Dawson's Creek - 218 - A Perfect Wedding

Original air date: April 24, 1999

This episode opens in the most hilarious way ever. Dawson is showing his movie to his mother so that he can feel better about himself because she of course praises it, saying it was "funny" and "real" and that Dawson is "very talented" while Dawson mopes about what a meanie Miss Kennedy was for dissing his masterpiece. Awww, puddin' had to run to mommy for a self-esteem boost? 

Pictured: Dawson Leery

Gail at least gives some realistic praise by saying that while his film is "no Citizen Kane" it's definitely not as horrible as "Bride of Chucky". Hey, at least Bride of Chucky was funny bad, I'd bet Dawson's is just boring bad. I mean, he basically just made a movie glorifying himself while he's dumped by the girl of his dreams, despite how awesome and nice he was to her and she left him for another man...holy shit. You guys, Dawson basically made The Room. Dawson is Tommy Wiseau!

You are tearing me apart, Joey!

Joey enters her kitchen to find her father cheerfully making breakfast and she's weirded out. Her dad doesn't notice because he's in too good of a mood being out of jail and all. You know, you'd think they'd be notified by the jail that their father was being released so that they wouldn't be blindsided but then again, I don't really know much about this. Anyway, Bessie comes in and is equally happy about their father's return. She goes on about how they're going to get out of debt because her and her father stayed up all night talking about ways to expand her restaurant business. One of these ways is to cater. Somehow, since Papa Potter came back last night, Bessie found out that her friend needs caterers for her wedding and she agreed to the job. She asks Joey to ask her friends to be caterers. 

Joey complains about the catering idea to Jack later and confesses that she feels overwhelmed suddenly having her father back, catering an upscale wedding, and having her father jump into the business right away. Jack tells her to tell her father that it's too much too soon and to back out of the catering idea but Joey knows how excited Bessie is and doesn't want to rain on their parade. It's a surprisingly decent thing for Joey to do, I'm shocked. Jack says he'll be there to support her because the show is still trying to pretend that Joey is going to be Jack's fag hag. 

Dame Maggie Smith has spoken, bitches

Dawson whines to Pacey about how he's going to re edit the ending of his movie because he probably "put the pieces together wrong". No, you put the pieces together right, the picture just sucks. Jack then comes up and asks them if they want to work as caterers. Pacey jumps at the chance to make money while Dawson questions why the Ice House is catering now. Jack explains that it was Joey's father's idea which confuses Dawson. Jack looks awkward as he realizes that Joey hasn't told Dawson yet and explains that her father was paroled. 

Dawson has a sad

Jen corners Abby in the bathroom and starts going on about how bored she is. Abby tells her that she is like a rat trapped in a box. Jen then goes on to say that she "tried changing her image" but that no one accepted her so she might as well have fun. Where the hell is this coming from? Who's not accepting her? Ty? He was a cock. You and Grams were finally getting along and you seemed to be getting along OK with Dawson and Joey. What the hell, Jen? Also, Abby has been absent since she made out with Jack and she hadn't been friends with Jen since the very beginning of this season so why does Jen want to be friends with her again? Oh Dawson's Creek writers, you suck at continuity. But, apparently, Jen says the only fun she's had all year has been with Abby. 

Super fun girl time!

They walk off together planning to have even more fun on the weekend. 

Pacey tries to convince Andie to do the catering job with him because if they both make $60, together they will have $110 and they can have a super romantic date night. This is a nice thought but I can't help but correct his math skills, they would actually have $120 together and at first I think Andie makes fun of him for his lack of math skills but she was apparently complimenting him for adding that in his head because she too talks about them having $110. Andie, you're supposed to be the smart one! 

**Yeah so, ignore this last paragraph. Apparently their math skills are just fine. It's my listening skills that are off. They very clearly both said $120, so I mocked them for nothing. If I'm going to snark this show, I'd better get it right, so apologies on this one.**

Anyway, Andie is reluctant because apparently, she who believes in Fortune Tellers, does not believe in the sanctity of marriage. People promising to spend their lives together? Bull shit! A woman who claims she can predict the future? Totally legit, y'all! Pacey promises her that he'll show her that weddings can be awesome and if she doesn't agree by the end of the night, he'll let her keep all of the money, even his share. 

Challenge accepted!

Joey and her father are prepping for the wedding when her father spots Dawson. He is again creepily invested in his daughter getting together with Dawson. 

Mr.Potter: Dawson Leery, I thought for sure that when I came back you two would be dating, what happened?

Oh they dated, they just also broke up in that time frame, get with the picture, Mr. Potter. This is high school, relationships usually only last a week or two. Tops. 

Dawson walks up to Joey and starts fishing around for why she didn't immediately tell him first that her father was back. Joey delivers another punch to his nards by praising Jack's insight and ability to calm her down, she sees how hard she kicked and tries to back pedal by saying that she had been looking for Dawson but she had to cut school to help out with the wedding. Smooth. 

It does not help

Luckily two ladies start gossipping about Joey's father which makes Joey sympathetic again and makes Dawson feel like he can be a hero. Let's see how that works out. 

I'm busy, I have stuff to do! Run away!

But, I have so much more uselessness to give!

Awww, better luck next time, Dawson. 

It's now the night of the wedding and Joey is running around frantically giving orders to people. She seems to be the only one frazzled which leads me to think that Joey just doesn't handle stress well. Bessie even tells her to chill and that everything will be fine. Joey can't chill out though because then she won't look super important and busy or be the centre of attention. Dawson tries to show concern for her but she is just too busy to listen to sympathy right now. 

