Dawson's Creek - 309 - Four to Tango

Original air date: December 1, 1999

So, here we are at another recap and all I can hope is that this episode is more entertaining than the last one was.

It gets off to a really great start with opening on Jen and Pacey again. They are making out but then stop and say they feel nothing. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but wasn't that the point? Or is it that they can't get aroused? It's probably that and yeah, they'll have a hard time having casual sex if they can't get aroused. Then I get creeped out because they have chosen Dawson's room to consummate their casual arrangement and just no. That is super creepy. What is with all of the characters sneaking in to Dawson's room to do things? Just the thought that someone snuck into my house and used my bed for sexy times without my knowledge and then I go to lie down and sleep on their love juices....

Excuse me

Ugh...anyway, lucky for Dawson, they don't get very far before he comes. Jen bails out the window while Pacey dives for Dawson's gaming console and pretends that he was playing Crash Bandicoot. Dawson asks him what he's doing in his room during a school day and Pacey acts really suspicious while spouting some excuses about how not everyone has the array of electronics that Dawson does. He then quickly tries to make an exit...until Dawson points out that Pacey is missing a shoe.

My God, he's adorable

At school, Andie is sitting at a table when Jack comes to join her. He is carrying a bunch of papers and Andie asks what's up. Jack explains that Dawson put the video of him and the football team on the web (I hope he asked Jack before doing that), and he's holding all the emails he got. Ok, this show was sooooo written by a bunch of old people who had no clue how "the email" worked. Seriously, who prints out emails? Old people, that's who. High school students would not. Not even back then. You're showing your ignorance of youth culture, writers.

Anyway, Jack explains that most of the emails are hate mail because people are tools. Andie finds one letter that is nice and is from someone else who is gay and went through sort of the same thing as Jack. The guy in question, took a guy to his prom. Andie is excited for Jack and says he should write the guy back because he seems nice. Jack doesn't know what to say and Andie tells him to Say Anything... because it worked for John Cusack. Yes, she really did reference that movie. Awesome.

A random guidance counsellor has called Pacey into his office. He mentions to Pacey that he's failing math which shocks Pacey and I've never understood this. Why are characters always so shocked when they hear this news? Don't they know that they haven't handed assignments in, gone to class, scored horribly on tests? Why are they always so shocked? Whatever, Pacey tries to shrug it off because he's gone back to his slacker ways and the counsellor mentioned that the other guy, Mr. Milo, told him about a girlfriend Pacey had. Pacey says that she's not his girlfriend anymore and storms out. The counsellor tries to tell Pacey not to let whatever's bugging him win and Pacey says that it already has.

Huh, I should do something but...my purpose has been served

Andie complains that her search on "the internets" has given her too many hits and Jack tells her that she can't search for such a broad topic, she has to "decide what you wants, what you don't want and then, you know, establish some restrictions." Ladies and Gentlemen, the writers trying to explain how to search for stuff on the internet. Don't worry, it just sets up Andie's remark about how it's kind of like deciding what you want in a romantic partner. Jack then suggests that she start her own website, "www.annoyingsister.com"

Uuuuuuummmmmmm...burn?

Andie then prattles on about how Jack should contact the email guy who's name is Ben Street, which sounds like a made up name to me. I don't know why, it just does. As Andie is going on and on about how Jack should seize the day, Jack is in shock because he's just gotten an instant message from Ben Street that says "Anybody out there?"

Really?

The writers have absolutely no clue how the internet or emails or instant messaging works. You would know who you were sending an instant message to, unless you are using an anonymous messaging site but you'd have to go on that site. So, the fact that Ben Street writes "Anybody out there?" is stupid because he's not looking for "anyone" he's looking for Jack. If he was just sending out a random message trying to get "anybody" in some magical randomized messenger thing, then chances are highly unlikely that the message would magically end up on a school computer that Jack was magically sitting at. You see how little the writers understand stuff like this? Now, what I can buy is Jack logging into his messenger account at school and Ben deciding to try and chat with him but then why not just say "Hey, Jack?" or "Are you on, Jack?" but clearly, this was a time when the internet was a new and scary place and writers just did not get it.

Not even on good shows

Anyway, Jack is completely nervous and doesn't know what to do at all. Andie tells him to respond and tells him to type something in before Ben gets bored and leaves. Jack slowly types in "hi" and then sits there, staring at the computer. Then Andie is all "you have to hit send, genius" and it's really cute but kind of confusing because why would he be logged into instant messaging if he has no clue how to use it. I'll just chalk it up to nerves though.

Pacey runs into Joey and tries to schmooze her by complimenting how she looks. She sees through him and guesses that he wants her notes for the class he missed. She actually does give them to him but tells him she needs them back by the next morning. Pacey then realizes he doesn't even understand her notes and asks if she'll tutor him. She refuses because he's done nothing but slack all semester while she's been working hard. Pacey claims that he was busy but Joey points out:

Joey: Busy, right. Pacey, you have a very undemanding part-time job, your
only familial obligation is to feed the dog everyday, and your social life
is basically a triangle consisting of you, me and Dawson.

Pacey has a dog? Why have we never seen his puppy? I want to see the puppy! Er, I mean, what a slacker. Pacey then begs her to tutor him because he's failing and he'll do whatever she wants in return.

Cue them at a waltzing studio and Pacey is unhappily dancing with an equally unhappy Joey. They are also dancing really far apart like kids would because they don't want to be too close in case of cooties. She complains that he keeps stepping on her toes and Pacey demands to know what they are doing at a dance studio. Joey explains that the studio offers a $1,500 scholarship to the high school student who best embodies the spirit of ballroom dancing and since the class consists of the two of them and then a bunch of old people, Joey is basically going to be given a scholarship no matter what. Pacey asks her why she didn't ask Dawson or Jack and Joey explains that they don't owe her like he's going to when she helps him up his math grade.

The teacher then comes over and yells at them for not dancing together properly, with ribcages touching. They then try again but Pacey keeps stepping on her feet so this happens:

Adorable!!

In Dawson's bedroom, he is cleaning or something and picks some books up off the floor. He then notices a condom there and since he's not getting any, he wonders where it came from. The funny thing is, he looks more confused than disgusted about finding a mysterious condom in his room. My reaction would be to drop it as if it's infected once I realize that it's not mine and that must mean that some strangers...or my parents (BRAIN BLEACH!!!) have been having sex in my room.

The next day, Joey tells Pacey to do some math problems from the textbook and that she'll look at them after school. She'll help him study math for an hour after school and then they will head back to the dance studio to do another lesson. They both agree that no one can know about their after school activity since ballroom dancing is really uncool and when they say "no one can know" that's when Dawson sneaks up behind them and asks what no one can know. Cue Pacey and Joey scrambling to make up something about Pacey being horrible with home improvements and that they need Dawson's help with the addition to the Potter's home. Dawson agrees to help but is clearly still suspicious as Joey and Pacey try to make an exit. Dawson tries to call Pacey back but Pacey makes something up about how he can't be late for class again and bails. Dawson then looks even more suspicious and if I've learned anything from the time that he walked in at the tail end of a conversation between Pacey and Jen in season 1's Detention, Dawson is going to get very jealous of Pacey right about now. Someone keep the basketballs away from him, please.

