One Crazy Summer

Hey Internet! I'm Blinvy and once again you've entered my Teenage Wasteland. Sorry for the delay in posting, I've been crazy busy lately but I'll try and keep on track from now on.

So, when we last left off, Savage Steve and John were busy filming the follow up to Better Off Dead when Savage made the mistake of screening it to his cast. John stormed off in a huff, claiming it the worst thing ever and that Savage made a fool out of him.

Naturally, Savage Steve was hurt.

With John upset and Savage Steve deflated, they continued to shoot One Crazy Summer. Savage told John to do what he wanted, since I guess he didn't want to "make him look foolish" again and, grudgingly, One Crazy Summer was finished. The result? Well, let's take a look.

The DVD cover I got just featured Demi and John, had I seen this cover and who the third billed was, I might have skipped this one altogether...

As soon as the movie begins, you know you are in for a Savage Steve production. The familiar cartoon intro is back. Complete with a little story to go with it.

This introduces us to the inner workings of our hero for the movie, Hoops McCann and even though he introduces himself as a Rhinoceros who can't find love and slaughters little fluffy bunnies who mock him, he's still not as crazy and unsettling as Lane Meyer and somehow not as lovable either. Weird. Now, you're probably asking "What the hell kind of name is 'Hoops' anyways?" Well, apparently Hoops got his moniker because his dad was really great at basketball and so he was going to be great at basketball too. Unfortunately, his parents failed to consider that he might not be good at basketball, thus rendering their name for him completely ridiculous as well as a constant reminder to their kid that he failed to live up to their expectations. Wonderful parenting.

Anyways, since Hoops sucks at basketball, he decides that he's going to be a cartoonist and has applied to art school but in order to get in, he must illustrate a 5 panel cartoon about love. The only problem is:

Don't worry, Hoops. That's what summer vacation is for.

Hoops tells his friend, George Calamari about his stress over getting into art school and his ever helpful friend invites him to Nantucket for the summer. OK, I fail to see how that helps him get into art school but I guess it might help him relax a bit, or make him die of boredom. Whichever comes first. Hoops agrees to this proposal and so they go pick up George's little sister, Squid and - Wait, Squid? Squid Calamari? Seriously? Wow, the parents are really cruel with their kids' names in this movie. Anyways, they pick up...Squid(ugh), and her dog, Boscoe, who no one should make fun of, apparently.

AAAAHHH!!! Another demon child!

Seriously though, who teases a dog? The dog doesn't know what you're doing or why. Why wouldn't you just tease the little girl? Her name is Squid for sobbing out loud, the name is asking to be mocked and they go after a defenceless dog? My guess is that it is to garner sympathy for our heroes and make everyone else look like douches in comparison.

 During their trip to Nantucket, Hoops stops to take a leak and that is when we're introduced to Cassandra, our love interest for the movie. She's played by, Demi Moore? Well, OK this is four years before her break out role in Ghost so I guess I can see how they got her. She also seemed to be going through a massive 80s phase, she looks like a bizarre combination of Pete Burns and Boy George:

Which one is which?

Cassandra is being chased by these really tough...biker...punk...anime fans?

I've got nothing. Except maybe, LOLWUT?

Don't worry, he's not our main antagonist. As you can see, he's dispatched easily and we're free to forget about him for the rest of the movie. However, his plot device purpose has been served and Cassandra has still lost her money; which she needs in order to keep her grandpa's home. Hoops and Cassandra part ways once they get to Nantucket but promise to keep in touch. You know this might be a pretty cute movie and I'm in the mood for a little RomCom action. I'm actually pretty stoked to see the rest of this...then this unholiness is unleashed:

Not Bobcat! My ears bleed every time he speaks!

And this movie went from kind of bland to horrifying in seconds. Why in God's name did anyone put this...this thing in front of a camera? My ears bleed every time he opens his mouth to utter his godawful schtick which is nothing more than "I talk funny and make weird noises, laugh! LAUGH!" (I can just imagine him saying that too.) The first time I saw this, I knew the rest of the movie was going to be painful because of this dolt. Why did people think this guy was funny?

Our heros are getting picked up by the "delightfully charming" and "lovable" Stork twins, Egg and Clay. Aren't they just precious?

 It's the Incredibly Forced and Awkward Comedy Duo!

Aww, look they can't figure out how to get their "I'm with stupid" shirts to work, aren't they just the silliest and most lovable characters ever? The answer is no. No they are not but we're stuck with them anyways so lets just get through the rest of this.