Since Dawson struck out with his lady, he decides to get a confidence boost again by talking to his mother. His mother is too concerned with where his father is though. She has decided that this is the night she is going to win him back but oh noes, he's shown up with Dawson's arch nemesis Miss Kennedy!

Double rejection fun time!

We next cut to Pacey and Andie who are arguing over weddings while assembling the cake. Andie gets upset that she has been forced to go to a wedding and flails her arms in exasperation. 

And this happens...

Dawson, meanwhile runs into the bride who is visibly upset. He tries to ask her what is wrong and she reveals that she doesn't want to get married, in fact she wants to jump out the window or die. Look, I know that cold feet before a wedding is a thing for some people but I, personally, have never understood it. I mean, you agreed to get married, you planned the day, you theoretically love the person you are choosing to marry, so, why the freak out? Shouldn't you want to get married or be excited? I don't know, I'm just not the type of person to freak out about commitment, I guess. I never experienced cold feet at my wedding, I had a blast but, I digress. The bride isn't sure she loves the groom and is worried she's making the biggest mistake of her life and Dawson looks like he wishes he were anywhere else. 

Oh god! Other people's emotions are scary!

Meanwhile, Jen and Abby are hanging out like besties again and it warms my heart but also fills it with dread. You see, this is a "very special episode" of Dawson's Creek in which something really bad happens in order to teach the audience a lesson as well as add shock value. I know what will become of this and I'm not happy about it. Abby asks what the rest of the gang are up to and Jen tells her about the wedding while lamenting the fact that they all forgot about her. Yeah, what the hell, guys? Not cool. Abby says they should crash it. Don't go, Abby. 

But, they're so cute together!

I thought this cry gif was appropriate

Jack comes by to check on Dawson and Dawson reveals that the bride is having a panic attack. Jack offers to try to talk to her and since Dawson is still butt hurt that Joey talked to Jack over him and praised his insight and ability to calm her down, Dawson tries to say that Jack wouldn't be able to help. 

Puh-lease! I've totally got this!

Oh shit, no I don't!

Joey has her usual freak out at the same time, claiming that the wedding is completely ruined and that they'll be humiliated and it's all her dad's fault. Bessie gets the fuck out of dodge because she saw that their dad had entered the room and heard everything Joey said. I like that she just went "fuck this, you said it, you can deal with Dad."

In another epic moment of "Dawson sucks at life", Jack starts talking to the bride and tells her what bullshit it is to throw away her real love for a fantasy about "perfect love and soul mates" that might not even exist. Amen, Jack. He also tells her that it's perfectly normal to gave wedding day jitters (again, I don't get questioning your relationship the day of the wedding but whatever) and that she'll walk down the aisle, look into her Fiance's eyes and all of her fears will melt away. She smiles at Jack and then we cut to her walking down the aisle with a big smile on her face. When she sees Jack after the ceremony, she whispers a thanks to him for saving her life, kisses him on the cheek, and continues on to the rest of her guests. 

Uhhh, but...but I talked to her too!

Dawson complains about this to Jack and the fact that Joey dared go to Jack with her problems instead of him too. Jack goes on about how he may be friends with Joey but Dawson and her are soul mates 4 life because all characters are contractually obligated to inform us of how magically connected Joey and Dawson are. 

Skip it

Jack tells Dawson to talk to Joey but Dawson says she won't open up. Jack then tells him to force a connection which sounds kind of rapey but I know he just means get her to open up so that she isn't bottling her emotions again. 

Andie and Pacey are working on fixing the cake but it looks like he just mashed the pieces together and molded it with icing. As Andie put it, it looks like a blob. Just then the bride walks in and Andie and Pacey try to hide the cake-astrophy from her by saying it is bad luck to see the cake before eating or else she'll get fat. Nice save, there guys. But the bride seems to buy it and says that the only thing she's heard is that they are supposed to keep the top layer for good luck for their marriage and eat it on their one year anniversary. She then leaves send Andie starts freaking out about cursing their marriage. Pacey realizes that she does care about weddings and stops trying to fix the cake until she admits it. She does and thus ends that arc of the episode. I'm sure you were all worried that Andie didn't believe in weddings but now you can rest easy. 

Joey confronts her father and tries to play off her freak out to Bessie as stress and that she didn't mean what she said. Her father acknowledges that what she said was true and that he should have considered her feelings more. He promises that now that he's back that things will go back to normal but Joey argues that things can't just go back to normal. Joey's father responds by running away to "check the salmon."

Huh, so that's where Joey gets it from

Dawson checks up on his mother, who is upset about Mitch showing up with Miss Kennedy. Just then, Mitch comes over to rub Gail's nose in the fact that he got a hot date. I'm half "go Mitch, you show that cheating ho who's boss!" And half "Mitch, you're a douche, your son is right there!" on this one. Dawson thinks he's being a douche too and after Gail storms off, he asks to talk to Mitch alone. 

Mitch apologizes to Dawson because he didn't realize that Dawson would be there. Dawson, rightfully points out Mitch's pettiness by saying that he knew that Gail would be there. Mitch throws a bitch fit about how Gail will have to deal with him bringing Miss Kennedy because he can do what he wants. He then realizes what a petty dick he's being and apologizes for putting Dawson in the middle. Dawson says he's already put him in the middle by dating his teacher. Of course, Dawson is only upset about that because Miss Kennedy dissed his masterpiece of cinema, Creek Daze. She just didn't understand his vision. 

Everyone betray me. I fed up with this world!

