Dawson's Creek - 307 - Escape From Witch Island

Original air date: November 17, 1999

Guys, I am super excited to be recapping this episode for many reasons. 1) I love ghost/spooky stories and always welcomed the scary specials in shows with open arms, 2) This is so horribly done that it's awesome and it leads to humiliation for Dawson so yay! and 3) It is such an obvious rip off/cash in of the popularity of The Blair Witch Project that the episode itself points it out to us on multiple occasions. If we point out that we're aware that we're ripping something off, it totally becomes an homage! Also, it's kind of hilarious that they once again air their "scary special" well after Halloween. Gushing out of the way, let us dive into, Escape From Witch Island.

We open the episode in...holy crap! Dawson still has that movie store job? I forgot almost completely about it. Was it shown at all last season? Crazy. Well, apparently, Dawson still works at the movie store and Joey comes barging in looking for a copy of The Crucible. Joey's been a bad girl who has forgotten to do her reading amidst the whole B&B building at her house and helping her sister care for Alexander (you remember, the illegitimate baby Bessie had with a black man?) Dawson is confused because he's a shitty friend, unlike Pacey, and didn't realize that she wasn't working with Creepy McSexualharasser anymore or that she and her sister were turning their home into a B&B. In turn, Joey didn't realize that Eve had left town and it's kind of hilarious that this is the only thing that she doesn't know about Dawson's life. Like, she's been going through shit with her boss hitting on her constantly, then firing her for basically not dating him/interfering with him getting some with Andie, and that she is working with her sister to open a B&B. Whereas the most interesting thing that happened to Dawson that Joey didn't know about was that his sexy fantasy girl has skipped town.

Stay interesting, Dawson

So, Dawson tells Joey that there may be a way to get out of writing a paper on The Crucible and that is if she helps him, Pacey and Jen make a movie. Joey is hurt that she wasn't invited in the first place but gracefully moves it along and asks what the movie is about. Such an improvement on her character, season 1 Joey would probably have lashed out at him or something and then sulked in Dawson's closet. Dawson tells her that he is making his movie on witch trials that happened in their own backyard on a place called Witch Island. Ooooohhh, spooooooookyy.

YEP!

I love how painfully aware the writers are that they are just ripping off a popular movie that they think if they mention it, it absolves them from the laziness of ripping it off in the first place. Either that or they think the audience is so stupid that they need to be told what movie they are trying to make the episode like and be reminded of it constantly throughout the episode. You decide. Either way, I am posting a screen grab of every time the movie's name is dropped for my own amusement. With that aside, Joey agrees to tag along and the episode gets on its merry way.

After the credits roll, we are treated to what Blair Witch did at the beginning of their movie, interviews with locals about the incident. Principal Green is the one who sets up the legend by telling us that in 1692, thirteen young girls, teenagers, were banished to a small island off the New England coast for practicing witchcraft. One year later, a fire broke out on the island, killing them all. Oooohhhh! We also get Mitch telling us it was a make out spot and Gail telling us that the island was where she and Mitch fucked for the first time (but with cleaner network TV language) and Dawson gets uncomfortable much to my amusement. Loving this so far. Then we get Jen name dropping again:

Me either, Jen

Joey admits the movie scared her and Pacey bugs her about being a scaredy cat, nice that they've kept that consistent with her character. Also this:

Awwwwwww

Then we get Dawson name dropping:

He would think that

Then we get the four of them bantering about witches. Jen says she thinks the witch trials were just a way for men to punish women who were sexually free and then Joey snarks that it's good that Jen lives in a time where she is free of persecution. Uhhhhmmmm, not entirely true. I mean, yeah, we don't get burned at the stake anymore but women are still slut shamed hardcore to this day, by people like Dawson. Jen takes Joey's bitchiness in a playful manner and jokes that she would've been burned at the stake by now. I guess this means they are kind of friends now? I don't know, Joey's comment was pretty damn catty though.

Dawson asks Joey to help him set up for interviews and leaves Jen and Pacey to talk about why they've never dated. Pacey says it's because they never needed anything from each other. Jen was over experienced and needed someone like Dawson to slut shame her be virginal with her and he needed someone who would push him to become a better person. It's pretty sound logic, I suppose and Jen is impressed with his deconstruction skills.

Andie is being annoying and pushy with Principal Green about the whole Head of Discipline Committee stuff. She says she has some ideas she'd like to run past him. Not interested in this subplot because the writers have made me dislike this character. I'm sorry, Andie.

Dawson yammers on about how happy he is that they get to do this again and Joey is all super excited and happy as well, until Dawson reveals that he's talking about making movies not them being friends again. Joey is hurt and Dawson stammers that he's missed the whole "let's make a movie bug" that they shared (Jesus, he's selfish and is still making things about him and his movies) but that he's glad they're friends.

Joey is sad

I think this moment right here totally justifies the series finale. Also, don't worry, Joey. You're going to have a much better love interest this season.

Dawson interviews Grams and Bessie about Witch Island next. Grams is completely doom and gloom about the whole thing which I'm torn on. On the one hand, it does seem to be in character for her to think that the girls were "harlots" who totally deserved to be banished to the island and that the Lord punished them for their sins via fire but...what about Jen? I thought Grams had softened at least a little bit towards Jen and her past? I don't know why it bugs me because it does seem that Grams really does believe that the girls were witches but I guess her use of the word "harlot" saddened me.

Bessie tells the story of a kid in her high school who went to the island and disappeared. Saying some people figured he just got wasted and drowned while others think the witches got him. This is backed up by a girl who tells them that a bunch of kids have gone missing at the island but she doesn't think it was the witches that got them. She believes that it was the CIA or NSA because she's clearly a government conspiracy theorist.

The gang is at the dock and ready to be taken out to Witch Island. Dawson wants to interview their boat driver but he'll only do it if Dawson answers his questions. The guy then pulls out his own camcorder and asks Dawson what his movie is about. Dawson tells him that he's making a documentary about Witch Island. Then Dawson asks what the guy is making a movie on and he hilariously responds with "I'm making a documentary about all the people making a documentary about Witch Island." And I just laughed and laughed at that because Dawson is the most uncreative person on Earth and the show just proved it for me. Also

Another Blair Witch plug!

The guy then weirdly tries to scare them off about the island, saying that they shouldn't get caught there after dark but then tells them to get aboard anyway. Alright.

At Witch Island, they are greeted by a girl called Wendy. She is a tour guide from the Capeside Historical Society and...hold up. So, this island is a popular hang out spot but it's also a historical site that also has a gift shop? You'd think that they'd close the place off and have security in that case. Otherwise people would be vandalizing a historical landmark and possibly stealing things from their business. I don't understand the logic of this place.

