Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Dawson's Creek - 203 - Alternative Lifestyles

Original air date: October 21, 1998

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Only three episodes in to this season and the "opening scene in Dawson's room" streak has already been broken. There will be no perfect score this season. I'm so sorry.

It's truly a dark day for us all

The episode actually starts outside of Dawson's room. Mitch is pulling down the ladder that Joey always uses to sneak into Dawson's room. You'd think they never would have let it go up in the first place because, what is the damn point? Bitch should just use a door like everyone else. Also, wouldn't they have pulled it down when they knew he was dating Jen? Or was only Joey allowed to use this ladder and it repelled everyone else? Well, we know that isn't true because Jen climbed it last season and spent the night with Dawson. Sleeping beside him, not with but still. Dawson's parents are kind of stupid.

Dawson acts like a smug prick about Mitch taking down the ladder and starts explaining to his dad that he is a "sexual being" and Mitch just can't handle his sexy, sexiness.


Wasn't Dawson complaining just last episode that his father was trying to talk to him about sex and now this episode, Dawson is superior and his father just can't handle him having sex? Continuity, writers!

Anyway, Dawson goes to his room and Joey is there waiting for him. I'm pissed for a second that they are getting away with it because I'm finding myself actively hating Dawson getting what he wants and supposedly outsmarting other people but Mitch interrupts them and escorts Joey out.

All is right with the world

After the theme song is done, we find Joey rushing to get ready for school but Bessie keeps preventing her from getting on her way. First by making her help with the baby and then asking her to stop by her restaurant to make sure it looks clean. Uh, Bessie? It's your business and your responsibility to keep it clean, it's Joey's responsibility to go to school. Don't make her late to class for the sake of your business.

Worst guardian ever

Meanwhile, in the Dawson household, the writers succeed in pissing me off by making Dawson outsmart Mitch with the whole "sexual being" debate. It's not that I'm against what Dawson is saying, that teens will have sex if they want to, it's just that I'm against Dawson winning anything. He's so freaking smug that it bugs me to see his self-involved ego inflate more than it already is.

It can't just be me that wants to punch him, right?

Gail then pisses me off by having the gall to be pissy at Mitch for making excuses to explore his "sexual impulses." Uh, you want to check your hypocrisy at the door, Gail? Who made excuses, lame ones at that, to explore their sexual desires last season? Oh right, that was you. I'm not on Mitch's side about an open marriage because, while they work for some people they are not a good band aid for a broken relationship but I'm definitely not on Gail's side either.

Both of you can suck it

Abby and Jen are talking together about boys. Abby asks Jen who she'd rather sleep with and names two jock stereotype-looking extras. Jen says neither because they are "gym junkies" with no cultural interests. Abby then laments the fact that she is friends with someone who only has eyes for Dawson Leery. I hear ya, Abby. Despite her distaste for Dawson, which I highly applaud, Abby still encourages Jen to go for it and "make it happen."

Despite her flaws, Abby is a good friend

Andie asks Pacey for his notes for Econ class because she forgot her books and couldn't take them herself and she also apparently forgot his confession to her about flunking the other night. Then again, I guess she could assume he was only flunking bio but still, he never screamed "diligent note taker" to me. Pacey, of course, doesn't have the notes and Andie freaks out about not having done the homework and flunking out and ending up on the streets. Pacey mocks her by saying that she's rich, so she won't end up on the streets. She is not impressed.

I love their interactions

I'm not going to bore you with the details of their Econ class because...boring. I'm just going to say that everyone has to pair up and pretend to be a couple. Pacey and Andie get paired off, naturally. Jen and Dawson get paired up, much to my delight and Joey's displeasure and Abby gets paired off with a nerd. Joey ends up alone. Oh and those two jocks I mentioned earlier that Abby was lusting for? Yeah, they are paired together because this show loves making the gay jokes and "Oh noes! Two jocks who spend all of their time together are paired with each other and have to pretend to be a gay couple!" Laugh, laugh, it's hilarious...according to Dawson's Creek.

At lunch, Joey complains to Dawson about their assignment because she always complains but this time it's because she has no idea what she wants to be when she grows up and this assignment will depress her or something. I think she's moping because she has to do her assignment by herself and Dawson is paired with Jen who is an Evil!blond. I think I'm right because Joey immediately starts in with the "Are you as excited to be partnered with Jen as she is?" line, fishing for Dawson to tell her that she is vastly superior to that blond witch. Dawson obliges but Joey still isn't happy.

