So, this episode is kind of a chore for me to get through. It's ok, there is nothing really wrong with it, it's just that it's kind of sandwiched between some Pacephine heavy episodes and acts as a blocker, delaying my sweet, sweet gratification. Also, it's kind of some bullshit but, we'll get into that later because said bullshit is a bit spoilery. Onto the recap!
We start the episode with a rousing PTA meeting where the town of Capeside basically rallies against Principal Green for being black too harsh on Matt Caulfield. But, come on, we all know that they dislike Green because he's black and an outsider. The town of Capeside is just full of the worst people in existence and it is completely white. Mr. Caulfield (Matt's dad) is trying to paint Mr. Green as a tyrant but one woman in the town has it right and calls Mr. Caulfield out for being a shitty parent who raised a brat son. Joey tries to stand up for Principal Green but Mr. Caulfield basically tells her that her opinion is not valid because her family is not "traditional" with good Christian values or something. I hate this character, just FYI in case it's not super obvious.
After the credits, we cut to outside the PTA meeting where Gail bumps into the hot new news reporter who is covering the story. The hot girl is catty to Gail and basically calls her washed up. Gail is not amused but tries to remain civil, asking what her story is. The hot girl is going for the Principal is whacko story, to no one's surprise.
Gail is even less amused
Joey and Pacey are walking together (because LOVE!!) and talking about the meeting. Joey complains that they don't get a say and that most people who do get a say are usually too lazy to do anything about it. Pacey encourages Joey to try to rally the troops and get Principal Green his job back.
Later, Joey is talking on the phone to AJ (he's still a thing, apparently) and he tells her basically the same thing that Pacey does but Pacey is way better. Bessie comes in and says that Joey needs to see something. Joey looks at the tv where hot girl reporter is basically painting Principal Green as whacko.
We see Dawson, Kendra and Principal Green, Pacey, and Gail watching the same thing. Then we cut back to Joey just as Hot Girl claims that Joey said the whole thing was ridiculous and was blown out of proportion, in regards to Matt's punishment, not the town's indictment of Principal Green. Joey is completely horrified and angry which prompts her to agree to stand up for the cause.
The next day, she is putting up posters for a meeting she wants to hold. Pacey comes up to her and is excited that she took his advice and offers to help. Joey says it wasn't his or her idea, it was AJ's. Cue AJ appearing to harsh my Pacephine buzz because he's the worst. Can he go now? Ugh! Anyway, Joey introduces Pacey to AJ and AJ makes a comment about Pacey's name being weird which true (I'd never heard the name before or since this show) but rude! He then arrogantly talks about introducing Capeside to "college protest" because he's such an enlightened and cultured college student, you see?
Go die now, AJ
A random girl tells them to check out outside. They go and see a bunch of protesters holding up signs that are anti-Principal Green. Principal Green shows up and, head held high, walks past the protesters calmly and enters the school after offering for Joey to go first. Because he has class.
Gail and Dawson watch Hot Girl report the popular opinion instead of the truth as they work on her restaurant. Dawson talks about how proud he is of Joey and that he feels a part of it and I barf because he wasn't a part of her decision at all, all that confidence came from Pacey. Sit down, and shut up, Dawson. Gail complains about Hot Girl getting the story wrong and Dawson suggests that she report the real story herself. He can film it, of course. She agrees.
Next day, outside the Superintendent's office, Joey and her group are setting up their own protest. Joey laments the fact that she doesn't have that many people on her side and I'm getting super bored, you guys. You have no idea. Can we get to Pacephine, please? I want melodrama, not boring PTA, pseudo-political crap. Where's my fluff, show? WHERE'S MY FLUFF!?
I needs it...
Ugh, so AJ is still kind of a dick to Pacey, not outright or anything just...I don't know he has an "I'm better than you" attitude about him. Gail prepares to interview Joey and Hot Girl comes up and tries to belittle her before asking Joey for a follow up interview.
Go Joey!
Joey frustrates me by ignoring Pacey's advice and going for AJ's advice. Stop it, Joey. No one cares about AJ. Anyway, she goes in to see the Superintendent because AJ thought it would be a good idea. The Superintendent is a jack ass, Joey lies about how much support her cause has and how many signatures she's managed to gather but I don't think he's buying it because he basically pats her on the head and hurries her along back to school.
Is this episode over yet? I'm sooooo boooored!
Dawson and Gail show up at Principal Green's house to interview him. Principal Green is all stubborn and doesn't want to tell his side of the story. Kendra tries to convince her dad to talk but he sticks to his guns and remains silent.
So, so bored
At the Potter B&B, Pacey is pointing out that it was not a good idea to lie about how much support they have while AJ is just a tool who defends the fact that she had to lie to gain respect or some junk. Jack and Andie are trying to rally more people to come by posting on the Capeside web site about it and making phone calls. Jack has also designed posters which will be printed for them for free because Pacey talked the copy person into it because he's awesome. Joey is shocked to hear he did this and Jen totally has his back by reassuring Joey that he did. I love Jen.
Joey pisses me off further by gushing to AJ about how great he is for convincing her to do this rally and how she could never have done it without him and then she kisses him as a poor, dejected Pacey looks on. Jen tries to see if Pacey is ok but he plays it cool and runs off to hang up fliers.
Bessie has gotten a threatening phone call about how she'll lose business if she lets a bunch of high schoolers use her business to "fight the system". Joey doesn't understand this threat because she's super clueless sometimes and it pisses Bessie off.
Bessie and Joey argue in the kitchen about whether or not doing the rally is a good idea while Bodie plays referee between them. Bessie tries to make sure that Joey is fighting a logical cause and Joey points out that she is and that the parents wouldn't be half as upset in different circumstances. Bodie points out that it means that they wouldn't be gunning for Principal Green so hard if he were white, so I was totally right before. Capeside is an awful town full of awful, rich white people. Bessie gives up and storms off.
AJ apologizes to Joey about the awkwardness the rally has caused between her and her sister. Then he decides that this is the best time to totally bail on her because he is the worst. No, that is a lie, Dawson is the worst, always and forever, but AJ still sucks.
