Glee - 102 - Showmance

Original air date: September 9, 2009

This has got to be one of my favourite episodes of Glee. Well, most of season 1 is packed with my favourite episodes but this one is high on the list along with Vitamin D which I cannot wait to get to. But let's focus on the episode in question shall we?

So this episode starts off with Will Schuester in a pretty good mood. He's head of the Glee club and even has a fancy license plate that says "Glee" on it to advertise this fact. Rachel bounds up to him with sheet music, saying that she's found a bunch of songs that would feature her as lead vocalist but Mr. Schue cheerfully informs her that he has a song picked out. Finn shows up next to her and offers to carry her bag for her which distracts her from her quest to gain more leads.

Mr. Schue then passes by Artie, Tina, and Mercedes who informs him that they are learning runs. Schue does a vocal run with them before reminding them about Glee rehearsals that afternoon. Then he strolls merrily past Kurt, Puck and some jocks near a dumpster, completely oblivious to the fact that they are about to toss Kurt in to said dumpster and cheers on the school's team, the Titans. Once Mr. Schue is gone, Puck and his friends move to toss Kurt in but first, Kurt hands them his bag (so it doesn't get dirtied) and then drops this most epic of lines:

Ah Kurt, I loved you once...

Seriously, I want you guys to remember this characterization of Kurt because it is wonderful and it is going to be completely undone in the next half of this season and onwards. To the point that the very season finale rewrites this character and pisses me off to no end because season 1 Kurt...First 13 Episodes Kurt, is magical.

We then go back to Mr. Schue as he continues on his blissfully ignorant way down the school hallway. Emma is waiting for him but pretends to just bump into him so that they can cutely banter together. I forgot how, kind of conniving and crazy Emma was in the beginning. I kind of love it. She's super crazy, like basically she's this girl:

She even has the same buggy eyes

Emma points out that they match since they are both wearing periwinkle.

Oh hey, we totally match for some reason. No, I was not the one
peeping in your bedroom window as you dressed this morning...

Santana and Quinn walk up to them and tell Schue that Sue wants to see him in her office and that she doesn't like to be kept waiting. Schue nervously agrees to go.

Will enters Sue's office apprehensively. She's busy working out but dismounts and offers Will an iron pill because they "keep your strength up while menstruating" which leads to probably one of my favourite throw away quotes from Sue ever:

Wait, what?

I just love that line delivery, just matter of fact statement that leaves you hanging and wondering what the fuck is up with her? I like this version of Sue, she's hilarious and not yet ruined by bad writing.

Anyway, Sue tells Will that Figgins is going to cut the Glee Club if they don't place at regionals. On top of this, they can't even qualify for regionals if they don't have 12 members and by Sue's count, they only have 5 and a half (she's counting Artie as half a person because he's in a wheel chair, you see). Sue then tells Will to just disband the glee club and join her Cheerios team as her assistant. Will "politely declines" her offer and tells her that glee is here to stay even if she is used to being the "cock of the walk"

Meanwhile, in the school hallway, Rachel is listening in to a conversation between Quinn and Finn. Quinn is trying to convince Finn to quit glee so that they have a shot at being homecoming king and queen. She tries to tempt him to quit by offering him the ability to touch her boobs, under the shirt but over the bra. Finn is conflicted but ultimately declines because he wants to be in glee because it makes him happy. Quinn is furious because everyone thinks he's gay now and so what does that make her?

Finn leaves and Quinn spots Rachel eavesdropping. She tells Rachel that she can sing with Finn and dance with him but she will never have him. Rachel says that she is an honourable person (laughable considering next episode spoilery stuff), so she doesn't need to steal her boyfriend. She then says that glee's stock is rising while hers in falling and she'll just have to deal with it.



In conclusion, Glee's stock has not risen at all...
or at least, Rachel's hasn't

We cut to the glee club practicing Le Freak by Chic but they are clearly not into it. Mercedes stops the practice to complain about Rachel almost kicking her in the face and to flat out tell Will that his song choice sucks. Will tries to tell them that the song is fine, they just need more energy but even Kurt objects.

You know a song is gay when...

Will tells them that they don't have time to discuss this as they are performing the song in front of the whole school on Friday. Naturally, the entire club is mortified at the thought. Will tells them that it's important that they perform well at the assembly because they need recruits as they can't qualify for regionals without 12 members. He then assures them that his club took nationals with Le Freak because it's a crowd pleaser.

Will and Terri are looking at a ginormous house with a realtor. Will explains that the hunt for a newer and bigger home happened because Terri's sister convinced her that they had to upgrade to a bigger home for the new baby. So, here they are looking at what appears to be a mcmansion and Terri is gasping in delight over banisters made by Ecuadorian children, grand foyers, and sun nooks. Will points out that they can't afford the house but Terri scoffs at this and shows him a frilly pink bedroom.

Will says he loves it but that they still can't afford it. Terri says it's her very own "Sophie's Choice" before saying she'd take the grand foyer and give up the sun nook. Will relents and says that he'll sign the papers while thinking about how he'll need to get a part-time job.

In the choir room the next day, Kurt and Mercedes are arguing and I hear him say that she looks like a "Technicolor zebra" which should totally be the name of a band. Anyway, Will comes in and tells them that they are going to do a Kanye song which gets them all excited until Will says that they are still doing disco at the assembly. He says that communication is key and they asked for modern music so he listened and is giving it to them. Artie says that they'd like to not do disco at the assembly but Will ignores him while passing out the sheet music and telling Finn he has the solo. Finn declines in a panic, saying he isn't ready. Will tells him that he'll walk him through it and we are introduced to the first of many "Will raps" sessions.

Quick aside: a lot of people hate Will rapping. A. Lot. I'm actually not one of them. *ducks for cover amidst boos and rotten fruit being tossed at her* No, seriously, I don't find it that bad. We're not supposed to take these performances so seriously, they are just about a group of people having fun and singing and to me, that's all that was happening here. Just a teacher singing a song with his students and having a good time. It's what glee is all about, hell, it was the entire philosophy of the previous glee teacher that made Will want to do this in the first place:

It's a nice sentiment and I really think that's all that this is about. Just a bunch of people singing a song they like and having fun. No one was actually supposed to take Will seriously as a rapper. No one is asking Matthew Morrison to drop a rap album, it was a performance in a show that was intended as commentary to what was going on in the plot. Ie: the song they are singing is Golddigger by Kanye West, while they are singing we also cut to Terri and her sister going over plans for the new house and obviously, talking about spending money they don't have. It works in this scene. So, yeah, this song was fun and harmless. Get over it.

And don't make me quote a Taylor Swift song again

We next cut to Emma in the bathroom when she overhears someone obviously puking. She investigates to find Rachel leaning over the toilet. Emma asks if she's throwing up but Rachel says that she tried and failed because she doesn't seem to have a gag reflex.