So Hoops is introduced to these two pricks and I love how you can see how incredibly hard it is for John to keep smiling as he shakes Bobcat's hand while listening to him speak. Priceless.

Ok, in all fairness the character is supposed to be taken aback by Egg...but I'm sure it wasn't a challenge for Cusack to portray this.

Anyways, we're informed that the moron twins are picking up some guy's boat, the guy in question, is of course a bleach blond preppy asshole named Ted Beckerstead. I wonder if Savage Steve had some issues with a blond haired preppy guy in his past, because he sure likes making them antagonists in his films and this guy is so over the top as an antagonist, it's like Savage took the Stalin character, subtracted the funny and added a ton more unnecessary and unmotivated assholishness.

We are really supposed to hate this guy, I guess.

Then we are introduced to George's family. He has a grandma who clearly loves his sister more than him, an Uncle who is driving himself insane trying to win $1,000,000 from a radio show. They add absolutely nothing to the plot except being wacky characters and the fact that they showcase how freaking boring George is. He's like the human embodiment of Garfield, every line he delivers just sounds like he's setting up someone else's joke. I get that he's probably supposed to be a straight man but we already have Hoops for that role so as a wacky side kick, George just doesn't measure up. I miss Charles De Mar.

Hoops and George set off to find their friend...Ack Ack. Acky for short. Seriously, what is up with the names in this movie? It's like it's trying way too hard to be wacky and original but giving your characters stupid names that no one in real life would EVER have just makes it...stupid. Well, to me anyways. Back to the story, Acky's father, played by Joe Flaherty - the only great thing in this movie, tells them that Acky is at the beach collecting shells for him. Of course when he says shells he means this kind:

Hooray! Curtis Armstrong is back! De Mar lives!

They get Acky from the beach and just as they are about to go and do...something, they run into Cassandra at her grandfather's funeral. Since her grandfather died and she was just laying him to rest at a funeral, Cassandra is obviously game for some more hang out time with Hoops. Hey, we all handle grief differently, right?

Anyways, Cassandra tells Hoops that Ted Beckerstead's father has been trying to run her grandfather out of his house since she was a baby and that with her grandfather gone, he has a shot at getting the house unless she can get the bank $2,000 in two weeks. If she can't come up with the money, everyone in her grandfather's home is out on the street and Mr. Beckerstead puts up a restaurant in its place. Although, his restaurant looks more like a mansion and we never get to meet the supposed people that would be put out on the street but whatever, we have our main conflict for the movie.

Lobster Log Restaurant...Manor?

Cassandra asks Hoops why the hell he has such a ridiculous name and he lies and says he/'s a great basketball player because, as you know, in romantic comedies no one ever tells the truth in the beginning in order to create hilarious misunderstandings. He draws her a picture and she's so impressed with his talent that she invites him to her concert to raise the $2,000 she needs and he promises to be there for her. Nothing can go wrong now!

Except, of course, this is a romantic comedy so something has to go wrong. Ted's girlfriend Candy, for some reason asks Hoops out and he, for some reason, agrees even though he obviously likes Cassandra and she obviously likes him. Why does this happen? I don't know, it doesn't really go anywhere but it does effectively throw a wrench into his budding relationship with Cassandra as he goes on a date with Candy on the same night as he's supposed to be at Cassandra's concert.

Ooooo, faced!

I'm not really sure why Hoops even goes out with her. He seems more intimidated of Candy than attracted to her and he knows full well she has a boyfriend. He even enlists his friend's help to keep an eye out on Ted to make sure he and Candy don't run into him. His friend isn't able to watch Ted so he enlists Bobcat's help and we all know that it's not going to end well. Aside from the fact that we know that Bobcat is going to fail at this task, we are also tortured with long scenes of him making his idiot noises and acting like an all around annoying fucktard.

Oh God...it never stops making noises! My ears!

So, Cassandra notices that Hoops missed her concert because everyone missed her concert and goes to find Hoops. Ted finds out that Hoops is on a date with his girlfriend and threatens to kill Hoops but Cassandra steps in at the last minute and challenges Ted to play basketball against Hoops instead. This obviously doesn't go well because Hoops sucks at basketball but they manage to get away.

Cassandra hates him now because he's a lying asshole and Hoops now tries to win Cassandra back. He does this by designing posters for her second attempt at a concert fundraiser. They pass posters all over the island and because he does this, of course, Cassandra forgives him and they become friends again. That breakup was once again, mercifully short.