Anyway, Jen and Pacey head off to the gift shop for snacks and to check out the souvenirs. Wendy then confronts Dawson and asks him if he's making a movie. Side note: does Dawson not have to get boat guy and Wendy to sign a consent form to be able to film them? Does he not have to get permits to film on the island? Also this:

I'm going to have to start counting this up because this is getting ridiculous

Wendy then offers to take them to the cemetery because apparently, the townspeople bothered to make these girls, who were banished for being evil witches in their books, gravestones. Yeah, sure, I buy that. Also, Dawson gets snippy with Joey because Blair Witch was just a movie but his film is real. Also,

See?

In the gift shop, Jen finds a spell book and a spell for luring the object of your affections. Pacey scoffs at the idea of the spell working and Jen says she wants to try it out. She says she'll try it out on him since he is in no way attracted to her and Pacey very quickly agrees to that assessment, which hurts Jen's feelings. Pacey then tells her that she's gorgeous, just not his type which makes her feel better. Jen agrees that Pacey is not her type either, than they trade barbs over their failed past relationships. Pacey bugs her about dating Ty the "bible beater" and Chris Wolfe the "skirt chaser" but Jen's shot is much harsher.

Jen: This from the guy whose last two relationships have ended with the girl either leaving town to avoid prosecution or cool out in crazy camp for the summer.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Back at the cemetery, Joey proves how super smart and special she is by proving she can count. She points out that there are only twelve graves when there were thirteen witches. Wendy is super amazed by how super smart Joey is because no one else has ever picked up on this fact. No one. Only Joey was smart enough to notice. Mark this down as stage one in Joey's transformation into the most perfectest Mary Sue of Capeside. She's mostly good this season but she definitely devolves into the writers' dream girl.

Anyway, Wendy explains that the thirteenth girl is named Mary Waldeck and her body was never found. I still find it odd that the townspeople cared enough to look for them...unless I guess you could say they wanted to make sure they were dead but then why go through the trouble of making gravestones for any of them? I guess you could say that the Historical Society created the cemetery as a tribute but then why not include all girls and just write on her tombstone that her body was never discovered? This makes no sense to me. But, whatever, just go with it. The story is that Mary was an orphan and was adopted by a family with a son. She and the son fell in love, the parents were icked out by this because they wanted them to be siblings, labelled her a witch, and shipped her off to the island so that their son would meet someone else.

Now, the interesting thing about this story is that it kind of parallels Jen's back story. Look at this line about Mary:

Wendy: One night, Mary and William were found in bed together. This did not go over well with the god-fearing Bennet’s, and in the blink of an eye, Mary was no longer their daughter. She was a witch.

Is that not exactly what happened to Jen, minus the whole adopted sibling as sex partner and being labelled a witch? She was caught in bed with a guy and she was no longer her parents' daughter, she was a slut and had to be shipped off to Capeside. This could have been a very powerful scene for Jen to be a part of and to help her in her struggles with her past but nope. The writers aren't smart enough to realize that they wrote the same back story for a ghost story nor to actually use it as a way to explore an actual character's past. Nope, let's have her be a side plot in this episode and never mention the similarities. Lazy writing, FTW!

No, you want to know what they think this parallels? Why, Dawson and Joey's relationship of course! Joey points out that they are soul mates torn apart by circumstance and that this is what his movie should be about. Dawson ignores her and asks Wendy where the fire started. Wendy tells them it started at the church so Dawson asks if she'll take them there. Now, this is the really hilarious part.

Wendy: No. Because I never ever go into the woods. And if you kids are smart, you won't either. But if you do decide to go, we do have maps in the gift shop.

You...you're a tour guide and a historical worker who's job it is to take people to see the sights on the island and explain the history but you've never gone to the church where the fire actually took place? On top of that, you won't risk your life to go to the church but you're perfectly willing to let teenagers go alone and possibly damage a historic landmark because you're too scared to supervise them? You suck at your job, Wendy.

Back at the gift shop, Jen has made her spell because apparently, this gift shop comes stocked with every ingredient you need and a cauldron to mix it in. Weird. Both she and Pacey drink the potion but before they can really see if it works, Wendy interrupts and is super pissed that they are doing this. Guess you should actually supervise the people who come to the island then. Idiot. She then grabs a map and shoves it at Dawson and Joey and then says this:

Wendy: Here, this will take you through the woods and to the church. And, oh yeah, don't get lost because it's very dark, it's very dangerous, and there's an excellent chance that you will never be seen or heard from again, okay?

Liability? What's that? Now, take this map and go through the extremely dark and dangerous woods to a historical site that I refuse to go to and try not to get killed. Worst. Tour guide. Ever. This is laughably bad and is clearly just a way for the writers to only have our main characters at the church, despite the fact that it doesn't make a lick of sense.

The four argue as they make their way through the woods. Joey thinks that William forgot about Mary while Dawson thinks that if they were meant to be, they found a way to each other. They bicker with each other until Jen calls them irritating. Thank you, Jen. Pacey then leaves the gang to find a private place in the woods to go relieve himself. Sorry, I wasn't going to trouble you with that detail but it sort of comes into play later.

Back at Capeside to Andie's unimportant and forgotten story. Seriously, did any of you remember she was in this episode? Well, it has nothing to do with what's going on with the main four so of course you did. It also serves to make her more annoying as she is passing out slips to every student in the hallways for nitpick-y wrongs they've done. These infractions include, wearing spaghetti straps which is laughable because all of the main girls have worn them at some point on this show, a guy hanging pin up girls in his locker, and a guy who has sideburns. Sideburns. Riveting stuff, guys.

What happened to you?
Also, I refuse to believe Sideburns is a high school student

Oh and Belinda makes an appearance as she seems to watch Andie and get some sort of idea. What it is, I have no fucking clue because she doesn't talk at all and there is literally only this scene and one last one at the very end of this episode so both this subplot and the Belinda appearance are pointless.

Back at the church, the gang learn that the townspeople built the church so that the girls would find God. They sent a minister every Sunday but the girls teased him so much, he stopped coming. Both Jen and I agree that we could hang with these girls. Jen wonders absently if Pacey loves her yet, because of the potion while Joey...maybe discovers that the girls were murdered? She says that men treated the island as a brothel and the Churchies didn't like that, so they took all the girls into the very church they are standing in and lit it on fire. t don't know, this episode is very confusing. Like, clearly people have been in here before because there are a shit ton of candles and if the island burned down, and it started in the church, then I'm assuming that someone came and rebuilt the church and included all of the information. Which means, that it should be common knowledge that the girls were murdered but Joey acts like no one knew this before. Also, if this is clearly part of the island's attractions, since someone must have rebuilt the church recently, then why the hell wouldn't it be included in Wendy's tour? You get my confusion?