Whelp, excuse me while I bail on you when you need me most, because I'm horrible and not Pacey at all
Pacey is angrily hanging posters up when Jen confronts him and asks if he wants to talk about what's bugging him, even though she totally knows already, thanks to Four to Tango but also because she's the best. Pacey tells her that he fell for the worst person he possibly could because she'll never reciprocate and now he feels like the Duckie. (That's a Pretty in Pink reference for all you millenials out there). Basically, Duckie is the friend of the girl who definitely doesn't get the girl in the end. Jen then asks him if he's going to let his hurt feelings and pride get in the way or if he's going to man up and be the most supportive, Duckie-like friend ever.
She's awesome, more Jen please!
Dawson and Gail are waiting to interview the Superintendent which Dawson doesn't want to do. Gail explains that she needs two sides of the story and that a good journalist doesn't pick and choose who's story to tell, they just ask the right questions. Cut to her interviewing the Superintendent who claims that he's looking out for the community in firing Principal Green. Gail gets him to read a document which states that the Superintendent's primary responsibility is looking out for the well-being of students. It's his contract as Superintendent, which he signed and there is no mention of him having to serve the community at all. He's been schooled by Gail. Yay, Gail!
But I'm still fucking bored
Kendra is leaving her house to go to the rally. Principal Green asks her where she is going and she tells him and tries to convince him to come but he refuses. Next.
At the rally, Jen points out to Joey how successful Pacey was at getting people to show up. Pacey then makes an announcement for her and introduces her to the crowd. Joey makes a speech on behalf of Principal Green and asks everyone to share positive stories about him. Andie and another student tell their stories and then Kendra has her say, just as Principal Green arrives.
Principal Green comes up to the stage to make his own speech. He basically thanks them but then says that he's not willing to budge and then leaves. So, thanks for standing up for me but I'm just going to get fired anyway. Thanks for fucking wasting my time, Principal Green. Fuck, this episode.
Jen approaches Pacey after the rally and commends him for being there for Joey in a true Duckie-like manner. She asks him how he feels and he says he feels like dog meat and is sad that Joey didn't even thank him. Jen tells him that she will, one day because every dog has it's day.
Awwwww! Can Jen be my best friend now?
Joey and Bodie are preparing to leave the rally and worried about how mad Bessie will be but TWIST! Bessie was at the rally and is totally proud of Joey. Sisterly love wins in the end.
The next day, Joey apologizes to Mr. Green (because he's no longer Principal) for not fighting for him hard enough and letting him down. Nice going, Mr. Green. He reassures her that he is super proud of her and thanks her for fighting for him. He then leaves the office with his things and walks down the hallway as a crowd of students clap for him. It's all supposed to be pretty bittersweet and a nice send off but it's actually just kind of a piss off.
This is the last we see of Kendra (Nikki on this show but she'll always be Kendra to me). It always irked me why they wrote her out this weirdly, with barely any focus on her or her supposed relationship with Dawson. Why would they write her out like this? Well, the answer will come in a few episodes but it's basically to justify how big an ass Dawson can be when certain things come to light but guess what? It won't justify it in the slightest because Dawson is still an insufferable douchebag with no right to be mad but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Moving on, Gail gets asked to tape an intro for her story at the station, since they want to run it, and is offered a sort of a job back. She turns it down because I guess she just wanted to quit them on her terms and she really does want to run a restaurant. Go figure. I'm still bored, by the way. Can you tell?
Finally we get to the good stuff and end this boring ass episode on a much needed Pacephine moment. Pacey is leading Joey to a place for a surprise. He hands her a paintbrush and confused, she asks if he bought her a paintbrush.
How does Joshua Jackson make 'lame-o' sound so adorable?
So, Joey is absolutely amazed and thrilled because he bought her a wall for her to paint on. She says that he always finds a way to challenge her in new and exciting ways and then she thanks him. Pacey smiles adorably and says that it's about time she thanked him. He then walks off and lets her figure out what she wants to do with her wall.
Thus endeth To Green, With Love which is quite possibly the most boring and dry episode of the series. Not sure because I haven't made it past season 3 of my rewatch yet, as I don't like to get too ahead of myself, but it's just got to be. This was no fun to watch and was a long and drawn out excuse to write out two side characters so that Dawson has reason to be mad in the future. You see, he couldn't be mad if he had a love interest around and...ok, I'll save this rant for later. It's still a dull episode and I'm glad it's over. Thankfully, we are getting to the juicy stuff now. Next episode is Cinderella Story, which introduces the worst child character ever. Stay tuned.
This has got to be one of my favourite episodes of Glee. Well, most of season 1 is packed with my favourite episodes but this one is high on the list along with Vitamin D which I cannot wait to get to. But let's focus on the episode in question shall we?
So this episode starts off with Will Schuester in a pretty good mood. He's head of the Glee club and even has a fancy license plate that says "Glee" on it to advertise this fact. Rachel bounds up to him with sheet music, saying that she's found a bunch of songs that would feature her as lead vocalist but Mr. Schue cheerfully informs her that he has a song picked out. Finn shows up next to her and offers to carry her bag for her which distracts her from her quest to gain more leads.
Mr. Schue then passes by Artie, Tina, and Mercedes who informs him that they are learning runs. Schue does a vocal run with them before reminding them about Glee rehearsals that afternoon. Then he strolls merrily past Kurt, Puck and some jocks near a dumpster, completely oblivious to the fact that they are about to toss Kurt in to said dumpster and cheers on the school's team, the Titans. Once Mr. Schue is gone, Puck and his friends move to toss Kurt in but first, Kurt hands them his bag (so it doesn't get dirtied) and then drops this most epic of lines:
Ah Kurt, I loved you once...
Seriously, I want you guys to remember this characterization of Kurt because it is wonderful and it is going to be completely undone in the next half of this season and onwards. To the point that the very season finale rewrites this character and pisses me off to no end because season 1 Kurt...First 13 Episodes Kurt, is magical.