The second fundraising concert goes way better and Cassandra makes the money she needs to pay the back mortgage on her grandfather's estate; which means that the movie is now over, right? Wrong. The bank decided that they'd given her long enough and went ahead and sold her house anyways. Oh those evil bank owners, they're always just in it for the money. Have they no hearts? This movie could have been over but nooooo, now we have to sit around for another 30 minutes.

Beckerstead now owns Cassandra's Grandfather's house, which is home to...people that we never see who are now on the street, and is getting ready to tear it down to build his new Lobster Log restaurant. So, he's basically evil but just how evil is he?

Noooooo!!!! He kicked the poor doggy!

Evil! Evil! Burn him at the stake!! He put people out of house and home for a stupid elaborate restaurant and now he's just committed the greatest movie villain crime of all time, harming an animal. Oh and his son also beat up one of the Stork twins. Not Bobcat. *cough* Yeah, I didn't care either.

But our heros come up with a plan of attack to get back at those evil Beckersteads, they are going to beat them in the annual Nantucket Regatta! B-because, the Beckersteads love to win and really want that trophy so if our heros win, they can trade the trophy for Cassandra's house. *cough* What? It sounds like a fair trade to me.

Alright, so the Beckerstead's fortune is still in the control of Mr. Beckerstead's father who forces his son and grandson to enter the regatta every year and win or he will cut them out of their inheritance so their plan makes a little sense. Then again, Mr. Beckerstead's plan to get Cassandra's house and open up his own restaurant chain was in order to amass his own fortune so that he wouldn't have to do the regatta anymore so I still question this climax a little. I mean, he won already. He got Cassandra's house, he has the means to tear it down but perhaps they still have to enter the regatta this year so that they have the funds needed to build the restaurant so I'll buy it.

The only thing standing in their way is that the only boat they have is a complete junker and needs fixing up before they can enter. Since this is the 80s and we're near the end of the movie, of course this means it's time once again for a montage!

We're gonna need a montage. Montage! A boat fixin' montage. Montage!

Now that they have the boat all fixed up and good as new in just a few quick clips, our heros must now choose their captain and, of course, they pick Hoops. Hoops declines because he's not going to be on the boat because he's afraid of them and he runs off like a scared little girl. Remarkably, Cassandra is not turned off by this and she decides to go after him and convince him to be the captain of The Boat. Yes they named the boat, The Boat because despite the fact that we have people named Egg, Ack Ack and Squid, they decided to pick the most boring and unoriginal name for their boat possible. Anyways, Cassandra convinces Hoops to go on the boat simply by saying that he probably "just hasn't had the right kind of experience on a boat." and then kisses him. Problem solved!

So Hoops is finally charged up and ready for the big boat race. Ted has pulled ahead of our heros but because they are cartoon villains, they still have to "ensure" they will win by cheating even though they are already in the lead and Mr. Beckerstead cuts The Boat's sail line. Now they will never win...or will they?

Remember that Hoop's other dilema is his lack of basketball skills? Well get ready for Hoops to score one for the team! It's all come down to this, Hoops can finally prove to the world that he deserves his name and all he has to do is toss a tiny weight through a hoop (pardon my lack of sailing terms and knowledge) to re-hoist the sail.

Awww, yeah! His parents didn't name him Hoops for nothin'!

Now they are back in business! But our heroes our still behind Beckerstead and it is the final leg of the race. The Beckersteads are sure to win with their powerful motor but our heroes have an ace up their sleeves. They stole Ted's car and used the engine to power their boat. *cough* Pretty sure cars and boats don't work that way but way to stick it to the antagonists guys! That'll teach them to kick dogs and punch your weak comedy relief characters.

So, of course, Hoops wins the day, gains back his basketball rep, conquers his fear of boats, and gets the girl. Oh and that Uncle finally wins the $1,000,000 he's been waiting for...until the phone cuts out and they pick another winner. *cough* You know, just in case you wanted to know what happened with the Uncle.

So that was One Crazy Summer and boy it sure was a movie. I've gotta say, when I first saw Better Off Dead, I was drawn in by its oddball humour and its over the top cheesy charm and when I heard that Savage Steve and John Cusack had teamed up again, I was pretty excited. Savage Steve had surely improved as a director, the budget was probably better, the story would probably come together better and come on it starred both John Cusack and Demi Moore. It just had to be good. Unfortunately, the animosity between Savage and John really shone through in this movie. Even when I was unaware of the background stories, it was clear to me that John's heart just wasn't in this movie.