Meanwhile, Abby and Jen have shown up to crash the wedding and Jen is lamenting the fact that everyone there is middle aged. Abby suggests that Jen should go after a fatherly type and just barf. She also suggests that they graduate from "nymphettes" to home wreckers. Abby, you're not making a case for sympathy here. Andie spots them and promptly throws them out. They leave but Abby steals a complimentary bottle of wine first. 

Dawson sees Joey crying and confronts her. She finally tells him that she's scared that her father will screw up somehow and leave her again. Dawson comforts her by telling her that she doesn't need to worry about what everyone thinks because she has a family again and she will always have him. They hug. 

Joey talks with her father and apologizes for the things she said earlier. She then tells him that she forgives him for his mistakes and that he's her dad who she's proud of. I'm not really sure, at this point what she's proud of, it made more sense in season one when she was pissed at him. I mean, he cheated on her mom and then got arrested for pot dealing when his daughters already lost one parent, leaving them orphans. Not to mention, putting Bessie in a spot where she had to become a mother to her teen aged sister, that's not really fair to her to have to shoulder that kind of responsibility at such a young age, I'm guessing she's maybe 21? I know Bessie isn't a main character but this show really glosses over the burdens she's had to bear, and plays up Joey's sadness about not feeling loved; which makes Joey look like a complete brat who is ungrateful for everything her sister did for her.

Ungrateful bitch!

Pacey manages to fix the cake and the bride and groom are ecstatic. He and Andie watch as the bride and groom share their first bite of cake. Problem solved. 

Sigh...at the docks, Abby and Jen talk about what they want when they grow up. Abby confesses that she doesn't think she'll ever be happy with whatever she has because she'll always want something different. 

That's...really sad

Now, I know that people hated Abby, hell I did when I was younger, and were probably happy, not necessarily because she hits her head and falls into the water and drowns, but because she wouldn't be on the show anymore. I now, however, am incredibly sad to see her go. Why? Because love her or hate her or love to hate her, she was a pretty damn entertaining and interesting character. I'd go so far as to argue that she was probably the best side character on the show. They tried to replace her in the later seasons but no one really compared to Abby. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the writers created a very interesting character in Abby. I'll save the reasons for the next episode though as she, ironically, gets more interesting after her passing.

*Sigh* Goodbye, Abby

Back at the wedding, Pacey and Andie dance and talk about when they will get married. Andie wants to get married in Venice because it's the "city of love" while Pacey thinks that by the time they get married, Venice will have sunk into the sea. Uhhhh, so did they swap bodies this episode? Pacey was all about weddings and marriage and Andie was against it. Pacey spent the whole episode trying to convince Andie how great weddings are and now that Andie is on board, he's suddenly thinking that Venice won't exist when they get married? I mean, it sounds like he wants to marry her bug that he thinks they won't get married for a really long time? Why? That doesn't mesh with the hopeless romantic he was presented to be at the beginning. It's just confusing. 

Dawson dances with his mom to cheer her up while Joey's dad dances with her. Her dad then points out that Dawson wants to dance with her because he's still weirdly invested in their relationship. 

Dawson and Joey dance and then they say they love each other and kiss. Then do you want to know what they end the episode on after their star couple gets together? Do you want to know? Because I think it's a pretty hilarious and fitting metaphors for their relationship. Right after Dawson and Joey confess their love and kiss, this is the next image you see:

Romantic! Does this mean their relationship will be dead on arrival too?

So we end The Perfect Wedding with our main characters getting back together and a dead body.  Abby, the best side character ever is dead. How will this affect Dawson and Joey's reunion? How will Jen cope with the loss of her friend? We'll find out all this and more in the next episode, Rest in Peace. 

Dawson's Creek - 217 - Psychic Friends

Original air date: March 10, 1999

I just want to start off by saying that the title of this episode is very misleading. At no point do any of the Creek gang develop psychic powers that enable them to communicate telepathically nor do they then team up to become crime fighters in Capeside called The Psychic Friends. Minus ten points, Dawson's Creek, you let me down. 

Seriously though, I really remembered nothing of this episode and the opener didn't stir things up for me either. It opens, of course, in Dawson's room, where Joey and Dawson have just finished watching Dawson's shitty movie. Joey has tears in her eyes and goes on about what a fucking masterpiece it is  but just as I'm about to rage at my TV about how it's just a teen romance movie, Joey starts going on about how Jack is a brilliant director and I realize that this is a dream sequence.

Oh thank god, I don't have to kill anything

Jack bursts onto the scene and Joey calls him a genius and starts kissing him. He goes on about how Spielberg offered him a job in Hollywood and then he proposes to Joey, who accepts. I died of laughter at this scene, it was just filled with so much Dawson misery that my small heart grew about three sizes. 

Ahhh, his pain is my joy

The next day, Dawson makes himself feel better by showing off his movie analyzing skills to his film class. Apparently, Mr. Gold has been replaced by Miss Kennedy as the film teacher. Dawson is completely enchanted by her. All I can think is, writers, if you dare go the teacher/student romance crap again I will track you down and vomit all over each and every one of you. Thankfully, Dawson is far too wholesome and childlike to be into her that way. No, he merely idolizes her for being the "real deal" who actually works in Hollywood. Apparently, she is in Capeside on sabbatical to write a screenplay for TriStar. Which obviously leaves her time to teach a bunch of high schoolers about film making. 

At any rate, Jen asks Dawson if he's going to show Miss Kennedy his film, Creek Daze...

What the hell did he call his movie?