Back in the computer lab, Andie is excitedly looking over Jack's shoulder as he types, waiting to hear word on the Ben Street situation. Jack tells her that apparently the guy who Ben went to prom with was never his boyfriend and they just did it as a statement. Andie is pleased with this information and asks Jack if he's going to ask for a picture. Jack claims that looks don't matter especially since they are just writing each other and not going on a date. Andiie says "yet" and then points out that the guy has seen Jack so it's only fair that Jack know what Ben looks like. A librarian who was listening in mentions that she went on a date with someone from the internet once and they were hideous, which prompts Jack to decide to ask for a picture after all. Andie gets a bit...super creepy about it.

Oddly specific but at least she's not asking for nude pics...yet

At the video rental store that Dawson and Pacey work at, Jen walks in, looking rather mischievious and rings the desk bell for service. Dawson pops around the corner and this is her face:

Pretty much my face whenever I see Dawson on camera

Dawson doesn't seem to notice and happily greets Jen, who asks him where Pacey is. Dawson says that Pacey isn't working until Tuesday and Jen says that Pacey told her he was working tonight but that she must have gotten confused. Dawson says he wouldn't be too surprised because Pacey has been such a flake lately...says the guy that forgets his friends birthday. Dawson then asks Jen if there are any do-able faculty members since the last time Pacey acted all weird, he was doing Miss Jacobs. Jen asks Dawson if he thinks Pacey has returned to his older woman fetish which, no show, stop pretending that whole debacle was Pacey's doing because it was Miss Jacobs who pursued a relationship with a minor. Anyway, Dawson then mentions that he found a condom in his room after catching Pacey there earlier and that when he tried to ask him about it, Pacey and Joey were all huddled together like it was a conspiracy. Jen looks worried because she doesn't want Dawson to find out about her arrangement with Pacey but Dawson says he didn't get a chance to talk to Pacey yet.

Joey is trying to get Pacey to work but Pacey is restless and distracted. He then complains that Tamara and Andie trained him to equate studying with sex and now he studies but doesn't get sex so he can't get motivated to study.

Excuse me while I go hurl again

Joey plays into his theory by saying that all he needs is some able-bodied girl to help him cue up his Pavlovian cue for studying. Pacey confirms this and she tells him that's the worst pick up line she's ever heard. He claims hhe wasn't hitting on her and that he has some prospects lined up. Joey looks amused and asks him who and Pacey explains the situation with Jen while keeping her anonymous. He then asks Joey's advice on the matter and Joey says that if he really wanted to be having casual sex, he'd be having it instead of having a hypothetical conversation about it.

Jack and Andie are waiting anxiously at the computer screen because apparently, the only class they have all day is computer lab. I love how they get the picture to load, by the way.

More proof that the writers just don't get how computers work

I know they probably did this for dramatic effect or something but seriously, pictures didn't load this way. They still don't load this way. The writers are showing their internet/email ignorance again.Anyway, he apparently doesn't look bad and Jack agrees which Andie is all giddy about because he's finally expressing attraction for the opposite sex. Andie prompts Jack to ask him out but Jack is really nervous about it and isn't sure he should move so fast. Andie steamrolls over him and asks the guy out for Jack. Ben Street accepts. I still hate that name and I still don't know why it irks me so much, it just does. Maybe because it sounds more like an address than a person.

At the video store, Jen is helping Dawson make a Hitchcock window display when she spots Pacey across the street. She points him out to Dawson and then they both see Joey join Pacey. They both look super confused and Jen asks Dawson if he has a sign that says he'll be back in 5 minutes.

They walk into the ballroom to find Joey and Pacey dancing and looking happy because they are together and all is right with the world...sorry, I'm getting off track. Their curiosity satisfied, Dawson and Jen try to leave but the dance instructor pushes them to dance because contrived reasons. I mean, what dance instructor pushes random people into their class to dance, for free? Maybe she was hoping she'd get new clients or something? Anyway, she pushes them together and announces to the entire class that they are there. Joey and Pacey do not look impressed.

What bugs me about Dawson's Creek is that they can never just let couples happen organically. They were doing really good with Pacey and Joey this season, building up their friendship, making subtle little moments between them that I was thinking that they finally learned to just sit back and show the audience, instead of tell them. I was wrong. Because in this scene, the dance instructor becomes one of those extra characters that has to spell out who the couple we want to get together is and it annoys the pants off of me.

Penny: Right, see what I mean? See the hostility, the way they're wary with each other, not to mention the constant bickering and name calling. Now these two clearly are in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Penny

I got that Joey and Pacey were starting to develop feelings for each other just fine, I didn't need some random guest character to spell things out for me. It's what I hated the most about the Dawson and Joey relationship, that they were constantly having extras tell us how connected they were instead of showing us, but luckily, I actually like Pacey and Joey together so I can try and ignore this scene. It's still annoying though.

Ugh, shut up, Penny! We get it!

Jack is getting ready for his date with Ben and is really nervous. Andie tries to give him a pep talk and I just want to note that she had to go over to the Lindley's house because Mr. McPhee is awful. If I were Andie, I'd want to live with Grams too. Anyway, she tries to give him a pep talk about it but Jack is freaking because if he goes through with this date, he's not just telling the world that he's gay, he's actually going to be gay. I don't really understand this logic because I was always straight, even when I wasn't dating but then, I didn't have to struggle with coming out in the 90s so maybe this is a legitimate feeling that a lot of gay folks go through? Andie tells him that if he doesn't go through with the date, he'll be gay but without a boyfriend. Not sure why Andie is so invested in this, but whatever.

Penny, the shit disturbing dance instructor, has decided that they are doing to play musical dance partners, like musical chairs but you switch dance partners when the music stops. She pairs Jen and Joey together and Dawson and Pacey together because...I have no clue. Drama?

Jen asks Joey when she and Pacey discovered their love of ballroom dancing and Joey gets all bitchy, saying that it was obviously just moments before Jen and Dawson did. Dawson confronts Pacey about finding him in his room the other day. Pacey is still going with his story that he wanted to use Dawson's fancy electronics and enjoy the Leery kitchen but then Dawson throws down about finding the condom in his room. Pacey makes an "oh shit" face but is bailed out of the awkwardness by the music stopping and he quickly grabs Jen as a new partner and twirls her across the dance studio.

Pacey tells Jen that Dawson knows about the condom and is freaking out. Jen says she already knows because Dawson told her about it. Pacey is freaking about Dawson being on to them but Jen isn't worried because she knows Dawson isn't on to them. She then clarifies that Dawson isn't on to her because he seems to have cast someone else as the female lead. They both glance over at Joey who is dancing with Dawson.