This show, man. Hilarious

Emma asks Rachel to have a chat with her in her office. We cut to them in her office where she hands Rachel one of her many hilarious brochures.

These brochures are some of the funniest things in Glee

Rachel says she doesn't have bulimia and she won't ever try throwing up again because it grossed her out. Emma asks what made her try it in the first place and Rachel answers that it's because she wants to be thinner and prettier like Quinn Fabray. She then asks Emma if she's ever liked someone so much that it made her want to lock herself in her room, turn on sad music and cry. Emma says no but we cut to:

Emma then gives Rachel the advice to find a common interest with whoever she likes because then he'll see her in a positive way and who knows what could happen.

We next cut to Will, Sue, Rachel, and Finn in Principal Figgins' office. It starts out with Sue demanding that they tell Figgins what she caught them doing, leading you to believe that they were caught having sex. In reality, they were making photocopies on the Cheerio's private photocopy machine. You want to know what they were photocopying? Flyers advertising celebrities who were in Glee club in high school:

Back the fuck up! Did Glee make Robin Thicke a thing?
This was way before Blurred Lines. Damn you, Glee!!

Sue is horrified to see them using it, saying they could have broken it.

Damn, there are so many quotable lines in the early episodes

Will asks how many photocopies they made (17), and how much a photocopy costs (4 and a half cents), then suggests that Rachel and Finn just pay for the copies they made. Figgins likes this compromise and asks them to pay Sue, then tells Sue that she has to clean her congealed protein shake off of the floor since he had to fire half of the janitorial staff due to the recession. Holy shit, yeah, this show came out around the time that everyone was panicking over the recession. Crazy, that seems like so long ago now but it has only been 6 years. Anyway, Sue is not pleased with this outcome.

Finn apologizes to Will while Rachel plots to get their flyers up as soon as possible. Will shoots the idea down, telling them that they are doing the assembly and that everyone loves disco.

Tell 'em, Freaks

Finn is completely freaked out and sure that he's going to be a dead man. Rachel tries to cheer him up by telling him how talented he supposedly is. Look, he's alright but I wouldn't say that he's destined for a singing career or the most deserving of the male characters to get a solo. But, the show wants us to believe he's good, so here we are. Rachel asks him if he wants to practice after school but he informs her that he has a Cellibacy Club meeting.

While having a couple's bath together, Will tells Terri that he can't find part time work so they won't be able to get the grand foyer. Terri is pissed. Will tells her that they don't need a grand foyer to be happy but she is having none of it. Terri is annoyed at always having to compromise and whines about how no one gives back to them despite how hard they work. I seem to recall you saying you only worked 16 hours a week, Terri. Shut your mouth about working hard.

The next day, Will catches Figgins scraping Sue's congealed protein shake off the copy room floor. Apparently, Sue got a note from her doctor that said she couldn't do any cleaning, so Figgins had to do it himself because he fired most of the janitorial staff. Will gets an idea and offers to take over one of the night time janitor jobs at half the pay to get the extra money for the dream home her wife wants.

At the celibacy meeting, Rachel sits alone across from a group of Cheerios. So, apparently all of the cheerleaders practice abstinence? Seems legit. Rachel asks where the boys are and Quinn pissily explains that for the first half hour they separate, then they come together in their faith. This club lasts an hour? Dear god, that sounds painfully boring.

In the next classroom, a bunch of football players...come on now. Football players? In the Celibacy Club? I mean, one or two sure but most of them? Whatever, show, whatever. Finn proves my point by saying that he only joined the club to get into Quinn Fabray's pants, so not so celibate after all. Then, the most vile and obnoxious character this show ever produced starts whining about wanting to kill himself because they are bombarded with sexual imagry and short skirts everywhere and are expected not to do anything about it. Jewfro? I hate you. I loathe you. You are the worst character ever conceived of and this isn't even you at your worst. Seriously? Yes, you are expected not to do anything about it. No one owes you sex because you're horny unless you pay for a prostitute then yes, they kind of owe you but the general public? No, they don't owe you shit. You're horny? Go whack one out in the privacy of your own damn bathroom/bedroom like the rest of society. Please, dear god, keep it in the privacy of your own room. Please!?

This is going to come back up, not today but soon and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You have been warned. #season2trauma

We cut back to the girls who are dancing around in their short Cheerio skirts and going on about how happy they are that someone invented short skirts. Then they say their power motto: It's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing. Before continuing to dance around happily, proud of the fact that they are holding out sex even though they know it drives the guys crazy. This...this is what every guy thinks girls do, isn't it? That's depressing.

We cut back to the guys. Finn is asked how far Quinn lets him get and he responds that they make out and grind. Jewfro asks how he keeps from cumming early but in tv words. Finn says it isn't a problem for him but in his voice over, he informs us that it is a problem. I kind of like this, it's a very subtle jab at how guys tend to talk a big game but are in fact, just as nervous or clueless about stuff as everyone else. He informs us that the way he tries to keep from ejaculating too quickly is to think of the time his mother was teaching him how to drive:

Definitely a mood killer

We cut to the entire Celibacy Club together. They are all paired off to dance with a balloon between them. What Quinn calls "immaculate affection" and remember, "if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." Puck proceeds to sexually assault Santana by grinding into the balloon and her while she tells him to stop. Rachel is paired with Jewfro and is suitably creeped out when a balloon pops. It's Quinn and Finn's balloon and she's pissed.

Then, Rachel becomes my absolute favourite high school girl character of all time and forever when she utters this beautifulness:

RACHEL: You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn’t work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there’s no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That’s what contraception is for.

QUINN: Don’t you dare mention the “C” word.

RACHEL: You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.

Did the writers just write a sex positive high school girl character? Did they seriously just have a high school girl admit that she wants sex?

You earned Patrick Stewart's nod of approval, show. Congrats

You have no idea how much I love this scene. No idea, guys. I'm just so sick of the dumb trope that the girl always has to be the one scared of sex, not wanting to try sex, embarrassed about sex, etc, etc, etc. Do you know how good it feels to have a female character on tv finally say what most of us were thinking? That we too are curious about sex and want to experience it? It feels pretty damn good, let me tell you. It brings a tear to my eye every time I see it, I just think the scene is that beautiful and important for every teenaged girl to see. It is ok to want sex, don't feel ashamed about it in any way. You don't have to pretend to be all naïve about it. Educate yourself and then hopefully we will have less girls being pressured into things they don't want to do simply because they've been kept in the dark about sex because they were told to not want it.

Later that night, Emma catches Will cleaning one of the classrooms and he confesses that he had to take the part time work to help him and Terri buy a house. She says she'll keep it between the two of them and then asks if he wants any help. Will declines but Emma insists because she can see he's not doing the greatest job and she knows for a fact that the teacher who's room he's cleaning doesn't wash her hands after doing number two.