I'm sorry, he called his movie Creek Daze? Creek Daze!? My god that is the most amateur sounding title I've ever heard. I'm not even sure I can articulate why I hate the title so much, it just reeks of trying too hard to sound clever and edgy. "Get it, get it? It's like Creek Days as in my days on the Creek but like spelled Daze because it's like those days were dazed and confused." Ugh. Moving on. 

Dawson isn't sure he wants to show off his film because he's afraid she'll think it's "amateur". Of course, Jen is obligated to tell Dawson that he's super, mega talented and of course his film is amazing and all that. Then Mitch bumps into them because he's apparently a teacher now. Is this a thing in the US? Can anyone just decide they want to be a teacher and just get a job teaching with zero education or training? I really don't get this but a lot of shows seem to treat teaching as this fall back, whatever job that anyone can get. I guess it's no wonder that roughly a quarter of US residents think the sun revolves around the Earth. 

Meanwhile, Joey is trying to become Jack's fag hag by checking out guys in the lunchroom with him. Jack isn't having it though because his true fag hag and soul mate is Jen.

No gay best friend for you, Joey

The next scene completely jogs my memory of this episode. Andie is trying to get Pacey to agree to run the Safety Booth at the fair in town and Pacey is reluctant because last year, he was pelted with water balloons and had his booth knocked over by jocks. I very much remember this part of the episode because Pacey playing a dog puppet was too cute. I guess I must have always missed the beginning of this episode. Remember back in the day, you missed an episode or part of it, you were fucked. Anyway, Pacey doesn't want to do it but Andie wants him to because there is going to be a fortune teller at the fair that she wants to see. 

Andie, why don't you just ask Pacey to take you to the fair? Why does he have to work it if he doesn't want to? Well, she convinces him to go by presumably promising him sexual favours. 

I'm guessing she promised anal. She should have
saved that one for something better.

Jack is helping Joey set up an art booth for the fair because apparently Joey is selling her artwork or something. She is distracted so Jack asks her what she's thinking about. She's thinking about kissing because Joey is just never happy. When she's in a relationship, she wants to be single. When she's single, she wants a relationship. Make up your mind woman! Dawson was throwing himself at you last episode, you could have had all the kisses you wanted but you turned him down. I'm still not seeing the chemistry between her and Dawson, Joey just doesn't seem that into him at all. 

But just to prove me wrong, the writers have him show up so that Jack can then ask Joey her opinion of him, whether he's a "Frank" as in Frankenstein or a "Leo" as in Leonardo DiCaprio. Joey answers that Dawson is "definitely a Leo", of course. Which begs the question, why the hell doesn't she want to date him then? Because she can't be herself when she's with him? I'm sorry but if they were really such good friends, they should have been comfortable being themselves around each other so I still don't buy them as soul mates, not through Joey's eyes at least. Anyway, Jack suggests they go see the fortune teller to find out when Joey's next kiss is going to be. 

Meanwhile, Andie tries to convince Pacey to see the fortune teller with her but he is still very reluctant. Andie argues that it would be good to know what happens in the future so that she could be prepared for it. I think she is expecting a lot out of a small town Fair's fortune teller. 

My thought is proven right when we next see Joey getting her fortune read by the "psychic" who runs through the usual vague psychic crap of "I see someone in your life...name starts with...c? Do you know anyone named Carrie? Crystal? Connie? Caroline?" But the show tries to convince us that she's really, really psychic for reals by making the candles flicker and wind blow while the psychic tells Joey that she has so much pain in her life send that she puts up walls to protect herself but that cuts herself off from new opportunities. Hmmmm, like the trip to Paris she could have gone on but chose to stay with her safe friend Dawson? 

She also tells her that she'll meet a tall dark stranger or some junk. I don't really know what we're supposed to think of this woman, to be honest. It seems like she's a fraud, just looking to make a few bucks but then the show tries to convince us she's real but then goes back to her sounding like a fraud. I guess she's only a fraud until her unpredictable real power kicks in?

Dawson is talking with Miss Kennedy and she asks him about his film. Mitch has apparently been singing his praises which makes Dawson embarrassed. I would be too because your movies suck and Mitch is building you up to be this insightful, genius filmmaker when all you did was make a romance movie about your breakup with your high school girlfriend. 

Joey is complaining to Jack about wasting five bucks to hear a hack spew some bullshit fortune to her but then a tall dark stranger starts admiring her art. Joey is tongue tied but Jack urges her to follow the guy and get the no-strings attached kiss she was looking for. 

Meanwhile, Jen is helping Grams set up a booth when she notices a man checking Grams out. He comes up to talk to her and we learn that his name is Whit and he's an old friend of Grams'. He asks her out to dinner to catch up on old times but Grams declines. Jen tells Grams that she should go for it because Whit was totally in to her. 

Grams is shy

Joey musters up her courage and talks to Tall Dark and Handsome who asks her out for a hot chocolate while Dawson finally asks Miss Kennedy to watch his film. 

Joey learns that Tall Dark and Handsome is a photographer and that he's really only interested in taking pictures of her. She's disappointed but agrees to do it because going off with a stranger to do a "photo shoot" has never been used as an excuse to lure naive girls to an isolated location to be raped and murdered. 

Joey would so get killed in real life. She's too stupid to live

Whit comes back to talk to Grams and to give her a rose. Jen urges Grams to take him up on the offer and Grams reluctantly agrees. She looks mortified afterwards and Jen thinks it's because she feels guilty for dating someone after her husband died but Grams is really just insecure about her looks and the prospect of dating again. Jen then offers to give Grams a makeover.

