitchy woman blabs about the fact that it was absurd that Gail was fired for being too old for the pubic to relate to. The characters then disappear into the land of forgotten side characters having served their sole purpose for being. Dawson asks his mother what the hell happened in Philly and why she didn't say anything about it.

Jen and Hank-ry enter the party looking completely stupid or perhaps they were going for rebellious? I don't know what look they were trying for but all I can see when I look at Hank-ry is Austin Powers.

Yeah, baby!

Miss Freckling is upset with their attire and demands they go change. She admonishes Hank-ry for dressing the way he did because no one should dress up like Austen Powers. No one. Jen says that she put him up to it and smugly says that she hasn't seen anything yet. Cue the drag queens to enter and Miss Freckling's shocked face. Oooooh, Jen is shocking old people with her crazy sexual, non-god-faring ways again!

Andie and Joey are talking and Joey asks if she's told her dad about the almost assault. Andie is weirdly nonchalant about her almost rape and acts like it's completely no big and that she doesn't need to tell her dad because nothing really happened. Joey is as confused by her behaviour as I am and she tells Andie about Rob coming by her place to plead his innocence. Andie accuses Joey of siding with Rob but Joey says she isn't but wants to make sure that they are doing the right thing by not going to the police. She feels awful about not reporting Rob herself because then maybe Andie wouldn't have been hurt. Andie then says, in the creepiest way possible, that maybe all of it happened for a reason and that something good came out of it. Joey is like "what the fuck are you talking about?" and Andie explains that she and Pacey are back together as of last night while giving the creepiest look possible.

Her stare gives me the wiggins. Her whole attitude, lately, does

Back at the HQ gala, the drag queens are performing "It's Raining Men", naturally, and Hank-ry worries about Miss Freckling being pissed at him. Jen claims that he won't be in trouble because deep down, she's sure that Miss Freckling "gets it". Homecoming Queens or Drag Queens, they are all just people playing dress up. She then asks Hank-ry to dance. Meanwhile, Miss Freckling is doing the most awkward toe-tap of all time:

Of all time!

Andie stops by where Pacey is working on his boat and gives him a skipper's hat. Pacey starts to talk about wondering whether he'll be able to fix the boat again and Andie acts all concerned because they are really talking about whether they can rebuild their relationship. She asks him to stop with the boat metaphor and Pacey admits that he thinks they made a mistake last night. Andie says they didn't because she felt super happy about it. Pacey says it felt like he did the wrong thing and Andie accuses him of punishing her. He tells her he isn't but that maybe she slept with that guy because it was her heart's way of telling her that she and Pacey aren't meant to be. Pacey then admits that his heart is telling him that she isn't the one for him either. Andie gets understandably upset and runs off as Pacey tries to apologize for hurting her.

Jen apologizes to Miss Freckling and admits that she was trying to shock her. Miss Freckling is cool with it but wants to clear things up about Hank-ry. Jen tells her it's just a crush but Miss Freckling says that he likes her a hell of a lot but she can tell Jen doesn't feel the same way. Jen admits that she doesn't like Hank-ry and Miss Freckling tells her to stop leading him on then. She knows that's the path that will lead to Jen's body being dragged out of the creek.

Because, as we've discussed, Henry is a serial killer

Jen confronts Hank-ry and basically tells him that she does not like him in that way. He tells her that he's in love with her and both Jen and I laugh at that because he barely knows a thing about her beyond, "she's hot." He protests a little bit but Jen basically tells him it's never going to happen and then Hank-ry runs off to plan her murder crying.

Gail finally tells Dawson about Philly and the fact that she was fired and was too ashamed to admit it. He encourages her to talk to Mitch about it all because she could use a friend. That feels a little too...like Dawson is only encouraging her to do it in the hopes that they'll get back together but it is nice, I guess. Gail is not too keen on running back home but agrees to talk to Mitch about everything.

Andie confronts Joey and accuses her of telling Pacey that she made the whole story up to get him back. Joey didn't and tells her that she hadn't seen Pacey since they dropped her off. Andie doesn't quite believe this and basically admits to making everything up just to play into Pacey's hero complex and win him back.