We then go back to Mr. Schue as he continues on his blissfully ignorant way down the school hallway. Emma is waiting for him but pretends to just bump into him so that they can cutely banter together. I forgot how, kind of conniving and crazy Emma was in the beginning. I kind of love it. She's super crazy, like basically she's this girl:
She even has the same buggy eyes
Emma points out that they match since they are both wearing periwinkle.
Oh hey, we totally match for some reason. No, I was not the one
peeping in your bedroom window as you dressed this morning...
Santana and Quinn walk up to them and tell Schue that Sue wants to see him in her office and that she doesn't like to be kept waiting. Schue nervously agrees to go.
Will enters Sue's office apprehensively. She's busy working out but dismounts and offers Will an iron pill because they "keep your strength up while menstruating" which leads to probably one of my favourite throw away quotes from Sue ever:
Wait, what?
I just love that line delivery, just matter of fact statement that leaves you hanging and wondering what the fuck is up with her? I like this version of Sue, she's hilarious and not yet ruined by bad writing.
Anyway, Sue tells Will that Figgins is going to cut the Glee Club if they don't place at regionals. On top of this, they can't even qualify for regionals if they don't have 12 members and by Sue's count, they only have 5 and a half (she's counting Artie as half a person because he's in a wheel chair, you see). Sue then tells Will to just disband the glee club and join her Cheerios team as her assistant. Will "politely declines" her offer and tells her that glee is here to stay even if she is used to being the "cock of the walk"
Meanwhile, in the school hallway, Rachel is listening in to a conversation between Quinn and Finn. Quinn is trying to convince Finn to quit glee so that they have a shot at being homecoming king and queen. She tries to tempt him to quit by offering him the ability to touch her boobs, under the shirt but over the bra. Finn is conflicted but ultimately declines because he wants to be in glee because it makes him happy. Quinn is furious because everyone thinks he's gay now and so what does that make her?
Finn leaves and Quinn spots Rachel eavesdropping. She tells Rachel that she can sing with Finn and dance with him but she will never have him. Rachel says that she is an honourable person (laughable considering next episode spoilery stuff), so she doesn't need to steal her boyfriend. She then says that glee's stock is rising while hers in falling and she'll just have to deal with it.
In conclusion, Glee's stock has not risen at all...
or at least, Rachel's hasn't
We cut to the glee club practicing Le Freak by Chic but they are clearly not into it. Mercedes stops the practice to complain about Rachel almost kicking her in the face and to flat out tell Will that his song choice sucks. Will tries to tell them that the song is fine, they just need more energy but even Kurt objects.
You know a song is gay when...
Will tells them that they don't have time to discuss this as they are performing the song in front of the whole school on Friday. Naturally, the entire club is mortified at the thought. Will tells them that it's important that they perform well at the assembly because they need recruits as they can't qualify for regionals without 12 members. He then assures them that his club took nationals with Le Freak because it's a crowd pleaser.
Will and Terri are looking at a ginormous house with a realtor. Will explains that the hunt for a newer and bigger home happened because Terri's sister convinced her that they had to upgrade to a bigger home for the new baby. So, here they are looking at what appears to be a mcmansion and Terri is gasping in delight over banisters made by Ecuadorian children, grand foyers, and sun nooks. Will points out that they can't afford the house but Terri scoffs at this and shows him a frilly pink bedroom.
Will says he loves it but that they still can't afford it. Terri says it's her very own "Sophie's Choice" before saying she'd take the grand foyer and give up the sun nook. Will relents and says that he'll sign the papers while thinking about how he'll need to get a part-time job.
In the choir room the next day, Kurt and Mercedes are arguing and I hear him say that she looks like a "Technicolor zebra" which should totally be the name of a band. Anyway, Will comes in and tells them that they are going to do a Kanye song which gets them all excited until Will says that they are still doing disco at the assembly. He says that communication is key and they asked for modern music so he listened and is giving it to them. Artie says that they'd like to not do disco at the assembly but Will ignores him while passing out the sheet music and telling Finn he has the solo. Finn declines in a panic, saying he isn't ready. Will tells him that he'll walk him through it and we are introduced to the first of many "Will raps" sessions.
Quick aside: a lot of people hate Will rapping. A. Lot. I'm actually not one of them. *ducks for cover amidst boos and rotten fruit being tossed at her* No, seriously, I don't find it that bad. We're not supposed to take these performances so seriously, they are just about a group of people having fun and singing and to me, that's all that was happening here. Just a teacher singing a song with his students and having a good time. It's what glee is all about, hell, it was the entire philosophy of the previous glee teacher that made Will want to do this in the first place:
It's a nice sentiment and I really think that's all that this is about. Just a bunch of people singing a song they like and having fun. No one was actually supposed to take Will seriously as a rapper. No one is asking Matthew Morrison to drop a rap album, it was a performance in a show that was intended as commentary to what was going on in the plot. Ie: the song they are singing is Golddigger by Kanye West, while they are singing we also cut to Terri and her sister going over plans for the new house and obviously, talking about spending money they don't have. It works in this scene. So, yeah, this song was fun and harmless. Get over it.
And don't make me quote a Taylor Swift song again
We next cut to Emma in the bathroom when she overhears someone obviously puking. She investigates to find Rachel leaning over the toilet. Emma asks if she's throwing up but Rachel says that she tried and failed because she doesn't seem to have a gag reflex.
This show, man. Hilarious
Emma asks Rachel to have a chat with her in her office. We cut to them in her office where she hands Rachel one of her many hilarious brochures.
These brochures are some of the funniest things in Glee
Rachel says she doesn't have bulimia and she won't ever try throwing up again because it grossed her out. Emma asks what made her try it in the first place and Rachel answers that it's because she wants to be thinner and prettier like Quinn Fabray. She then asks Emma if she's ever liked someone so much that it made her want to lock herself in her room, turn on sad music and cry. Emma says no but we cut to:
Emma then gives Rachel the advice to find a common interest with whoever she likes because then he'll see her in a positive way and who knows what could happen.