This next paragraph, I could literally just write that Dawson is being a dick and be done with it but I'll go into a little more detail just for you guys. He asks her the same question Jen did but Joey doesn't answer with snark, she actually tells him about the scholarship. Dawson has the gall to be all, "but why didn't you ask me to do it?" because he's the worst. Joey explains that Pacey came to her first because he needed help with math and since she needed help with this, they helped each other out.

A concept that Dawson will never understand

Dawson of course has to push the issue and ask if that's all she and Pacey are because again, he's the worst. The music stops and Pacey quickly grabs Joey for a dance partner and whisks her away. Pacey quickly explains to Joey that Dawson thinks that they are doing it. Joey is confused as to why Dawson would think that and Pacey admits that normally he wouldn't but that certain events may have been misconstrued. Cue the music stopping and Dawson grabs Pacey as his next partner.

Dawson asks Pacey what's going on and Pacey explains that Dawson has the wrong idea. Dawson acts like a whiny bitch which makes Pacey completely school him by saying that it shouldn't matter to him who Joey is seeing, whether it's him or someone else because Dawson and her aren't together and he's the one that wanted a break. He has no business butting into her personal life and getting butt hurt over guys being into her because newsflash, she's gorgeous and guys are going to want to date her and she's probably not going to wait for Dawson forever.

You said it, Pacey

After completely owning Dawson in every way, Dawson still persists about the condom he found, which makes Pacey rage!quit and storm out of the dance studio. Jen hurries after him. Jen talks him down from his anger but Pacey is also upset that their fuck buddy arrangement has yielded zero fucks thus far. Jen comforts him by saying that they are hesitant because society tells them they should be and Pacey seems to take comfort in this. They cuddle together and then decide that they might try it out after all, which is weird because it's not like the coatroom is that far from where everyone is dancing and the class has been going on for a bit so it may end soon so...privacy is in question here.

Meanwhile, Jack is walking up to the restaurant when he spots Ben Street inside. He looks at him for a while and then completely bails on the entire thing.

Dawson and Joey leave the dance studio, only to walk into the coat room to find Jen and Pacey making out. Joey has put two and two together and knows now exactly who Pacey had the fuck buddy arrangement with and she is pissed (because she's totally jealous it's not her with Pacey). She proceeds to yell at both of them while Pacey insists that it's nothing. I'm kind of sad for Jen in this scene, because she looks a little hurt by Pacey so quickly saying that it's nothing. Joey doesn't believe Pacey is like this and starts to accuse Jen of starting the whole thing. Pacey, thankfully, snaps her off that train of thought by saying it was as much his idea. Joey isn't having it and bails. Dawson follows her.

Jen is confused by Joey's overreaction to them kissing but Pacey explains that she knows about their arrangement because he went to Joey for hypothetical advice. Again, I feel really bad for Jen because she looks so hurt and asks him why he went to Joey for advice about them. She asks Pacey what is it about Joey that makes guys flock to her for advice.

This may actually be a sound theory...

Pacey tries to explain to her that Joey just happened to be there and it's not like he could talk to Andie about this since they are exes and then, funnily enough, he asks her if he should be talking with his brother about it. Jen points out the obvious, he could go to Dawson since they are supposedly best friends and this is his reaction:

Jen, you of all people know why he can't go to judgemental
Dawson for advice. He's the worst

Then Jen calls him out by saying that he's probably too afraid to talk to Dawson about his sex life, since the girl Pacey currently likes used to be his. Pacey still isn't getting who she's talking about because he points out that Dawson just found out he was messing around with her, so Jen has to spell out that she's talking about him and Joey. Pacey is incredulous because Joey can't stand him, of course, he never says anything about him not liking her so clearly he's repressing his feelings because of his last rejection by her. At least, that's what I'm reading into this scene. Anyway, Jen points out that it isn't going to work out between the two of them and they part on good terms. Thus endeth the weird fuck buddy story arc.

Jack walks into Grams' house to find Andie waiting for him. She excitedly asks him about his date and he admits that he flat out bailed on the guy. He said he got to the door and saw him but then he saw a straight couple and felt shitty about himself because he wanted to be like them, so he bailed. Now he feels like a failure and a coward. Aw, I want to give Jack a hug. Andie reassures him by saying that he is very brave but that fear is sometimes life's way of telling people that they are not ready for certain things. She tells him that when he is ready, he'll walk through that door. 'Kay but poor Ben is sitting in the restaurant like a chump right now. I hope Jack writes him an apology or something.

Dawson proves what a shitty human being he is by saying that the Jen and Pacey pairing was inevitable because:

Dawson: Pacey's brooding, disillusioned, tough guy persona was destined to collide with Jen's fake sexual bravado. It was inevitable.

Hey, Dawson? My fist is destined to collide with your Nice Guy, judge-y face! Although, in a surprise twist, Dawson actually becomes less judgemental about the whole situation than Joey. While Joey is railing against how wrong it is, Dawson reasons that he can understand their need to want some type of comfort in whatever form that took. He says that he couldn't do it himself but he can understand the want for someone to be there to hold because you are lonely. This is the most tolerant Dawson has been about anything ever. Joey gets a thoughtful look and then says she has to get her jacket because she stormed off without it and says good night to Dawson.

While getting her coat, Joey notices Pacey watching the dance class. She walks over to him and he tells her that nothing happened between him and Jen and Joey rightfully says that it's none of her business anyway and then apologizes for overreacting to the whole thing. I love season 3 Joey, you guys. I love her. Pacey tells her that he and Jen have called it quits on their fuck buddy experiment and Joey looks happy about that (because she wants Pacey). She then grabs him to leave but they are stopped by the dance instructor who tells them that things have been tight and there's no scholarship. Joey looks disappointed so the dance instructor offers her six months of free lessons. Lady, this might be why your finances are so tight. We end the episode with the adorableness that is Pacey and Joey which makes this probably one of the better episodes I've seen this season.

The absolute best way to end an episode

That was Four to Tango. I have to admit, I'm kind of glad they got rid of the fuck buddy subplot, it felt really awkward and forced and I really like Jen and Pacey as strictly friends. I'm looking forward to more of Pacey and Joey though, it is really the highlight of this show and saves this season from being a train wreck.

Next up is First Encounters Of The Close Kind, in which most of the gang heads up to Boston to get a feel for the college experience, Dawson is showing his Blair Witch ripoff at the film festival, and Jack tries once again to gay. Pacey is sadly absent which could have made the episode completely unwatchable for me if it weren't for the fact that we get a very special guest star to make up for it. Stay tuned.

Dawson's Creek - 308 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Original air date: November 24, 1999

I'm going to level with you guys, writing this recap is going to be a huge chore. It's not that this episode is bad or anything, it's just that, coming from the high of the gloriousness that was last week's episode, this is just boring. It's slow and listless and really feels like a half hearted attempt to try and give closure to Jen's half-sister dilemma without really addressing it because the writers got bored of the whole film noire/Eve angle they were going for at the beginning of the season. So, they gave her a stupid explanation for being in Capeside, realized that it raised too many questions and should have involved Jen, so they churned this episode out to shut us up. I don't know whether that's exactly how it happened, mind you, but it sure as hell felt like it. So, without further ado, on with the recap.