I think I just might be worn out from all the raging last week but I just can't be as pissed as I want to be about this. Morally, lying about a rape or even an attempted rape is so wrong because it basically gives ammunition to people that like to give actual victims of sexual assault a hard time. It is completely, undeniably, unquestionably a reprehensible thing to do and I have lost all respect for this character but at the same time, it's also extremely sloppy writing. This is a girl who has severe mental and emotional problems to the point that she was sent to a specialty home/hospital thing to take care of it and while it is mentioned in this episode, it is only mentioned by the guy who is definitely a creep as a way to knock down her accusation. In reality, her behaviour the past few episodes should be a major red flag to all of her friends and family that maybe she should be sent back to the hospital because she just doesn't seem ready to be out and on her own. So, in that regard I do feel bad for her.

So, while I want to be angry, at this point, I am just tired. Exhausted with this show and it's treatment of women. Rob was set up to be a complete prick and completely capable of forcing himself on a girl but instead, once again, the girl is the villain here because she was just lying in order to get her boyfriend back. I think this is a pretty irresponsible storyline because instead of using this storyline as a way to get her some much needed help, it is basically one big "see? Women lie about rape all the time just to get what they want" and nothing more. Rob is innocent which is laughable because he has been extremely inappropriate with both Joey and even dating Andie in the first place. But that is wiped away because Andie was this big, crazy evil mastermind who lied about everything. I could almost get behind this reveal and the whole thing with the PSATs if the writers had been willing to address her mental issues again, other than using it for their gross creeper character's excuse as to why she'd be lying. They needed to take the time to have Andie be like "I'm not ok, I think I still need help." but instead, they'll pretend like none of this happened in the next episode. So, I'm just tired at this point.

We get it, writers. Women are evil

We end with a montage that sees Jen sitting with Miss Freckling and the Drag Queens, Henry walking alone and looking like he's either sad or constipated, Gail and Mitch talking, and Joey consoling Andie. The end.

That was Secrets and Lies and you know what? I actually don't mind this episode that much. It's more boring than anything but I'll give it that it focused more on characters I actually don't mind and less on Dawson which was nice. I remember being really happy that Jen finally settled things with Henry and that he would be gone but unfortunately, I was wrong. He does come back. Also, how stupid was it that Miss Freckling called him "Hank"? It was obviously just so we'd be all surprised when it turned out to actually be Henry. Blah.

After these last few episodes of boredom, rage and sadness, I am super stoked for next week's episode. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to it. It's terrible but it's memorable and actually entertainingly stupid so it will be a breath of fresh air to me. Stay tuned for the hilarious Blair Witch rip-off that is Escape From Witch Island.

Dawson's Creek - 305 - Indian Summer

Original air date: October 27, 1999

I'm just going to start off this recap by saying that this is Eve's last episode. Yeah I know, spoilers, but I just need to get this off my chest now because it sets up the rant that is to come later about her character. Remember, this is her last episode ever. EVER. She never comes back. So, with that in mind, onto the recap.

We open the episode with Dawson and Pacey hanging out in Dawson's room and watching movies. Film noire, to be exact. They really want to hammer in the theme they were going for this season and spell out for the audiences what type of character Eve is supposed to be. Dawson starts mouthing off about not understanding film noire by saying that the main character is stupid for not seeing that the femme fatale is setting him up for a fall. 

You decide

Anyway, Pacey leaves and that's when Dawson notices a flashlight beam inside the Lindley's home. In a shockingly smart move, Dawson calls the police to report this. Then he goes over to investigate because clearly, the Lindley's either aren't home or are extremely heavy sleepers. He makes it to the house when the skulker jumps out of the window onto him. It turns out to be Eve.

Oh joy, it's her again

Dawson demands to know what Eve is doing lurking around Jen's place. Eve tries to put on the sexy thing by claiming that she and Jen are having a torrid lesbian romance but Dawson isn't having it. She gets annoyed that she can't distract him with girl kisses and moves on to threatening him about the PSAT thing. I don't see how it's a threat because it was such a non issue in the episode it was featured itself. No one can prove Dawson had it, no one knows where it went, thus no one can even say if it existed in the first place. Dawson didn't even take the test so how would anyone believe he'd stolen it? Then Eve says this:

Eve: So feel free to get all boy scouty on me Dawson, but you should know, I'd get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.

Get it! Because she was on Sweet Valley High and now she's making a reference to it but in regards to Dawson's friends!

You said it, Troy

Dawson caves into his penis and covers for her to Doug. He claims it was just Jen sneaking in the window but like, shouldn't Doug asks the Lindley's if they are alright? Are they not home? Did I miss something? Whatever, Doug buys it somewhat and leaves and Dawson goes back to his room to find that Sweet Valley Eve has disappeared.