We next cut to Will, Sue, Rachel, and Finn in Principal Figgins' office. It starts out with Sue demanding that they tell Figgins what she caught them doing, leading you to believe that they were caught having sex. In reality, they were making photocopies on the Cheerio's private photocopy machine. You want to know what they were photocopying? Flyers advertising celebrities who were in Glee club in high school:
Back the fuck up! Did Glee make Robin Thicke a thing?
This was way before Blurred Lines. Damn you, Glee!!
Sue is horrified to see them using it, saying they could have broken it.
Damn, there are so many quotable lines in the early episodes
Will asks how many photocopies they made (17), and how much a photocopy costs (4 and a half cents), then suggests that Rachel and Finn just pay for the copies they made. Figgins likes this compromise and asks them to pay Sue, then tells Sue that she has to clean her congealed protein shake off of the floor since he had to fire half of the janitorial staff due to the recession. Holy shit, yeah, this show came out around the time that everyone was panicking over the recession. Crazy, that seems like so long ago now but it has only been 6 years. Anyway, Sue is not pleased with this outcome.
Finn apologizes to Will while Rachel plots to get their flyers up as soon as possible. Will shoots the idea down, telling them that they are doing the assembly and that everyone loves disco.
Tell 'em, Freaks
Finn is completely freaked out and sure that he's going to be a dead man. Rachel tries to cheer him up by telling him how talented he supposedly is. Look, he's alright but I wouldn't say that he's destined for a singing career or the most deserving of the male characters to get a solo. But, the show wants us to believe he's good, so here we are. Rachel asks him if he wants to practice after school but he informs her that he has a Cellibacy Club meeting.
While having a couple's bath together, Will tells Terri that he can't find part time work so they won't be able to get the grand foyer. Terri is pissed. Will tells her that they don't need a grand foyer to be happy but she is having none of it. Terri is annoyed at always having to compromise and whines about how no one gives back to them despite how hard they work. I seem to recall you saying you only worked 16 hours a week, Terri. Shut your mouth about working hard.
The next day, Will catches Figgins scraping Sue's congealed protein shake off the copy room floor. Apparently, Sue got a note from her doctor that said she couldn't do any cleaning, so Figgins had to do it himself because he fired most of the janitorial staff. Will gets an idea and offers to take over one of the night time janitor jobs at half the pay to get the extra money for the dream home her wife wants.
At the celibacy meeting, Rachel sits alone across from a group of Cheerios. So, apparently all of the cheerleaders practice abstinence? Seems legit. Rachel asks where the boys are and Quinn pissily explains that for the first half hour they separate, then they come together in their faith. This club lasts an hour? Dear god, that sounds painfully boring.
In the next classroom, a bunch of football players...come on now. Football players? In the Celibacy Club? I mean, one or two sure but most of them? Whatever, show, whatever. Finn proves my point by saying that he only joined the club to get into Quinn Fabray's pants, so not so celibate after all. Then, the most vile and obnoxious character this show ever produced starts whining about wanting to kill himself because they are bombarded with sexual imagry and short skirts everywhere and are expected not to do anything about it. Jewfro? I hate you. I loathe you. You are the worst character ever conceived of and this isn't even you at your worst. Seriously? Yes, you are expected not to do anything about it. No one owes you sex because you're horny unless you pay for a prostitute then yes, they kind of owe you but the general public? No, they don't owe you shit. You're horny? Go whack one out in the privacy of your own damn bathroom/bedroom like the rest of society. Please, dear god, keep it in the privacy of your own room. Please!?
This is going to come back up, not today but soon and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You have been warned. #season2trauma
We cut back to the girls who are dancing around in their short Cheerio skirts and going on about how happy they are that someone invented short skirts. Then they say their power motto: It's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing. Before continuing to dance around happily, proud of the fact that they are holding out sex even though they know it drives the guys crazy. This...this is what every guy thinks girls do, isn't it? That's depressing.
We cut back to the guys. Finn is asked how far Quinn lets him get and he responds that they make out and grind. Jewfro asks how he keeps from cumming early but in tv words. Finn says it isn't a problem for him but in his voice over, he informs us that it is a problem. I kind of like this, it's a very subtle jab at how guys tend to talk a big game but are in fact, just as nervous or clueless about stuff as everyone else. He informs us that the way he tries to keep from ejaculating too quickly is to think of the time his mother was teaching him how to drive:
Definitely a mood killer
We cut to the entire Celibacy Club together. They are all paired off to dance with a balloon between them. What Quinn calls "immaculate affection" and remember, "if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." Puck proceeds to sexually assault Santana by grinding into the balloon and her while she tells him to stop. Rachel is paired with Jewfro and is suitably creeped out when a balloon pops. It's Quinn and Finn's balloon and she's pissed.
Then, Rachel becomes my absolute favourite high school girl character of all time and forever when she utters this beautifulness:
RACHEL: You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn’t work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there’s no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That’s what contraception is for.
QUINN: Don’t you dare mention the “C” word.
RACHEL: You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.
Did the writers just write a sex positive high school girl character? Did they seriously just have a high school girl admit that she wants sex?
You earned Patrick Stewart's nod of approval, show. Congrats
You have no idea how much I love this scene. No idea, guys. I'm just so sick of the dumb trope that the girl always has to be the one scared of sex, not wanting to try sex, embarrassed about sex, etc, etc, etc. Do you know how good it feels to have a female character on tv finally say what most of us were thinking? That we too are curious about sex and want to experience it? It feels pretty damn good, let me tell you. It brings a tear to my eye every time I see it, I just think the scene is that beautiful and important for every teenaged girl to see. It is ok to want sex, don't feel ashamed about it in any way. You don't have to pretend to be all naïve about it. Educate yourself and then hopefully we will have less girls being pressured into things they don't want to do simply because they've been kept in the dark about sex because they were told to not want it.
Later that night, Emma catches Will cleaning one of the classrooms and he confesses that he had to take the part time work to help him and Terri buy a house. She says she'll keep it between the two of them and then asks if he wants any help. Will declines but Emma insists because she can see he's not doing the greatest job and she knows for a fact that the teacher who's room he's cleaning doesn't wash her hands after doing number two.