Pacey is working the safety booth for a bunch of snot-nosed kids who give him a hard time while Andie finally gets her fortune told. We are not privy to whet her fortune is, however, we just know that it upsets Andie. Pacey sees her and tries to talk to her but she's so upset that she wants to go off and be alone. 

Joey tells Jack about her plans to go off with a strange guy she just met to have her picture taken and because Jack actually has some common sense, he insists on going with her. Joey protests because she's probably hoping she'll get lucky and is too stupid to realize what a dumb idea it is but Jack wins the argument. Seriously, Joey is too stupid to live. 

Jen is giving Grams a makeover and giving her dating tips but is also messing around with her and I kind of love their relationship now. I don't know what happened with the Jen is a wild child subplot but I'm glad it's over because seeing these two get along is great. Also, Jen did an amazing job on Grams. 

Grams before

Grams after

We next cut to a Joey is super awesome and the prettiest girl ever to grace Capeside montage that is not too overdone at this point in the series but I'm tired of it anyway because I've seen the whole series and trust me, they really like to drive home how perfect and amazing Joey is. 

But I'm so plain and ugly though!

Pacey walks up to the psychic and gives her a stern talking to, asking her why she can't just say nice things to people. Pacey, I love you but you sound so lame right now. The psychic offers to read his fortune for five dollars but Pacey refuses so she decides to tell him anyway. 

Madame: I see a young man that wears a mask that is not his own. To the world he is strong and confident, but beneath the mask is a little boy. Afraid of the world, afraid of everything. He knows that everything he has is lying on a deck of cards. Even the tiniest gust of wind could knock it all down.

This woman is so bizarre. I don't know what her purpose is but she seems to just love fucking with teenagers. It's kind of hilarious. 

Joey is about to leave the photo shoot when Tall Dark and Handsome finally seems to want to ask her for a kiss but instead he asks her if her friend Jack has a boyfriend. 

Joey needs to develop gaydar

Joey tells Jack about what happened and that Tall Dark and Handsome wants to meet up with him, so she told him Jack would. Jack gets offended by this and runs off in a hissy fit. 

Speaking of hissy fits, Miss Kennedy has finally finished watching Dawson's film and he's anxious to hear her opinion. She asks him if he wants the truth, so you know and Dawson knows that her opinion is not going to be kind. To his credit, he asks her to tell the truth anyway. Folks, she tears him a new one and it is glorious. 

Miss Kennedy: Okay, then I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Dawson. I think your film is completely uninspired. I mean the production line is flat, the storyline is non-existent, even your dialogue is not believable.

Miss Kennedy: It lacks emotion of any kind and sends no message to the audience. 

Miss Kennedy: It's a preposterous soap opera about a bunch of teenagers who talk too much. I mean, we've seen it before. All that self-aware, self-referential, hyperboles, filled with cliches that are disguised as send-ups. It actually borders on plagiarism.

Soul crushing complete!

Holy shit, she destroys him! I know she's now painted as the bad guy in this show but to me, she's awesome because she just told the truth. Dawson's movies suck. 

In the quickest resolution ever, Jack apologizes to Joey and confesses to being scared as shit about being gay. He says he's not quite ready to start dating yet. Joey apologizes for agreeing to a date on his behalf without his knowledge. 

Hug it out, bitch!

Dawson walks around like a sad panda as he sees Mitch and Miss Kennedy leave the Fair together and then sees Joey make a sale and then get hugged by Jack. Shit, this episode is just one giant kick to Dawson's nards. It's kind of awesome. 

Everything is not awesome

Pacey finds Andie and gets her to tell him what the fortune teller said. She tells him that she said the stuff she's been through was merely a preview of what's to come, meaning her life is going to get worse. Man that lady really does enjoy fucking with teenagers. Pacey tells her to ignore the hack and that her future will be brilliant. Andie wishes she could believe him bad he tells her she doesn't have to. 

Awwwww

Joey next makes amends with Tall Dark and Handsome and breaks the news that Jack isn't coming. He confesses that he just got out of an intense relationship and Jack would've been a rebound anyway. Joey immediately projects her relationship with Dawson on their relationship and asks the guy why he broke up with his boyfriend. He tells her he thought he knew at the time but that he can't think of why now; which Joey also identifies with. They both sound like awful people. He leaves Joey alone with her thoughts. 

Grams returns from her date but isn't enthusiastic about it since it turns out that Whit is married. Uhhh, douche! Why the hell did he lead her on like that then? Jen is also mortified and apologizes for pushing Grams to go to dinner with him. Grams tells her she doesn't need to apologize because she showed her that her life didn't have to be over because her husband died and that there were still new adventures she could have. 

Awwwwwww!

Dawson tries to get his fortune told. The psychic of course starts telling him that he has a soul mate who has known him for years and feels his pain because as is usual on the Creek, other characters have to keep telling us what soul mates Joey and Dawson are despite the writers showing otherwise with their actions. I now realize this was her purpose all along, for the writers to jam that fact down the viewers throats. But, she was also shown to be pretty shitty so I'm going with she's a hack who doesn't know what she's talking about. Dawson turns away to get money to pay her and when he turns back, she's walked out of the shot. Er, I mean she mysteriously vanishes. Oooooohhhhhhhh. 

She really does love screwing with teenagers, doesn't she?

We close the episode with Joey walking home to find a strange man at her door and because she's proven that she's too stupid to live, she calls out to him while walking towards him. She lucks out and the guy turns out to not be a homicidal maniac but is actually her father. 

Dun, dun, DUUNNNNNNNNNNN!