The True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek are lying on a blanket and looking at the stars together. Jack tries to get Jen to admit she'd rather be doing this with someone else but Jen insists she's happy right now. She likes hanging out with her best friend and thinks it's truly important to have one. Yeah, back off, Jack. All she's wanted since she got on this show was a friend and she's been burned several times on that front. Just let her be happy to have you as a friend and stop pushing boyfriend stuff on her, especially if you think said boyfriend should be Henry because no. Some sprinklers suddenly come on and interrupt their discussion.

So cute!

At Joey's gas jockey job, she has to endure her boss hitting on her again. Just take a look at this:

Rob: So Potter, what do you say, you and me at the movies tonight?
Joey: Oh joy. Is this the part of the work day where you get inappropriate?
Rob: That depends on what your answer is.
Joey: My answer is … ask me again in two years when I am legal.

No, no, no, no, no. So much "no" in this exchange, I can't even. Writers, this isn't a "quirky", slightly annoying thing that Joey has to deal with. This is serious sexual harassment and of a minor, no less. This is the creepiest thing the writers have put in this show since the Ta-mah-ra/Pacey relationship except worse and no, not because it's an older guy on a younger girl. Both are wrong but this dude is flat out threatening her job if she doesn't go on a date with him and is making overt sexual advances to a minor and she has to point this out to him but he persists anyway, claiming she'll be jealous if he gets another girl.Then he sprays her chest with water while she's telling him to stop! THIS GUY IS INSANELY CREEPY AND I WANT HIM OFF THE SHOW NOW!!

 Dawson begins his hunt for Eve and it goes no where. The strip club owner doesn't cooperate because a)Dawson is underage and therefore should not have been in his club and b) if the girl in question is also in high school, then she wouldn't be working for him or he'd be in serious shit. He also finds out that she was never enrolled at Capeside High.

Guys, I love Jack McPhee, I really do but this episode he is pissing me right off. He is talking with Henry who is freaking out about Jen coming towards them. Jack then tells Henry to just ask her out and I'm not impressed because this makes him a shitty friend to both Jen and Henry. He talked to Jen about this and Jen expressly said she had no interest in him. He should just tell Henry to move on but no, he keeps pushing Henry to ask her out, thus blatantly ignoring what his best friend told him and knowingly sets Henry up to be humiliated.

Not cool, Jack

She comes over and tells them that the ice cream man is outside but then offers them both a lick of hers. Excuse me while I hurl. I can kind of get her offering to Jack because their friends but she doesn't even know Henry that well. Why would she do this? It's just gross and unsanitary and...I may have issues with sharing food, OK?

Anyway, Henry complains that he can't ask her out because he gets too nervous to talk to her and ugh! Jack tries to set something up where they will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and just no. Jack, you are killing me! Why are you being such a shitty friend to Jen? You two are my True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek! Why do you insist on hurting me?

Dawson asks Doug for hypothetical help on investigating which is an incredibly stupid idea considering he called the cops about a break and enter and then insisted that nothing was the matter and is now asking how to find someone. Doug then tells him to check the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point.

Dawson follows this advice and sits outside the laundromat. Pacey calls Dawson out on being obsessed while Dawson rants about how he needs to find out all about Eve (movie reference just like in the show!). Pacey convinces him to give it up and just watch a movie together but then they spot her buying ice cream and follow her.

Back at Joey's job of dealing with inappropriate, would-be statutory rapists. Her boss continues to harass her but then claims to have found a different date, to try and make Joey, a teenager, jealous. Uhm...who's the adult here? Anyway, the teen in question that he found to date him is none other than Andie because the writers are having a field day absolutely torching her character and making you forget why you ever liked her in the first place. I mean, this guy is so over the top creepy and is obviously still hitting on Joey and I'm supposed to believe that Andie sees none of this and just dizzily goes on her way after he objectifies her supposed friend? Yeah, Andie said Joey was her friend, not that you'd know since they barely ever share any screen time together but if she says she considers Joey a friend, then she should have been appalled that Rob, the boss, stuck money in her friend's shirt pocket and tells her to "buy something pretty".

Preach, Joey

Meanwhile, at the park, Jen arrives for her ambush date with Henry who is practicing what he's gong to say to her. He claims he is just there to hang out, like her but Jen says that she's actually waiting for Jack. Henry then mumbles that Jack can't come so he sent him and Jen looks rightfully pissed.

Jen: You know Henry, I know you're new at this being all of uh, I don't know what … fourteen?
Henry: Fifteen.
Jen: OK, Fifteen. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time don't skip the part where you ask me.