Fast forward to them cleaning together and Will asks if he can help her with one of her problems. She says she doesn't have any and he points out that she's been cleaning the same pencil sharpener for an hour. Emma admits she has a problem with messes but she has a totally legit reason to have it.

EMMA: Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm.
WILL: Really?
EMMA: Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one and after the tour and the yoghurt tasting my- my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon.
WILL: What?
EMMA: And, um, ever since then, I’ve just- I’ve had a little trouble forgetting the, uh- the smell.

Groooosssssss!!!! She gets all my sympathy for that. Will suggests that maybe she should see someone to help her deal with her issues but she insists that it is totally manageable. She just takes lots of showers and doesn't eat dairy. He suggests that they do a test and picks up chalk dust on his finger and wipes it on her nose. Dude, that is not ok, especially since she was telling you that she was not comfortable with doing it. But, the show plays it up as this super romantic exchange as they stare into each other's eyes. Ok, show, whatever. Emma nervously stutters that she should go and leaves the room. We then see that Ken Tanaka has been watching the whole exchange and is not pleased.

The next day, Rachel has called an emergency glee club meeting to talk about what they'll do about the assembly. Artie says that he is super against their suicide mission, ie singing disco. Rachel says that they're not going to kill them because they are going to give the other students what they want. Sex.

What follows is, perhaps, my most favourite performance that Glee has ever done. Every time I watch it, I laugh with, well...glee. This is what glee was about to me, a show that isn't taking itself or its performances seriously, a show that just wants to entertain. I have to show it to you in its entirety for you to appreciate what I love so much about it:

Hilarious. I love it. I can watch this clip over and over again and enjoy it every time.

Of course, Sue hates it and we cut to her in an office with Will and Principal Figgins, where she utters one of her usual fantastic lines:

SUE: Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

Sue then asks for Will to resign from teaching and for the glee club to be disbanded but Figgins tells her that the issue is content. He thinks the glee kids have talent but that they need to sing more family friendly songs. Luckily, his pastor gave him a list of such songs and they are only allowed to sing them from now on. Don't worry, this won't come up ever again in later episodes so we won't have to endure church hymns and balloon songs at all, it's basically a set up for a later performance in this episode. Figgins also thinks that the kids need new outfits, so he cuts Sue's dry cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for glee. Sue is naturally, outraged.

I feel like I've been posting a lot of Sue. She just has the best lines early on

Rachel confronts Will when he leaves Figgins office to apologize for going behind his back and singing a different song than they rehearsed. Will isn't having it because he's super pissed at her for doing it. He tells her that no parent in their right mind would let their kids join glee now and accuses her of ruining their chances. He then tells her that they have a preapproved list of songs that they have to sing from now on. Rachel looks it over and asks what a "luftballon" is. Will ignores the question, and tells her that he understands why she did what she did but he didn't like how she did it.

Ken enters the staff room and plunks down tickets in front of Emma, telling her that they're for something called Tulip-alooza. Emma declines his offer because he is gross and horrible. He then proves my point by basically shaming her into dating him, calling her out for chasing a married guy and then telling her that he's a good man (laughable) and a minority so he can't be fired, then he tells her that she could do worse than him and that in this town, she won't do any better. Uh, excuse you?

Even the Queen is done with your bullshit, Ken

In the auditorium, Rachel and Finn are practicing his notes together. She is very encouraging, though I still don't think he's all that great when he's supposed to be amazing but whatever. He wants to take a break because he's hungry and Rachel has prepared a picnic lunch for just such an opportunity. They sit down on the blanket together and she asks him why he wanted to practice with her. He tells her it's because he wants to be really good at something, like her. She's flattered and asks if he really thinks she's good and he responds that at first he thought she was insane but that when she sings, she touched something in his heart. He then proceeds to touch his hand to the part of his chest where his heart is not which is kind of adorably stupid. She corrects him and then asks if he wants a drink. He then points out that she has a bit of drink on her lip and they stare at each other until Rachel tells him that he can kiss her if he wants to. He says he wants to and they make out until...

And Finn awkwardly leaves because I think the mail man killing incident failed to do its job of preventing him from arriving early.

We cut to Terri in her doctor's office. The doctor is doing an ultrasound and informs her that there is no baby. She panics and asks if it fell out but he tells her that she was not ever pregnant. She just wanted to be pregnant so badly, that her body started mimicking the symptoms, what is called a hysterical pregnancy. While I know what ridiculous storyline is coming and how awful Terri gets or can be, in this moment I feel for her. Some people who really want children have a super hard time getting pregnant and it sucks, especially when you are bombarded with people asking you when you're going to get pregnant or people who were like "Whoops, we weren't even trying and now we're pregnant!" So, hugs for Terri, in just this scene.

In the choir room, the Unholy Trinity have decided to try out for glee, much to Will's surprise. Quinn informs him that she and Finn are an item and she wants to support him by joining glee. I'm going to show you this whole performance too because it became pretty iconic for the show and it is just a cute little performance. The only downside is that, at this point, Santana and Brittany were only really side characters at this point so their actresses were not actually singing but it's still an enjoyable moment with the trio:

In the next scene, the three girls are in Sue's office and confessing about joining glee club. Quinn begs to not be kicked off the Cheerios but Sue tells her to cut the waterworks and informs them that they are going to be her spies and help her take down glee from the inside. Quinn then happily chirps that she'll get her boyfriend back.

God, I love old Sue

Will runs up to Emma in the school hallway and tells her that he found a packet of disinfecting wipes, then he asks if she'll meet him in the boys restroom at 9:00 to clean. Uh, what are you doing, Will? Why would she want to do your job for you for free and also, a little weird that you want to hang out with her when you have a pregnant wife at home. Emma agrees with me and turns him down, saying she has a date with Ken. She walks off sadly and leaves Will alone to look sad.

Later that night, when Will gets home, Terri is waiting up for him with dinner made. She's made, what I presume to be his favourite, chicken pot pie from scratch. Given what we know about Terri, whining about working 4 hour days and then having to make dinner, this is a huge deal. Will tells her that she and their new boy or girl are what's important to him and says he hopes she knows that. Terri wanted to tell him that she's not pregnant but gets nervous and instead blurts out that they're having a boy. He's overjoyed and she now looks super uncomfortable and sad that she blurted that out instead of telling the truth and she knows she can't crush him now. Just so that you don't think she's super duper evil, she tells him that she wants him to quit his part time job because they don't need a new house. She will turn her craft room into a nursery.

The next day, in the choir room, Rachel is complaining because Will has given her solo to Quinn Fabray. Will tells her that she did this to herself and Quinn sang a song on the approved list and was really good at it. Rachel asks if he's punishing her and Will tells her that not everything is about her...or him. He admits that he screwed up too and that he didn't listen to them. When he was in school, disco was going through a revival (I grew up in the 90s and there totally was a 70s craze and I remember wearing platform sneakers and bell bottoms because I thought they were super cool). He says that disco was cool and they had fun and that is what glee is supposed to be about, having fun. He says that she may not always get the solo but that he will try his best to make sure that she is always having fun. She sadly asks him if she can use the auditorium to practice because her neighbours are filing a noise complaint against her. He agrees.