And that was Psychic Friends, an episode that is kind of forgettable but ended up giving me a bit of joy in seeing Dawson's soul get completely crushed. Yes, I'm aware I'm a heartless human being....at least where Dawson is concerned.

So, what will become of Dawson and Joey's relationship? What will happen with Joey's dad? Is he going to turn over a new leaf? Will Joey forgive him? I guess we'll find out in the next episode, A Perfect Wedding. 

Dawson's Creek - 216 - Be Careful What You Wish For

Original air date: March 3, 1999

When we last left off, we found out that Jack is gay and that Dawson is actually capable of being a good friend. In this episode, we actually do continue to address Jack's issues with his sexuality but Dawson manages to lose most of the brownie points he's earned in the past few episodes. But, fear not, there is a hilariously bad singing number in this episode to help you get over any Dawson anger you might have...or if you actually like Dawson I suppose there is an...adorable(?) singing scene. I don't know. Were there any fans out there of just the Dawson character?

So, we begin this episode with Dawson blustering around his room for some reason, I assume it's to look as dramatic as possible for when Pacey comes in. I'm guessing that Dawson told him there was some kind of emergency because it's, what I'm assuming is a school night, and he looked concerned as he walked into Dawson's room saying he got there as soon as he got Dawson's message. And it's almost midnight. Hello? Parents? Calling all parents of Capeside, do you still exist? I mean, I get it, the characters all look like young adults but they are still supposed to be 16 and despite what we all thought when we were 16, they are still kids and their parents should have some sort of clue as to where their kids are and would not be happy with their kids accepting guests at midnight on a school night. But, I digress.

Dawson explains his problem to Pacey which is actually a pretty accurate explanation of my problem with Dawson's character, hilariously enough:

Dawson: I'm about to be 16 in a matter of minutes and I'm still....me. The same whiny, adolescent, big-talking, small-doing loser that I was a year ago.

That is quite the problem, Dawson, but I'm not sure the writers know how to fix this, given what you're doing right now is pretty much the thing you're complaining about and will continue to be this entire episode. We're in for a treat, guys.

Hey, remember when Dawson was being pretty cool about Jack's being gay and I was complimenting him for it? Well:

Dawson: But there doesn't seem to be anything ahead of me. More of the same. I'm stagnant. No wonder Joey dumped me. I mean, the only thing I accomplished last year was realizing my feelings for her and I couldn't even hold on to her. She dumped me. For a gay guy. laughs Can we talk about this whole gay-man-straight-woman thing? There's got to be something going on there that we're not seeing. 

Pacey: You're right, Dawson. It's all part of the evil gay plan to keep the species from repopulating. 

Dawson: I would keep an eye on Andie if I were you.

Seriously?

 That's...that's not how gay works, Dawson. It's not hereditary, it's not a disease and goddamn, Pacey was being sarcastic because you were being a douche and you tell him to watch out for his girlfriend? Some friend you are but I guess you're hoping they break up, aren't you? Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself on that last line there but bear with me, you'll understand once we get near the end of this recap.

So, anyway Dawson continues only focusing on his own wants, needs and feelings and proclaims that he is going to get Joey back since Jack is now gay. Because, after a girl has found out that the guy she's dating is actually gay and has her heart broken and feels like shit, that is the time to swoop in and ask her out, ammirite?

Nice Guy Syndrome is back...with a vengeance!

The next morning, we learn that parents do still exist in Capeside as Gail walks into the kitchen to find Mitch making pancakes for Dawson's birthday. That's pretty sweet but he probably should have called to ask/warn Gail that he was coming over first. Not cool, Mitch. You're overstepping boundaries. Mitch gives Dawson his pancakes and then asks Gail to go outside with him so that they could talk about what to get Dawson for his birthday...on his birthday. Little late there, Mitch. Shouldn't you have talked to Gail about this before Dawson's actual birthday, I mean she's probably already gone out and gotten one and she did. She got Dawson a brand new car and Mitch gets his panties in a twist because he wanted to go car shopping with Dawson so that they could get a fixer upper that they could work on together. I'd sympathise with Mitch but if he really wanted this, then why the hell didn't he talk to Gail about it sooner? The day of his birthday is not the best time to bring the subject up.

Dawson hears them arguing and is a sad panda

Meanwhile, Joey and Pacey are going over plans for a surprise party they are planning for Dawson. Pacey is apparently going to ask Dawson to go to dinner with him and Andie, which seems kind of awkward but oh well, and Joey is going to have a surprise party set up at Dawson's house. Jack walks in just then and Joey becomes visibly uncomfortable. This prompts Pacey to ask her if she's OK, because he's a caring friend. Why are all of their friend scenes together so much more genuine than either of theirs with Dawson? Answer, Dawson is shitty.

Abby bursts onto the scene with two lackeys because the show has decided that she is now a Queen Bee type instead of a loner bitch. Jack serves them and the unknown girls ask him if he's the gay guy and then proceed to gush about how cool it is that he's the only gay person in Capeside.

Jack is clearly ecstatic to hear this news

Andie is talking to her therapist about how she has always felt the need to step up and be responsible to keep her family together. The therapist then says that she's going to write her a prescription and it's honestly sad to watch Andie's face light up at this and then watch it go to a sad face when the therapist clarifies that it's not a prescription for drugs. Really sad. The therapist actually wants to prescribe her one night of imperfection, i.e. to do what she wants to do instead of what she should do.