On top of that, the story is pretty weak and a lot of plot points from Better Off Dead, end up recycled here. Replace Stalin with Ted, skiing with boating and basketball, French exchange student with rocker chick and you get the bland rehash that is One Crazy Summer. Not to mention, Bobcat. This guy is painful and is a large reason why I find no enjoyment when watching this movie. I might have found this ok if he wasn't in it but unfortunately for me, he is and forever will be which is why I will forever regret having this movie in my DVD collection.

So there you have it, the two perceived dark stains in John Cusack's career, the movies he will forever regret doing. In my humble opinion, he should only regret overreacting so much about Better Off Dead because that movie is pretty great and wildly enjoyable but I would stand by his decision to shun this movie. If you enjoy a good oddball comedy and don't mind Bobcat Goldthwait, then give them both a try, you may enjoy them both. Otherwise, stay far, far away from One Crazy Summer.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Yeah, but whatever happened to Savage Steve?" and I'll tell you. After a quick look at imdb an extensive search through piles of books, I managed to uncover that Savage Steve directed one last movie, which he did not write called How I Got Into College before switching to television directing. Some titles that stand out for me that he's directed are Lizzie McQuire and Even Stevens. Why? Well, take a look for yourselves:

Those weird cartoon inserts strike again.

Now it doesn't state specifically, or at all, that he worked on the animations for Even Stevens or Lizzie McGuire nor that he was involved in the creation of these shows but I remain convinced that he influenced these style elements and the often quirky moments on these shows. Look at the similarities, it just screams Savage Steve to me.

Savage Steve Holland...holding a duck plushy.

Regardless of my distaste for One Crazy Summer, I think he's got something going for him, he has a very vibrant style that you don't see often in teen movies or shows that sets him apart from other teen genre directors. It's a shame that he and John had a falling out that dampened his love for making movies because you can clearly see in all of his works that he loves what he does and I hope he eventually gets up the nerve to write and direct another feature film again. I would definitely go see it if he did...unless it starred Bobcat Goldthwait.

So that's it for me. Thanks for visiting the Wastelands again.

Clips used: One Crazy Summer

Music Used: Montage from South Park's Asspen episode. Seriously, watch this episode. It's hilarious.

Better Off Dead

Hey internet! Welcome back to Teenage Wasteland.

Let’s talk about regrets. When we were teens we probably all did things that we regret today. Whether it’s a hairstyle that “seemed cool at the time”, or getting absolutely trashed at a party and not remembering what you did or who you did. The point is we all have them, even the actors that we looked up to have regrets.

Oh man, what the hell did I do last night?

John Cusack’s, for example, is Better Off Dead. A quirky comedy about a guy who attempts suicide after his girlfriend dumps him for the captain of the ski team. It was directed by then newcomer Savage Steve Holland who based the movie partially on his own experience with a break up. Unfortunately for Savage, it wouldn’t be his last bad break up.

Original artwork by Drew Struzan

As the story goes, during the filming of One Crazy Summer, Savage's follow-up to Better Off Dead in which John also starred, Savage screened the finished product of Better Off Dead to the cast and crew. John supposedly walked out about 20 minutes into the screening and never came back.

I imagine it went something like this.

 The next day, Savage said that John came up to him and said:

You know, you tricked me. Better Off Dead is the worst thing I have ever seen and I will never trust you as a director ever again, so don't speak to me.

According to Savage in an interview he did on The Sneeze, John went on to say that Savage "sucked" and that Better Off Dead was "the worst thing he had ever seen" and that Savage used him and made a fool out of him." The experience made Savage not care about movies anymore. Geez, way to stomp on the guy's dreams, Cusack!

And the award for biggest douche goes to...

So what exactly is so bad in this movie that would make the star react that way when it apparently opened to positive critical reviews and has established a fairly strong cult fanbase? Well, let's take a look and find out.

This should be fun...

We begin the movie with a short little cartoon that seemingly has nothing to do with anything except that it is a cute way to introduce the title sequence and main credits. It also gives a pretty good feel for the tone of the film and that is that it is going to be goofy.

Now we are introduced to our main protagonist, Lane Meyer as we tour through his bedroom and find out his interests...Dear God!