We start the episode...not with Dawson at all!! This is awesome! Ok, maybe this episode isn't so bad. No, we start with my favourite characters, Pacey and Jen. They are shopping for a thanksgiving meal and Jen asks Pacey not to let her forget to get creamed onions.

My thoughts exactly. That sounds revolting!

Anyway, Pacey is upset because he thought Jen had called him up for sexy times and Jen apologizes but says that Grams' Thanksgiving dinner takes precedence over their would be sex lives. It's sweet that Jen is putting Grams above her own wants, yes that's what I took away from this scene. I also took away that this is setting up the problem that they will have being casual sex partners, they aren't ready for something like that and Jen's stalling is kind of proof of that. This is especially driven home by the fact that Jen laughs at the thought of them being intimate.

Yeah, they're better off as friends

Dawson walks into the kitchen, past Mitch who is watching football in the living room, to find Gail baking in the kitchen. Gail asks for Dawson's opinion on the pies since she wants them to look perfect for Grams' Thanksgiving thing. So, the Leery's have been invited to this as well. Dawson assures her that they are perfect and asks her how apartment searching is going. Gail looks worried and asks if he minds her staying in the guest room, Dawson says he doesn't because it feels familiar. Mitch comes in and tries to take some pie but Gail stops him and they banter for a bit until Dawson awkwards things up by mentioning that this is like an episode of The Waltons. Gail tells Dawson to go change for dinner because her and Mitch are now completely uncomfortable.

Jen comes home with the groceries and finds Grams nervously trying to tell her something. Since this is tv and not real life, instead of just asking Grams what she wants to tell her, Jen pretends like she knows exactly what Grams wants to tell her by saying that she promises to think of something to be thankful for and that she'll clean out her closet so that the guests can hang their coats in there. This is all so that Jen can be completely shocked when she goes to her room to get ready only to find her mother there.

Drama!

Bessie and Joey are in the kitchen of their own house and Bessie is complaining about her lack of culinary skills. Uhhhhhh....why do you own a restaurant then? Why are you going to open a B&B? I guess you could argue that Bodie does the cooking but he's been absent for so long that I'm starting to think he split town and Bessie is a single mom now. So, who's going to cook for your guests if you suck at it, Bessie? Anyway, they reminisce about what a great cook their mom is and mention that they are happy that they are going over to Grams' place for Thanksgiving.

Gail checks on Dawson and mentions that she saw Helen Lindley (Jen's mom) in town and wonders what it means. Dawson says he can't guess and then Gail asks if he thinks they are talking about Eve. Huh, so I guess Dawson told his mom about the whole Eve thing? Anyway, Dawson says probably not because he never told Jen about Eve because he's a gutless tool. Gail is surprised by his restraint which is kind of hilarious but Dawson reaffirms my suspicions by saying he is just gutless. I'm pretty sure this scene just exists to remind us of the whole Eve is Jen's half-sister nonsense.

Grams tries to talk to Jen about the fact that her mother is in town but Jen is rightfully pissed and doesn't want to talk to her. Grams points out that it might be good that Jen's mother arrived because now she and Jen can finally discuss their feelings. Grams says that she's super proud of Jen and how far she's come since she got here 14 months ago. Ok, so season 1 and 2 are supposed to be one year and this is the second year. Sorry, I just needed to point that out to myself because the timelines on this show are kind of hard to follow. Jen agrees to at least go back to the house and greet the guests.

I love softer Grams

At the Lindley's, Pacey arrives at the same time as Andie and Jack do. He's taken aback because Andie and Jack weren't supposed to come but it turns out, their father bailed on them again.

Jack: Well, that was plan A, but he got stuck in Chicago. You know, any other dad would find a plane, train, automobile … anything to see his kids. But not Joseph McPhee.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Joseph McPhee, the worst parent in Capeside indefinitely. Seriously, Andie and Jack might as well get emancipated because they live sufficiently enough with no parents around anyways.

Pacey and Andie awkward a bit and then argue over who should go and who should stay. Jack tells them both to get over themselves and stuff it because it would be rude to not show up when Grams was nice enough to invite them all. I don't know whether I agree with this logic, especially since it might result in everyone being subjected to their unbearable break up tension.

Joey remarks to Dawson that it's weird to see his parents together again but that she's happy for him that they are getting along. Dawson looks moody about it. Grams gathers everyone inside while Jen offers to take everyone's coats.

Jen heads upstairs with the coats, only to run into her mother again. Helen asks Jen to zip up her dress and says how beautiful Jen has become. Jen looks a little uncomfortable with the compliment. Helen then says that she has something for Jen and takes out a felt case from her luggage. She opens it to reveal a pearl necklace that apparently had been given to her from Grams and she wants to pass them down to Jen. Jen says thanks but no thanks to the pearls because she'd have no where to wear them in Capeside. Jen's mom tells her to save them for a special occasion but Jen says that she taught her that pearls lose their lustre if they're not worn. Jen points out that pearls are like people in that regard, they shouldn't be hidden away, they should be held close and cherished. She then peaces out.

I'm out, bitch!

Dawson and Joey ask Jen about her mother but Jen is really ticked about it and complains that her mother has done nothing but stare at her with a mild disregard since she was thirteen. Cue Joey being mopey about the fact that she doesn't have a mother. I know, I'm mean about this but Joey does bring it up at any opportunity she can. However, in this instance it is justified and she's a lot more humble about it, so yay for character improvement. She points out to Jen that time is short and that she should at least try and talk to her mother and resolve things before it's too late.

Dawson takes it upon himself to talk to Jen's mother and to introduce himself as Jen's ex boyfriend because it was super imperative that Jen's mother know that she dated Dawson. Dawson is a tool. He also tells Helen about Eve and basically tells her to tell Jen about it. Helen is obviously taken aback by this and says that since Eve left town, there is no reason to tell Jen. She then leaves because who the hell wants to be stuck in a room with Dawson Leery?

Pacey talks to Jack about Andie while Andie talks to Joey about Pacey. Pacey vents about how much he's hurting over the break up with Andie while Andie confesses how much she regrets hurting Pacey and how much she's hurting now because of it. Joey does her best to comfort Andie and it's really sweet. I wish this show would focus more on friendships, especially female ones.

The gang has finished their thanksgiving feast and are going around the table and saying what they are thankful for. Since this world revolves around Dawson and his friends, they are the only ones shown giving their thanks. Most of the thanks go smoothly, until we get to Jen.

Jen: Let me think. Well, I– keeping with the theme I guess I’d like to give thanks for second chances. For the opportunity to try and rebuild bridges once thought beyond repair. And for the promise of many more Thanksgiving’s to come.

