Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Dawson's Creek - 105 - Hurricane

Original air date: February 17, 1998

When we last left off, Dawson discovered that Jen was not the innocent virgin he imagined, Joey was a liar, his mom was a cheating ho and his best friend, Pacey, was involved with his English teacher. Now we get to see how he'll weather the storm of this knowledge, literally, in the episode, Hurricane.

Dawson has a framed picture of Spielberg by his bed.
Is it any wonder he stays a virgin until college?

This episode opens up in, you guessed it, Dawson's room with a conversation happening between, you guessed it, Dawson and Joey. It's the little things that bring me joy, it really is. We are five for five now and I will be sad when this streak is broken, let me tell you.

The classic bedroom opener
On top of this, they mention the episode title three times in the opener, just so you know what this episode is about and in case you really don't get the metaphor, they spell it out for you:

Dawson: Every thing's postponed because of the hurricane, my life included.

Joey: Your life is a hurricane.

Dawson: No metaphors Joey, it's too late.
I agree, your heavy metaphors are very tiring, Joey.

So, you know how some shows have a theme song that fits in well with the show most of the time but every once in a while, they want to have a very serious moment in the opener and the theme song kind of...ruins it? This is one of those moments.

My life is in shambles... :'(

Happy theme song!
Yeah, I don't know. The theme song works so much better as a cutesy, play me off of a one liner type openings. It doesn't really work with a sad opening but points for trying to set the mood, Dawson's Creek.
Next we cut to Gail Leary arguing with, I presume, her boss on the phone because they won't let her cover the hurricane. She is pissed but her husband is pleased that she will be home for once.
She is really shameless, isn't she?
Dawson's dad then tells everyone he is going to make sure that Jen and Mrs. Ryan (Jen's Grams) are OK and invite them to ride out the storm at the Leary household.
Dawson is remembering what a douche he was.
Then Dawson tries to hint to his mother that he knows that she is a greedy, lying, skank-whore but she feigns cluelessness because she thinks she's good at it.
She's not.
Next we cut to Pacey and we are finally introduced to a member of his family, his brother, Doug. Pacey doesn't want to be out with Doug and Doug has only brought Pacey along as per "Dad's orders". We also learn that not only is Pacey's brother a cop but his father is the Chief of Police in Capeside. So it's a great idea for Pacey to get involved in a relationship with his teacher, it's not like his family will have any power to do something more than be repulsed by and mad at TamAHra Jacobs. Oh yeah, Pacey thinks "Dougie" is gay. 
But he's not! Got it?
Over in poor Joey's house, Bessie and Bodie are arguing about whether or not to circumcise their unborn child. Bodie is for and Bessie is against. This conflict does not interest me at all but the scene exists as a clunky set up that they are going to impose on the Leary household to ride out the storm. 
To slice or not to slice? That is the boring
question of the day.
Pacey sees Ms. Ephebophile working on her house and runs over to her. She pushes him away because his brother, who is a cop, is right around the corner. Seriously, Pacey, do you want to get caught? I guess it means nothing to you because you'll be the victim but your "girlfriend" (I just threw up in my mouth a little), will be locked away for a while for her actions. I would think you wouldn't want that to happen to her. Anyway, Ms. Jacobs is afraid of storms so "Deputy Doug" offers to stay with her to ride out the storm. 
Pacey is not pleased.
Back at the Leary household, Jen and Grams have arrived and Dawson acts cool towards Jen. She is not impressed and joins Grams inside. Grams is being judgemental of Bessie because she's unmarried and with child. This shouldn't be awkward at all. Mrs Leary follows the trend of sucking at keeping secret relationships a secret by talking to her lover on the phone, inside her frigging house where her husband, son or any one of their guests could walk in and overhear her. Dawson winds up being the one to do it and full on confronts his mother about her adulterous ways.  
Seriously, Mom? I'm right here.
She tries to follow Dawson and explain to him why she is having an affair because she has "reasons". Dawson doesn't want to hear it because he tells her, rightfully, that he's not the one she needs to explain to and then storms off into his room. Jen is waiting for him and asks him if he's OK. He yells about how crazy it is that his parents are on each other constantly and yet it wasn't enough for his mother and Jen tries to explain to him that affairs are very rarely about sex. He throws down the possibility that his mother has probably been with the whole news team and Jen tries to tell him that his mother is a good person which I take issue with but then Dawson has to go and make me not side with him with his absolute douche-tacular response to her.
Dawson: You defend her, you would it makes sense.
Jen: Excuse me?
Yeah, excuse me? What the fuck, Dawson? Explain yourself before I beat Jen to it and rip your head off!
Dawson: I'm simply remarking, who better to understand a woman's need to have multiple partners?
Fuck you right in your uptight little Spielberg-loving
asshole, Dawson. Twice, from Mr. Rogers himself.
Jen: Being that I've slept with half of New York?
Dawson: I didn't say that.
You might as well have, Dawson. Seriously, if women don't fit into your nice little squeaky clean world, they are automatically sluts? She poured her heart out to you about her past, it was clear she was not happy with what happened to her but she was trying to be honest with you  and on top of that, she was trying to comfort you right now and you threw her honesty in her face. Fuck. You. Dawson Leary.
We're not all as perfect as you, Dawson. Some
of us aren't imaginary characters in a Spielberg film,
some of us are living in reality.
You go, Jen. She leaves but Dawson finds out that Joey has been hiding in his closet this whole time. She wants to hide out in there with him to re-enact the third act from Jaws. No, that is not a euphemism for seven minutes in heaven, she actually wants to do this, like when they were kids. Dawson is not in the mood and Joey is upset. 
Oh right, it's up there with sleeping over on the
we're too old for this list. I see.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back that shit right up, Miss Potter. Weren't you the one who started the whole "we're too old for this" debate in the first scene of the very first episode? In fact, you were the one opposed to the whole sleep over thing specifically. He's the idealistic kid, you are the cynical teenager, get your roles straight and get off your high horse because you started that shit up, Joey. Joey annoyance...rising.