We end the episode with Rachel singing Take a Bow by Rhianna with Mercedes and Tina as her back up singers, while we also show her being sad in her room and watching Finn and Quinn longingly.

That was Showmance, hands down, one of my favourites and probably mostly because of the hilariously awesome performance of Push It by Salt 'N Peppa because it was magical but also because this show had the decency to finally write a female character who was actually open about being curious about sex. Not fearing it or being ashamed or doing the opposite and making her into a "slut", just a regular girl who is curious about sex and wanting to try it. Which is an amazing message to send to girls, so kudos to Glee. You are many steps ahead of the teen shows that I used to watch.

Shout out to my good friend, Lucas, who stepped up and made me the Glee related gifs that I needed since my life is just a mess right now and I haven't had the time to make them myself.

Next episode is a guilty pleasure of mine and I say guilty pleasure because I've read some fans say they can't stand the episode and that's it's the worst of the early season. I humbly submit that they are wrong. Stay tuned for Acafellas.

Dawson's Creek - 315 - Crime and Punishment

Original air date: February 9, 2000

So, we last left off with the gang celebrating Valentine's Day by going to a scandalous Matt Caulfield party, even though nothing all that scandalous happened. But Matt Caulfield is totally evil, you guys. I know this because they told us he had sex with six different girls. Cheerleaders, no less. This guy is for reals, you guys. You might wonder why I'm focused on a one off character and his evilness, well, that's because he was masterfully set up for this episode.

Masterfully

This episode opens as gloriously as the last one ended. That is to say, it is a Joey/Pacey scene. Pacey shows up to encourage Joey, who is painting a mural. They further prove my point of them being on my Top Ten Best Couples list with the cute back and forth they have where Pacey makes a big deal about how much artists are revered (read he reveres Joey) and Joey knows him so well that she guesses why he's really there (his parents kicked him out of the house.) She also correctly guesses that the drama has to do with one of his sisters. This is already way more insight than Dawson ever showed into Pacey's life (he usually just brushed off Pacey's familial issues and flat out ignored how rude Pacey's dad was to Pacey). When she shows him her artwork (remember how she was scared to show Dawson anything she'd done? But she's super comfortable showing Pacey her public work before anyone else?), he does not hold back his real opinion, which is that he doesn't get it. He also doesn't get what it has to do with "school unity" which is what Joey and a bunch of other art students were commissioned to paint. I like that, I like that he's not mean but he's also very honest with his opinions and she takes it in stride. In short, they are super cute and very deserving of their spot on my Top Ten list.

Awwww

Next day, Dawson tries to sneak a peek at Joey's painting but Joey refuses to let him see (hmmmm, interesting). Dawson then whines because Pacey got to see it and I yell at my tv screen for him to shut up because he's the worst. He is not owed a chance to see her work beforehand just because Pacey did. They banter a bit about whether or not Dawson is coming (he is), whether or not she wants him to (she does) and I wonder why we are bothering with this idea that they might end up together. Dawson and Joey's relationship died the second Pacey and Joey became friends this season and his crush on her rekindled. Better yet, I think their relationship died after this:

The Evil!Matt Caulfield is appearing before the disciplinary committee for cheating on a test. I wonder how he's supposed to be taken seriously as a "bad boy" evil guy when his crime is calling his mommy for help on a test but whatever. So, he openly admits to doing this, Andie recommends that he fail the quiz and serve a three hour detention but then Mr. Green decides that Matt didn't "break the spirit of the Honor Code" and lets him go with only a warning not to appear before their committee again. I don't even understand how you can be in violation of the Honor Code but not be in violation of it in spirit and somehow that gets you off the hook.

Mr. Green then asks to see Andie after the Committee breaks and she thinks it's because he thinks her punishment was an overreaction and that confuses me because I thought her punishment was fine, maybe retake the quiz with no cellphone handy instead of failing automatically but fine otherwise. Mr. Green tells her that she actually scored really well on the PSATs which means she's one step closer to earning a National Merit Scholarship. You know, the PSATs that Andie cheated on which was played for kind of laughs when she was appointed onto the Disciplinary Committee in the first place? Yeah, that shit is finally getting addressed.

Yep, you're fucked

Pacey bursts in on his brother, Doug and informs him that since the Witter home is full to capacity, Pacey has been sent to live with him. Doug protests a bit but finally relents, agreeing that Pacey can stay if he doesn't eat their mother's food, he uses coasters, and he keeps his CD collection in alphabetical order, by last name, not first. Pacey agrees but gets less enthusiastic about the idea when Doug asks if he's any good at decoupage.

Oh boy, this means we're in for some more horrible gay jokes!
*she said with as much sarcasm as humanly possible

Bessie is cutely excited for Joey's art unveiling and is getting her camera ready. Joey for some reason feels the need to remind Bessie about how much she hated high school even though Bessie points out that it's different now. Bodie comments that it's not that much different and asks if there are like, ten black students. Joey corrects him that there are eleven. Nice meta comment on the comments about this show's whiteness Dawson's Creek writers. Bessie relents and agrees that she hated high school but that she's so glad that things are different for Joey because she's super talented and special and everyone loves her and stuff. This is a praise Joey scene, I'm not really into those because it just serves to make her character a bit too perfect but whatever, it is setting up the obvious thing that's going to happen later.

So, at the school, Joey finally gets to make her speech about how she wanted to paint a mural that was about possibility because that idea is what unites them all as students. As she finishes her speech, she pulls the cord to reveal her mural.

Womp-womp

Joey responds in her usual way, by running away. I can't fault her on this one though, that's pretty embarrassing and I probably wouldn't want to stand around to hear people laugh or pity me. Anyway, Dawson runs after her and tries to play down what happened to her. She tells him she feels humiliated and he tells her that nobody's humiliated in there except for whoever did that to her painting. Dawson, you don't know what humiliation is, which is weird since you experienced it not too long ago when your shitty film bombed. He then tells her to not take it personally which is stupid because when you put something of yourself out there and it gets vandalized like that, it is extremely hard not to take it personally, especially when yours is the only one to be defaced. Pacey catches up and basically says what I just said. Pacey and Dawson argue over who is right and before I can, Joey points out to them that neither of them are helping her and she asks them to forget about it and leaves.

Jack and Andie talk about what happened to Joey while they make supper. Jack jokes that he'll catch whoever did it and Andie can have the last laugh since she's on the Disciplinary Committee and can throw the book at them. Andie looks super uncomfortable before telling Jack that she's thinking about stepping down because she doesn't want to be in judgement of other students. Jack looks uneasily at Andie and says it's unlike her to bail on a commitment. Andie babbles about it taking up too much of her time and how her schoolwork is slipping before changing the subject back to the supper they are making.