Thank you, Jen! Yes, absolutely she should have been asked, not pushed into dating someone she had zero interest in. Major fucking foul, Jack.

Pacey and Dawson have apparently tracked Eve until night time and manage to follow her to a boat. She gets changed sexily because that's really the only purpose this character serves, to be sexy for the male audience, and then leaves the boat again. Pacey goes to follow Eve but Dawson decides to do a little break and entering himself. He sucks at it and gets caught but not before he finds and pockets a picture of a blonde haired woman.

Doug, is apparently the only cop ever on duty in Capeside and he works all hours of the day and night. I think that Doug isn't actually Pacey's brother but a robot that his dad created to be the keeper of law and order in the town. Doug Witter is...

Robocop...Capeside Edition!
Yes, I actually put Doug's face in there

Anyway, Doug sarcastically asks Dawson if this is more research for his screenplay but Dawson tries to tell him that it's his friend's boat. Doug then asks if he's friends with 80 year olds because it's an old couple that owns the boat. Dawson then tries to pretend that he got on the wrong boat but Doug isn't buying it and thinks Dawson's friend is exactly who they are looking for.

Pacey arrives and begins his usual schtick of making jokes about Doug being gay to which Doug says:

Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just … plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?

Word. I love you, Pacey, but Doug is right. This is just getting weird and it's not funny or sensitive to the actual gay character on the show. Remember when I said that this show actually did a pretty good job with it's character coming out as gay and may even have handled it better than Buffy? Well, I take that back. The coming out might have been handled a little better but everything after is kind of questionable. Anyway, Pacey's plan works because Doug yells at them that he's not gay and tells them to get lost. Pacey knows the robot's weakness is his blatant homophobia.

Joey tries to warn Andie about Rob being a skeev which Andie really should have picked up on, given she was there for the whole "buy something pretty" incident. Andie is being wilfully ignorant and insults Joey about being inexperienced with guys and being closed off to new people. No, Andie, Joey is just closed off to obvious statutory rapists.

Joey decides that she should use her date crashing abilities for good this time and sits with Andie and Rob at the movies so that Rob can't make a move on Andie. Andie tries to tell her to leave but Joey tells Andie that she can psychoanalyse her in the morning and be mad at her all she wants, she will not leave her alone with Rob. Holy shit...is that Joey being a good friend?

I'm liking season 3 Joey so far

Jen storms home and confronts Jack about his douchebaggery. Jack says he was just helping out a friend and that he thought it would be romantic. What about Jen? Is she not your friend, Jack? She told you she wasn't interested in Henry, it doesn't matter how nice you think he is, she isn't interested in him. They have nothing in common. Being nice doesn't mean you deserve to be given a chance with every girl you think is hot, you have to, you know, actually click with the person you want to date and they have to click with you. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SHOW PERPETUATES THE NICE GUY THING!!! IT PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!!

Sorry, I just really hate the "Nice Guy" thing

So, why is you being a general nice person not enough? Well, I'll let Jen explain this one for me:

Jen: Oh yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.
Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you.
Jen: Well I'm not infatuated with him, and I told you that a thousand times and you didn't listen to me. You took his side.

Two points, you can be as nice as hell but if you are horrible at interacting with girls and stare creepily at them, THEY WILL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU! That is a major turn off for most girls. Also, once again, the girl has a choice in who she dates. If she says she isn't interested, she isn't interested, end of. I hate this subplot and I hate that it made my favourite soul mates get into a fight and I hate Henry and I just hate everything right now and I haven't even gotten to my Eve rant yet!

Oh god, my stress levels are rising just thinking about writing about this next scene. Eve has broken into Dawson's room and demands her picture back. Dawson demands answers from her first because he's a douche who feels like he's entitled to know about her so much as to steal her property and hold it ransom which, by the by, is like a thousand times worse than anything she's supposedly done to him. In fact, Dawson yells at her about ruining his life and wrecking his father's boat.

My reaction exactly

YOU WRECKED YOUR FATHER'S BOAT, DAWSON!! YOU DID!!! She was just giving you a blow job, god knows why, and you couldn't handle driving and getting sucked off at the same time. YOU shouldn't have taken your father's boat out. YOU should have slowed down or stopped when she started to give you a blow job. YOU were in control of everything in that situation and most importantly of all YOU WANTED THE BLOW JOB! Suffer the consequences of your own damn actions, Dawson! Oh my god, I hate him so much!!!

