Thursday, 20 March 2014

Dawson's Creek - 218 - A Perfect Wedding

Original air date: April 24, 1999

This episode opens in the most hilarious way ever. Dawson is showing his movie to his mother so that he can feel better about himself because she of course praises it, saying it was "funny" and "real" and that Dawson is "very talented" while Dawson mopes about what a meanie Miss Kennedy was for dissing his masterpiece. Awww, puddin' had to run to mommy for a self-esteem boost? 

Pictured: Dawson Leery

Gail at least gives some realistic praise by saying that while his film is "no Citizen Kane" it's definitely not as horrible as "Bride of Chucky". Hey, at least Bride of Chucky was funny bad, I'd bet Dawson's is just boring bad. I mean, he basically just made a movie glorifying himself while he's dumped by the girl of his dreams, despite how awesome and nice he was to her and she left him for another man...holy shit. You guys, Dawson basically made The Room. Dawson is Tommy Wiseau!

You are tearing me apart, Joey!

Joey enters her kitchen to find her father cheerfully making breakfast and she's weirded out. Her dad doesn't notice because he's in too good of a mood being out of jail and all. You know, you'd think they'd be notified by the jail that their father was being released so that they wouldn't be blindsided but then again, I don't really know much about this. Anyway, Bessie comes in and is equally happy about their father's return. She goes on about how they're going to get out of debt because her and her father stayed up all night talking about ways to expand her restaurant business. One of these ways is to cater. Somehow, since Papa Potter came back last night, Bessie found out that her friend needs caterers for her wedding and she agreed to the job. She asks Joey to ask her friends to be caterers. 

Joey complains about the catering idea to Jack later and confesses that she feels overwhelmed suddenly having her father back, catering an upscale wedding, and having her father jump into the business right away. Jack tells her to tell her father that it's too much too soon and to back out of the catering idea but Joey knows how excited Bessie is and doesn't want to rain on their parade. It's a surprisingly decent thing for Joey to do, I'm shocked. Jack says he'll be there to support her because the show is still trying to pretend that Joey is going to be Jack's fag hag. 

Dame Maggie Smith has spoken, bitches

Dawson whines to Pacey about how he's going to re edit the ending of his movie because he probably "put the pieces together wrong". No, you put the pieces together right, the picture just sucks. Jack then comes up and asks them if they want to work as caterers. Pacey jumps at the chance to make money while Dawson questions why the Ice House is catering now. Jack explains that it was Joey's father's idea which confuses Dawson. Jack looks awkward as he realizes that Joey hasn't told Dawson yet and explains that her father was paroled. 

Dawson has a sad

Jen corners Abby in the bathroom and starts going on about how bored she is. Abby tells her that she is like a rat trapped in a box. Jen then goes on to say that she "tried changing her image" but that no one accepted her so she might as well have fun. Where the hell is this coming from? Who's not accepting her? Ty? He was a cock. You and Grams were finally getting along and you seemed to be getting along OK with Dawson and Joey. What the hell, Jen? Also, Abby has been absent since she made out with Jack and she hadn't been friends with Jen since the very beginning of this season so why does Jen want to be friends with her again? Oh Dawson's Creek writers, you suck at continuity. But, apparently, Jen says the only fun she's had all year has been with Abby. 

Super fun girl time!

They walk off together planning to have even more fun on the weekend. 

Pacey tries to convince Andie to do the catering job with him because if they both make $60, together they will have $110 and they can have a super romantic date night. This is a nice thought but I can't help but correct his math skills, they would actually have $120 together and at first I think Andie makes fun of him for his lack of math skills but she was apparently complimenting him for adding that in his head because she too talks about them having $110. Andie, you're supposed to be the smart one! 

**Yeah so, ignore this last paragraph. Apparently their math skills are just fine. It's my listening skills that are off. They very clearly both said $120, so I mocked them for nothing. If I'm going to snark this show, I'd better get it right, so apologies on this one.**

Anyway, Andie is reluctant because apparently, she who believes in Fortune Tellers, does not believe in the sanctity of marriage. People promising to spend their lives together? Bull shit! A woman who claims she can predict the future? Totally legit, y'all! Pacey promises her that he'll show her that weddings can be awesome and if she doesn't agree by the end of the night, he'll let her keep all of the money, even his share. 

Challenge accepted!

Joey and her father are prepping for the wedding when her father spots Dawson. He is again creepily invested in his daughter getting together with Dawson. 

Mr.Potter: Dawson Leery, I thought for sure that when I came back you two would be dating, what happened?

Oh they dated, they just also broke up in that time frame, get with the picture, Mr. Potter. This is high school, relationships usually only last a week or two. Tops. 

Dawson walks up to Joey and starts fishing around for why she didn't immediately tell him first that her father was back. Joey delivers another punch to his nards by praising Jack's insight and ability to calm her down, she sees how hard she kicked and tries to back pedal by saying that she had been looking for Dawson but she had to cut school to help out with the wedding. Smooth. 