Jack is unconvinced

Dawson goes over to the Potter B&B to try and talk Joey into repainting the mural. Joey isn't having it and I sympathize. It is incredibly hard to repaint exactly what you painted before, maybe not for some people but for me it definitely is. Once I paint or draw something, it kind of just goes out of my head and I just wouldn't have the will or desire to try to recreate it if something happened to it. Dawson gets all pissed that she's not jumping up and down ecstatically about his suggestion, to which she responds:

Joey: Newsflash, Dawson. I can’t always be your plucky little Joey Potter. I don’t have this unlimited reserve of goodwill and good faith in humanity, and– and sometimes I am going to be a little depressed.

I'm sorry what? Is this the same character we're talking about here? Since when has Joey been a beacon of positivity? She has always been super surly and snarky and kind of bitter about the world what with her mother dying when she was young and her father being imprisoned for drugs and all. What even is characterization?

So, Joey rightfully tells Dawson that he can't just expect her to start over on something that took a lot of work to complete in the first place and do it in one night but Dawson isn't having it and asks her why not. She snaps back that she can't for the same reason he hasn't shot a roll of film since January. Dawson tries to convince us and himself that the two are completely different and Joey demands to know that it had nothing to do with the fact that his film was poorly received at the festival.

I love it when Joey smacks Dawson with the truth

With complete sincerity, Dawson claims that his quitting had nothing to do with that (bullshit) and then he and Joey bicker some more about how Dawson has choices in his life that she doesn't, blah, blah, blah. Then Dawson leaves her the keys to the school and tells her to do what she wants.

Pacey goes up to a couple of random students in the cafeteria and asks them who they think vandalized Joey's mural, under the guise of him taking bets on who did it. Both guys hand over money and say they think it was none other than the Evil!Matt Caulfield because of course it was him.

Pacey goes to confront Evil!Matt about defacing Joey's mural. Evil!Matt plays coy about the whole thing but Pacey is having none of it. He tells Evil!Matt that he needs to apologize and then turn himself in before the end of the day.

Dawson walks up to where Joey's mural is still covered and takes a peek behind. He then looks pissed because Joey didn't do his bidding because he's a tool. Yeah, I know he was trying to help her I just hate the way he's going about it. I mean, if she wanted to repaint it and he was encouraging her and being supportive, I would be all for that but the way this is played it's like he's forcing her to repaint it because it is what he thinks she should do to make herself feel better. That's not cool. He asks Andie if she's seen Joey but Andie says Joey wasn't in home room today.

It's the end of the day and Evil!Matt hasn't made good on Pacey's demands. So, Pacey has waited for him by his car where they get into an epic battle of manliness.

Epic battle of manliness!!!

Principal Green breaks them up before they kill each other though. He demands they see him in his office.

Before Principal Green can unleash his fury on Pacey and Evil!Matt, Andie interrupts him and tells him she is stepping down from the Disciplinary Committee. Green is stunned and wants to discuss further but Andie says there is nothing to discuss, thanks him, and leaves.

Dawson and Evil!Matt's friend have been called in to basically rat on their friends. Principal Green is kind of stupid because if he really wanted answers, he would have asked Dawson and the friend, separately and in private, away from Pacey and Evil!Matt telling them not to say anything. But if they weren't all in a group, we couldn't have Dawson save the day and Evil!Matt reveal his true, mustache-twirling ways.

So, Dawson lets slip that they were fighting about the mural because he doesn't want Pacey to have another mark on his record, which I have to admit is a pretty solid thing for Dawson to do and one of the only times I've seen him be a friend to Pacey. Principal Green then asks Evil!Matt if he did it and rather than just say "no", Evil!Matt has to launch into some speech about how he doesn't give a rat's ass about some "stupid Chinese drawing". Dawson then asks how Evil!Matt knew what the drawing was, to which he quickly responds that Joey had been working on it for weeks so anyone could have taken a look. Dawson then says that even he didn't see it and he's one of her closest friends (so you see, there was a point to him not seeing it, so in the end he could be right and a hero.) Evil!Matt, then confesses to the whole thing, stating that Joey's art, a mural depicting the message of "possibility", was offensive to him and that he shouldn't have to look at it every day. Hey, hey you guys? I think Evil!Matt is the bad guy. I just wanted to point it out in case the writers were being too subtle about the whole thing. Here, let me help you visualize what they are trying to get across:

There we go

Andie finally confesses to Jack that she was the one who stole the PSAT answer sheet. Jack is stunned and doesn't understand how she could do such a thing. Andie explains that she thought that if she could ace the test, she could prove to everyone once and for all that she was better but that now that she is better, she is finding it hard to live with herself. I finally feel a bit of sympathy towards Andie since the writers first set on their mission to destroy this character. She did a shitty thing but at least she's finally showing some remorse for it and I totally understand her reasons for wanting to do it, wrong as they were. Andie says that she is going to confess to Principal Green and Jack tries to talk her out of it, not wanting her to get kicked out of school for cheating on something with the word "practice" in front of it. Andie is sticking to her guns about confessing.

That's what she said!
Er...I mean, you go, girl!

Joey goes to Doug's place to yell at Pacey for getting in trouble with Matt Caulfield. Pacey is angry that he's not being rewarded for proving that Matt did it but Joey tells him that what he did was reckless and that if he wants to wreck his future, he should do it on his own behalf, not hers. I'm totally with her on this point and it seems Pacey, darling as he is, hasn't quite gotten over his hero complex. Pacey lashes out at her and reveals that he was hanging out with her only because Dawson asked him to look out for her.

Joey is not impressed and rightfully so

She then gets really hurt and asks if that was the only reason Pacey was hanging out with her. Pacey looks confused but then he realizes that she really felt for him. She storms out before he can say anything else.

At a disciplinary hearing, Principal Green decides to expel Matt Caulfield. Though, I'm a little confused because Matt then asks "For the rest of the year?" to which Principal Green responds "For the rest of the year." So...is he just suspended then? Because that sounds more like he's suspended and will have to make up the courses he fails to complete the following year, meaning he's being held back from graduation. To me, expulsion means you do not get to return to the school at all, ever. You are done there. But, whatever, I guess this is just a minor nit pick as it is essentially screwing him over hard either way.

Dawson is listening outside when Joey approaches and asks him how things are going. Dawson mentions that Pacey will be lucky to get off with just a suspension this time. Joey snarks that with the way things are going, Dawson should have just asked her to look out for Pacey.

She is throwing down this episode

Dawson tells her that it wasn't like that, he just couldn't be there for her and wanted someone she could turn to. Joey rightfully tells him that she never asked for his pity. He claims that he just wanted what was best for her but, let's face it, it was still a shitty thing for him to do. Ok, maybe it came from a place of good intentions, it's just a bit condescending to me that he felt he had to have someone look out for her as if she couldn't survive without him, that's what bugs me about it. But I also can't fault him too much for doing it because it is bringing me Pacephine. Dawson, your assholery has paid off for me...this time.