This causes Helen to walk away from the table in a hurry. Grams starts to follow her but Jen offers to go after her instead.

Jen catches up with her mother and apologizes for upsetting her, claiming that she was just being honest. Helen claims that she wasn't upset at all but just thinking. Sure, you ran off from the table and caused a scene just because you were thinking and not upset. No, apparently Helen was just super happy that Jen has such great friends and thinks that she did the right thing sending Jen here. Jen counters that "sending" isn't the way she'd put it and points out that as good as friends are, they still aren't family. Helen admits that Jen is right and says she's sorry she wasn't there for her.

Jen then gets very upset and it's really heartbreaking and I wish that I liked this episode better because of it. She confronts her mother about why she never called or wrote letters and how much it hurt that she shut her out. Helen claims that she wanted to and tried but ultimately didn't. Jen then says this:

Right in the feels

Helen tries to say that Jen didn't really do anything wrong which doesn't jibe with the whole, being sent to live with your Grandma in Capeside thing. Helen says she will try and explain everything.

Dawson confronts his parents about their chummy behaviour because he can't stand it anymore. I'll give this to him because it's very teenagery and also kind of justified considering how confusing it would be to have your divorced parents living together and getting along so well but for some reason not getting back together. He demands that they be honest with him about what's going on.

Cut back to Jen and Helen. Helen has just finished telling Jen about Eve and Jen is rightfully pissed. Instead of her mother sharing her past experience with Jen and helping her through her own troubles, Helen instead became a hypocrite and pushed her away. Helen insists that was more to do with her father which kind of paints this picture of Mr. Lindley in my mind where he's this rich socialite and Helen is trying to be his perfect wife and has to hide her past from him at any cost. It's kind of sad and I think I'm right because Helen is just a really blank person which Jen calls her out for. Jen says that Helen is afraid of being alone because the day she is, she'll have to look inside herself and find what Jen's known for years, that there's nothing there.

Joey goes to talk to Dawson and asks him how his conversation with his parents went. He tells her that their divorce was made final and that they are officially no longer married. He apparently told them "congratulations" in probably the most self-righteous way imaginable because he's Dawson and walked off. He does concede that any decision at this point is probably a good thing but that he's still upset. Joey understands and Dawson asks if they can just hang out and talk for a while.

Jen has decided to use her anger to finally break into casual sex with Pacey. She is dragging him out to a back shed so that she can fuck away her anger which can be a fairly solid plan with the right person. Pacey sees through her desire and asks her how things went with her mother. Jen tells him that her mother was basically like her but still punished her for it and Pacey tries to make her feel better by telling her that sometimes seeing your parents as people can be a bit liberating. Jen starts to cry and he comforts her because he's awesome.

Aw, this is why they work better as friends

Jen goes back to confront Helen and says that she promises not to spill anything to her father because it's not her place but she does not regret anything that she said to her. Helen says that it's ok because she deserved it. She then begs Jen not to make the same mistakes as her, marrying a cold man because then she'll wake up when she's 40 and be clouded with regret. Jen asks her why she doesn't just divorce him and Helen explains that when women like her get divorced, they get forgotten by all the other socialites and just disappear. Jen then realizes that she was sent away not because Helen hated her but because Helen hated herself. Helen apologizes for not telling Jen that and making her feel unloved but says that she doesn't have to worry that Jen will turn out like her because she's already so much stronger. They hug, Helen leaves and Jen asks her to call sometime.

Jen then finds that all of her friends have stayed and it's really sweet. She apologizes to Pacey for throwing herself at him but Pacey shrugs it off and says that it's not every day a beautiful woman throws herself at him. She then thanks him for being a gentleman enough not to let her go through with it.

They rejoin the group and they all remark about how cool it is that they all ended up as good friends. Joey then throws some foreshadowing down by saying that she's sure they'll find some reason to be estranged soon enough. But right at this moment they are friends and it is kind of nice.

Besties!

You know, I wish they'd done more to build these characters as friends because it would create some more meaningful and interesting dynamics then just who's dating who. I wish they'd hang out as friends more often on this show.

Despite a few bright spots in this episode, Jen confronting her mother and the gang hanging out, it's just really forgettable to me. Nothing really of interest happens here. To be honest, when Dawson said that the divorce was final, it didn't come as a shock to me, I thought they'd already gotten divorced. Jen and Pacey are still dancing around the idea of a fuck buddy relationship but really do work better as friends so nothing new there either. And the Helen situation was weird. She came down suddenly because her husband was on a business trip but why did she never try to come before if she was so against what her husband thought? She didn't come to ask Jen to come home so why did she come? Really, the only reason she was here was so that they could quickly close out the Eve subplot that had already died out. It was rushed and boring and wasn't nearly the dramatic payoff that I would have liked. It smacked of the writers saying "There, see? We addressed it! Now get off our backs about the Eve thing so that we can get back to relationship drama!" Therefore, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner just falls flat as an episode to me and it bored me.

Exactly

Let's hope that the next episode, Four To Tango will be a lot more interesting.

Dawson's Creek - 307 - Escape From Witch Island

Original air date: November 17, 1999

Guys, I am super excited to be recapping this episode for many reasons. 1) I love ghost/spooky stories and always welcomed the scary specials in shows with open arms, 2) This is so horribly done that it's awesome and it leads to humiliation for Dawson so yay! and 3) It is such an obvious rip off/cash in of the popularity of The Blair Witch Project that the episode itself points it out to us on multiple occasions. If we point out that we're aware that we're ripping something off, it totally becomes an homage! Also, it's kind of hilarious that they once again air their "scary special" well after Halloween. Gushing out of the way, let us dive into, Escape From Witch Island.

We open the episode in...holy crap! Dawson still has that movie store job? I forgot almost completely about it. Was it shown at all last season? Crazy. Well, apparently, Dawson still works at the movie store and Joey comes barging in looking for a copy of The Crucible. Joey's been a bad girl who has forgotten to do her reading amidst the whole B&B building at her house and helping her sister care for Alexander (you remember, the illegitimate baby Bessie had with a black man?) Dawson is confused because he's a shitty friend, unlike Pacey, and didn't realize that she wasn't working with Creepy McSexualharasser anymore or that she and her sister were turning their home into a B&B. In turn, Joey didn't realize that Eve had left town and it's kind of hilarious that this is the only thing that she doesn't know about Dawson's life. Like, she's been going through shit with her boss hitting on her constantly, then firing her for basically not dating him/interfering with him getting some with Andie, and that she is working with her sister to open a B&B. Whereas the most interesting thing that happened to Dawson that Joey didn't know about was that his sexy fantasy girl has skipped town.

Stay interesting, Dawson

So, Dawson tells Joey that there may be a way to get out of writing a paper on The Crucible and that is if she helps him, Pacey and Jen make a movie. Joey is hurt that she wasn't invited in the first place but gracefully moves it along and asks what the movie is about. Such an improvement on her character, season 1 Joey would probably have lashed out at him or something and then sulked in Dawson's closet. Dawson tells her that he is making his movie on witch trials that happened in their own backyard on a place called Witch Island. Ooooohhh, spooooooookyy.