It does not help

Luckily two ladies start gossipping about Joey's father which makes Joey sympathetic again and makes Dawson feel like he can be a hero. Let's see how that works out. 

I'm busy, I have stuff to do! Run away!

But, I have so much more uselessness to give!

Awww, better luck next time, Dawson. 

It's now the night of the wedding and Joey is running around frantically giving orders to people. She seems to be the only one frazzled which leads me to think that Joey just doesn't handle stress well. Bessie even tells her to chill and that everything will be fine. Joey can't chill out though because then she won't look super important and busy or be the centre of attention. Dawson tries to show concern for her but she is just too busy to listen to sympathy right now. 

Since Dawson struck out with his lady, he decides to get a confidence boost again by talking to his mother. His mother is too concerned with where his father is though. She has decided that this is the night she is going to win him back but oh noes, he's shown up with Dawson's arch nemesis Miss Kennedy!

Double rejection fun time!

We next cut to Pacey and Andie who are arguing over weddings while assembling the cake. Andie gets upset that she has been forced to go to a wedding and flails her arms in exasperation. 

And this happens...

Dawson, meanwhile runs into the bride who is visibly upset. He tries to ask her what is wrong and she reveals that she doesn't want to get married, in fact she wants to jump out the window or die. Look, I know that cold feet before a wedding is a thing for some people but I, personally, have never understood it. I mean, you agreed to get married, you planned the day, you theoretically love the person you are choosing to marry, so, why the freak out? Shouldn't you want to get married or be excited? I don't know, I'm just not the type of person to freak out about commitment, I guess. I never experienced cold feet at my wedding, I had a blast but, I digress. The bride isn't sure she loves the groom and is worried she's making the biggest mistake of her life and Dawson looks like he wishes he were anywhere else. 

Oh god! Other people's emotions are scary!

Meanwhile, Jen and Abby are hanging out like besties again and it warms my heart but also fills it with dread. You see, this is a "very special episode" of Dawson's Creek in which something really bad happens in order to teach the audience a lesson as well as add shock value. I know what will become of this and I'm not happy about it. Abby asks what the rest of the gang are up to and Jen tells her about the wedding while lamenting the fact that they all forgot about her. Yeah, what the hell, guys? Not cool. Abby says they should crash it. Don't go, Abby. 

But, they're so cute together!

I thought this cry gif was appropriate

Jack comes by to check on Dawson and Dawson reveals that the bride is having a panic attack. Jack offers to try to talk to her and since Dawson is still butt hurt that Joey talked to Jack over him and praised his insight and ability to calm her down, Dawson tries to say that Jack wouldn't be able to help. 

Puh-lease! I've totally got this!

Oh shit, no I don't!

Joey has her usual freak out at the same time, claiming that the wedding is completely ruined and that they'll be humiliated and it's all her dad's fault. Bessie gets the fuck out of dodge because she saw that their dad had entered the room and heard everything Joey said. I like that she just went "fuck this, you said it, you can deal with Dad."

In another epic moment of "Dawson sucks at life", Jack starts talking to the bride and tells her what bullshit it is to throw away her real love for a fantasy about "perfect love and soul mates" that might not even exist. Amen, Jack. He also tells her that it's perfectly normal to gave wedding day jitters (again, I don't get questioning your relationship the day of the wedding but whatever) and that she'll walk down the aisle, look into her Fiance's eyes and all of her fears will melt away. She smiles at Jack and then we cut to her walking down the aisle with a big smile on her face. When she sees Jack after the ceremony, she whispers a thanks to him for saving her life, kisses him on the cheek, and continues on to the rest of her guests. 

Uhhh, but...but I talked to her too!

Dawson complains about this to Jack and the fact that Joey dared go to Jack with her problems instead of him too. Jack goes on about how he may be friends with Joey but Dawson and her are soul mates 4 life because all characters are contractually obligated to inform us of how magically connected Joey and Dawson are. 

Skip it

Jack tells Dawson to talk to Joey but Dawson says she won't open up. Jack then tells him to force a connection which sounds kind of rapey but I know he just means get her to open up so that she isn't bottling her emotions again. 

Andie and Pacey are working on fixing the cake but it looks like he just mashed the pieces together and molded it with icing. As Andie put it, it looks like a blob. Just then the bride walks in and Andie and Pacey try to hide the cake-astrophy from her by saying it is bad luck to see the cake before eating or else she'll get fat. Nice save, there guys. But the bride seems to buy it and says that the only thing she's heard is that they are supposed to keep the top layer for good luck for their marriage and eat it on their one year anniversary. She then leaves send Andie starts freaking out about cursing their marriage. Pacey realizes that she does care about weddings and stops trying to fix the cake until she admits it. She does and thus ends that arc of the episode. I'm sure you were all worried that Andie didn't believe in weddings but now you can rest easy. 

Joey confronts her father and tries to play off her freak out to Bessie as stress and that she didn't mean what she said. Her father acknowledges that what she said was true and that he should have considered her feelings more. He promises that now that he's back that things will go back to normal but Joey argues that things can't just go back to normal. Joey's father responds by running away to "check the salmon."