Dawson decides that it's time to go back to the boat since it is starting to get dark but Pacey hasn't returned yet (see? Told you it was kind of important). Jen offers to stay and find him and tells Joey and Dawson to head back to the dock to make sure that the boat guy doesn't leave without them.

Joey and Dawson argue all the way back to the dock. Joey calls Dawson out for being an absent jerk and a shit friend because he doesn't know anything going on in her life, nor does he seem to care about asking but just assumes they are still friends. Dawson apologizes for being distant but insists he thought it was what they needed. Before they can get too into it as to actually start discussing things, they hear the boat motor start up and run towards the docks.

Boat Guy is happy to see them and urges them onto the boat. Joey explains that they can't leave because they got split up from their friends. Then Boat Guy calls them stupid and says he told them not to get caught on the island at night. Dawson assures him that they'll be back any minute but Boat Guy pretty much says "fuck that, you guys are on your own. I'll be back in the morning to pick up your corpses." Like, what the hell kind of business does this guy run? No one questions him bringing people onto the island and leaving them there, especially if they've gone missing? If I were a cop, he'd be the first person I'd question and he would be a top suspect on my list of suspects. "Oh, so another group of kids went missing and you brought them there? Why didn't you bring them back? Oh, you were too scared to wait a couple of minutes? Are you a coward or a serial killer?" Hmmmm...

Boat Guy and Henry are in cahoots! 

Jen and Pacey are walking through the woods with a flashlight, trying to find their way back to the dock and Jen says this:

Jen: Yeah, I know. I gotta say, the idea of a wholesome, biblically-themed meal this evening with Grams isn't sounding too gosh-darned unappealing. I'd even consider saying grace. But instead I am traipsing around some haunted forest with the likes of you.

Good job, writers. You have raised another major plot hole in this episode. What about everyone's parents? Where the hell are they and why wouldn't they be like, why didn't they come home? What? You left our children on the fucking island!? Well, since I, Mitch, have a speed boat, I will be a man and go get the kids so they don't freeze out there in the dark. This episode is so gloriously stupid and poorly thought out.

Anyway, they get to talking about their failed love lives and come to the conclusion that love fucks everything up. They also agree that sex is good. Thus begins the very weird sub-plot of Pacey and Jen attempting to be fuck buddies. Let's chalk this up to the writers trying to be more risqué with the series to draw ratings with the younger viewers.

In the gift shop, Joey is reading from the diary of Mary Walbeck. I don't know how such a thing was obtained if the island caught fire but nice touch that the author (or compiler?) is Wendy. Anyway, Joey reads some line about Mary not hearing from William and wondering if their bond was an illusion and then Dawson is all butt hurt and asking if that's what Joey thinks of them, that their bond was an illusion.

Exactly, Dawson

They bicker some more about their relationship and Dawson asks what happened to her romantic side that believes love doesn't die and Joey responds that she offered herself to the boy she loved and who she thought loved her and he rejected her. Dawson doesn't want to deal with that so he just spouts off that if they are meant to be, they will find their way back to each other. Joey doesn't think that will happen and reads another of Mary's diary entries that talks about how her bond with William is growing weaker by the day. Then a bell starts to ring. They assume that it's Pacey and Jen at the church, calling for them and run off to find them. And for some reason, Wendy is still there.

I'm scared of the island and yet I live here. I'm perfectly willing to let teenagers
risk their lives to go to a church that I supposedly don't go to but obviously
studied because reasons! I also don't lock any of the buildings at night and let
everyone wander around my gift shop, free to take anything they want despite
the fact that this is how the island probably makes its money to
keep everything taken care of. I'm awesome at my job!

They all meet up at the church but none of them rang the bell. The bell is ringing on its own. Scratch that, there is no bell! Dun, dun, DUN!

Shit just got real!

Joey says she is sufficiently "wigged" and I laugh because that is such a Buffy thing to say and then I think that she could handle this ghost witches nonsense much better than anyone on this show could. Then I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if Buffy showed up right now and saved them all?" and my brain spiralled into a much better episode than what I'm watching right now because it would totally kick ass if Buffy showed up on the supernatural episode of Dawson's Creek and she'd punch Dawson for being a slut shamer, and would totally get with Pacey. Oh my god, Puffy! Their shipper name could be Puffy! This is just writing itself. And...OK, I'll get back to the actual episode now. Still...

Oh my god, yes! Somebody made this a thing! I love you, Internet.

Apparently, not long after being wigged, Joey is comfortable enough to chill and start reading more diary entries. Jen asks her how it is and Joey explains that Mary just got a letter from William. Mary wrote that William promised to take her away and the anniversary is the same day that the gang is on the island. The last entry is that one. How convenient. Joey remarks that love isn't enough and that William probably played her for a fool and then got with some main lander instead. Jen gives her a much needed reality check.

Jen: And I hate to be the one to burst this whole subtextual bubble that you're living in, but do me a favour, Joey. Don't let somebody else's love life dictate your own.

Exactly! Especially since Mary's banishment works far better as subtext for Jen's life but whatever. The writers hate Jen for some reason.

Pacey asks Dawson why he's not filming anymore and Dawson explains that he's not feeling in the mood to film. He then asks Pacey if he made a mistake. Pacey's response?

And I laughed forever and ever

Dawson clarifies that he means that when he told Joey that they needed time apart. Pacey, being a better friend to Dawson than he deserves, tells Dawson that he wears his heart on his sleeve and that when he made the choice to be apart from Joey, he was just following his heart so he can't have made a mistake in that regard. It's sweet but kind of stupid. I am of the opinion that Dawson has no heart and is in fact, a robot. Just my opinion though.

Later that night, after Dawson and Joey have fallen asleep, Jen and Pacey discuss their plans to be fuck buddies. They test things out by kissing. It's kind of awkward and I can't wait for this to be over. They work better as friends but again, that's just my opinion. They continue kissing until a loud noise interrupts them.