Anyway, Eve explains to Dawson that the woman in the picture is her birth mother who she's been trying to find. They exchange some pleasantries and Eve gushes about how nice Dawson is and I want to vomit. She finally leaves and Dawson is all smug about how he cracked her and discovered her secret. WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I want you to remember this because we are very quickly getting to my Eve rant.

Jack apologizes to Jen for setting her up on a date with Henry but states that he was just trying to do her a favour. Jen tells him that she doesn't want a relationship, that she's happy with the way things are. She says she's had plenty of boyfriends but she's never had a boy who was first and last her friend and that is all she needs right now. She then calls him out and says that it's him who's lonely for a relationship and that's why he was pushing her so hard. Jack admits that he is lonely but that there is no hope for him finding a date in small town anti-gay, America. Jen lovingly tells him that he will find love and it will be amazing.

Yay, my soul mates are back!
Never do that again, Jack

Joey and Andie confront each other the next day and seem to make up a bit. Andie informs Joey that Rob was a perfect gentleman but Joey isn't buying it and neither am I. Especially not when he walks up and says this:

Rob: Yeah, I know. So last night, quite a threesome. Only next time I want to be in the middle.

This guy is so gross, can he leave and never come back, please? Anyway, he asks Joey if she closed early to go to the movies, Joey says she did because it was slow and Rob fires her. Because he's a dick and a sexist pig and I hate him and I will seriously punch something if the writers ever expect me to feel sorry for this lame wad.

What she said

OK and now we get to the end of the episode. Dawson is bringing an air conditioner over to Grams' because they are still having an Indian Summer which every character has mentioned in this episode. This is just a loose way to explain why the characters don't need to wear jackets in the fall, and it always seems to be warm in Capeside, so I ignored it. Anyway, as Dawson brings in the air conditioner, he spots a picture on Grams' coffee table. It's the same woman as in Eve's photo. He asks Grams who it is and she says it's her daughter, Helen. Dawson asks if it's Jen's mom and Grans confirms this by saying that she only has one daughter. Dun, dun-

I'm sorry, what? The big reveal about the mystery of Eve and what she was doing in Capeside is that she's Jen's half sister? She's Jen's half sister!? Well what the fuck was she doing stalking Dawson for all this time? What the fuck, writers?

OK, so there's this thing called the Bechdel test and what it does is rates whether a movie or show involves at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man. I don't put too much stock in it, I don't avoid things that fail this test because a lot of my favourite shows and movies would probably fail it some way but this storyline right here? It is an absolute, disgraceful, failure of this test. You mean to tell me that I had to sit through this girl swishing her stuff for Dawson Leery of all people and giving him head only to find out that she's Jen's half sister? The two girls never once shared screen time. Never. Not once.

Why the hell was she in Dawson's story? Should she not have been asking him questions about Jen? Should she not have been focusing all of her time and interest in Jen and locating her mother instead of wasting her time being nothing but a sex fantasy for Dawson fucking Leery? This story is absolutely insulting to its female viewers. To make us believe that a girl who is trying to find out who her mother is would waste time dicking around with boys is demeaning. This is a travesty of a plot and a fail of a reveal and a waste of a potentially really great story for Jen, all so Dawson could have a sexual encounter. Fuck you, writers. Just fuck you. That was a waste of my time and a waste of a pretty dramatic reveal as the writers promptly drop this storyline. I think we get one more episode that kind of deals with it but as I said, Eve never returns and never gets a chance to interact with her goddamn half sister because the writers wanted her to be Dawson's sex bot instead.

One for you, one for you, one for everybody involved
who thought this storyline was acceptable

This rage-inducing episode was Indian Summer. It sucked. It's up there as worst in the series for me along with Tamara's Return. See all rants above as to why.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Secret & Lies, where Andie reaches her peak of horrible and I start to not care about her at all. You win, writers.

Dawson's Creek - 304 - Home Movies

Original air date: October 20, 1999

Eve isn't in this episode! Hooray!

We start the episode in Dawson's room as he's preparing to make a non-fictional video. Pacey is asking him what made him change from fiction to making real life stories and Dawson explains that his mom is asking him to get her some raw footage for a human interest story that could be aired on her news show. Dawson thinks this is his chance to get his foot in the door but I doubt it because news is an entirely different field than movies and people don't usually notice camera work or who does the camera work on news stories either. Dawson seems to think otherwise and is excited about this opportunity. He has chosen to do his story on Jack McPhee because he's gay and plays on the football team and that was just crazy and unthinkable in the 90s.