Andie, pictured here

Joey laments to her sister about being single at Dawson's party and how even though she knows that Jack's being gay had nothing to do with her, she still feels like she wasn't desirable enough and wonders what she should do now. Bessie slaps her with some truth that I was screaming since the episode she got together with Jack:

Bessie: You paint. You concentrate on your art and yourself. I mean, you broke up with Dawson because you wanted to find yourself...and then you went straight into a relationship with Jack. Now's your chance to do what you set out to do. 

Bingo, Bessie. But before Joey can really consider what her sister just told her, Dawson comes striding in wanting to talk to her.

We then cut to Jen being all flirty with Ty still and I'll be off in the corner not caring because Ty is a douche. Why is this still a thing? I don't want to watch them be flirty. Jen starts to kiss him but Ty stops it by saying that Grams is still at home, which I guess I can get as being uncomfortable. No teen wants to suck face in front of someone's relative...well, no normal teen. But, Jen is clearly upset by this and you just know that this guy is going to get douchier.

Jen, you can do so much better than this!

So, Dawson lays it out on the line and says that he hopes that they can get back to the way things were between them. Joey, unaware of what he's talking about says she wants them to be friends again too. Dawson then spells out to her that a friendship is not enough for him and that he wants them to jump right back into a relationship. Joey obviously objects, stating that they broke up because she needed to find herself, not because she wanted to date Jack. I'd take this point a little better if she didn't jump right to Jack after dumping Dawson, so I'll give Dawson a tiny pass for his confusion and frustration on the matter of her being able to find herself while dating Jack but not Dawson. Joey says they can't talk about this and Dawson storms off, leaving Joey to be upset about having to throw a surprise party for someone who hates her right now.

Cut to later that night as Pacey is driving Andie and Dawson to where ever they are going to hang out before going to the party. Andie is fully embracing her therapist's prescription by being as annoying as humanly possible. It literally kills me to say that because I love Andie but my god, she's being infuriating screeching in the back to mimic police sirens when Pacey tells her he can't turn them on and then talking like a 40s cop ("Book 'em, Dan-o!") and cooing about being in the back seat of a police car. It's so distracting that I'm not even going to question why Pacey is being allowed to drive his brother or father's police car instead of the truck he had or the station wagon he borrowed in season 1. It doesn't seem very responsible to let your son use your work car but whatever. That is what they are doing. Andie also bellows for them to stop and turn around because she saw a place that looked "cool."

Jack enters the party and apparently his coming out has also made him change his style. No longer is he sporting a doufy do, he now has spiky hair and cooler clothes. Abby also points this out to us as she and her friends compliment him on his new look.

Jack is creeped out by Abby's attention

Jen once again kisses Ty but he again pulls away so this time, Jen wants an explanation. Ty explains that they are getting close which Jen says is the purpose of dating but then Ty says she turns him on and the closer they get, the more she turns him on. Jen is confused about how that's a bad thing, as am I. He says that he doesn't want things to get "out of hand" which Jen takes as cute but I take as the biggest flipping warning sign that this relationship is doomed.

Don't hide behind your false kisses. You're doomed!
DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

Andie reveals that she is wearing a slightly more revealing dress than she normally wears and Pacey is obviously happy about that but also maintains that her good girl image was part of her charm. Andie starts explaining that it's time for her to shed that image and let her Id out for a bit. Dawson asks her what she is talking about and she explains that her therapist told her to cut loose for one night and not worry about what everyone thinks. Dawson wants to get in on the action. Pacey leaves to go to the washroom and tells them not to get into too much trouble while he's gone. Cue them getting into trouble almost immediately by tricking the bartender into thinking they were drinking rum in their coke.

Back at the Leery household, Abby is flirting up a storm with Jack. Jack is having none of it until she starts in on her diatribe about there being no such thing as being gay. Jack, clearly still has issues with his sexuality and his curiosity gets the better of him. Abby explains further that she thinks that everyone is bisexual and naturally wants to experiment with both sexes.

But now, dear blog readers, we are in for a treat. We are back at the unnamed club that may or may not be the same one Ty hangs out at and Dawson and Andie are clearly drunk while Pacey is somehow oblivious. And then...oh god, and then someone from the club, the owner I guess, gets up on stage and announces that it's "Open Mic Night" and he asks if anyone wants to come up and sing the blues...and then this happens:

I'm embarrassed on behalf of both James and
Meredith for having to do that scene.

What the hell was that? Where do I begin? The singing was awful towards the end and more on Meredith's part, the lyrics were awful it was just awful. I know we could argue that they are drunk and that's why but no, the crowd seems to love it. They think it's legitimately good and therefore, one would have to argue that we are supposed to believe it is good too, and I'm so not buying it. Also, side-eyeing you hard, Andie that your blue because your brother is gay. Fuck. You!

Pacey tries to get them the hell out of there and to Dawson's not-surprise party since he indicated he knew about it in the song, but Dawson and Andie refuse. Pacey still hasn't clued in and takes a sip of Andie's drink before figuring out that they've been drinking. Now he really wants to get them the hell out of there but the waitress has caught on to them and demands to see IDs from them. Uhhh, a little late for that one, dumb ass. Andie also calls her out for being dumb and not IDing them five drinks ago so Pacey quickly ushers them out before cops i.e. his family get involved.