Fast forward to them cleaning together and Will asks if he can help her with one of her problems. She says she doesn't have any and he points out that she's been cleaning the same pencil sharpener for an hour. Emma admits she has a problem with messes but she has a totally legit reason to have it.
EMMA: Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm. WILL: Really? EMMA: Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one and after the tour and the yoghurt tasting my- my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon. WILL: What? EMMA: And, um, ever since then, I’ve just- I’ve had a little trouble forgetting the, uh- the smell.
Groooosssssss!!!! She gets all my sympathy for that. Will suggests that maybe she should see someone to help her deal with her issues but she insists that it is totally manageable. She just takes lots of showers and doesn't eat dairy. He suggests that they do a test and picks up chalk dust on his finger and wipes it on her nose. Dude, that is not ok, especially since she was telling you that she was not comfortable with doing it. But, the show plays it up as this super romantic exchange as they stare into each other's eyes. Ok, show, whatever. Emma nervously stutters that she should go and leaves the room. We then see that Ken Tanaka has been watching the whole exchange and is not pleased.
The next day, Rachel has called an emergency glee club meeting to talk about what they'll do about the assembly. Artie says that he is super against their suicide mission, ie singing disco. Rachel says that they're not going to kill them because they are going to give the other students what they want. Sex.
What follows is, perhaps, my most favourite performance that Glee has ever done. Every time I watch it, I laugh with, well...glee. This is what glee was about to me, a show that isn't taking itself or its performances seriously, a show that just wants to entertain. I have to show it to you in its entirety for you to appreciate what I love so much about it:
Hilarious. I love it. I can watch this clip over and over again and enjoy it every time.
Of course, Sue hates it and we cut to her in an office with Will and Principal Figgins, where she utters one of her usual fantastic lines:
SUE: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.
Sue then asks for Will to resign from teaching and for the glee club to be disbanded but Figgins tells her that the issue is content. He thinks the glee kids have talent but that they need to sing more family friendly songs. Luckily, his pastor gave him a list of such songs and they are only allowed to sing them from now on. Don't worry, this won't come up ever again in later episodes so we won't have to endure church hymns and balloon songs at all, it's basically a set up for a later performance in this episode. Figgins also thinks that the kids need new outfits, so he cuts Sue's dry cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for glee. Sue is naturally, outraged.
I feel like I've been posting a lot of Sue. She just has the best lines early on
Rachel confronts Will when he leaves Figgins office to apologize for going behind his back and singing a different song than they rehearsed. Will isn't having it because he's super pissed at her for doing it. He tells her that no parent in their right mind would let their kids join glee now and accuses her of ruining their chances. He then tells her that they have a preapproved list of songs that they have to sing from now on. Rachel looks it over and asks what a "luftballon" is. Will ignores the question, and tells her that he understands why she did what she did but he didn't like how she did it.
Ken enters the staff room and plunks down tickets in front of Emma, telling her that they're for something called Tulip-alooza. Emma declines his offer because he is gross and horrible. He then proves my point by basically shaming her into dating him, calling her out for chasing a married guy and then telling her that he's a good man (laughable) and a minority so he can't be fired, then he tells her that she could do worse than him and that in this town, she won't do any better. Uh, excuse you?
Even the Queen is done with your bullshit, Ken
In the auditorium, Rachel and Finn are practicing his notes together. She is very encouraging, though I still don't think he's all that great when he's supposed to be amazing but whatever. He wants to take a break because he's hungry and Rachel has prepared a picnic lunch for just such an opportunity. They sit down on the blanket together and she asks him why he wanted to practice with her. He tells her it's because he wants to be really good at something, like her. She's flattered and asks if he really thinks she's good and he responds that at first he thought she was insane but that when she sings, she touched something in his heart. He then proceeds to touch his hand to the part of his chest where his heart is not which is kind of adorably stupid. She corrects him and then asks if he wants a drink. He then points out that she has a bit of drink on her lip and they stare at each other until Rachel tells him that he can kiss her if he wants to. He says he wants to and they make out until...
And Finn awkwardly leaves because I think the mail man killing incident failed to do its job of preventing him from arriving early.
We cut to Terri in her doctor's office. The doctor is doing an ultrasound and informs her that there is no baby. She panics and asks if it fell out but he tells her that she was not ever pregnant. She just wanted to be pregnant so badly, that her body started mimicking the symptoms, what is called a hysterical pregnancy. While I know what ridiculous storyline is coming and how awful Terri gets or can be, in this moment I feel for her. Some people who really want children have a super hard time getting pregnant and it sucks, especially when you are bombarded with people asking you when you're going to get pregnant or people who were like "Whoops, we weren't even trying and now we're pregnant!" So, hugs for Terri, in just this scene.
In the choir room, the Unholy Trinity have decided to try out for glee, much to Will's surprise. Quinn informs him that she and Finn are an item and she wants to support him by joining glee. I'm going to show you this whole performance too because it became pretty iconic for the show and it is just a cute little performance. The only downside is that, at this point, Santana and Brittany were only really side characters at this point so their actresses were not actually singing but it's still an enjoyable moment with the trio:
In the next scene, the three girls are in Sue's office and confessing about joining glee club. Quinn begs to not be kicked off the Cheerios but Sue tells her to cut the waterworks and informs them that they are going to be her spies and help her take down glee from the inside. Quinn then happily chirps that she'll get her boyfriend back.
God, I love old Sue
Will runs up to Emma in the school hallway and tells her that he found a packet of disinfecting wipes, then he asks if she'll meet him in the boys restroom at 9:00 to clean. Uh, what are you doing, Will? Why would she want to do your job for you for free and also, a little weird that you want to hang out with her when you have a pregnant wife at home. Emma agrees with me and turns him down, saying she has a date with Ken. She walks off sadly and leaves Will alone to look sad.