Huh, so that's where Joey gets it from

Dawson checks up on his mother, who is upset about Mitch showing up with Miss Kennedy. Just then, Mitch comes over to rub Gail's nose in the fact that he got a hot date. I'm half "go Mitch, you show that cheating ho who's boss!" And half "Mitch, you're a douche, your son is right there!" on this one. Dawson thinks he's being a douche too and after Gail storms off, he asks to talk to Mitch alone. 

Mitch apologizes to Dawson because he didn't realize that Dawson would be there. Dawson, rightfully points out Mitch's pettiness by saying that he knew that Gail would be there. Mitch throws a bitch fit about how Gail will have to deal with him bringing Miss Kennedy because he can do what he wants. He then realizes what a petty dick he's being and apologizes for putting Dawson in the middle. Dawson says he's already put him in the middle by dating his teacher. Of course, Dawson is only upset about that because Miss Kennedy dissed his masterpiece of cinema, Creek Daze. She just didn't understand his vision. 

Everyone betray me. I fed up with this world!

Meanwhile, Abby and Jen have shown up to crash the wedding and Jen is lamenting the fact that everyone there is middle aged. Abby suggests that Jen should go after a fatherly type and just barf. She also suggests that they graduate from "nymphettes" to home wreckers. Abby, you're not making a case for sympathy here. Andie spots them and promptly throws them out. They leave but Abby steals a complimentary bottle of wine first. 

Dawson sees Joey crying and confronts her. She finally tells him that she's scared that her father will screw up somehow and leave her again. Dawson comforts her by telling her that she doesn't need to worry about what everyone thinks because she has a family again and she will always have him. They hug. 

Joey talks with her father and apologizes for the things she said earlier. She then tells him that she forgives him for his mistakes and that he's her dad who she's proud of. I'm not really sure, at this point what she's proud of, it made more sense in season one when she was pissed at him. I mean, he cheated on her mom and then got arrested for pot dealing when his daughters already lost one parent, leaving them orphans. Not to mention, putting Bessie in a spot where she had to become a mother to her teen aged sister, that's not really fair to her to have to shoulder that kind of responsibility at such a young age, I'm guessing she's maybe 21? I know Bessie isn't a main character but this show really glosses over the burdens she's had to bear, and plays up Joey's sadness about not feeling loved; which makes Joey look like a complete brat who is ungrateful for everything her sister did for her.

Ungrateful bitch!

Pacey manages to fix the cake and the bride and groom are ecstatic. He and Andie watch as the bride and groom share their first bite of cake. Problem solved. the docks, Abby and Jen talk about what they want when they grow up. Abby confesses that she doesn't think she'll ever be happy with whatever she has because she'll always want something different. 

That's...really sad

Now, I know that people hated Abby, hell I did when I was younger, and were probably happy, not necessarily because she hits her head and falls into the water and drowns, but because she wouldn't be on the show anymore. I now, however, am incredibly sad to see her go. Why? Because love her or hate her or love to hate her, she was a pretty damn entertaining and interesting character. I'd go so far as to argue that she was probably the best side character on the show. They tried to replace her in the later seasons but no one really compared to Abby. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the writers created a very interesting character in Abby. I'll save the reasons for the next episode though as she, ironically, gets more interesting after her passing.

*Sigh* Goodbye, Abby

Back at the wedding, Pacey and Andie dance and talk about when they will get married. Andie wants to get married in Venice because it's the "city of love" while Pacey thinks that by the time they get married, Venice will have sunk into the sea. Uhhhh, so did they swap bodies this episode? Pacey was all about weddings and marriage and Andie was against it. Pacey spent the whole episode trying to convince Andie how great weddings are and now that Andie is on board, he's suddenly thinking that Venice won't exist when they get married? I mean, it sounds like he wants to marry her bug that he thinks they won't get married for a really long time? Why? That doesn't mesh with the hopeless romantic he was presented to be at the beginning. It's just confusing. 

Dawson dances with his mom to cheer her up while Joey's dad dances with her. Her dad then points out that Dawson wants to dance with her because he's still weirdly invested in their relationship. 

Dawson and Joey dance and then they say they love each other and kiss. Then do you want to know what they end the episode on after their star couple gets together? Do you want to know? Because I think it's a pretty hilarious and fitting metaphors for their relationship. Right after Dawson and Joey confess their love and kiss, this is the next image you see:

Romantic! Does this mean their relationship will be dead on arrival too?

So we end The Perfect Wedding with our main characters getting back together and a dead body.  Abby, the best side character ever is dead. How will this affect Dawson and Joey's reunion? How will Jen cope with the loss of her friend? We'll find out all this and more in the next episode, Rest in Peace. 


  1. I can't miss Abby, for reasons (I think) already stated earlier ... too much mustache twirling, not enough subtle acting.

    But also LOL to her corpse serving as a metaphor for Joey/Dawson's stupid stupid relationship.

    1. No, I get it. She was very much an over the top villain in this show. They made her unnecessarily mean at times just to cause drama but I still enjoyed her because a lot of her lines were funny to me.

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