He finds what he thinks is a tape of his mom's work but is actually old home movies of him and Joey playing as kids. This makes me upset because it reminds me that someone commented on my blog that there was apparently a scene written of Joey interacting with Pacey as a child but it was never filmed and I can't find the script anywhere. I want that script, dammit!

Who cares about Dawson and Joey?

Grams chastises Jen for "degrading" her school colours by wearing fishnet stalkings with her cheer leading uniform. Jen says it's her form of protest against people sexualizing cheerleaders which makes no sense because she's just playing into the sexualizing aspect so she's really not getting any message across against it. As much as I usually love Jen and Grams, this scene totally just exists as a "Jen says something sexual around Grams and Grams gets shocked" moment that's supposed to be funny but it's kind of tired at this point. Skip it.

Pacey sneaks up on Joey and they banter about how much they hate all the school spirit that's going on. How come I love it when Pacey and Joey banter but hate it when Dawson and Joey do it? Answer, because Dawson sucks and Pacey is awesome. Fact. Anyway, Pacey asks Joey if she wants to cut class and come with him somewhere. She asks him where but he refuses to say and she feigns disinterest. He leaves her to think about her offer to follow him. She debates with herself but of course she follows him, because he's Pacey.

I love them

Dawson is interviewing Jack about football when Coach Mitch interrupts and tells Jack to get to practice. Dawson says that he can interview Mitch while Jack practices but Mitch shuts him down, on account of he's the coach and needs to actually watch the practice. Dawson whines that his project is due tomorrow but Mitch tells him to get an extension and deal with it. I kind of laugh because I just love it when Dawson doesn't get his way.

Henry is showing off his Doug Flutie mouthpiece to the team when Jen and the cheerleaders walk up and asks what they're going on about. Jack explains to her while Henry quietly shows her the mouthpiece. She's disgusted that it was in some strange guys mouth and walks away. Henry then creepers about her to Jack and says he has to do something to get her to notice him.

Jack, stop mocking Henry or you'll end up on his kill table

The cheerleaders reveal to Jen that she is the prize in a silent auction they were running and that as the prize, she has to kiss whoever wins. That's insanely creepy and Jen agrees, tells them all off and quits. Huh, not that I disagree with her stance but just last episode she was going on about fate and Jack becoming a football player meaning something so he should stick with it. Why doesn't the same rule apply to her?

Kind of hypocritical of you, Jen

Andie bumps into a man in the hallway of school who turns out to be from Educational Testing Services. She immediately acts as guilty as possible and asks him if someone cheated which the tester does not tell her but asks her to tell him where her Principal is. She tells him and has a completely guilty and worried look on her face.

Pacey and Joey are walking down a dirt road while Joey whines about the fact that she risked her future to cut class with him, only to be dragged to the post office to pick up a package and then carry said package through the wilderness. It's not really the wilderness, it's a dirt road, Joey. You have a very clear path you are following, you're not just wandering through the bushes. Then Pacey says this:

Pacey: Oh, God. You know, did you ever stop to think about how much hormonally charged energy you waste on these quick quips and the biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you would just take some more, ah…oh, what is that? More, ah … action! If you took more action.

I just...I just love him so much. You see? This is why Joey needs him, he calls her out on her bullshit and keeps her in check. Dawson would have just laughed like a dope and probably ignored her. I want to also note that Pacey is not being a jerk about it, he's just telling her to stop over thinking things, so no girls still don't like jerks over nice guys and Dawson is still not a nice guy.

Pacey then tells her that she should stick out her thumb to hitch them a ride because girls get picked up more than guy hitchhikers. Joey calls him a sexist but Pacey says he's just a pragmatist but I can't get down on him too much because then he starts referencing, literally my favourite rom com ever, The Sure Thing. I LOVE PACEY SO HARD! I WANT TO CUDDLE HIM AND WATCH THE SURE THING WITH HIM FOREVER!!!

Joey sticks out her thumb to hitch but wouldn't you know it, the person who stops to pick her up is Principal Green. Why was he driving down a random dirt road in the middle of a school day? Because the plot says so and Joey and Pacey needed to get caught.

Awww, even when he's in trouble, he's still a gentleman

Dawson tries to get his dad to do an interview but Mitch still refuses until after his game. Dawson whines that he has to get it done so that he can get it to his mom. Mitch is confused because he didn't realize Dawson's interview would go on TV, he thought it was just for school. Dawson whines that he told his dad this but Mitch says that he doesn't want the interview to go on TV because it might ruin their chances of winning. Dawson complains that he waited his entire life for this opportunity and Mitch shuts him down gloriously by mockingly asking "all 16 years of it?" Then Mitch refuses to do the interview and Dawson is a sad panda.