Later that night, when Will gets home, Terri is waiting up for him with dinner made. She's made, what I presume to be his favourite, chicken pot pie from scratch. Given what we know about Terri, whining about working 4 hour days and then having to make dinner, this is a huge deal. Will tells her that she and their new boy or girl are what's important to him and says he hopes she knows that. Terri wanted to tell him that she's not pregnant but gets nervous and instead blurts out that they're having a boy. He's overjoyed and she now looks super uncomfortable and sad that she blurted that out instead of telling the truth and she knows she can't crush him now. Just so that you don't think she's super duper evil, she tells him that she wants him to quit his part time job because they don't need a new house. She will turn her craft room into a nursery.
The next day, in the choir room, Rachel is complaining because Will has given her solo to Quinn Fabray. Will tells her that she did this to herself and Quinn sang a song on the approved list and was really good at it. Rachel asks if he's punishing her and Will tells her that not everything is about her...or him. He admits that he screwed up too and that he didn't listen to them. When he was in school, disco was going through a revival (I grew up in the 90s and there totally was a 70s craze and I remember wearing platform sneakers and bell bottoms because I thought they were super cool). He says that disco was cool and they had fun and that is what glee is supposed to be about, having fun. He says that she may not always get the solo but that he will try his best to make sure that she is always having fun. She sadly asks him if she can use the auditorium to practice because her neighbours are filing a noise complaint against her. He agrees.
We end the episode with Rachel singing Take a Bow by Rhianna with Mercedes and Tina as her back up singers, while we also show her being sad in her room and watching Finn and Quinn longingly.
That was Showmance, hands down, one of my favourites and probably mostly because of the hilariously awesome performance of Push It by Salt 'N Peppa because it was magical but also because this show had the decency to finally write a female character who was actually open about being curious about sex. Not fearing it or being ashamed or doing the opposite and making her into a "slut", just a regular girl who is curious about sex and wanting to try it. Which is an amazing message to send to girls, so kudos to Glee. You are many steps ahead of the teen shows that I used to watch.
Shout out to my good friend, Lucas, who stepped up and made me the Glee related gifs that I needed since my life is just a mess right now and I haven't had the time to make them myself.
Next episode is a guilty pleasure of mine and I say guilty pleasure because I've read some fans say they can't stand the episode and that's it's the worst of the early season. I humbly submit that they are wrong. Stay tuned for Acafellas.
So, we last left off with the gang celebrating Valentine's Day by going to a scandalous Matt Caulfield party, even though nothing all that scandalous happened. But Matt Caulfield is totally evil, you guys. I know this because they told us he had sex with six different girls. Cheerleaders, no less. This guy is for reals, you guys. You might wonder why I'm focused on a one off character and his evilness, well, that's because he was masterfully set up for this episode.
Masterfully
This episode opens as gloriously as the last one ended. That is to say, it is a Joey/Pacey scene. Pacey shows up to encourage Joey, who is painting a mural. They further prove my point of them being on my Top Ten Best Couples list with the cute back and forth they have where Pacey makes a big deal about how much artists are revered (read he reveres Joey) and Joey knows him so well that she guesses why he's really there (his parents kicked him out of the house.) She also correctly guesses that the drama has to do with one of his sisters. This is already way more insight than Dawson ever showed into Pacey's life (he usually just brushed off Pacey's familial issues and flat out ignored how rude Pacey's dad was to Pacey). When she shows him her artwork (remember how she was scared to show Dawson anything she'd done? But she's super comfortable showing Pacey her public work before anyone else?), he does not hold back his real opinion, which is that he doesn't get it. He also doesn't get what it has to do with "school unity" which is what Joey and a bunch of other art students were commissioned to paint. I like that, I like that he's not mean but he's also very honest with his opinions and she takes it in stride. In short, they are super cute and very deserving of their spot on my Top Ten list.
Awwww
Next day, Dawson tries to sneak a peek at Joey's painting but Joey refuses to let him see (hmmmm, interesting). Dawson then whines because Pacey got to see it and I yell at my tv screen for him to shut up because he's the worst. He is not owed a chance to see her work beforehand just because Pacey did. They banter a bit about whether or not Dawson is coming (he is), whether or not she wants him to (she does) and I wonder why we are bothering with this idea that they might end up together. Dawson and Joey's relationship died the second Pacey and Joey became friends this season and his crush on her rekindled. Better yet, I think their relationship died after this:
The Evil!Matt Caulfield is appearing before the disciplinary committee for cheating on a test. I wonder how he's supposed to be taken seriously as a "bad boy" evil guy when his crime is calling his mommy for help on a test but whatever. So, he openly admits to doing this, Andie recommends that he fail the quiz and serve a three hour detention but then Mr. Green decides that Matt didn't "break the spirit of the Honor Code" and lets him go with only a warning not to appear before their committee again. I don't even understand how you can be in violation of the Honor Code but not be in violation of it in spirit and somehow that gets you off the hook.
Mr. Green then asks to see Andie after the Committee breaks and she thinks it's because he thinks her punishment was an overreaction and that confuses me because I thought her punishment was fine, maybe retake the quiz with no cellphone handy instead of failing automatically but fine otherwise. Mr. Green tells her that she actually scored really well on the PSATs which means she's one step closer to earning a National Merit Scholarship. You know, the PSATs that Andie cheated on which was played for kind of laughs when she was appointed onto the Disciplinary Committee in the first place? Yeah, that shit is finally getting addressed.
Yep, you're fucked
Pacey bursts in on his brother, Doug and informs him that since the Witter home is full to capacity, Pacey has been sent to live with him. Doug protests a bit but finally relents, agreeing that Pacey can stay if he doesn't eat their mother's food, he uses coasters, and he keeps his CD collection in alphabetical order, by last name, not first. Pacey agrees but gets less enthusiastic about the idea when Doug asks if he's any good at decoupage.
Oh boy, this means we're in for some more horrible gay jokes! *she said with as much sarcasm as humanly possible
Bessie is cutely excited for Joey's art unveiling and is getting her camera ready. Joey for some reason feels the need to remind Bessie about how much she hated high school even though Bessie points out that it's different now. Bodie comments that it's not that much different and asks if there are like, ten black students. Joey corrects him that there are eleven. Nice meta comment on the comments about this show's whiteness Dawson's Creek writers. Bessie relents and agrees that she hated high school but that she's so glad that things are different for Joey because she's super talented and special and everyone loves her and stuff. This is a praise Joey scene, I'm not really into those because it just serves to make her character a bit too perfect but whatever, it is setting up the obvious thing that's going to happen later.