Suddenly, the church erupts into sounds of screams, chanting, and the place lights on fire. They scream and try to get out but can't. A large fireball bursts through a window and everything goes quiet again. The gang quickly run outside because now they can get out for some reason and race through the woods. Due to contrivances and time constraints, there is a boat that is magically at the docks. Who put it there? Who knows? But the plot says a boat is there and the gang pile on it and get the hell off the island, leaving the poor sucker who brought the boat over on the island. Fuck him/her, he's not in the main cast and we'll never mention it again or go over if someone is missing. I think we're made to think the boat guy did it but he was shit scared of being at the island after dark so why would he come back instead of just waiting for them and taking them home at the start? This whole thing is just a big pile of dumb.

The next day or next week or whenever the hell the paper was due, Dawson is showing his film to the class who are staring at it in utter awe and it makes me want to gag. Stop feeding his ego random classmate extras! Principal Green does me a solid by saying this:

A Dawson diss and movie title drop in one!

A girl in class points out that there are two people on the docks watching them leave in Dawson's video. Dawson rewinds the tape and is somehow able to zoom in, even though it's VHS because this was the 90s, bitch. Principal Green is called away to a "situation".

The situation is that Andie has given practically every kid in school a citation and is handing out detention like candy. Oh and Belinda is standing next to her and I guess has joined forces with her but who the fuck knows because she never says a word. Principal Green yells at Andie for giving all of the kids detention based on out dated rules from the 1950s and tells her to dismiss everyone and see him in his office. Belinda, scamper back to the room of forgotten side characters, where you belong.

Jen pops by Pacey's work...hey he also still works at the video store. I guess they are going to bring that back. Maybe. Anyway, she has not been deterred by their disastrous and unexplained interruption of their first foray into fuck buddy town and wants to continue with it. Pacey agrees and they shake on it because neither one of them wants to do it yet.

Dawson and Joey bicker over whether the people on the docks are the ghosts of Mary and William or just Wendy and Boat Guy messing with them. That would be epic and I'm inclined to agree with Joey that it was just those two dicking them around. It would at least somewhat explain why they were so cavalier about the gang supposedly risking their lives. Yeah the fire at the church thing was weird but it's not like anyone is going to talk about this episode past this or explore it further.  So, sure I buy that Wendy and Boat Guy  staged a fire show and were playing recordings to spook a bunch of kids for their own amusement. Whatever.

Dawson apologizes to Joey for taking their friendship for granted and for being selfish enough that they could just easily pick up where they left off like nothing happened. Joey thanks him but says it was partly her fault as well. Which is true, she's the one that dumped him epically last season. They agree to be friends and to take things slowly.

Joey then mentions that they are never going to solve this "X-File" (because that was also a thing back then) and Dawson suggests that they go back for a sequel. Joey is not for that idea and says this:

Spoilers, it does not open well and I can't wait

Thus endeth the episode. Well, that was Escape From Witch Island and while it was not a strong episode, by any means, it was a very entertaining and memorable episode. I was looking forward to this one from the start of these reviews because it's one of the ones that really stuck out in my head. The Blair Witch Project was name dropped a total of 7 times this episode and it makes me kind of excited for the No Doubt episode in season 6. How many times will they name drop No Doubt, do you think? More or less than The Blair Witch Project? Place your bets now.

Next up is Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Seriously, guess. Who's it gonna be? I'll give you a hint, it's not Eve or Belinda because they've been banished to the room of forgotten side characters.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!

Dawson's Creek - 306 - Secrets and Lies

Original air date: November 10, 1999

Welcome back to another Creek recap. Last episode was rage inducing and I thought this one would be too but it more just makes me sad. Let's take a look and see why. 

Jen is complaining to Dawson about being made Capeside's homecoming Queen and how she's turning into her mother. This is apparently horrific to her because she doesn't want to be just a vapid high society girl. Dawson, to his credit, actually tries to make her feel better about her situation. They run into the school's guidance councillor and he introduces Jen to all of the previous homecoming queens. I seriously didn't realize it was such a huge deal that all past generations of homecoming queens came to meet the new ones. That's weird. Americans have weird obsessions with high school stuff.

Anyway, one of them is named Constance Freckling and is the oldest living "HQ" which apparently entitles her to be like the president of homecoming and throwing homecoming dances or something to do with organizing it. I guess she's rich and has a huge house that she offers up to the occasion. Jen is less than thrilled.

I hope you don't try to shock me with your
sexy, non-religious, and rebellious ways

Pacey and Joey are at her place and talking to Bessie about the fact that they are turning their home into a bed and breakfast. Now, they are adding an addition or something but I'm still confused because I thought they lived in a hovel that was so tiny that Joey couldn't have a bedroom. Am I just making that up? I thought she'd complained about having to be in the living room or something. Whatever, now their place is big enough to house them and to have people stay the night or weekend. I'm guessing the addition will be the extra bedrooms needed but if I'm right about Joey's living situation then burn on her. Guests get bedrooms before Poor!Joey.

Pacey asks Joey if she's alright because he's an awesome friend and way better than Dawson in every way. Joey admits that she's nervous about opening a bed and breakfast and really wants it to work out as they are putting most of the insurance money into it. I guess they've decided to completely abandon the Ice House? She also mentions that she does not want to ever go back to working at the marina. Pacey asks her what happened with her creep boss and Joey says that it's a long story because she clearly doesn't want to tell him about Andie being stupid enough to date said jerk. Because Pacey is awesome, he calls her out on her half lie and forces her to tell him about it and Joey admits that it's Andie and Pacey has a sad.

Awwww, I want to give him a hug

Dawson walks into his kitchen to find his mother there. He asks her what brings her back to town and she admits to being a former HQ from an "undisclosed year in the late seventies." Mitch teases her a bit and they make awkward conversation until Gail mentions that she's going to need a date and asks Dawson who looks extremely uncomfortable as his father is standing right there.

AAAWWWWKWAAAAAAARRD!!!!

Pacey and Joey are sitting together at lunch when Andie just comes and joins them like it's no big she cheated on Pacey and inadvertently got Joey fired from her job. Pacey bails quickly and Andie asks if Joey told him about Rob. Joey admits that it slipped out over breakfast which piques Andie's curiosity but Joey explains that Pacey has been helping her and Bessie build the bed and breakfast that they need to open soon so that they can barely scrape by. Andie immediately comes back with that it wasn't her fault that Joey got fired and then gushes about how much she likes Rob. Why? He was an asshole to your supposed friend, Andie. Joey tells Andie that she can do whatever she wants.

Preach

Jen goes to visit Miss Freckling to basically tell her that she didn't really ask to be an HQ. Miss Freckling shoots back that she didn't ask for Jen either and that most girls who come through her door are super excited to be where she is. I kind of have to agree. I mean, some girls want nothing more to be HQ of their school, so I hear, it would suck if the person who won was all "Wah! Why am I an HQ? This is stupid! I don't want to do this!" Jen, you're not being a very good sport about this and if you really didn't want to be an HQ, couldn't you just have declined the title and given it to someone who really wanted it? But no, plot contrivances dictate that Jen must go through with it because it's funny to force her to do something she doesn't want.