That is every stalker's dream room.

The dad says that he worries that Lane might be a little obsessed with his girlfriend. A little? A little? Have you looked in your son's bedroom lately? He has pictures of her all over his room! Some of them look like they were taken without her knowledge.

Stalker alert! Stalker alert!

Ok, it's official, Lane is unbalanced. Just call the men in white and have it done with already. He's already a stalker but I think he's one step away from having bodies buried under the floorboards of his house while he masturbates to their pictures.

Oh. My. GOD!

Lane's family is a quirky bunch. His Dad's got a vendetta against the paper boy, his Mom is batty as hell and cooks about as well as Calvin's Mom and his brother likes to collect prizes from cereal boxes and apparently pick up loose women. The kid is like 9 or 10, is this normal? I guess they really do grow up fast.

Lane's totally normal family. Honest.

He also has a friend who is obsessed with finding the perfect high.

So, in other words, more fuel to the future serial killer fire for Lane. Let's face it, he wasn't going to turn out normal surrounded by a bunch of nuts like this.

Back to the story itself, Lane is going to try out for the ski team to impress his girlfriend, Beth. Beth, however, is contemplating breaking up with Lane as she has eyes for the captain of the ski team, Roy Stallin.

Don't hold back, Beth, we all know you're dumping him because you found the doll he made out of your hair in his underwear drawer.

And what would a teen movie be without the obligatory girl next door? Monique is a French exchange student who is staying with a young Norman Bates and his mother.

Poor girl.

I'll let you all in on a little secret about her that you'll probably never in a million years guess, she likes Lane.

While on the way to tryouts, Lane is interrupted by a sub plot involving two Asians who always kick his ass in street racing while one of them talks like Howard Cosell. Of course, Lane loses miserably because he's the underdog in the story and nothing goes his way in the begining. Nothing!

Undeterred, Lane arrives at the tryouts with his best friend and his girl at his side but what's this? Stallin is hitting on Beth...and she is flirting back right in front of Lane. That hussy! Ladies and gentlemen, we have our antagonist for the movie:

Oh noes! He...mildly made fun of his name. This will not stand!

This being the beginning of the movie and all, Lane fails the tryout and Beth dumps his sorry ass for greener pastures. Good for her. Though I'm not sure Stallin is much of an improvement but at least he's not a stalker...that we know of.

Dejected and frustrated, all Lane wants to do is go home but he is once again interrupted by the subplot. This is it, folks. It's time for him to claim some victory after suffering through so much defeat and failure today. Go ahead, Lane. Get your pride back!

Damn! If only he wasn't so awkward and had a better car...

Things are looking pretty bad for Lane now. Dumped, defeated and depressed, he contemplates killing himself.

But he fails at that too.

Side note, Savage himself actually attempted suicide after his girlfriend dumped him. He actually attempted something similar to this scene which he explains in the interview he did with The Sneeze.

I went into the garage, and I put an extension cord on a pipe, and I'm on a garbage can, and I'm thinking "Should I do this? Maybe this isn't a good idea." Anyway, it was a plastic garbage can, and my weight just like crashed through it, and I fell, and the pipe broke!

And it starts pouring water everywhere. And I'm basically in a garbage can, drowning. And my mom comes and, and my mom starts yelling at me for breaking a pipe.

I'm gonna be totally honest with you guys, I really wish that had happened in the movie instead. It just sounds hilarious, funny how truth is often better than fiction. Anyways, if we're keeping count, Lane now sucks at keeping a girlfriend, racing, skiing and suicide. What else can go wrong for our intrepid hero?

Aaaaaaah!!!! Demon child!

Apparently, Lane's dad is a bit of a cheapskate and hasn't paid his paper boy the measly two dollars he owes. So now the kid is coming after Lane...with a vengeance! Lane just can't seem to catch a break.

Seeing how hurt and dejected Lane is, his friend Charles offers to help him out. Lane thinks skiing the K12 like Stallin will win Beth back but Charles talks him out of it because it's dangerous or haunted or something like that.

Oh yeah, Monique is still in this. Life isn't going much better for her either. She's stuck living with the social reject, Ricky Schmidt and his mother and she is beginning to think that Americans really like their jell-o...

Really, really like their jell-o

Meanwhile, Lane tries to ask out another girl to prove to a drawing of Beth and Stallin (don't ask) that he can. I'll give you one guess as to what happens next.

He fails.