So, at the school, Joey finally gets to make her speech about how she wanted to paint a mural that was about possibility because that idea is what unites them all as students. As she finishes her speech, she pulls the cord to reveal her mural.
Womp-womp
Joey responds in her usual way, by running away. I can't fault her on this one though, that's pretty embarrassing and I probably wouldn't want to stand around to hear people laugh or pity me. Anyway, Dawson runs after her and tries to play down what happened to her. She tells him she feels humiliated and he tells her that nobody's humiliated in there except for whoever did that to her painting. Dawson, you don't know what humiliation is, which is weird since you experienced it not too long ago when your shitty film bombed. He then tells her to not take it personally which is stupid because when you put something of yourself out there and it gets vandalized like that, it is extremely hard not to take it personally, especially when yours is the only one to be defaced. Pacey catches up and basically says what I just said. Pacey and Dawson argue over who is right and before I can, Joey points out to them that neither of them are helping her and she asks them to forget about it and leaves.
Jack and Andie talk about what happened to Joey while they make supper. Jack jokes that he'll catch whoever did it and Andie can have the last laugh since she's on the Disciplinary Committee and can throw the book at them. Andie looks super uncomfortable before telling Jack that she's thinking about stepping down because she doesn't want to be in judgement of other students. Jack looks uneasily at Andie and says it's unlike her to bail on a commitment. Andie babbles about it taking up too much of her time and how her schoolwork is slipping before changing the subject back to the supper they are making.
Jack is unconvinced
Dawson goes over to the Potter B&B to try and talk Joey into repainting the mural. Joey isn't having it and I sympathize. It is incredibly hard to repaint exactly what you painted before, maybe not for some people but for me it definitely is. Once I paint or draw something, it kind of just goes out of my head and I just wouldn't have the will or desire to try to recreate it if something happened to it. Dawson gets all pissed that she's not jumping up and down ecstatically about his suggestion, to which she responds:
Joey: Newsflash, Dawson. I can’t always be your plucky little Joey Potter. I don’t have this unlimited reserve of goodwill and good faith in humanity, and– and sometimes I am going to be a little depressed.
I'm sorry what? Is this the same character we're talking about here? Since when has Joey been a beacon of positivity? She has always been super surly and snarky and kind of bitter about the world what with her mother dying when she was young and her father being imprisoned for drugs and all. What even is characterization?
So, Joey rightfully tells Dawson that he can't just expect her to start over on something that took a lot of work to complete in the first place and do it in one night but Dawson isn't having it and asks her why not. She snaps back that she can't for the same reason he hasn't shot a roll of film since January. Dawson tries to convince us and himself that the two are completely different and Joey demands to know that it had nothing to do with the fact that his film was poorly received at the festival.
I love it when Joey smacks Dawson with the truth
With complete sincerity, Dawson claims that his quitting had nothing to do with that (bullshit) and then he and Joey bicker some more about how Dawson has choices in his life that she doesn't, blah, blah, blah. Then Dawson leaves her the keys to the school and tells her to do what she wants.
Pacey goes up to a couple of random students in the cafeteria and asks them who they think vandalized Joey's mural, under the guise of him taking bets on who did it. Both guys hand over money and say they think it was none other than the Evil!Matt Caulfield because of course it was him.
Pacey goes to confront Evil!Matt about defacing Joey's mural. Evil!Matt plays coy about the whole thing but Pacey is having none of it. He tells Evil!Matt that he needs to apologize and then turn himself in before the end of the day.
Dawson walks up to where Joey's mural is still covered and takes a peek behind. He then looks pissed because Joey didn't do his bidding because he's a tool. Yeah, I know he was trying to help her I just hate the way he's going about it. I mean, if she wanted to repaint it and he was encouraging her and being supportive, I would be all for that but the way this is played it's like he's forcing her to repaint it because it is what he thinks she should do to make herself feel better. That's not cool. He asks Andie if she's seen Joey but Andie says Joey wasn't in home room today.
It's the end of the day and Evil!Matt hasn't made good on Pacey's demands. So, Pacey has waited for him by his car where they get into an epic battle of manliness.
Epic battle of manliness!!!
Principal Green breaks them up before they kill each other though. He demands they see him in his office.
Before Principal Green can unleash his fury on Pacey and Evil!Matt, Andie interrupts him and tells him she is stepping down from the Disciplinary Committee. Green is stunned and wants to discuss further but Andie says there is nothing to discuss, thanks him, and leaves.
Dawson and Evil!Matt's friend have been called in to basically rat on their friends. Principal Green is kind of stupid because if he really wanted answers, he would have asked Dawson and the friend, separately and in private, away from Pacey and Evil!Matt telling them not to say anything. But if they weren't all in a group, we couldn't have Dawson save the day and Evil!Matt reveal his true, mustache-twirling ways.
So, Dawson lets slip that they were fighting about the mural because he doesn't want Pacey to have another mark on his record, which I have to admit is a pretty solid thing for Dawson to do and one of the only times I've seen him be a friend to Pacey. Principal Green then asks Evil!Matt if he did it and rather than just say "no", Evil!Matt has to launch into some speech about how he doesn't give a rat's ass about some "stupid Chinese drawing". Dawson then asks how Evil!Matt knew what the drawing was, to which he quickly responds that Joey had been working on it for weeks so anyone could have taken a look. Dawson then says that even he didn't see it and he's one of her closest friends (so you see, there was a point to him not seeing it, so in the end he could be right and a hero.) Evil!Matt, then confesses to the whole thing, stating that Joey's art, a mural depicting the message of "possibility", was offensive to him and that he shouldn't have to look at it every day. Hey, hey you guys? I think Evil!Matt is the bad guy. I just wanted to point it out in case the writers were being too subtle about the whole thing. Here, let me help you visualize what they are trying to get across:
There we go
Andie finally confesses to Jack that she was the one who stole the PSAT answer sheet. Jack is stunned and doesn't understand how she could do such a thing. Andie explains that she thought that if she could ace the test, she could prove to everyone once and for all that she was better but that now that she is better, she is finding it hard to live with herself. I finally feel a bit of sympathy towards Andie since the writers first set on their mission to destroy this character. She did a shitty thing but at least she's finally showing some remorse for it and I totally understand her reasons for wanting to do it, wrong as they were. Andie says that she is going to confess to Principal Green and Jack tries to talk her out of it, not wanting her to get kicked out of school for cheating on something with the word "practice" in front of it. Andie is sticking to her guns about confessing.