You know instead of asking why your mother's doing
all these horrible things, may I suggest that you
get down on your knees and thank
God that you have a mother!
No, no, no, no, NO! You do not get to make him feel bad for being mad at his mother who absolutely deserves his anger just because your mom died. You are a bitch! Joey annoyance...RISING!
Sorry, Dawson, I forgot for a second.
This isn't about me.
IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU AT ALL! His fucking mother is fucking cheating on his fucking father, you selfish twat! He is entitled to feel some anger and he owes you nothing! Jen had reason to be mad with Dawson, she was trying to comfort him and he lashed out at her unfairly. Joey wanted to play like kids and Dawson wasn't feeling it so she lashed out at him and made him feel guilty for not doing what she wanted. Joey annoyance...MAX CAPACITY! Joey storms off into the Leary living room where everyone is watching Bob talk about the hurricane. Mr. Leary says that he hopes Bob will take care of himself and Joey says that he shouldn't worry about Bob. But Joey... 
Huh, Joey?
Joey storms out again and Mrs. Leary follows her so that they can talk.
I've been very selfish.
Understatement of the year.
Seems to run in your family.
My reaction to that line: 
The only selfish one is YOU! And Mrs. Leary.
Ugh, I can't stand how self-righteous Joey is. Sometimes she has valid points but this time, no. Dawson was not being selfish. He is upset that his mother is having an affair when he thought his parents were perfectly happy. He is feeling betrayed right now and if he doesn't have the energy to re-enact movies with you, you should be understanding of that. Anyway, Gail says she's ending it and I have to wonder why and when she came to this conclusion. Was it just because Dawson caught her? It didn't seem to phase her that badly that Joey knew and was burdened with her secret. She seemed to have an inkling that Dawson knew near the beginning of the episode and yet continued with her blatant phone call on the stairs and kissy noises. So, was it just the fact that Dawson actually called her out on it? That she got caught? I hate people like this, who only do the right thing and "feel really bad about it." but if they hadn't been caught, you know they'd still be doing it so their apology or promises mean nothing.  Back in awkward land, Doug is openly flirting with Ms. Jacobs, much to Pacey's displeasure. When Doug leaves the room, Pacey attempts to stake his claim but Ms. Jacobs is wary because Doug is a cop! Pacey is undeterred and they share a playful moment together when Doug walks back in. 
Uhhhh, am I interrupting something?
The moment we've all been waiting for, for about maybe three and a half episodes maybe, has arrived. Gail finally confronts Mitch about her affair. I think she's pretty utterly callous about it too.
Gail: What I am saying is for the past two months, the past 62 days, every time that I've come home late, every time that I have made an excuse to leave this house, every time that I haven't been with you, I've been with someone else. Another man. Having sex with another man. Now I won't be so insulting as to offer an apology. This is, after all, on the other side of forgiveness. I just thought that you should know, Mitch. Mitch?
By the by, Mitch, I've been having sex with some dude for the past two months. Not gonna apologise or anything, just thought you should know. You mad?
As always, stay classy.
Then she gets super upset and cries because he's mad and won't talk to her but really, what did she expect? That he was gonna be all "thanks for telling me, hon. Let's go have our usual sex now." Give your head a shake, Gail.  Back at Ms. Jacobs' Love Shack, Dougie is still trying to put the moves on her and suggests they play the "if" game. This is where you ask people questions and they have to answer honestly, to get to know each other better. We find out that Ms. Jacobs has an ex-husband who lives in New York. Deputy Doug smooth talks her which upsets Pacey. He tries to ask his brother a question implying his homosexuality but it backfires and Deputy Doug and Ms. Jacobs bond over their love of Broadway.
Pacey is not amused.
Bessie and Bodie continue their argument about circumcision while Grams passes judgement. They are adamant that their baby will be loved no matter what. Bored, skip it.  Joey finds Jen sitting on the porch and they bond a bit over guessing Dawson's penis size. The Beekster gets an ego boost when Joey mentions that she thinks he's slightly above average. Joey also admits that he's going through some serious shit but that he was wrong to take out his anger on Jen. Good that she acknowledges what the serious issues are, for a second I thought she'd say something about him being mean to her for not playing like they were kids again.  Next Grams becomes somewhat like the Grams I grew to love when she dispenses some sage advice to Dawson about forgiveness leading to understanding. It's pretty sweet.
There's the Grams I know and love.