Jen hears a loud bump upstairs and Miss Freckling explains that her handy boy, Hank, is setting up twinkle lights on her roof. I'm just going to show you a shot of her house:

Check this behemoth out and note how high the roof is

Kind of got a feel for its size now? Ok, so Jen basically leaves after Miss Freckling gives her a talking to about bucking up, showing poise and wearing a bra which made me laugh because yeah, these girls hardly ever wear a bra on this show. It's very noticeable. Jen leaves in a huff and this happens:

Yikes!

Ok, look at the house and then remember, it was specifically said that he was on the roof putting twinkle lights up. He totally should not have come out of that fall completely unscathed. That just makes no sense. However, Capeside logic dictates that we are just supposed to laugh at the zaniness and forget about the laws of gravity. Also, Hank is apparently Henry. Joy.

He screams at her that there are bees and tells her to run for her life and literally all I can think of is this:

Not the bees! Not the bees!

Pacey and Joey are hanging out at her place, fixing up the addition when Bessie comes in with the phone. She says it's for Joey and that whoever it is sounds upset. Joey answers and we hear Andie crying on the other end and asking for Joey's help.

She was at Rob's house for a party and so Pacey and Joey arrive there to find Andie crying outside under a tree. Pacey and Joey get her to tell them what happened to make her upset and Andie claims that Rob attempted to rape her but failed. She tries to tell them that it was no big and that she just wants to go home but Pacey isn't having it and runs into the house to find Rob.

Take that, you creepy fuck!

Apparently Jen and Hank/Henry have been hiding from the bees in a greenhouse for some time because they ran away in daylight but it is now night time. Jen admires the flowers and Hank-ry tells her some of the names which sound suggestive. This makes Jen laugh a bit and teases Hank-ry. She complains about Miss Freckling but Hank-ry explains that she's just lonely and that the HQ is one of the only things she has in her life. That is fucking depressing. He also tells Jen that Miss F was looking forward to meeting her because he told her all about Jen. Why does that sound creepy to me?

Anyway, we cut back to Pacey, Joey, and Andie. Joey is trying to convince Andie to go to the police but she refuses because she insists nothing really happened anyway. Joey then tries to convince Andie to stay over at her place because she shouldn't be alone. Wow, Joey is a super awesome friend this season. Good job, Joey. Andie doesn't want to though and Pacey offers to take care of her.

We cut back to Miss Freckling's house where Hank-ry has taken Jen back in to see her. He's all, I bumped into Jen outside and convinced her to come back in and I expected her to be like "My word! That was four hours ago, what the fuck were you two doing?" Because that's what I would've asked if I were her. She is in Capeside time too though so she seems unfazed by their re-entry at night time when Jen clearly left when the sun was up. Jen and Miss Freckling make up and begin to plan the HQ gala. Jen then mentions that Hank-ry will be her date.

Don't do it, Jen!

Pacey has taken Andie to his boat and she mentions that the name for his boat is ironic. Not sure why but I guess because she figured he didn't believe in it because he broke up with her...because she cheated on him? Whatever, he explains that he brought her to his boat to show her that he's ok and is trying to make something beautiful out of his heartache. She says she's not ok and is not over him and wants to get back together. Pacey is all "nah, not doing that again." but Andie is insistent that they belong together and keeps putting the moves on him. He keeps turning her down because he knows it's not cool to do this on the same night she supposedly almost got raped but Andie's just like "well if me getting almost raped gets us back together then I'm cool!" Which raises some major red flags with me. Pacey caves and they end up kissing.

The next morning Andie is all super happy and chipper about what happened and wants to know if Pacey is feeling the same way. He claims he is but you can tell that he's unsure of them getting back together so quickly.

Rob goes to Joey's house to plead his case which makes no fucking sense because why does he care what his ex-employee thinks of him? It makes a little more sense when he asks her if Andie has gone to the police, I guess he wanted to get info on how fucked he might be. He admits that he did knowingly sexually harass Joey but that it's totally different from sexual assault. Joey tells him he can draw his own line in the sand if he wants but that both are against the law. She tries to slam the door in his face repeatedly but he keeps grabbing her and begging her to believe him that he would never force himself on a woman. He'd have an easier time convincing Joey of this if he wasn't constantly forcing her not to leave by grabbing her.

Exactly

At the HQ gala, Miss Freckling is apparently quite satisfied with the way everything is going. Dawson and Mitch are talking when two characters that we'll never see again come up and start talking to them about Gail's job in Philly. She tries to retreat but not before the bitchy woman blabs about the fact that it was absurd that Gail was fired for being too old for the pubic to relate to. The characters then disappear into the land of forgotten side characters having served their sole purpose for being. Dawson asks his mother what the hell happened in Philly and why she didn't say anything about it.

Jen and Hank-ry enter the party looking completely stupid or perhaps they were going for rebellious? I don't know what look they were trying for but all I can see when I look at Hank-ry is Austin Powers.

Yeah, baby!

Miss Freckling is upset with their attire and demands they go change. She admonishes Hank-ry for dressing the way he did because no one should dress up like Austen Powers. No one. Jen says that she put him up to it and smugly says that she hasn't seen anything yet. Cue the drag queens to enter and Miss Freckling's shocked face. Oooooh, Jen is shocking old people with her crazy sexual, non-god-faring ways again!

Andie and Joey are talking and Joey asks if she's told her dad about the almost assault. Andie is weirdly nonchalant about her almost rape and acts like it's completely no big and that she doesn't need to tell her dad because nothing really happened. Joey is as confused by her behaviour as I am and she tells Andie about Rob coming by her place to plead his innocence. Andie accuses Joey of siding with Rob but Joey says she isn't but wants to make sure that they are doing the right thing by not going to the police. She feels awful about not reporting Rob herself because then maybe Andie wouldn't have been hurt. Andie then says, in the creepiest way possible, that maybe all of it happened for a reason and that something good came out of it. Joey is like "what the fuck are you talking about?" and Andie explains that she and Pacey are back together as of last night while giving the creepiest look possible.

Her stare gives me the wiggins. Her whole attitude, lately, does

Back at the HQ gala, the drag queens are performing "It's Raining Men", naturally, and Hank-ry worries about Miss Freckling being pissed at him. Jen claims that he won't be in trouble because deep down, she's sure that Miss Freckling "gets it". Homecoming Queens or Drag Queens, they are all just people playing dress up. She then asks Hank-ry to dance. Meanwhile, Miss Freckling is doing the most awkward toe-tap of all time:

Of all time!