You know how Joey has gotten better this season? It's really only when she's with Pacey because the minute she's with Dawson, she gets as infuriating as ever. She snipes at him but he ignores it and asks for advice and she says "What else are dumped ex-girlfriends for?"

YOU dumped HIM, Joey! Why do you insist on forgetting this? I know you wanted to get back together and he turned you down but still, you were the one who dumped him. Let us all remember:

Anyway, Dawson asks for her advice about the issues he's having with his father and she tells him that it's up to him to decide what he's willing to do and what he's willing to lose to get what he wants. Right now, Dawson going ahead with his story might kill his father, Joey retorts that according to Freud, that's what sons are supposed to do. Which is stupid and outdated and not good advice. Joey, go hang out with Pacey again, you've got more improving to do. Dawson thanks her by giving her the tape that he and Pacey found at the beginning of the episode.

The cheerleaders pester Jen in the morning while she's just waking up (not cool, Grams. Give the girl some warning), and ask her to reconsider the kiss. Jen says she quits and that's that. They don't care that she doesn't want to be on the squad because another girl has already been upped to Head Cheerleader, they just want her to reconsider the kiss as someone donated $500 but only wants to kiss Jen. I think we all know who bid the money, it's really obvious.

It's the pig, isn't it?

Jen reluctantly agrees because it's revealed that they are raising money for orphans and she would look like a jackass if she didn't go through with it. Ah, guilt pressure.

Andie is confronted by Principal Green in the hallway and is asked to come by his office on Monday for a "disciplinary matter". He is needlessly cryptic about this which is hilarious when you find out why he wanted to meet with her. His vague descriptions, of course, freak Andie out and she looks like she's going to hurl.

So, Principal Green has finally decided to punish Pacey and Joey for skipping class. You remember that he picked them up the other day but I guess said nothing to them until today? That's weird. Anyway, he has decided that instead of just, I don't know, giving them detention or something, he wants to give them a stupid punishment. Pacey and Joey look horrified but we don't know what it is until later. Side bar, do high schoolers really get in this much trouble for skipping class? I cut class all the time, you were never in trouble for it (if you kept your ditching to under 10 times). I guess Canadian schools are a bit more lax in attendance once you hit high school than in the US?

Jack bumps into Andie and mentions that he went through with the interview with Dawson. She suddenly goes all doom and gloom about making the wrong life choices and screwing up the future and it's funny because she's talking about herself but Jack thinks she's talking about him. No, scratch that, it's not funny. It's just awkward and kind of selfish of Andie to put all of this onto her brother when it's her who feels guilty and should since she cheated on her PSAT.  So, chalk this up to the further character assassination of Andie McPhee but hang on, it gets worse in later episodes. This is nothing.

Dawson's interview with Jack plays on TV that night and he was even douchey enough to interview the opposing team's coach, thus totally giving away Capeside's secret weapon. Jesus, Dawson, that's cold. Why would you think that was OK? I don't even care about football and do think that Dawson had the right to fulfil his own dream but there was a way to do the interview without mentioning how good Jack is. Just focus on his adversities about being gay and being on the football team and don't mention how good he is. Then, you both win because back then, the other team would have probably been douchey enough to not see Jack as a threat because he's gay. But, whatever, Dawson and Mitch argue about it and Mitch says this gloriousness to Dawson:

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh my god, yes! I've never liked Mitch as much as right now

The next day, sure enough, the team is getting their ass handed to them and the opposing team is gunning for Jack. Dawson sheepishly asks Jen if this is his fault and Jen, bless her, bluntly tells him that it is. I love her.

Pacey and Joey are arguing in a change room about their punishment. Apparently, they have to dress up as the team's mascot, a mule. Pacey begs her to let him be the head and Joey obliges after he mentions that he gets sick "in the back seat". At the same time, Andie is practicing this long-winded confession/apology thing to Principal Green in a mirror.

Mitch is trying to rally the troops during the halftime to try to get them to score before the game ends. Dawson enters the change room with a bucket of black paint and tells everyone that they have to turn their weakness into a strength. Mitch asks what is with the bucket and Dawson says:

Dawson: We'll start by obscuring everyone's numbers, so the other team can't find Jack.

Uhhhh, isn't that cheating?