Jen and Ty are making out in Dawson's new car which is kind of creepy and not nice for Dawson but, given what Dawson is about to do, he kind of deserves it. Also this happens:

Because Titanic happened and that was a thing in the 90s

Ty pulls back and says they have to stop which causes Jen to get angry again. Ty accuses her of tempting him and Jen says that's a load of crap, which it is. Ty then launches into a spiel about being against premarital sex and nothing she says or does can convince him that it's not wrong. Jen asks who said anything about sex and Ty stupidly brings up her past. This is a running theme with her character, guys hear she's had sex so she must always want sex, and I feel really bad for her. Ty continues being a jerk off by saying that he goes to Sunday school whereas Jen, "is more like a Saturday slut" Jen finishes for him. He tries to claim that that's not what he was going to say but then Jen throws down with this:

Poor Jen. Why does this show love making her sad?

Abby continues her slow seduction of Jack by continuing with her spiel about everyone being bisexual deep down and that there is no need to choose to be either or. Jack is buying it hook, line, and sinker.

Meanwhile, Dawson crashes his own party by shouting surprise as he bursts through the door. Joey asks Pacey if they are drunk and Pacey says they are and that they got it past him. Joey tries to calm Dawson and Andie down before his parents notice. She takes him up to his room to try and sober him up a bit and they walk in on Jack and Andie making out. Dawson treats us to more blues as a result: 

Every dead blues singer ever rolls in their graves. 

Dawson goes back downstairs after he's finished butchering the blues and is grabbed by his mother who wants him to blow out his candles. He rambles about getting to make a wish and Gail immediately asks if he's been drinking.

Dawson ignores this and proceeds to make a long rambling speech about all of his friends and I know we're supposed to feel bad about what he says about Joey or that what he does to her is his lowest point, but I actually argue that he was the harshest to Pacey. I was more upset by what he said to Pacey then what he said to Joey. Here:

Dawson: I wish that my friend Pacey would just end this transformation into this A-student, do-gooder, all-around sanctimonious angel and would go back to what he does best which is make me feel good about my life because his is supposed to be worse.

Waaayyyy fucking harsh

Really, Dawson? That's what you have to say about your best friend? That you want his life to suck so that you can feel better? You are a selfish, horrible, duckweed of a friend. Now, compare that to what he said to Joey:

Dawson: And then, of course, there's my Joey. My sweet, precious Joey. The only 16-year-old in the world that needed to find herself. But you know what? That's okay. I accept it. You need to find yourself, and I accept it.

He then proceeds to pretend that he can't find her as he calls out her name, then goes back to her and says that she's found and kisses her. It's at that point that she pushes his face into his birthday cake.

I approve of his humiliation

I mean he called his mom out for cheating and both parents out for bickering while not being adults, I get him being mad about that. I get him being mad at Jack and calling him out for being in and out and stealing his girlfriend. I get that. He was harsh to Jen by saying she's a drunken girl with revolving boyfriends but then follows it up with "I want to party with you!" so that's not even that harsh but what he said to Pacey? What kind of friend says that, especially when Pacey had done nothing wrong to him to deserve that much venom. At least Joey had broken his heart which sort of explained why he would be calling her out, it doesn't justify it but still it wasn't nearly as harsh as it could have been and she gets to shove him into cake while Pacey gets nothing. Not cool.

Both Dawson and Andie are now at the sink and toilet respectively emptying their stomachs of all the alcohol they drank. They promise to never drink again and to stop the other from drinking if they ever forget what it felt like tonight. Thus ends the PSA for the episode on teen drinking.

Mitch and Gail realize how shitty they've been and patch things up. They agree that they will take back Dawson's brand new car and get him a junky one instead and force him to work to pay for some of it. They also agree to try and make decisions together and be more adult. We'll see if this lasts.

Jack catches up with Joey and tries to explain to her about what she saw. She is rightfully upset that she caught him kissing another girl, Abby none the less, after dumping her because he is gay. He tries to explain that Abby was saying things to him that made sense and made him feel "normal" for once but that he knew, the minute he started kissing her that he was gay. Joey forgives him and tells him that everyone is trying to feel normal but rarely feels like they are.

Ty tries to make amends with Jen but she, thankfully, isn't having it this time. She tells him that she really liked him and her kissing him was not a desire to immediately jump his bones but to have something pure that she hadn't felt in a long time. Ty tries to say that they could maybe work things out when he works through his baggage but Jen shuts him down:

You tell him, Jen!

Joey walks into Dawson's room to see if he's OK. Dawson immediately apologises for whatever he said and Joey says she forgives him, just like that. What kind of irks me though, is that she says this:

Joey: Don't worry about it, Dawson. I forgive you. I mean, even you are allowed to make a few mistakes in this world and I'm sure that everyone else will forgive you eventually, too. You pretty much told the truth anyway.

Emphasis, mine. Pacey needs new friends. How was what Dawson said to him the truth? Do they both enjoy that he's a failure because it makes them feel better? Is that really all they want for their supposed friend? Dawson and Joey are a couple of ass hats.

Anyway, Dawson says that he's OK with her finding herself but asks her to do it fast because of how much he loves her and then passes out. Then Joey admits to loving him to and a bunch of teen girls squee even though they are two of the shittiest people on Earth who get their joy from their friend being a fuck up because he makes them look better without them having to try so hard. Sorry, that just really pisses me off.

That was Be Careful What You Wish For, where we are supposed to be enthralled with Dawson and Joey admitting their love for each other but I can't get over the fact that Dawson never fucking apologises to the one person he was harshest to this episode, Pacey. I am not a fan of this episode and I don't feel bad for Dawson at all.

Next episode recap is Psychic Friends which I haven't re-watched yet and I actually do not remember what it's about. I hope that Dawson apologises to Pacey but the show will probably pretend that what Dawson said about him never happened and therefore will ignore it. Joy.