Andie stops by where Pacey is working on his boat and gives him a skipper's hat. Pacey starts to talk about wondering whether he'll be able to fix the boat again and Andie acts all concerned because they are really talking about whether they can rebuild their relationship. She asks him to stop with the boat metaphor and Pacey admits that he thinks they made a mistake last night. Andie says they didn't because she felt super happy about it. Pacey says it felt like he did the wrong thing and Andie accuses him of punishing her. He tells her he isn't but that maybe she slept with that guy because it was her heart's way of telling her that she and Pacey aren't meant to be. Pacey then admits that his heart is telling him that she isn't the one for him either. Andie gets understandably upset and runs off as Pacey tries to apologize for hurting her.

Jen apologizes to Miss Freckling and admits that she was trying to shock her. Miss Freckling is cool with it but wants to clear things up about Hank-ry. Jen tells her it's just a crush but Miss Freckling says that he likes her a hell of a lot but she can tell Jen doesn't feel the same way. Jen admits that she doesn't like Hank-ry and Miss Freckling tells her to stop leading him on then. She knows that's the path that will lead to Jen's body being dragged out of the creek.

Because, as we've discussed, Henry is a serial killer

Jen confronts Hank-ry and basically tells him that she does not like him in that way. He tells her that he's in love with her and both Jen and I laugh at that because he barely knows a thing about her beyond, "she's hot." He protests a little bit but Jen basically tells him it's never going to happen and then Hank-ry runs off to plan her murder crying.

Gail finally tells Dawson about Philly and the fact that she was fired and was too ashamed to admit it. He encourages her to talk to Mitch about it all because she could use a friend. That feels a little too...like Dawson is only encouraging her to do it in the hopes that they'll get back together but it is nice, I guess. Gail is not too keen on running back home but agrees to talk to Mitch about everything.

Andie confronts Joey and accuses her of telling Pacey that she made the whole story up to get him back. Joey didn't and tells her that she hadn't seen Pacey since they dropped her off. Andie doesn't quite believe this and basically admits to making everything up just to play into Pacey's hero complex and win him back.

I think I just might be worn out from all the raging last week but I just can't be as pissed as I want to be about this. Morally, lying about a rape or even an attempted rape is so wrong because it basically gives ammunition to people that like to give actual victims of sexual assault a hard time. It is completely, undeniably, unquestionably a reprehensible thing to do and I have lost all respect for this character but at the same time, it's also extremely sloppy writing. This is a girl who has severe mental and emotional problems to the point that she was sent to a specialty home/hospital thing to take care of it and while it is mentioned in this episode, it is only mentioned by the guy who is definitely a creep as a way to knock down her accusation. In reality, her behaviour the past few episodes should be a major red flag to all of her friends and family that maybe she should be sent back to the hospital because she just doesn't seem ready to be out and on her own. So, in that regard I do feel bad for her.

So, while I want to be angry, at this point, I am just tired. Exhausted with this show and it's treatment of women. Rob was set up to be a complete prick and completely capable of forcing himself on a girl but instead, once again, the girl is the villain here because she was just lying in order to get her boyfriend back. I think this is a pretty irresponsible storyline because instead of using this storyline as a way to get her some much needed help, it is basically one big "see? Women lie about rape all the time just to get what they want" and nothing more. Rob is innocent which is laughable because he has been extremely inappropriate with both Joey and even dating Andie in the first place. But that is wiped away because Andie was this big, crazy evil mastermind who lied about everything. I could almost get behind this reveal and the whole thing with the PSATs if the writers had been willing to address her mental issues again, other than using it for their gross creeper character's excuse as to why she'd be lying. They needed to take the time to have Andie be like "I'm not ok, I think I still need help." but instead, they'll pretend like none of this happened in the next episode. So, I'm just tired at this point.

We get it, writers. Women are evil

We end with a montage that sees Jen sitting with Miss Freckling and the Drag Queens, Henry walking alone and looking like he's either sad or constipated, Gail and Mitch talking, and Joey consoling Andie. The end.

That was Secrets and Lies and you know what? I actually don't mind this episode that much. It's more boring than anything but I'll give it that it focused more on characters I actually don't mind and less on Dawson which was nice. I remember being really happy that Jen finally settled things with Henry and that he would be gone but unfortunately, I was wrong. He does come back. Also, how stupid was it that Miss Freckling called him "Hank"? It was obviously just so we'd be all surprised when it turned out to actually be Henry. Blah.

After these last few episodes of boredom, rage and sadness, I am super stoked for next week's episode. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to it. It's terrible but it's memorable and actually entertainingly stupid so it will be a breath of fresh air to me. Stay tuned for the hilarious Blair Witch rip-off that is Escape From Witch Island.

Dawson's Creek - 305 - Indian Summer

Original air date: October 27, 1999

I'm just going to start off this recap by saying that this is Eve's last episode. Yeah I know, spoilers, but I just need to get this off my chest now because it sets up the rant that is to come later about her character. Remember, this is her last episode ever. EVER. She never comes back. So, with that in mind, onto the recap.

We open the episode with Dawson and Pacey hanging out in Dawson's room and watching movies. Film noire, to be exact. They really want to hammer in the theme they were going for this season and spell out for the audiences what type of character Eve is supposed to be. Dawson starts mouthing off about not understanding film noire by saying that the main character is stupid for not seeing that the femme fatale is setting him up for a fall. 

You decide

Anyway, Pacey leaves and that's when Dawson notices a flashlight beam inside the Lindley's home. In a shockingly smart move, Dawson calls the police to report this. Then he goes over to investigate because clearly, the Lindley's either aren't home or are extremely heavy sleepers. He makes it to the house when the skulker jumps out of the window onto him. It turns out to be Eve.

Oh joy, it's her again

Dawson demands to know what Eve is doing lurking around Jen's place. Eve tries to put on the sexy thing by claiming that she and Jen are having a torrid lesbian romance but Dawson isn't having it. She gets annoyed that she can't distract him with girl kisses and moves on to threatening him about the PSAT thing. I don't see how it's a threat because it was such a non issue in the episode it was featured itself. No one can prove Dawson had it, no one knows where it went, thus no one can even say if it existed in the first place. Dawson didn't even take the test so how would anyone believe he'd stolen it? Then Eve says this:

Eve: So feel free to get all boy scouty on me Dawson, but you should know, I'd get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.