Anyway, Joey doesn't think that Pacey really cared about her which is obviously the thing that is really bugging her but Dawson tells her that Pacey is being disciplined in that room because of how much he cares about her.

I think this news pleases Joey...or it confuses her...troubles her?
Look, I can't really read Joey's expressions a lot of the time,
unless she's being snarky

Cut to Andie, tearfully emptying her locker, leading us to assume she too has been expelled.

Then we cut back to Pacey, coming out of the hearing room and praising Principal Green. He was not expelled or suspended but instead, asked to be a mentor to a troubled youth and I let out the biggest groan I have ever groaned as I remember the awful storyline that awaits me before I'm fully awarded with my Pacephine.

Pictured: Blinvy thinking about enduring some horrible child acting

Principal Green is admonishing Andie for cheating on the PSATs. Andie has come completely clean but has not ratted anyone else out for their involvement with it as none of them cheated off of it which is pretty solid. Principal Green says that he'll have to call the Educational Testing Service and they will probably cancel her scores, thus forfeiting her chance at a National Merit Scholarship. Andie nods in understanding and informs him that she has also cleaned out her locker in anticipation of her expulsion, since Matt was also expelled and her actions were just as bad. Principal Green informs her that she's nothing like Evil!Matt and that the punishment should fit the crime and the person doing the crime. He tells her to put her things back in her locker and that he will think of a more suitable punishment in a few days. Andie tearfully thanks him before leaving.

Joey is walking down the hall, ready to repaint her mural when she finds Pacey, painting over her damaged work with primer. He tells her that he wanted to give her a fresh start for her new painting. They banter back and forth a little bit before Pacey asks if she's going to thank him. She jokingly asks for what and Pacey starts listing his noble deeds and here is another reason why I love these two:

Joey: Tilting at windmills while in the throes of a misguided hero complex?

Pacey: Well, yeah, that too.

She can totally call him out on his obvious hero complex and he admits it and they just take it in stride. I love that. It shows how they can be honest with each other but not always get upset with said honesty but embrace it. It's really sweet. On top of this sweetness, Joey does thank him, for being himself and for knowing what's right and what's wrong and that she appreciates that he was there for her when she needed him. Then she asks if the only reason he did it was because of Dawson, to which Pacey jokingly agrees and Joey responds with "you need to get a life." before they smile at each other and continue painting together.

Oh and Dawson comes in at the end and smiles to himself because he helped get those two back together or something. Stop ruining my Pacephine moments, Dawson. Also, you will be eating that smile soon. Just wait.

One last bit of adorableness

So, that was Crime and Punishment and to be honest, as much as I love me some Pacephine moments, I kind of wish the episode had focused more on Andie's turmoil than the whole picture vandalizing nonsense. I mean, Matt Caulfield's character was just so over the top about his evil ways and wanting to paint over the mural because basically he's an ass who hates nice messages. It wasn't all that satisfying of a conclusion because he was little more than a strawman to be the big bad that Dawson and Pacey had to take down in Joey's honour. I think the episode would have been stronger if it had focused on Andie's part in the whole thing and actually dealing with her guilt over her past crime as she passed judgement over others. But, I'll definitely take this episode for what it is and sigh in adoration over the cute Pacephine moments. Yes, I'm making Pacephine a thing.

Anyway, stay tuned for the next recap where in Principal Green is raked over the coals for daring to expel a rich white kid because pretty much everyone in Capeside is awful. Next time is To Green, With Love.

Glee - 101 - Pilot

Original air date: May 19, 2009

So, watching this first episode takes me back. I know that's silly seeing as how it only aired 6 years ago but my god, the quality, the humour, the characters, everything is just great here and it just brings me back to the first time I watched it and how happy it made me feel. I watch a lot of different shows for a lot of different reasons but there are very few shows out there that just make me happy to watch them, where I'd get just pumped to see the next episode. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Freaks and Geeks were that for me when I was a teen (Dawson's Creek was more of a guilty pleasure for me), then I had Pushing Daisies which was unfairly cancelled, and then I had Glee. It was not a genius show, it was not a thought-provoking show, it was just a show that made me happy and I don't think that's anything to sniff at. It takes a lot of work and a lot of heart to make something that makes others smile and just genuinely give them a good feeling. So let's cue up some Journey and take a look at the very first episode of Glee.

The very first episode actually starts out with the cheerleaders doing an extremely gruelling routine and then the glorious Sue Sylvester, in her prime snark days bellows at them:

I was hooked

With that utterance, I was reassured, much like with the first scene of Freaks and Geeks, that this would not be your typical teen show and I was instantly in love. The vibe of this show was very much adult when it first began, this was not a show geared towards younger crowds (though younger crowds would watch) and was actually pretty dark.

We then cut to our main character (which will definitely change over the course of the show) Will Schuester or Schue as he's usually referred to by the kids. He drives up happily in his beat up car and obliviously walks by some kids who are bullying a smaller kid. (Heh, look at me referring to adults playing teens as "kids") The two main kids doing the bullying are Finn and Puck while the kid being picked on is Kurt. Of course Schue asks Kurt if he's making new friends before happily telling Finn that he needs his Spanish homework and then rushing off to his classes, leaving poor Kurt behind to be dumped in the dumpster.

Kurt complains that his brand new Marc Jacobs' blazer will get ruined and so Finn takes pity on him enough that he lets Kurt take off his blazer and hand it to Finn before the rest of the jocks toss Kurt in the dumpster. How very...cruel/kind of you Finn.

At least he does look a bit upset that he's a tool

We see a lot of weird cuts that show off a day in the life of the McKinley High students and teachers, including Mr. Schue looking at a plaque of the old Glee Club coach, a cheerleader (Quinn) doing splits mid-air, Mr. Schue teaching his Spanish class to a bunch of bored students, including Finn, then to a random male cheerleader doing something cheerleader-y, and then to Sandy Ryerson (HOLY GOD I MISS THIS CRAZY ASS CHARACTER!!) teaching a song to a male student (Where is Love? from the musical Oliver!) and touching him rather inappropriately while our other main character, Rachel Berry watches, ticked off.

Words cannot express how much I love Rachel

We then cut to the teachers lounge where football coach Ken Tanaka complains to will about the principal getting rid of the coffee pot. Enter Sue, the Cheerios (the cheerleading team and I was not aware Cheerleaders got to have team names before this show...or after. Is that a thing?) coach with a tray of lattes for everyone. Sue is at her best here, a little snarky but not the cartoonish over the top villain that she soon becomes. Guidance counsellor Emma enters and asks what's up with the lattes. Sue explains that she felt bad about Principal Figgins getting rid of the teacher's coffee pot so that her Cheerios could have a nutritionist. I don't understand how an old coffee pot that the school already had pays for a nutrition coach but whatever, this show works in a beautiful, snarky, satirical world of its own. Emma snarks about Sue's Cheerios so Sue leaves but not before letting everyone know just how awesome she is and her response to Emma's snark is the best:

I miss old Sue

I love that line. Anyway, Emma informs everyone that Sandy Ryerson has been fired. Will immediately expresses concern over this fact...no I'm just messing with you, he's just worried about who will run the Glee club.