Lane once again finds himself thinking he'd be better off dead (name drop!) as he stands over the railing of a bridge over traffic. Charles shows up once again to offer his help and support.

Awwww! What a great friend.

Since Lane is still alive, Charles offers to help him learn to ski the K12 so that he can beat Stallin. Charles offers the helpful advice to "Go that way, really fast." and "If something gets in your way, turn!" Well those directions are clear as mud, I'm sure Lane will have no problems with the K12 now. Who knew skiing was so easy?

Dude, you french fried when you should have pizza'd.

If you french fry when you should pizza, you're gonna have a bad time.

If you can imagine, things only get worse for Lane and Monique at Christmas. Lane tries to give Beth a small teddy bear but oh noes! Stallin already got her a life size teddy bear. Aww, cheer up there, Lane. It's not the size, it's how you use it.

Poor Monique is still stuck with the Bates family and recieves a portrait of Ricky as a gift.

Worst. Gift. Ever!

It isn't until the school dance that Lane finally meets Monique. Ah, the magic of high school dances, the place where anything can happen. Romance, drama...live bands with stage effects? Seriously, look at this:

That's some high production values for a high school dance.

Live performance and a smoke machine? We were lucky if we had a gym floor to dance on and a few balloons here and there. If there was this much entertainment at my high school dances, I might have actually considered going. Maybe.

So, of course, Lane and Monique start to strike up a friendship despite the fact that she doesn't speak a word of English. Before they can really attempt to talk, I guess, Monique is dragged away by Ricky and his mother. Lane is batting a zero so far, let's see if he can get any lower.

Aaaaaah!!!! Group of demon paperboys!

Next, Lane's father gets him a job at a local burger joint. His boss is a disgusting pig but that just goes with the theme of the restaurant:

Here piggy, piggy, piggy!

Now, up until this point, the movie has been goofy but relatively normal. This is where the movie shifts its gears for a bit and enters the land of Mindfuckery. This scene just comes out of nowhere. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it or why it is in there but it's there, in all its creepy glory:

WTF?

I mean, what is that? Why in God's name do we have to look at it? Dancing hamburgers with faces that lipsync to Van Halen's 'Everybody Wants Some' is just plain weird and unsettling. How many drugs did everyone take before making that scene? If this scene were within the first 20 minutes shown to the cast and crew that fateful night, I'd blame it solely for John Cusack's freakout. Then again, he did film it and act like that, what the hell did he think the movie would turn out like? My guess as to why this happens in the movie is that Lane is high on pig grease fumes which makes him hallucinate. My guess as to why this scene was put in the movie is that they needed filler to make the movie longer...and somebody really liked that song.

Moving on from that unsettling experience, Lane once again attempts to ski the K12 and fails. Overwhelmed with his ability to suck at everything in life, Lane decides to give suicide another go, this time by lighting himself on fire. He covers himself in blankets and a tie around his head, for some reason and grabs some lighter fluid. Before he can put this brilliant plan into action, he is interrupted by his mother who makes him come to dinner because they have guests, Ricky Schmidt, his mother and Monique. In honor of their French exchange student guest, Lane's mother has cooked them a "French" meal

"Franch" food, anyone?

Monique still thinks Lane is cute despite the fact that he is dressed like an insane hippie. The girl's got a type, I'll give her that.

Ricky's mother accidently drinks the lighter fluid that Lane left on the table and explodes when she lights her cigarette. This is getting to be pretty dark but it's ok because according to Lane, the doctors said she'd be ok as long as she didn't eat any spicy food for a while.

Hey, Stallin is back! This guy is just awesome, how anyone can be intimidated by him is beyond my understanding but at least he's damn entertaining.

He's just so intimidating, isn't he?

Lane finally grows a pair and stands up to Stallin. The challenge has finally been thrown down and it's the moment we've all been waiting for, the inevitable showdown between protagonist and antagonist where the underdog will be sure to finally emerge, victorious. Lane's challenge is a race between him and Stallin down the K12, winner gets...bragging rights or something. There isn't much of a prize other than for the person to be able to shout "Haha! I beat you!" but there you have it, the battle has begun and of course you know what that means...

80s montage action!

But before that, Monique decides to boost his confidence a bit. While Lane is out fixing his skis for the big race, Monique sets to work fixing up his camaro that hasn't ever worked. So, Monique has a French accent, is cute as a button, likes Lane even though he acts like a dork and she can fix classic cars? Score for Lane!