Is she ever happy?

Abby tries to give Jen a pep talk about using her partnership with Dawson to get back with him. Jen expresses doubt but Abby pushes her to show off her "naughty" side and to use the study sessions and the role playing as husband and wife as a way to remind him of what a great couple they were and how compatible they are. It's actually good advice but I know we're supposed to hate them for plotting to steal Dawson away from Perfect!Joey but I'm kind of rooting for Jen and Abby to succeed.

How can I not?

Joey asks Bessie if they can save some of the cleaning at the restaurant for another day because of her Econ project. Joey explains that she has to be a successful, single, career mother and she has no idea where to start. Bessie offers up her help, seeing as how she is "virtually a single career mother" too. I have to agree, we haven't seen Bodie since last season, I think the Double Date episode? I wonder if they've changed the actor that plays him again.

Anyway, Joey shoots down Bessie's suggestion, saying that she has to be "successful" and make $160,000 a year. Bessie tries to explain that she may not make that income but she knows how to budget money and Joey brushes her off again and says she'll find someone else to advise her.


Pacey and Andie are trying to work on their assignment but Pacey is too busy drooling over a Viper. Andie says that their made up income won't allow for that but Pacey remains adamant that he wants to get the expensive car because he's a typical teen boy and he's a slacker who doesn't want to take the assignment seriously. He condescends her again for being rich and spoiled which she still brushes off. She then compromises with him that he can get a viper if they can find a "viable two-bedroom apartment." Damn, that is compromising, stuffing three kids into one bedroom, just so the husband can have a fancy car?

Pacey, you're being a douche. Stop it!

Gail comes home from work in another man's car and Mitch sees her and gets upset. He throws a giant hissy, even when she explained that her car had broken down. But, because she didn't call Mitch for a ride, he declares that they will have an open marriage and that Thursday is "date night." Huh, Mitch and Pacey are competing for the title of head douche bag this episode.

I still like Mitch and Pacey but they are
making bad choices this episode.

Dawson and Jen are working on their assignment and getting along really well. They have been agreeing on every decision so far and Jen starts hinting at how compatible they are. Dawson looks confused...

Or like he's just realised, he has to poo

He then gets uncomfortable and suggests that they've done enough for the night so Jen goes home, disappointed.

Pacey and Andie are arguing about having nothing done on their assignment because they have been busy looking for affordable housing so that Pacey can get his Viper. I'd say Pacey is at fault but he is mad at Andie. She calls him lazy and he gives her his sob story about his parents not being very supportive of him which caused him to not be motivated. He starts to get some sympathy from Andie but then shits all over it by telling her she is fascinated by the assignment because she's so rich and that budgeting must be a novelty to her. He calls her rich and spoiled and Andie finally breaks.

Pacey, stop! You're being mean
Awwww, you made Andie upset

Joey meets with some super powered business woman who runs her own architecture firm and is completely wowed by her. The woman even asks Joey for her advice on floor plans for a restaurant they are designing. Of course, Joey has a perfect idea and they decide to help each other out with their respective projects.

Abby scolds Jen for not getting anywhere with Dawson when they only have one more night together while she continues to ignore her own nerdy partner and avoid doing any of her own assignment. I don't blame her. She convinces Jen to grab life, or Dawson so to speak, by the balls and take what she wants. I agree with her even though, I guess I'm not supposed to but I do disagree with the constant Joey is a virgin bashing. Look, there is nothing wrong with liking sex but there is also nothing wrong with not being ready/choosing to wait/not liking sex. I hate the constant shaming the media does to both sides, it's like you're damned if you do it and you're damned if you don't. It's an annoying message and it needs to stop. Teens, just have sex when you, yourself, are ready for it. End of.

Otherwise, I love this friendship

Gail prepared a super fancy dinner for Mitch but Mitch shits all over her gesture by reminding her that it is Thursday night or "date night." Aaaaand, now I'm remembering why I started siding with Gail again. Look, she cheated, I know that and I definitely condemn her for it because she did it for stupid and selfish reasons. For a while, I understood Mitch's reservations to her assertions that it was suddenly over because it did seem to me that the only reason she stopped was because she got caught, not because she seriously wanted to end things. The trust was definitely gone and it was definitely her fault, I'm not excusing her. However, this whole "open relationship" concept that Mitch is going with, is stupid, insensitive and wreaks of him wanting to revenge cheat on her guilt free. You know because they "agreed" on an open relationship. Except that, she is legitimately trying to create intimacy between the two of them again, trying to show him that on date night, she wants to be with him and he is shitting all over it. Also, the open relationship was not agreed upon, it was commanded by Mitch because he got his panties in a bunch about her getting a ride home with a guy. So. Not. Cool.