See, I don't know much about football. Yes, I'm your typical girl that finds sports just completely boring but even I felt like that was not a thing that was allowed. So, I consulted my husband who does watch NFL all the time, if this was legal to do. He tells me no, no it isn't. They would most likely be asked right away to wash off their jerseys or forfeit the game and the coach would probably get a fine and/or suspended.

But wait, this is only phase one of Dawson's cheat-eriffic plan. Phase two is that the cheerleaders are going to put a shit tonne of make up on their faces to make them hard to distinguish. My husband tells me that this probably wouldn't be illegal to do but would be completely impractical because the minute they start playing and sweating, the make up would probably run and get into their eyes. So, this would be completely impractical regardless of the rules. But who cares? They're writing this for girls and we don't care about stuff like rules, we just want to giggle at jocks wearing make up! Why bother trying to write something accurate if it's just a silly drama for girls to swoon over, right ladies?

Tee-hee! Make up on boys is silly!

Also...

This line makes me uncomfortable. Highly questionable, writers

Anyway, Capeside ends up winning and the Principal gives Mitch accolades on his "imaginative game play" which I think he means "completely underhanded and cheating game play" but whatever. Everyone's happy.

Andie confronts the Principal and demands to know what he wanted to talk to her about. He laughs and says he wants to set up a student disciplinary committee and he wants her to be in charge of it. She quickly accepts and doesn't confess to cheating on the PSATs. This is still not the worst thing she'll do this season, the writers have more character assassinating to do. 

Jen is waiting to see who she has to kiss when, big shock to no one, it's revealed that it's her stalker, Henry. She questions how he got $500 and he tells her he sold that gross Doug Flutie mouthpiece he was showing off at the beginning of the episode. Jen is actually sort of touched by this and she kisses him. Jen tries to send everyone off after but Principal Green first reveals that she has been chosen as Capeside's Homecoming Queen, much to Jen's annoyance. 

Andie tells Jack that she told him everything would work out fine and that he didn't need to worry. He tells her she's making his head spin because she's acting like she wasn't predicting doom and gloom earlier. Jack...your sister has severe mental problems and a history of manic depressive behaviour. You should be extremely concerned about her massive change in moods right now. But, the writers just want us to laugh it off as cute and silly. Look, the writers really blow chunks at dealing with serious mental problems, they just really shouldn't have tried to tackle it. 

Everything's fine now! My erratic behaviour is now cute
and not a sign of serious mental and emotional imbalances! Whee!

It is revealed that Pacey and Joey were not the ones in the mule costume but a couple if random nerds were. So...that was a waste of a plot point. I guess it was just to stall them getting to their destination sooner in the episode so that the "mystery" of where Pacey was taking Joey could be held until the end of the episode.

Want to know where Pacey wanted to take Joey? To a boat yard. Pacey purchased a boat that is completely run down but he is determined that he can get it fixed up so that he can sail the world. Joey points out to him that the boat is too small to be able to do that but Pacey is not discouraged. Then this:

I just love them so much!

He then reveals what was in the package, it's a plaque that says "True Love" on it. Pacey says that's what he's calling the boat and asks if it's too schmaltzy. Joey says it is but that it's also sweet. Bitches love True Love.

Fact

They start fixing up the boat together because they are an awesome team who help each other out like that.

Unfortunately, the episode doesn't end there. We have to endure another Dawson scene. It's a scene that I might have been OK with, had Dawson apologized to his father but no. No. This is Dawsonland and he is always right in Dawsonland so, naturally, Mitch is the one apologizing. Dawson whines that he was just thinking for himself, like what Mitch taught him to do. Mitch responds by telling Dawson not to let anyone stand in the way of his dreams, not even him. I'm here thinking that Dawson is the most selfish person on the face of the Earth and I can't believe no one is calling him out on it. Also, he's a big fat cheater and so is Mitch for going along with Dawson's stupid idea. They suck. Now I'm in a bad mood and I want to punch them for not ending on the adorable Pacey/Joey scene. You know what?

Motherfucking re-write, bitches! This is how the episode now ends.
Enjoy

So, that was Home Movies. A little bit of a forgettable episode to me. I really don't like the Henry/Jen stuff so that didn't interest me and I sure as shit wasn't interested in Dawson and his whining about making a movie and I really don't care about football (and neither did this show until Varsity Blues became a thing), so basically the only thing I enjoyed was the snippets with Joey and Pacey. I shouldn't be surprised, I really only ever watched the show for Pacey.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Indian Summer, in which Eve returns to be (you guessed it) mysterious and sexy, Andie gets worse, and Joey seriously needs to report her boss for sexual harassment.