Get it! Because she was on Sweet Valley High and now she's making a reference to it but in regards to Dawson's friends!

You said it, Troy

Dawson caves into his penis and covers for her to Doug. He claims it was just Jen sneaking in the window but like, shouldn't Doug asks the Lindley's if they are alright? Are they not home? Did I miss something? Whatever, Doug buys it somewhat and leaves and Dawson goes back to his room to find that Sweet Valley Eve has disappeared.

The True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek are lying on a blanket and looking at the stars together. Jack tries to get Jen to admit she'd rather be doing this with someone else but Jen insists she's happy right now. She likes hanging out with her best friend and thinks it's truly important to have one. Yeah, back off, Jack. All she's wanted since she got on this show was a friend and she's been burned several times on that front. Just let her be happy to have you as a friend and stop pushing boyfriend stuff on her, especially if you think said boyfriend should be Henry because no. Some sprinklers suddenly come on and interrupt their discussion.

So cute!

At Joey's gas jockey job, she has to endure her boss hitting on her again. Just take a look at this:

Rob: So Potter, what do you say, you and me at the movies tonight?
Joey: Oh joy. Is this the part of the work day where you get inappropriate?
Rob: That depends on what your answer is.
Joey: My answer is … ask me again in two years when I am legal.

No, no, no, no, no. So much "no" in this exchange, I can't even. Writers, this isn't a "quirky", slightly annoying thing that Joey has to deal with. This is serious sexual harassment and of a minor, no less. This is the creepiest thing the writers have put in this show since the Ta-mah-ra/Pacey relationship except worse and no, not because it's an older guy on a younger girl. Both are wrong but this dude is flat out threatening her job if she doesn't go on a date with him and is making overt sexual advances to a minor and she has to point this out to him but he persists anyway, claiming she'll be jealous if he gets another girl.Then he sprays her chest with water while she's telling him to stop! THIS GUY IS INSANELY CREEPY AND I WANT HIM OFF THE SHOW NOW!!

 Dawson begins his hunt for Eve and it goes no where. The strip club owner doesn't cooperate because a)Dawson is underage and therefore should not have been in his club and b) if the girl in question is also in high school, then she wouldn't be working for him or he'd be in serious shit. He also finds out that she was never enrolled at Capeside High.

Guys, I love Jack McPhee, I really do but this episode he is pissing me right off. He is talking with Henry who is freaking out about Jen coming towards them. Jack then tells Henry to just ask her out and I'm not impressed because this makes him a shitty friend to both Jen and Henry. He talked to Jen about this and Jen expressly said she had no interest in him. He should just tell Henry to move on but no, he keeps pushing Henry to ask her out, thus blatantly ignoring what his best friend told him and knowingly sets Henry up to be humiliated.

Not cool, Jack

She comes over and tells them that the ice cream man is outside but then offers them both a lick of hers. Excuse me while I hurl. I can kind of get her offering to Jack because their friends but she doesn't even know Henry that well. Why would she do this? It's just gross and unsanitary and...I may have issues with sharing food, OK?

Anyway, Henry complains that he can't ask her out because he gets too nervous to talk to her and ugh! Jack tries to set something up where they will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and just no. Jack, you are killing me! Why are you being such a shitty friend to Jen? You two are my True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek! Why do you insist on hurting me?

Dawson asks Doug for hypothetical help on investigating which is an incredibly stupid idea considering he called the cops about a break and enter and then insisted that nothing was the matter and is now asking how to find someone. Doug then tells him to check the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point.

Dawson follows this advice and sits outside the laundromat. Pacey calls Dawson out on being obsessed while Dawson rants about how he needs to find out all about Eve (movie reference just like in the show!). Pacey convinces him to give it up and just watch a movie together but then they spot her buying ice cream and follow her.

Back at Joey's job of dealing with inappropriate, would-be statutory rapists. Her boss continues to harass her but then claims to have found a different date, to try and make Joey, a teenager, jealous. Uhm...who's the adult here? Anyway, the teen in question that he found to date him is none other than Andie because the writers are having a field day absolutely torching her character and making you forget why you ever liked her in the first place. I mean, this guy is so over the top creepy and is obviously still hitting on Joey and I'm supposed to believe that Andie sees none of this and just dizzily goes on her way after he objectifies her supposed friend? Yeah, Andie said Joey was her friend, not that you'd know since they barely ever share any screen time together but if she says she considers Joey a friend, then she should have been appalled that Rob, the boss, stuck money in her friend's shirt pocket and tells her to "buy something pretty".

Preach, Joey

Meanwhile, at the park, Jen arrives for her ambush date with Henry who is practicing what he's gong to say to her. He claims he is just there to hang out, like her but Jen says that she's actually waiting for Jack. Henry then mumbles that Jack can't come so he sent him and Jen looks rightfully pissed.

Jen: You know Henry, I know you're new at this being all of uh, I don't know what … fourteen?
Henry: Fifteen.
Jen: OK, Fifteen. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time don't skip the part where you ask me.

Thank you, Jen! Yes, absolutely she should have been asked, not pushed into dating someone she had zero interest in. Major fucking foul, Jack.

Pacey and Dawson have apparently tracked Eve until night time and manage to follow her to a boat. She gets changed sexily because that's really the only purpose this character serves, to be sexy for the male audience, and then leaves the boat again. Pacey goes to follow Eve but Dawson decides to do a little break and entering himself. He sucks at it and gets caught but not before he finds and pockets a picture of a blonde haired woman.

Doug, is apparently the only cop ever on duty in Capeside and he works all hours of the day and night. I think that Doug isn't actually Pacey's brother but a robot that his dad created to be the keeper of law and order in the town. Doug Witter is...

Robocop...Capeside Edition!
Yes, I actually put Doug's face in there

Anyway, Doug sarcastically asks Dawson if this is more research for his screenplay but Dawson tries to tell him that it's his friend's boat. Doug then asks if he's friends with 80 year olds because it's an old couple that owns the boat. Dawson then tries to pretend that he got on the wrong boat but Doug isn't buying it and thinks Dawson's friend is exactly who they are looking for.

Pacey arrives and begins his usual schtick of making jokes about Doug being gay to which Doug says:

Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just … plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?

Word. I love you, Pacey, but Doug is right. This is just getting weird and it's not funny or sensitive to the actual gay character on the show. Remember when I said that this show actually did a pretty good job with it's character coming out as gay and may even have handled it better than Buffy? Well, I take that back. The coming out might have been handled a little better but everything after is kind of questionable. Anyway, Pacey's plan works because Doug yells at them that he's not gay and tells them to get lost. Pacey knows the robot's weakness is his blatant homophobia.