Not only that but it turns out she was just faking not being able to speak English. She claims it was because the less you speak in the Schmidt household, the better. Yeah, I can agree with that.

They bond while fixing up his car and Monique encourages him to race the Asians again to give him a "taste of success." With the Camaro fixed up, he rolls out into the street looking all stylish and cool. Turns out, the Asians are no match for his Camaro, and being caught off guard hanging out with their girlfriends. Lane is such a good sport.

To thank her for all the work she did on his car, Lane cooks her microwave dinners at the burger restaurant he works at because he forgot that he snuck her inside a restaurant where he could cook her real food. Well...real-ish food.

Then again, he probably didn't want to revisit this monstrosity.

He then serenades her with his mad saxophone dubbing skills because he's all class, that Lane.

The next day is the big race. Lane's finally had a taste of success by beating the Asians, he's got a new girl at his side and he's jammed weeks of training in one day through the power of a montage.

He's all set, except that one of his skis has broken and the paper boy is once again back to hunt Lane down for his two dollars. Thankfully, the paper boy conveniently chases him to the starting line just as the race has begun. With his new, masterful skills, Lane tackles the K12 on one ski and Stallin finally takes care of the demon paper boy. It is a beautiful sight.

Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!

It's a close race down the hill but, damn it, Lane is the protagonist of this story and he is due for a win. Everyone cheers for Lane, including Beth who totally never liked Stallin anyways and Lane stupidly kisses her. Monique, of course sees and leaves with Ricky and his evil mother.

Mercifully, the cliched mistaken breakup doesn't last long as Lane comes to his senses and goes after Ricky and his mother to save Monique. A wise decision, Lane. I hear Beth gets killed soon anyways.

Or maybe I'm getting my movies mixed up...

Lane and Ricky get into an epic ski pole fight. Lane once again emerges victorious and claims his prize. He carries Monique to his sweet Camaro where they ride off into the sunset or in this case, he takes her to Dodger Stadium because she mentioned she really wanted to see it and he serenades her with a saxophone dub again. Hey, when you've got a skill, you use it.

Ricky has lost Monique but it's ok because a nerdy girl conveniently shows up out of nowhere and conveniently thinks Ricky is cute. Awww, even Ricky gets a girl. A happy ending for everyone, how nice.

What? Nerdy girls can show up out of nowhere.

So, that was Better Off Dead. Is it as bad as John Cusack thinks it is? Well...yes and no. It's definitely a very goofy and oddball movie and some of the scenes could be seen as embarrassing for him. I still don't see how you could act out the scenes, supposedly help edit the movie together and be shocked at how offbeat this movie is. This movie is awkward and silly and kind of perfectly captures what it's like to be a teenager, it's not hard to see why so many people identify with it.

Personally, it took me a while to warm up to this movie. I saw this mainly because John Cusack was in it and I am a huge fan of his. I was not prepared for how goofy it would turn out to be but I laughed mainly at the discovery that this was the movie that South Park's Asspen episode was based around. That alone made it entertaining and got me interested enough to rewatch it and everytime I rewatch it, I end up enjoying it more. I love its quirky charms and its off the wall humour, I even love its weird non-sequitur scenes. It's just so much fun to sit back and relax to and it doeesn't hurt that John Cusack is just adorable in this; which is why it kind of disappointed me to learn that he actually hates this movie. I think John does himself a disservice by disregarding this movie and the director because there was so much joy that went into this movie and I kind of get where his interest in doing quirky comedies like The Ice Harvest, Grosse Pointe Blank, and High Fidelity came from when I watch Better Off Dead.

So my advice to John Cusack, should he choose to accept it or even care, is to lighten up a bit. It's really not that bad of a movie, it may not be an oscar worthy film but a lot of heart and personal experience went into it and I feel that is what makes this movie shine. If you ever see this in a video store, if those still exist, or more likely in your Netflix queue, give it a try.

Unforetunately, after John's freak out about how Better Off Dead turned out, Savage Steve kind of gave up on his follow up movie, One Crazy Summer. How did his and John's attitudes affect the film? Well, stay tuned because next time, I'm taking a look at One Crazy Summer. Thanks for visiting my Teenage Wasteland! Clips used: Better Off Dead                     South Park "Asspen" episode - Watch this episode, it is hilarious and is directly parodying Better Off Dead and perhaps a little bit of One Crazy Summer. Music used: "Montage" from South Park "Asspen" episode.