YEP!

I love how painfully aware the writers are that they are just ripping off a popular movie that they think if they mention it, it absolves them from the laziness of ripping it off in the first place. Either that or they think the audience is so stupid that they need to be told what movie they are trying to make the episode like and be reminded of it constantly throughout the episode. You decide. Either way, I am posting a screen grab of every time the movie's name is dropped for my own amusement. With that aside, Joey agrees to tag along and the episode gets on its merry way.

After the credits roll, we are treated to what Blair Witch did at the beginning of their movie, interviews with locals about the incident. Principal Green is the one who sets up the legend by telling us that in 1692, thirteen young girls, teenagers, were banished to a small island off the New England coast for practicing witchcraft. One year later, a fire broke out on the island, killing them all. Oooohhhh! We also get Mitch telling us it was a make out spot and Gail telling us that the island was where she and Mitch fucked for the first time (but with cleaner network TV language) and Dawson gets uncomfortable much to my amusement. Loving this so far. Then we get Jen name dropping again:

Me either, Jen

Joey admits the movie scared her and Pacey bugs her about being a scaredy cat, nice that they've kept that consistent with her character. Also this:

Awwwwwww

Then we get Dawson name dropping:

He would think that

Then we get the four of them bantering about witches. Jen says she thinks the witch trials were just a way for men to punish women who were sexually free and then Joey snarks that it's good that Jen lives in a time where she is free of persecution. Uhhhhmmmm, not entirely true. I mean, yeah, we don't get burned at the stake anymore but women are still slut shamed hardcore to this day, by people like Dawson. Jen takes Joey's bitchiness in a playful manner and jokes that she would've been burned at the stake by now. I guess this means they are kind of friends now? I don't know, Joey's comment was pretty damn catty though.

Dawson asks Joey to help him set up for interviews and leaves Jen and Pacey to talk about why they've never dated. Pacey says it's because they never needed anything from each other. Jen was over experienced and needed someone like Dawson to slut shame her be virginal with her and he needed someone who would push him to become a better person. It's pretty sound logic, I suppose and Jen is impressed with his deconstruction skills.

Andie is being annoying and pushy with Principal Green about the whole Head of Discipline Committee stuff. She says she has some ideas she'd like to run past him. Not interested in this subplot because the writers have made me dislike this character. I'm sorry, Andie.

Dawson yammers on about how happy he is that they get to do this again and Joey is all super excited and happy as well, until Dawson reveals that he's talking about making movies not them being friends again. Joey is hurt and Dawson stammers that he's missed the whole "let's make a movie bug" that they shared (Jesus, he's selfish and is still making things about him and his movies) but that he's glad they're friends.

Joey is sad

I think this moment right here totally justifies the series finale. Also, don't worry, Joey. You're going to have a much better love interest this season.

Dawson interviews Grams and Bessie about Witch Island next. Grams is completely doom and gloom about the whole thing which I'm torn on. On the one hand, it does seem to be in character for her to think that the girls were "harlots" who totally deserved to be banished to the island and that the Lord punished them for their sins via fire but...what about Jen? I thought Grams had softened at least a little bit towards Jen and her past? I don't know why it bugs me because it does seem that Grams really does believe that the girls were witches but I guess her use of the word "harlot" saddened me.

Bessie tells the story of a kid in her high school who went to the island and disappeared. Saying some people figured he just got wasted and drowned while others think the witches got him. This is backed up by a girl who tells them that a bunch of kids have gone missing at the island but she doesn't think it was the witches that got them. She believes that it was the CIA or NSA because she's clearly a government conspiracy theorist.

The gang is at the dock and ready to be taken out to Witch Island. Dawson wants to interview their boat driver but he'll only do it if Dawson answers his questions. The guy then pulls out his own camcorder and asks Dawson what his movie is about. Dawson tells him that he's making a documentary about Witch Island. Then Dawson asks what the guy is making a movie on and he hilariously responds with "I'm making a documentary about all the people making a documentary about Witch Island." And I just laughed and laughed at that because Dawson is the most uncreative person on Earth and the show just proved it for me. Also

Another Blair Witch plug!

The guy then weirdly tries to scare them off about the island, saying that they shouldn't get caught there after dark but then tells them to get aboard anyway. Alright.

At Witch Island, they are greeted by a girl called Wendy. She is a tour guide from the Capeside Historical Society and...hold up. So, this island is a popular hang out spot but it's also a historical site that also has a gift shop? You'd think that they'd close the place off and have security in that case. Otherwise people would be vandalizing a historical landmark and possibly stealing things from their business. I don't understand the logic of this place.

Anyway, Jen and Pacey head off to the gift shop for snacks and to check out the souvenirs. Wendy then confronts Dawson and asks him if he's making a movie. Side note: does Dawson not have to get boat guy and Wendy to sign a consent form to be able to film them? Does he not have to get permits to film on the island? Also this:

I'm going to have to start counting this up because this is getting ridiculous

Wendy then offers to take them to the cemetery because apparently, the townspeople bothered to make these girls, who were banished for being evil witches in their books, gravestones. Yeah, sure, I buy that. Also, Dawson gets snippy with Joey because Blair Witch was just a movie but his film is real. Also,

See?

In the gift shop, Jen finds a spell book and a spell for luring the object of your affections. Pacey scoffs at the idea of the spell working and Jen says she wants to try it out. She says she'll try it out on him since he is in no way attracted to her and Pacey very quickly agrees to that assessment, which hurts Jen's feelings. Pacey then tells her that she's gorgeous, just not his type which makes her feel better. Jen agrees that Pacey is not her type either, than they trade barbs over their failed past relationships. Pacey bugs her about dating Ty the "bible beater" and Chris Wolfe the "skirt chaser" but Jen's shot is much harsher.

Jen: This from the guy whose last two relationships have ended with the girl either leaving town to avoid prosecution or cool out in crazy camp for the summer.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

Back at the cemetery, Joey proves how super smart and special she is by proving she can count. She points out that there are only twelve graves when there were thirteen witches. Wendy is super amazed by how super smart Joey is because no one else has ever picked up on this fact. No one. Only Joey was smart enough to notice. Mark this down as stage one in Joey's transformation into the most perfectest Mary Sue of Capeside. She's mostly good this season but she definitely devolves into the writers' dream girl.

Anyway, Wendy explains that the thirteenth girl is named Mary Waldeck and her body was never found. I still find it odd that the townspeople cared enough to look for them...unless I guess you could say they wanted to make sure they were dead but then why go through the trouble of making gravestones for any of them? I guess you could say that the Historical Society created the cemetery as a tribute but then why not include all girls and just write on her tombstone that her body was never discovered? This makes no sense to me. But, whatever, just go with it. The story is that Mary was an orphan and was adopted by a family with a son. She and the son fell in love, the parents were icked out by this because they wanted them to be siblings, labelled her a witch, and shipped her off to the island so that their son would meet someone else.