Slowly leaning towards Gail's side now...

Joey and Dawson are sitting on the porch and Joey is bragging about how her report is done while Dawson still has some things to finish up with Jen. She also says that she was really inspired by the woman that helped her with her report because it showed her that she has options out there, if she works hard enough. Gail interrupts them to tell them she is going out, so I guess they now don't care that Dawson and Joey will be left alone? So much for the beginning of the episode where they actually seemed concerned. Dawson and Joey are about to take advantage of the situation when Jen interrupts them.

Jen's lookin' to get some

Joey makes a snarky comment about Jen's dress before leaving and Jen urges Dawson up to his room.

Joey walks into the Ice House to find the Jocks from her class arguing over their project. You see, it's funny because they are meat heads and supposed to be straight but they are arguing like they are an actual gay couple. Oh, 90s, you're so hilarious.

Anyway, Joey proceeds to go on and on about how awesome the interior designer woman was and how she would help them with their financial problems and help them with a new logo and menus. Bessie is offended by this and snaps at Joey and they begin arguing. Bessie reaches her limit and sends Joey home.

That's right, you're not needed

Pacey walks into the Ice House to get a coffee and asks Jack for advice on Andie, seeing as how he's her brother. Jack asks Pacey what he did and Pacey admits that he called her a spoiled Princess, thinking that the truth hurts. Jack then tells Pacey that he couldn't be further from the truth about her and the reason Jack is working at the Ice House is because their family is losing or has lost their wealth. Her clothes and her Saab are just the last remains of their family's fortune.

Pacey feels like an ass, as he should

Mitch and Gail are both on their own for date night. This again, makes me wonder why Mitch couldn't just take the dinner his wife had planned as their date night but I guess he was really intent on trying to get some and even the score a bit.

Not cool, Mitch

Dawson and Jen have finished their project and Jen is throwing herself at Dawson. She suggests she sleep over and Dawson actually shows he has a pair by rejecting the idea and setting a clear boundary: they can still hang out but she can't sleep over. Fair enough. Seeing that her plan has failed she just lays it all out on the line, telling Dawson that she accepts that he's with Joey but that she doesn't respect it. She also says that he has options and that she is one of them and then leaves him to think about her offer. If Jen was like this at the beginning of the first season, I could have gotten behind Joey hating her, that was a low thing to do. However, she's not very proud of what she did herself.


Mitch and Gail lie to each other about what they did on date night which completely refutes Mitch's claim that an open relationship would help them be honest with each other and props up my argument that an open relationship should not be used as a band aid to fix a broken relationship. Way to go, you two.

Bessie and Joey finally talk. Joey apologises for treating Bessie like she is a dumb and unsuccessful mother and Bessie apologises for working Joey too hard. Joey tells her sister that she likes helping out at the restaurant and that she is proud of Bessie and they make up.


The students all hand in their projects. The nerd, Kenny, rats Abby out for not helping with the project. Andie is about to hand in half a project because Pacey bailed on her when he comes in with a completed project for the teacher. Ah, the beginnings of the Pacey I really, really love.

Joey and Dawson begin kissing and Abby tells them to get a room. I love that she does this for the sake of Jen's hurt feelings, even if the action is childish and immature. She really does want to stick up for Jen and be a good friend. Joey asks Dawson what that was about but he says he has no idea.

Does he ever?

Andie catches up with Pacey and thanks him for finishing their assignment and he apologises to her about being a dick. They have a back and forth banter that is so cute and I love them

They are just too cute, you guys

I thought this episode was going to end on a nice note until this happens...

My exact reaction

Ugh! So, stay tuned for the next episode recap, Slutty Ephebophile Tamara's Return. I am sure I'm going to hate it.


  1. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    1. I warned you something horrible happened. I warned you!

    2. I thought you meant the streak of opening in his bedroom was broken!!! I didn't remember she came back! This is awful terrible no good dirty rotten news!