Back at Ms. Jacobs, she and Deputy Doug are still bonding over musicals and Broadway so he takes his shot and asks her out. She agrees but mentions that it wouldn't really be a date. Deputy Doug asks her if it's the age difference and tells her that he's not too young because he's 24, soon to be 25. Oh, honey, it's not that you're too young, it's that you're not young enough. 
A true cougar goes for the teenagers.
Didn't you know?
Of course, she says it's because he's gay at which point, Deputy Doug asks Pacey if he told her he was. Ms. Jacobs tries to cover for Pacey, saying she has gay-dar but Dougie is not convinced and in a rage, orders Pacey to tell her that he's not gay. At gunpoint.
I guess Capeside doesn't put officers through psych tests.
Pretty sure that shit is going to get you fired.
Ms. Jacobs is understandably freaked out because that is not normal sibling fighting and Pacey agrees to tell her that Doug is straight. Good one, Doug. She doesn't think you're gay but she sure does think you are a psychopath now.  Gail tries to confront Mitch and he finally talks to her. He tells her how quickly he decided he loved her and then because of her infidelity, how quickly he has now chosen to hate her. She pleads with him to not hate her but he kicks her out of the car.
There's no crying in breakups!
Deputy Doug apologises for the "gun thing" and still tries to ask her out. TamAHra is basically like, "Hell, no"
I'm already seeing someone. Please, leave.
Jen confronts Dawson once more and fully explains her situation in New York. Well, almost fully but fully so far as we know right now. She lost her virginity to an older man who got her drunk, that sounds hella creepy and I feel so bad for 12 year old Jen. She was drinking and into drugs and had blackouts and she wasn't happy. She was sent to Capeside because her father caught her having sex in his bed. She tells him that she is not that girl anymore and never really was but that she is not the snow-white angel he wants her to be either. She is somewhere in between. She then apologises for lying but says she won't apologise for her past because it's made her a better person. Dawson apologises for being a prat and they make up.
Dawson: Take 2?
Jen: Mmmhmm.
Me: Awwwww!
This moment is ruined by Pacey and Ms. Jacobs creepy relationship and him asking her if she could do anything right now, what would it be.
Anyone could see you fools right now!
You are so getting caught, you creepy bitch.
It's also ruined by the rage inducing "reason" that Gail gives to Mitch for having an affair. Are you ready for this not at all selfish reason? The reason that she was willing to tell Dawson to make him understand? Well, here it is:
Gail: Get ready Mitch, because if you think it can't get worse, it can. My reason is preposterous. I have no reason. No. I woke up one day, Mitch, and I realized, my life was perfect. Everything I'd ever wanted from the time I was 6 had been realized. I discovered perfection obtained is a discomforting state. And I got restless. What do you do when everything is right? When everything is just the way you've always wanted it to be? I have the perfect home, a career, the most gifted child, a husband who stimulates me mind, body, and soul everyday of my life. I want for nothing. And I guess that left me feeling empty not wanting. And I just wanted to want again. So, I set out to achieve it, and boy did I succeed. Because what I want now, I want back everything that I've lost. Mitch, I'm so sorry.
Well, at least she apologised this time but seriously? She all but admitted that she's a greedy cow. This is what she sounds like: "Wah, wah, wah, my life is too fucking perfect, my husband meets my every need, my son is well-behaved and gifted, my wallet is too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!" So, her life is too perfect so she decided to fuck it up on purpose to alleviate boredom. What pisses me off the most is that this isn't really a reason, this is stupid and she claimed to be able to explain her actions. I had no sympathy for her before and I have even less now. The Bitch of the Year award goes to, Gail Leary. With Josephine Potter coming in second, for now.
The Bitch of the Year award goes too...
Joey is a close second though.
Dawson then finds Joey in his room again and is glad she didn't leave because he wants to apologise to her. Because he wants to apologise to her! What the hell do you have to apologise for, Dawson? You did nothing wrong to her. How the fuck does this girl walk around like such a self-righteous bitch all of the time and yet have everyone apologise for hurting her feelings? I can't even.
I'm sorry for using the mother card. I keep it
in my back pocket and it's way too easy.
No shit, Joey. You've brought it up quite a few times already. I don't think the whole world knows yet so you'll probably have to bring it up again before this series is done and I'm sure I'll enjoy hearing it many more times.
This is me any time Joey goes
on one of her rants.
I guess it's nice that she actually apologised too. I wasn't expecting her to, I expected her to just sit there and smile smugly as Dawson bowed to her will. Seriously. They make up by going into Dawson's closet and re-enacting the third act from Jaws and again, I feel the need to remind you all that it is not a euphemism. That is actually what they are doing.