Now, the interesting thing about this story is that it kind of parallels Jen's back story. Look at this line about Mary:

Wendy: One night, Mary and William were found in bed together. This did not go over well with the god-fearing Bennet’s, and in the blink of an eye, Mary was no longer their daughter. She was a witch.

Is that not exactly what happened to Jen, minus the whole adopted sibling as sex partner and being labelled a witch? She was caught in bed with a guy and she was no longer her parents' daughter, she was a slut and had to be shipped off to Capeside. This could have been a very powerful scene for Jen to be a part of and to help her in her struggles with her past but nope. The writers aren't smart enough to realize that they wrote the same back story for a ghost story nor to actually use it as a way to explore an actual character's past. Nope, let's have her be a side plot in this episode and never mention the similarities. Lazy writing, FTW!

No, you want to know what they think this parallels? Why, Dawson and Joey's relationship of course! Joey points out that they are soul mates torn apart by circumstance and that this is what his movie should be about. Dawson ignores her and asks Wendy where the fire started. Wendy tells them it started at the church so Dawson asks if she'll take them there. Now, this is the really hilarious part.

Wendy: No. Because I never ever go into the woods. And if you kids are smart, you won't either. But if you do decide to go, we do have maps in the gift shop.

You...you're a tour guide and a historical worker who's job it is to take people to see the sights on the island and explain the history but you've never gone to the church where the fire actually took place? On top of that, you won't risk your life to go to the church but you're perfectly willing to let teenagers go alone and possibly damage a historic landmark because you're too scared to supervise them? You suck at your job, Wendy.

Back at the gift shop, Jen has made her spell because apparently, this gift shop comes stocked with every ingredient you need and a cauldron to mix it in. Weird. Both she and Pacey drink the potion but before they can really see if it works, Wendy interrupts and is super pissed that they are doing this. Guess you should actually supervise the people who come to the island then. Idiot. She then grabs a map and shoves it at Dawson and Joey and then says this:

Wendy: Here, this will take you through the woods and to the church. And, oh yeah, don't get lost because it's very dark, it's very dangerous, and there's an excellent chance that you will never be seen or heard from again, okay?

Liability? What's that? Now, take this map and go through the extremely dark and dangerous woods to a historical site that I refuse to go to and try not to get killed. Worst. Tour guide. Ever. This is laughably bad and is clearly just a way for the writers to only have our main characters at the church, despite the fact that it doesn't make a lick of sense.

The four argue as they make their way through the woods. Joey thinks that William forgot about Mary while Dawson thinks that if they were meant to be, they found a way to each other. They bicker with each other until Jen calls them irritating. Thank you, Jen. Pacey then leaves the gang to find a private place in the woods to go relieve himself. Sorry, I wasn't going to trouble you with that detail but it sort of comes into play later.

Back at Capeside to Andie's unimportant and forgotten story. Seriously, did any of you remember she was in this episode? Well, it has nothing to do with what's going on with the main four so of course you did. It also serves to make her more annoying as she is passing out slips to every student in the hallways for nitpick-y wrongs they've done. These infractions include, wearing spaghetti straps which is laughable because all of the main girls have worn them at some point on this show, a guy hanging pin up girls in his locker, and a guy who has sideburns. Sideburns. Riveting stuff, guys.

What happened to you?
Also, I refuse to believe Sideburns is a high school student

Oh and Belinda makes an appearance as she seems to watch Andie and get some sort of idea. What it is, I have no fucking clue because she doesn't talk at all and there is literally only this scene and one last one at the very end of this episode so both this subplot and the Belinda appearance are pointless.

Back at the church, the gang learn that the townspeople built the church so that the girls would find God. They sent a minister every Sunday but the girls teased him so much, he stopped coming. Both Jen and I agree that we could hang with these girls. Jen wonders absently if Pacey loves her yet, because of the potion while Joey...maybe discovers that the girls were murdered? She says that men treated the island as a brothel and the Churchies didn't like that, so they took all the girls into the very church they are standing in and lit it on fire. t don't know, this episode is very confusing. Like, clearly people have been in here before because there are a shit ton of candles and if the island burned down, and it started in the church, then I'm assuming that someone came and rebuilt the church and included all of the information. Which means, that it should be common knowledge that the girls were murdered but Joey acts like no one knew this before. Also, if this is clearly part of the island's attractions, since someone must have rebuilt the church recently, then why the hell wouldn't it be included in Wendy's tour? You get my confusion?

Dawson decides that it's time to go back to the boat since it is starting to get dark but Pacey hasn't returned yet (see? Told you it was kind of important). Jen offers to stay and find him and tells Joey and Dawson to head back to the dock to make sure that the boat guy doesn't leave without them.

Joey and Dawson argue all the way back to the dock. Joey calls Dawson out for being an absent jerk and a shit friend because he doesn't know anything going on in her life, nor does he seem to care about asking but just assumes they are still friends. Dawson apologizes for being distant but insists he thought it was what they needed. Before they can get too into it as to actually start discussing things, they hear the boat motor start up and run towards the docks.

Boat Guy is happy to see them and urges them onto the boat. Joey explains that they can't leave because they got split up from their friends. Then Boat Guy calls them stupid and says he told them not to get caught on the island at night. Dawson assures him that they'll be back any minute but Boat Guy pretty much says "fuck that, you guys are on your own. I'll be back in the morning to pick up your corpses." Like, what the hell kind of business does this guy run? No one questions him bringing people onto the island and leaving them there, especially if they've gone missing? If I were a cop, he'd be the first person I'd question and he would be a top suspect on my list of suspects. "Oh, so another group of kids went missing and you brought them there? Why didn't you bring them back? Oh, you were too scared to wait a couple of minutes? Are you a coward or a serial killer?" Hmmmm...

Boat Guy and Henry are in cahoots! 

Jen and Pacey are walking through the woods with a flashlight, trying to find their way back to the dock and Jen says this:

Jen: Yeah, I know. I gotta say, the idea of a wholesome, biblically-themed meal this evening with Grams isn't sounding too gosh-darned unappealing. I'd even consider saying grace. But instead I am traipsing around some haunted forest with the likes of you.

Good job, writers. You have raised another major plot hole in this episode. What about everyone's parents? Where the hell are they and why wouldn't they be like, why didn't they come home? What? You left our children on the fucking island!? Well, since I, Mitch, have a speed boat, I will be a man and go get the kids so they don't freeze out there in the dark. This episode is so gloriously stupid and poorly thought out.

Anyway, they get to talking about their failed love lives and come to the conclusion that love fucks everything up. They also agree that sex is good. Thus begins the very weird sub-plot of Pacey and Jen attempting to be fuck buddies. Let's chalk this up to the writers trying to be more risqué with the series to draw ratings with the younger viewers.