Joey tries to warn Andie about Rob being a skeev which Andie really should have picked up on, given she was there for the whole "buy something pretty" incident. Andie is being wilfully ignorant and insults Joey about being inexperienced with guys and being closed off to new people. No, Andie, Joey is just closed off to obvious statutory rapists.

Joey decides that she should use her date crashing abilities for good this time and sits with Andie and Rob at the movies so that Rob can't make a move on Andie. Andie tries to tell her to leave but Joey tells Andie that she can psychoanalyse her in the morning and be mad at her all she wants, she will not leave her alone with Rob. Holy shit...is that Joey being a good friend?

I'm liking season 3 Joey so far

Jen storms home and confronts Jack about his douchebaggery. Jack says he was just helping out a friend and that he thought it would be romantic. What about Jen? Is she not your friend, Jack? She told you she wasn't interested in Henry, it doesn't matter how nice you think he is, she isn't interested in him. They have nothing in common. Being nice doesn't mean you deserve to be given a chance with every girl you think is hot, you have to, you know, actually click with the person you want to date and they have to click with you. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SHOW PERPETUATES THE NICE GUY THING!!! IT PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!!

Sorry, I just really hate the "Nice Guy" thing

So, why is you being a general nice person not enough? Well, I'll let Jen explain this one for me:

Jen: Oh yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.
Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you.
Jen: Well I'm not infatuated with him, and I told you that a thousand times and you didn't listen to me. You took his side.

Two points, you can be as nice as hell but if you are horrible at interacting with girls and stare creepily at them, THEY WILL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU! That is a major turn off for most girls. Also, once again, the girl has a choice in who she dates. If she says she isn't interested, she isn't interested, end of. I hate this subplot and I hate that it made my favourite soul mates get into a fight and I hate Henry and I just hate everything right now and I haven't even gotten to my Eve rant yet!

Oh god, my stress levels are rising just thinking about writing about this next scene. Eve has broken into Dawson's room and demands her picture back. Dawson demands answers from her first because he's a douche who feels like he's entitled to know about her so much as to steal her property and hold it ransom which, by the by, is like a thousand times worse than anything she's supposedly done to him. In fact, Dawson yells at her about ruining his life and wrecking his father's boat.

My reaction exactly

YOU WRECKED YOUR FATHER'S BOAT, DAWSON!! YOU DID!!! She was just giving you a blow job, god knows why, and you couldn't handle driving and getting sucked off at the same time. YOU shouldn't have taken your father's boat out. YOU should have slowed down or stopped when she started to give you a blow job. YOU were in control of everything in that situation and most importantly of all YOU WANTED THE BLOW JOB! Suffer the consequences of your own damn actions, Dawson! Oh my god, I hate him so much!!!

Anyway, Eve explains to Dawson that the woman in the picture is her birth mother who she's been trying to find. They exchange some pleasantries and Eve gushes about how nice Dawson is and I want to vomit. She finally leaves and Dawson is all smug about how he cracked her and discovered her secret. WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I want you to remember this because we are very quickly getting to my Eve rant.

Jack apologizes to Jen for setting her up on a date with Henry but states that he was just trying to do her a favour. Jen tells him that she doesn't want a relationship, that she's happy with the way things are. She says she's had plenty of boyfriends but she's never had a boy who was first and last her friend and that is all she needs right now. She then calls him out and says that it's him who's lonely for a relationship and that's why he was pushing her so hard. Jack admits that he is lonely but that there is no hope for him finding a date in small town anti-gay, America. Jen lovingly tells him that he will find love and it will be amazing.

Yay, my soul mates are back!
Never do that again, Jack

Joey and Andie confront each other the next day and seem to make up a bit. Andie informs Joey that Rob was a perfect gentleman but Joey isn't buying it and neither am I. Especially not when he walks up and says this:

Rob: Yeah, I know. So last night, quite a threesome. Only next time I want to be in the middle.

This guy is so gross, can he leave and never come back, please? Anyway, he asks Joey if she closed early to go to the movies, Joey says she did because it was slow and Rob fires her. Because he's a dick and a sexist pig and I hate him and I will seriously punch something if the writers ever expect me to feel sorry for this lame wad.

What she said

OK and now we get to the end of the episode. Dawson is bringing an air conditioner over to Grams' because they are still having an Indian Summer which every character has mentioned in this episode. This is just a loose way to explain why the characters don't need to wear jackets in the fall, and it always seems to be warm in Capeside, so I ignored it. Anyway, as Dawson brings in the air conditioner, he spots a picture on Grams' coffee table. It's the same woman as in Eve's photo. He asks Grams who it is and she says it's her daughter, Helen. Dawson asks if it's Jen's mom and Grans confirms this by saying that she only has one daughter. Dun, dun-

I'm sorry, what? The big reveal about the mystery of Eve and what she was doing in Capeside is that she's Jen's half sister? She's Jen's half sister!? Well what the fuck was she doing stalking Dawson for all this time? What the fuck, writers?

OK, so there's this thing called the Bechdel test and what it does is rates whether a movie or show involves at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man. I don't put too much stock in it, I don't avoid things that fail this test because a lot of my favourite shows and movies would probably fail it some way but this storyline right here? It is an absolute, disgraceful, failure of this test. You mean to tell me that I had to sit through this girl swishing her stuff for Dawson Leery of all people and giving him head only to find out that she's Jen's half sister? The two girls never once shared screen time. Never. Not once.

Why the hell was she in Dawson's story? Should she not have been asking him questions about Jen? Should she not have been focusing all of her time and interest in Jen and locating her mother instead of wasting her time being nothing but a sex fantasy for Dawson fucking Leery? This story is absolutely insulting to its female viewers. To make us believe that a girl who is trying to find out who her mother is would waste time dicking around with boys is demeaning. This is a travesty of a plot and a fail of a reveal and a waste of a potentially really great story for Jen, all so Dawson could have a sexual encounter. Fuck you, writers. Just fuck you. That was a waste of my time and a waste of a pretty dramatic reveal as the writers promptly drop this storyline. I think we get one more episode that kind of deals with it but as I said, Eve never returns and never gets a chance to interact with her goddamn half sister because the writers wanted her to be Dawson's sex bot instead.

One for you, one for you, one for everybody involved
who thought this storyline was acceptable

This rage-inducing episode was Indian Summer. It sucked. It's up there as worst in the series for me along with Tamara's Return. See all rants above as to why.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Secret & Lies, where Andie reaches her peak of horrible and I start to not care about her at all. You win, writers.