Will then immediately runs to Principal Figgins to declare that he'd like to take over Glee Club. Mr. Figgins informs Will that he has to pay $60 a month to run it because...reasons. I thought maybe it was for costumes and the like but Figgins tells Will that he has to use the costumes they already have so...I guess to rent the room? I don't really get how extracurriculars are run in US schools or maybe I just don't get how they work on this show.

So Will has agreed to pay $60 a month to coach Glee Club which just sounds weird. Isn't it just a volunteer thing? Whatever. Will explains to us via narration that he is going to have a hard time hiding the fact that he's pissing away $60 a month to coach Glee from his wife but that lack of communication in his marriage is less important than coming up with a new name for the club. He excitedly sits up in bed as he thinks of the thrilling new name that is supposed to inspire students and get them to want to join:

Nude Erections?

Actually it's New Directions and we cut to a montage of the different kids signing up. We have our resident sassy black character, Mercedes, who auditions with (what else?) Aretha Franklin's Respect. Next we see Kurt, the kid who got dumped into a dumpster at the beginning, sign up and he auditions with Mr. Cellophane from Chicago. Then Tina signs up and auditions with Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl. Judging from her audition, I thought she'd be a pretty fun character.

I was wrong, she's not interesting at all. This is pretty much the
most interesting that she gets

Then we get to my absolute favourite character and while I mainly still watch the show for her, I forgot just how much fun she was at the beginning and why I rooted for her so much. She is a blast, completely full of herself, but driven and hilarious. Rachel signs her name on the sheet and auditions with, of course, On My Own from Les Miserables.

While she's singing, we get to hear her inner monologue and it's glorious. Her first lines are:

I love this character

And I fell in love. She's just so crazily ambitious and over the top that it works. She's not necessarily a good person but she's damn interesting and driven as hell. She wants the solo and dammit, she'll get it even if she has to get the current Glee coach fired to do it. Though she steadfastly denies those rumours. She totally only did it because Sandy was being inappropriate with the kid earlier, named Hank Saunders. She sobs as she recounts what she saw to Principal Figgins.

See? Totally honestly concerned for her fellow students

To be fair, it did look like Sandy was being inappropriate with Hank so I think that's why she can get away with being so conniving about this and still be likeable, at least to me. She further explains that she's not homophobic because she has two gay dads. They basically found a surrogate and then mixed their sperm together so that they wouldn't know who the actual dad was.

Can you guess?

This joke is funny but Arrested Development totally did it first:

I feel like Butters yelling "Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!" but with AD

She then goes on to say that her Dads basically groomed her from a young age to be a star, it even shows young Rachel getting over enthusiastic in dance class. She goes on about how being famous is the most important thing in our culture right now, which is so true, and that to keep her talent alive and growing, she posts videos of herself singing on her...MySpace account. Really? Does anyone use that? I've only ever heard it being mentioned on TV but I've never actually heard someone in real life say that they have a MySpace account. So, wave hello to our sponsors kids. Don't worry MySpace, maybe if you get mentioned on TV a few more times, people will use you. No, they won't. Stop trying.

Anyway, Rachel is clearly passionate about singing and dedicated to getting herself out there. Of course, when you put yourself out there, you open yourself to mockery. This is illustrated by Quinn and her Cheerleading friends mocking Rachel online after she posts her video.

Rachel has a sad

Our tiny original glee club, consisting of Rachel, Artie, Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes, are rehearsing Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat and Rachel stops everyone to say how much they suck. Will silently agrees but vocally insists that they will get better if they rehearse more. Rachel criticizes the fact that Artie, a boy in a wheelchair, is singing lead in Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat and Artie explains that Mr. Schue was probably going for irony.

Did I mention how much I love this character?

As Sue degrades and mentally tortures her Cheerios, Mr. Schue tries to talk Rachel into sticking it out with Glee Club. Rachel says she's tired of being laughed at and wants to leave her mark on high school. She demands that Mr. Schue find her a suitable male lead that she can sing with or she'll quit Glee. Mr. Schue then gets called to the principal's office.

In Mr. Figgins' office, Will learns that the auditorium is going to be rented out to AA meetings so he has to cancel Glee Club. Will protests but.

I think I want to make a counter on this because my god, does this
line ever get overused in the early seasons. It's hilarious

Will argues that if his kids place at regionals, they can stay and if they don't, he'll give up the auditorium. Figgins' hands become untied, I guess, because he agrees to the terms but tells Will he has to work detention for free. I don't get American schools, do teachers get paid for every little thing they do for the school? In Canada, teachers are salaried so pretty much everything they do is already paid for and extracurriculars are on volunteer basis. Detention is always on your own time so if you feel like doling them out to your students, you stay with them. We never had a detention hall that was run at a specific time with a random teacher supervising. That's just weird to me.

Will breaks the news to his overbearing wife that he has to work late for the next few weeks so that Mr. Figgins won't kill Glee Club. Terri responds by whining because it's what she's good at. I kid, I actually kind of love her character. Yeah, she's awful but she at least has the courtesy to be funny and entertainingly awful. She's a character you're meant to hate which is where the comedy comes from so I have no problem with her at all. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the awesomeness of Howard Bamboo?

He's amazing and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise

Will bumps into Sandy who tells him that he's essentially a drug dealer now and is super not pissed that he was let go because he's making hand over fist selling medicinal marijuana. He gives Will a sample packet of his own which will come into play later.

Will talks to Sue, Ken, and Emma about how to get more kids to sign up. Sue tells him he's out of luck because Glee kids are the lowest on the high school popularity rung, Emma tells him that Sue's right but that nothing is set in stone and kids will follow whoever is popular in whatever they do, Ken agrees to let Will talk to the football team about joining up if he puts in a good word for him with Emma.

Will appeals to the football team to sign up. Puck says he can sing but instead of singing, he lets a fart rip. Will looks defeated, especially when he check on his sign up list later and finds that it is full of joke names like "Butt Munch" and "Penis". He thinks that Glee Club is over, until he hears a guy singing horribly wonderfully in the showers. I kid, I kid, Finn isn't the worst singer ever, just comparatively with so many strong voices in the cast, he's the weakest link and I question why they went with him as the "star male lead".

Will evilly and ingeniously, uses the weed that Sandy gave him to black mail Finn into joining Glee. It is horrible and manipulative and hilarious because you know this is a world that is not to be taken seriously. Finn readily agrees to join so that the drug bust doesn't appear on his record and you do feel a little bad for him because of how adamant (and truthful) he is being about the pot not being his.