That's what she said! Er...I mean, you go, girl!
Joey goes to Doug's place to yell at Pacey for getting in trouble with Matt Caulfield. Pacey is angry that he's not being rewarded for proving that Matt did it but Joey tells him that what he did was reckless and that if he wants to wreck his future, he should do it on his own behalf, not hers. I'm totally with her on this point and it seems Pacey, darling as he is, hasn't quite gotten over his hero complex. Pacey lashes out at her and reveals that he was hanging out with her only because Dawson asked him to look out for her.
Joey is not impressed and rightfully so
She then gets really hurt and asks if that was the only reason Pacey was hanging out with her. Pacey looks confused but then he realizes that she really felt for him. She storms out before he can say anything else.
At a disciplinary hearing, Principal Green decides to expel Matt Caulfield. Though, I'm a little confused because Matt then asks "For the rest of the year?" to which Principal Green responds "For the rest of the year." So...is he just suspended then? Because that sounds more like he's suspended and will have to make up the courses he fails to complete the following year, meaning he's being held back from graduation. To me, expulsion means you do not get to return to the school at all, ever. You are done there. But, whatever, I guess this is just a minor nit pick as it is essentially screwing him over hard either way.
Dawson is listening outside when Joey approaches and asks him how things are going. Dawson mentions that Pacey will be lucky to get off with just a suspension this time. Joey snarks that with the way things are going, Dawson should have just asked her to look out for Pacey.
She is throwing down this episode
Dawson tells her that it wasn't like that, he just couldn't be there for her and wanted someone she could turn to. Joey rightfully tells him that she never asked for his pity. He claims that he just wanted what was best for her but, let's face it, it was still a shitty thing for him to do. Ok, maybe it came from a place of good intentions, it's just a bit condescending to me that he felt he had to have someone look out for her as if she couldn't survive without him, that's what bugs me about it. But I also can't fault him too much for doing it because it is bringing me Pacephine. Dawson, your assholery has paid off for me...this time.
Anyway, Joey doesn't think that Pacey really cared about her which is obviously the thing that is really bugging her but Dawson tells her that Pacey is being disciplined in that room because of how much he cares about her.
I think this news pleases Joey...or it confuses her...troubles her? Look, I can't really read Joey's expressions a lot of the time, unless she's being snarky
Cut to Andie, tearfully emptying her locker, leading us to assume she too has been expelled.
Then we cut back to Pacey, coming out of the hearing room and praising Principal Green. He was not expelled or suspended but instead, asked to be a mentor to a troubled youth and I let out the biggest groan I have ever groaned as I remember the awful storyline that awaits me before I'm fully awarded with my Pacephine.
Pictured: Blinvy thinking about enduring some horrible child acting
Principal Green is admonishing Andie for cheating on the PSATs. Andie has come completely clean but has not ratted anyone else out for their involvement with it as none of them cheated off of it which is pretty solid. Principal Green says that he'll have to call the Educational Testing Service and they will probably cancel her scores, thus forfeiting her chance at a National Merit Scholarship. Andie nods in understanding and informs him that she has also cleaned out her locker in anticipation of her expulsion, since Matt was also expelled and her actions were just as bad. Principal Green informs her that she's nothing like Evil!Matt and that the punishment should fit the crime and the person doing the crime. He tells her to put her things back in her locker and that he will think of a more suitable punishment in a few days. Andie tearfully thanks him before leaving.
Joey is walking down the hall, ready to repaint her mural when she finds Pacey, painting over her damaged work with primer. He tells her that he wanted to give her a fresh start for her new painting. They banter back and forth a little bit before Pacey asks if she's going to thank him. She jokingly asks for what and Pacey starts listing his noble deeds and here is another reason why I love these two:
Joey: Tilting at windmills while in the throes of a misguided hero complex?
Pacey: Well, yeah, that too.
She can totally call him out on his obvious hero complex and he admits it and they just take it in stride. I love that. It shows how they can be honest with each other but not always get upset with said honesty but embrace it. It's really sweet. On top of this sweetness, Joey does thank him, for being himself and for knowing what's right and what's wrong and that she appreciates that he was there for her when she needed him. Then she asks if the only reason he did it was because of Dawson, to which Pacey jokingly agrees and Joey responds with "you need to get a life." before they smile at each other and continue painting together.
Oh and Dawson comes in at the end and smiles to himself because he helped get those two back together or something. Stop ruining my Pacephine moments, Dawson. Also, you will be eating that smile soon. Just wait.
One last bit of adorableness
So, that was Crime and Punishment and to be honest, as much as I love me some Pacephine moments, I kind of wish the episode had focused more on Andie's turmoil than the whole picture vandalizing nonsense. I mean, Matt Caulfield's character was just so over the top about his evil ways and wanting to paint over the mural because basically he's an ass who hates nice messages. It wasn't all that satisfying of a conclusion because he was little more than a strawman to be the big bad that Dawson and Pacey had to take down in Joey's honour. I think the episode would have been stronger if it had focused on Andie's part in the whole thing and actually dealing with her guilt over her past crime as she passed judgement over others. But, I'll definitely take this episode for what it is and sigh in adoration over the cute Pacephine moments. Yes, I'm making Pacephine a thing.
Anyway, stay tuned for the next recap where in Principal Green is raked over the coals for daring to expel a rich white kid because pretty much everyone in Capeside is awful. Next time is To Green, With Love.