Well, the shit really hit the fan this episode. Except most people were mending relationships so I guess the blow outs helped in a way. I've got to say, I did not remember them revealing Gail's affair this early. I really thought it was a season finale thing and that season 2 had the bulk of their bickering. I guess we were treated to it in the first season as well.

Stay tuned next for the episode, Baby. Do I need to spell out why it's called that or has everyone clued in to the episode titles yet?


  1. "Dawson: No metaphors Joey, it's too late."

    I'm going to start saying this. To everyone.

    Also, the "running gag" of Doug Is Gay was never once funny and its payoff in the finale was stupid and awkward.

    <3s to the Mr. Rogers gif!

    Oh I totally forgot Doug went psycho with his gun on Pacey. What the eff.

    1. I honestly forgot about Deputy Doug until he was introduced in this episode and then it all came back to me. Ohhhhh right, the gay innuendos and "funny" jokes. "Lol! He likes Broadway, must be gay!" Because manly men can't like musicals. :| Oh 90s how horribly close-minded you were.

      The payoff was so stupid. It was kind of an insult to Jack because based on this episode, Dougie is extremely unstable and angry. So he got a closet case, self-hating, psycho as his "end game love" How depressing. :(

    2. Maybe it was revenge for the actor? I heard he was extremely uncomfortable/upset with Jack being gay. And Jack was pretty self-hating most of the show too.

    3. Oh, I didn't know that he was uncomfortable with Jack being gay. Interesting.