In the gift shop, Joey is reading from the diary of Mary Walbeck. I don't know how such a thing was obtained if the island caught fire but nice touch that the author (or compiler?) is Wendy. Anyway, Joey reads some line about Mary not hearing from William and wondering if their bond was an illusion and then Dawson is all butt hurt and asking if that's what Joey thinks of them, that their bond was an illusion.

Exactly, Dawson

They bicker some more about their relationship and Dawson asks what happened to her romantic side that believes love doesn't die and Joey responds that she offered herself to the boy she loved and who she thought loved her and he rejected her. Dawson doesn't want to deal with that so he just spouts off that if they are meant to be, they will find their way back to each other. Joey doesn't think that will happen and reads another of Mary's diary entries that talks about how her bond with William is growing weaker by the day. Then a bell starts to ring. They assume that it's Pacey and Jen at the church, calling for them and run off to find them. And for some reason, Wendy is still there.

I'm scared of the island and yet I live here. I'm perfectly willing to let teenagers
risk their lives to go to a church that I supposedly don't go to but obviously
studied because reasons! I also don't lock any of the buildings at night and let
everyone wander around my gift shop, free to take anything they want despite
the fact that this is how the island probably makes its money to
keep everything taken care of. I'm awesome at my job!

They all meet up at the church but none of them rang the bell. The bell is ringing on its own. Scratch that, there is no bell! Dun, dun, DUN!

Shit just got real!

Joey says she is sufficiently "wigged" and I laugh because that is such a Buffy thing to say and then I think that she could handle this ghost witches nonsense much better than anyone on this show could. Then I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if Buffy showed up right now and saved them all?" and my brain spiralled into a much better episode than what I'm watching right now because it would totally kick ass if Buffy showed up on the supernatural episode of Dawson's Creek and she'd punch Dawson for being a slut shamer, and would totally get with Pacey. Oh my god, Puffy! Their shipper name could be Puffy! This is just writing itself. And...OK, I'll get back to the actual episode now. Still...

Oh my god, yes! Somebody made this a thing! I love you, Internet.

Apparently, not long after being wigged, Joey is comfortable enough to chill and start reading more diary entries. Jen asks her how it is and Joey explains that Mary just got a letter from William. Mary wrote that William promised to take her away and the anniversary is the same day that the gang is on the island. The last entry is that one. How convenient. Joey remarks that love isn't enough and that William probably played her for a fool and then got with some main lander instead. Jen gives her a much needed reality check.

Jen: And I hate to be the one to burst this whole subtextual bubble that you're living in, but do me a favour, Joey. Don't let somebody else's love life dictate your own.

Exactly! Especially since Mary's banishment works far better as subtext for Jen's life but whatever. The writers hate Jen for some reason.

Pacey asks Dawson why he's not filming anymore and Dawson explains that he's not feeling in the mood to film. He then asks Pacey if he made a mistake. Pacey's response?

And I laughed forever and ever

Dawson clarifies that he means that when he told Joey that they needed time apart. Pacey, being a better friend to Dawson than he deserves, tells Dawson that he wears his heart on his sleeve and that when he made the choice to be apart from Joey, he was just following his heart so he can't have made a mistake in that regard. It's sweet but kind of stupid. I am of the opinion that Dawson has no heart and is in fact, a robot. Just my opinion though.

Later that night, after Dawson and Joey have fallen asleep, Jen and Pacey discuss their plans to be fuck buddies. They test things out by kissing. It's kind of awkward and I can't wait for this to be over. They work better as friends but again, that's just my opinion. They continue kissing until a loud noise interrupts them.

Suddenly, the church erupts into sounds of screams, chanting, and the place lights on fire. They scream and try to get out but can't. A large fireball bursts through a window and everything goes quiet again. The gang quickly run outside because now they can get out for some reason and race through the woods. Due to contrivances and time constraints, there is a boat that is magically at the docks. Who put it there? Who knows? But the plot says a boat is there and the gang pile on it and get the hell off the island, leaving the poor sucker who brought the boat over on the island. Fuck him/her, he's not in the main cast and we'll never mention it again or go over if someone is missing. I think we're made to think the boat guy did it but he was shit scared of being at the island after dark so why would he come back instead of just waiting for them and taking them home at the start? This whole thing is just a big pile of dumb.

The next day or next week or whenever the hell the paper was due, Dawson is showing his film to the class who are staring at it in utter awe and it makes me want to gag. Stop feeding his ego random classmate extras! Principal Green does me a solid by saying this:

A Dawson diss and movie title drop in one!

A girl in class points out that there are two people on the docks watching them leave in Dawson's video. Dawson rewinds the tape and is somehow able to zoom in, even though it's VHS because this was the 90s, bitch. Principal Green is called away to a "situation".

The situation is that Andie has given practically every kid in school a citation and is handing out detention like candy. Oh and Belinda is standing next to her and I guess has joined forces with her but who the fuck knows because she never says a word. Principal Green yells at Andie for giving all of the kids detention based on out dated rules from the 1950s and tells her to dismiss everyone and see him in his office. Belinda, scamper back to the room of forgotten side characters, where you belong.

Jen pops by Pacey's work...hey he also still works at the video store. I guess they are going to bring that back. Maybe. Anyway, she has not been deterred by their disastrous and unexplained interruption of their first foray into fuck buddy town and wants to continue with it. Pacey agrees and they shake on it because neither one of them wants to do it yet.

Dawson and Joey bicker over whether the people on the docks are the ghosts of Mary and William or just Wendy and Boat Guy messing with them. That would be epic and I'm inclined to agree with Joey that it was just those two dicking them around. It would at least somewhat explain why they were so cavalier about the gang supposedly risking their lives. Yeah the fire at the church thing was weird but it's not like anyone is going to talk about this episode past this or explore it further.  So, sure I buy that Wendy and Boat Guy  staged a fire show and were playing recordings to spook a bunch of kids for their own amusement. Whatever.

Dawson apologizes to Joey for taking their friendship for granted and for being selfish enough that they could just easily pick up where they left off like nothing happened. Joey thanks him but says it was partly her fault as well. Which is true, she's the one that dumped him epically last season. They agree to be friends and to take things slowly.

Joey then mentions that they are never going to solve this "X-File" (because that was also a thing back then) and Dawson suggests that they go back for a sequel. Joey is not for that idea and says this:

Spoilers, it does not open well and I can't wait

Thus endeth the episode. Well, that was Escape From Witch Island and while it was not a strong episode, by any means, it was a very entertaining and memorable episode. I was looking forward to this one from the start of these reviews because it's one of the ones that really stuck out in my head. The Blair Witch Project was name dropped a total of 7 times this episode and it makes me kind of excited for the No Doubt episode in season 6. How many times will they name drop No Doubt, do you think? More or less than The Blair Witch Project? Place your bets now.

Next up is Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Seriously, guess. Who's it gonna be? I'll give you a hint, it's not Eve or Belinda because they've been banished to the room of forgotten side characters.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!