Finn explains in his flashback/voice over, that his father died when he was young and that he's close with his mother. He heard music for the first time (figuratively not literally) when he was helping some lawn guy paint their grass green and they sang Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' by Journey. When the lawn guy left his mother for another girl, Finn vowed to make his mother proud of him so that she'd feel her sacrifices were worth it. Not sure what that implies, possibly that lawn guy didn't want the baggage of a child? Whatever. We cut back to the office with Will explaining that he'll let him off the hook with the pot thing and keep it off his record, if he joins glee. Cut to:

Rachel's face through this thing is priceless

Mercedes interrupts to shout about not being a back up but then backs down when everyone says that they sounded better. Mercedes accepts her place as Kelly Rowlands and consents to run it again as a backup singer. She gave up that fight fast.

Will tells Terri that he wants to take his Glee Club on a field trip to see their competition perform. Terri says she can't because she had to pick up an extra shift at Sheets N' Things because they are living paycheque to paycheque. Will throws down that a lot of that paycheque seems to be going to her Pottery Barn credit card. She pressures him to get a job at an accounting firm as it pays more but Will is adamant that his passion is for teaching. Terri snaps back that his interest in the kids hinges on his wanting to relive his glory days but that they are not in high school anymore and it is time for them to grow up. As spoiled as she is being, she's not entirely wrong here. Will is chiding her for spending extra money, when he is doing the same thing and to keep a Glee Club running that doesn't interest her at all. That's not fair of him to ask her to live a shitty life so that he can run a Glee Club. However, it's also not fair of her to run up charges on a credit card buying useless junk while also only working part-part time at a linen store. In short, they are both awful in this relationship and they should not be together.

Meanwhile, Will posts a sign up sheet for an extra chaperone for his glee related field trip. Naturally, Emma eagerly signs up. Much to Ken Tanaka's displeasure.

Finn tells Ken about the field trip he's taking with Glee Club and Ken spazzes out. Puck tries to ask Finn what's going on but Finn lies about having to miss practice because his mother's prostate is engorged.

Ken yells at Will about stealing his quarterback. Will says that Ken hates football and asks what he's really angry about. We flash to Ken being super creepy and making a case for why women have to lie about the fact that they have a boyfriend as he keeps pressuring Emma to go out with him. She tries to politely decline his offer but when he persists, she tells him she's not interested because she likes someone else. He responds the way you'd think an asshole who can't take a simple no for an answer would:

Douche!

Ken doesn't tell Will about this but gloats that the herd will take care of this issue, basically saying that the other football players will pressure Finn into quitting.

Rachel nervously gushes to Finn about his supposed talent and the fact that everyone, read her, expects them to become an item. Finn quickly says that he has a girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. Rachel sad faces about the fact that he's dating a cheerleader and the captain of the celibacy club.

Remember when she was super religious?

Will and Emma split a sandwich while they wait for the show to start and Emma gets the inside scoop on Will's marital problems. Will confesses that he loves Terri and he used to like that he rode her hard (not a euphemism) but that lately he's been wondering what she wants him to be better at and that he feels like she only cares about money and that they are not on the same page. The lights dim before he can say anything else and the Carmel Glee Club, Vocal Adrenaline starts to perform. They sing  Rehab by Amy Whinehouse and are amazing.

Everyone sad pandas

Outside, Puck and the rest of the football team are waiting for Finn and paintball him for skipping practice to go to a singing concert. Puck now knows that women don't have prostates because he looked it up and then orders the team to open fire at Finn.

Terri tells Will that she's pregnant which makes him insanely happy but also makes him decide to quit teaching and get a job at the accounting firm she told him about. He breaks the news to the Glee Club and assures them that he will find them another teacher to coach them. As he packs up his things, he sings Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver.

Emma overhears that Will is leaving and that it's because his wife is pregnant. Now, this part has always irked me, she then tells Will to meet her in the career centre for guidance for her. Then she proceeds to talk him out of leaving his teaching job to work in accounting. Now, you can interpret this as her wanting him to do what makes him happy, which I did during my first watch but when I see this scene now, it just feels icky. His wife is pregnant and he's trying to earn more money to provide for his family, which means leaving the job where he works with Emma, and Emma convinces him to stay because she has a crush on him. That's kind of selfish and unhealthy of her to do.

Rachel tries to convince Finn to stay in Gee because he has "talent" but he won't because since Will is leaving, why the fuck would he stay? She tries to tell him he's better than that but Finn refuses to join back up. At football practice, Puck refuses to apologize for what he did to Finn but says that he is glad he's back and not doing Glee anymore. To welcome him back, he's trapped Artie in a port-o-potty and offers Finn the chance to be the one to tip it over. Since Finn is not a completely worthless person, he refuses and instead lets Artie out. Puck asks Finn if this means he's quitting football to join "Homo Explosion" but Finn says that he's going to do both because the football team can't win without him and neither can Glee. Pretty bold statement from someone who is kind of a subpar singer.

Finn walks into Glee rehearsals and pretty much takes over but the kids seem to be happy about it. He asks them all to do their part to get the club going, Artie is to acquire instruments and band members to play, Mercedes is to get super cool costumes for everyone, Rachel is to do choreography, Tina is to be useless (as is usual in this show), Kurt is forgotten about (for now), and Finn has the song.

Emma shows Will a video of the 1996 show choir Nationals competition to convince him to stay. Again, I'm iffy on this one but her message is nice. That he has to decide what he wants to show his child, that money is most important or that the only life worth living is one that you're passionate about. I get this message, I really do but let me tell you, when you're an adult and paying bills, you quickly realize just how important money can be.

Cut to the glee club, Nude Erections, singing their most iconic number:

I've got to admit, even though I hate Journey, I couldn't help 

but smile during this performance

Will sees them perform and is completely convinced to stay. He starts giving them directions and they ask if this means he's staying. He tells them that it would kill him to see them win nationals without him and tells them to take it from the top. End episode.

That was the very first episode of Glee and my god, the feels! So many great characters that are no longer around, so many of the cast that has not been ruined for me. So much fun music that doesn't feel like it's halting the plot to show me a music video. So much plot. This literally took me forever to recap because of how much was going on, I couldn't believe how much information they stuffed into one pilot episode and so effortlessly. It saddens me what the show has become but that is for later recaps.

This show is at its best being a satiric black comedy about high school life and it is definitely at its best here. The writing is snappy, funny, and engaging. Even though the characters are shitty people, they are so entertaining and engaging that you just don't care. I look forward to recapping the rest of this first season because, despite its flaws, it is an extremely fun and enjoyable show. I still can't watch the earlier episodes without getting a big grin on my face.

Stay tuned for the next Glee recap, Showmance which includes the best performance of all time.

Of all time!